Quoth Pedersen
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Now, my version of this would be: "The only people who don't worry about something are the very ones who should." The folks who never worry about whether or not their car oil is almost empty or never worry about getting a payment made on time are the ones who are STUNNED when their car breaks down or their service gets shut off for nonpayment.
Hearing about your SO's behavior, both from her actions towards you and what you mention she does to her parents, it sounds less to me like it's anything you've actively done, and more her expectations of what might happen. It sounds almost like she's experienced abuse before, and might have seen one or two of the negative behaviors from you that you admit to and drawn the conclusion that you ARE abusive, so she's assumed the behavior she's seen the submissive partner assume to survive.
You mention that she seems to like them, yet never seems to talk to them, and is very worried about their feeling negatively towards her. Now I'm not saying flat out that perhaps her parents were either emotionally or somehow otherwise abusive, but there's a fine line and they could have been toeing it several times in a way that made a deep impact on her. Maybe she had a friend who she saw up close and personal in this situation. Maybe she's just an overly meek and worrisome individual who doesn't know exactly how to act in a relationship, or isn't completely comfortable with you yet.
There's a zillion