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  • How NOT to get a job

    My store is hiring for seasonal help. Minimum age for hire? 16 years old. These kids have never had a job, let alone filled out an application.
    The following is a list of What Not To Do.


    1 It's, Last name, First name, Mid. initial. If you don't have that right we don't read the rest of it
    2 If you object to the drug test just stop and save us both the time
    3 "I was to cool too work at the movie theater, so I quit."
    4 "Do I have to put down my last job? My old boss still has that restraining order on me."
    5 "Can only work Monday 11am-12am"
    6 Do not put your best friend down as a reference "cause he's known me since 5th grade"
    7 Do not put your girlfriend down as a reference
    8 Or your Mommy
    9 Or Daddy
    10 Yes you do have to put your Social Security # we need it for the background check
    11 Hitting on me will get your app. filed in the wastebasket
    12 Yes we can ask if you are a legal resident of the U.S. (especially with all the new laws)
    13 Don't turn in the app. and then buy a weed piggy bank so you can "save up for your next *trip*"
    14 Don't show up for the interview stoned
    15 Don't leave a "personal" greeting for your boyfriend as your voicemail message
    16 Don't black out your mistakes on your app. with a sharpie
    17 Your app. should not look like your dog tried to eat it
    18 It should not look like you used it as a napkin at lunch either
    19 No we will not pay you $10.50 as a sales associate
    20 No we will not hire you if you have an assault charge
    21 No it doesn't matter that "he needed a beating"
    22 Do not tell me the store is "lame"
    23 Do not look around and then say: "it's obvious you need the extra help"
    24 Do not give me a suggestion list of things that need fixing in the store
    25 Do not give me a list of "demands"
    26 You are 16 and have never had a job before. I am 30 and have been in retail for 15 years, and would be your future boss. Keep those facts in mind.
    27 Do not say that you heard the new manager was a bitch
    28 Especially if you are speaking to the new manager
    29 Do not get caught shoplifting in the store you are applying to
    30 Don't say you need Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off because it would cut into your party time

    Any one else have some "Do Not's"?
    Last edited by Lady Heather; 10-17-2007, 05:39 AM.
    Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
    The following is subject to change:
    If Your Going Through Hell,
    Keep Going...

  • #2
    Do not

    Do not show up for your interview looking like you're heading to the beach, amusement park or the Cubs game. Unless you go to those places dressed for an interview.

    Even if you don't have nice clothes you can still have laundered and ironed clothes.

    I will hire someone who comes in with pressed laundered jeans and a nice shirt over someone who comes in with holy/dirty/unpressed pants and a tshirt.

    Comment


    • #3
      For the record

      I once went to a Cubs game after an interview. But I dressed for the interview (it was down the stretch in 98 and the interview was 3 blocks from the park. Got the job)

      Comment


      • #4
        29 Do not get caght shoplifting in the store you are applying to
        We had a woman who actually did this when applying for a position at WD. Filled out and turned in her application, the proceeded to grab a few goodies.

        Too bad she wasn't applying for an LP position . . . now that would have been irony.
        Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

        Comment


        • #5
          If you are applying for a seasonal position, you will be working on Black Friday, the day after Christmas, probably the Saturday before Christmas, and possibly a couple other days. If you can't or don't want to work any of those days, don't bother.
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

          Comment


          • #6
            Please for the love of Pete almighty don't finish the interview and then ask where you go to apply for a position with the mall staff. Granted it was at a mall job fair but they weren't there and he let me finish the ENTIRE interview before telling me he wasn't interested in anything more that janitorial. I have nothing against maintenance staff (some of my best friends and a good part of my family) but don't waste 30 minutes of my time when there are people who actually want the job.
            Please wait patiently I have enough sarcasm for everyone.

            Comment


            • #7
              As to rule number 9, writing down your dad as a reference, I did have to do that for a couple of jobs, because, when I was in High School, my I worked at my family's pharmacy, so my dad was my supervisor. But I made that very clear on the app that I was putting him down as supervisor, not my dad.

              Comment


              • #8
                Totally copying this and giving it to a friend at work......except at the factory you must be at least 18.....but hell, same rules apply.
                You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth blas87 View Post
                  Totally copying this and giving it to a friend at work......except at the factory you must be at least 18.....but hell, same rules apply.
                  If you're 16 and looking for a job...don't apply at a place that won't hire you for two more years!
                  I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                  Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    How not To Get A Job continued...

                    31 No glitter on the resume
                    32 No perfume on the resume
                    33 We don't take resumes alone you must fill out the application as well
                    34 If you have never had a job you don't need a resume, we don't care if you are on the pep squad, we need someone to stock shelves
                    35 Don't say "I don't really want to work, my mom's making me. Some crap about *Learning Responsibility*, or some shit"
                    36 Don't use a former employee as a reference if we fired him
                    37 Don't put the drunk & topless photos of your spring break on your My Space/Face Book/Web Page (we Google people when we're bored)
                    38 Don't run down, insult, or make fun of, one of our current employees
                    39 Don't list a current employee as a reference without checking to see if they will give you a good one
                    40 Don't use an employee as a reference if they don't know you
                    41 You must be able to sell adult products without giggling
                    42 If adult products offend you apply somewhere else
                    43 If adult products offend your parents apply somewhere else
                    44 When we ask if you have been known by another name "Mr. Shizzel", "Sweet Shug" and "Baby Bubble Booty" are not what we mean
                    45 Being able to brake dance is not a work skill we are looking for
                    46 Neither is rapping
                    47 Making racist jokes about a customer that just left gets your application filed to the wastebasket
                    48 Ditto gay jokes or anything else offensive, sexist, rude or discriminatory
                    49 Don't say you are just working untill your band "makes it big"
                    50 Don't bring Mommy on your job interview to help you answer the hard questions
                    Last edited by Lady Heather; 10-17-2007, 05:59 AM.
                    Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
                    The following is subject to change:
                    If Your Going Through Hell,
                    Keep Going...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Lady Heather View Post
                      50 Don't bring Mommy on your job interview
                      I did that when I was 16.
                      I was interviewing for my fist official job. She was interviewing next for a second job.

                      We were both hired.
                      I for one salute this parkade ninja of yours. ~ Gravekeeper

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I got a couple.

                        Don't think that smilie faces on the application will get you "in" on the job interview.

                        If you wrote that the days you can work are x,y, and z don't "fold" during the interview and offer yourself up everyday cause your desperate for a job.

                        And the most important one: While waiting for your interview don't hit on cashier at the register. Especially when it's the wife of the person giving you an interview.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Why didn't I think of this before?

                          The factory I work at does lots of job fairs. Most of the time, it's temp job fairs. Let me tell you, we get a LOT of interesting people........allow me, as a trainer and previous junior employee to lay down the law..

                          The ads on the radio do not lie. No, we do not have any secret 1st shift positions we didn't tell you about. There are NONE. 1st shift is a premium shift and very hard to get on. Don't walk into a TEMP job fair advertising for 2nd and 3rd shifts and weekend shifts and expect to get a 1st shift position. They aren't lying. Really, they aren't. That's all we have. Those are the shifts that need to be filled.

                          The weekend shift DOES truly mean weekend. You will have to work EVERY weekend. They tell you at the job fair and at orientation what your shift is and when you work. It's very hard to work every weekend. It's not as easy as it sounds. If you don't want your weekends and your drinking and partying "ruined", ask for 2nd or 3rd at the job fair or DON'T get the job. Simple as that.

                          Don't walk in on your first night and declare "3rd shift sucks!". We all know that. You're the one who took the job. Don't like it? Leave. We want people who actually want to work.

                          Sorry, just had to rant. A few newbies from the job fairs lately have left a really bad taste in my mouth. So entitled before they even get the job! Yeesh!
                          You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Speaking from experience (seeing as how I will be 17 in exactly a month from tomorrow) I know what not to do on applications. Will the best friends as a reference, I actually had to do that because a)one of them was a previous co-worker at my last job (paper carrier which she still held at the time) and b)my other friend worked at the job i was applying to and it was her that suggested me to her boss in the first place.
                            These are actual things some of my fellow classmates attempted to do when applying to their first jobs, i swear.

                            Nots:
                            -when applying to a fast food resturant, do not put down "because the food rocks", though flattered, they do not see that as a good reason for working there

                            -when looking for jobs, ones with *must have highschool diploma* should be over looked, because 2 years does not count, in any dimension.

                            -when asked what skills you have, do not put down, "i got mad skills" or "i can text a 100 words a minute" cause they will surely be afraid of your mad txtin skillz from the start

                            -when explaining skills, hobbies, or activities you are in at school, use good grammar, because even fast food jobs require basic language and english skills

                            - yes, you do need to know basic math, even if the register is automated

                            -just because you tried out for american idol and made it to the semi-semi-finals, it does not count as experience for the drive-thru speaker system

                            -when filling out the sex section, do not cross out m/f and put in she-male, because you may just find the one transvestite manager in the whole town (unless of course you are one. no offense to those that are)

                            -when interviewing for a job at a shoe store, do not list as a reason to your applying, "cause I like shoes and want the employee discount" cause I'm sure they'll choose a good work boot and use it to kick your ass out the door

                            -18 means 18

                            -just because you look goth, doesn't mean you're perfect to work at Hottopic

                            -when applying to Spencer's gift shop, don't giggle when they explain the whole line of "adult toys" or they will surely drape you in fishnets and hang a vibrator from your neck, duct tape you to a playboy chair and place little "teenie" signs all around you outside the store front with a speaker, proclaiming "adult toys, 50% off!" ( a clerk once told me about this when she gave an interview to someone who was 17, but was to turn 18 the next day. She got to the adult section and the kid burst out laughing, in front of interested customers of the product. Let's say, I was a happy Ben & Jerry's customer that day(that store is just across the hall from Spencers. Many workers and customers of the store join me in the everyday ritual of Phish Food in waffle cones). Ice cream and a show.What a lovely ending to a day, don't you think)

                            -when applying at a Waldens/Borders/or any other book store, do not list favorite movies from books as hobbies, because they will toss it out (true story) as a "percaution"
                            Just because they serve you, doesn't mean they like you. And just because they smile and act polite doesn't mean they aren't planning to destroy you.

                            "I put the laughter in slaughter."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              How Not To Get A Job

                              continued...
                              51 Bathe!
                              52 Do not go through the whole interview process and then say "I never wanted the job, I just had to do a job interview for my class project"
                              53 Don't say "We have to sweep & mop? Don't you have people to do that?"
                              54 Bathe! and Brush Your Teeth!
                              55 Don't say "Only minimum wage! Screw This!" and then storm out
                              56 Don't ask for more then Minimum wage and "promise not to tell anyone, it will be our secret"
                              57 No you can't be a Supervisor with no job experience, at 16 years old
                              58 Don't tell me your friend stole from us once/twice/still steals
                              59 Don't tell me the five best ways to remove our security tags at home
                              60 Just because you worked at our "sister store" does not mean you can transfer to ours (Read the fine print suckers!! It's "subject to availability of positions")
                              Last edited by Lady Heather; 10-17-2007, 06:01 AM.
                              Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
                              The following is subject to change:
                              If Your Going Through Hell,
                              Keep Going...

                              Comment

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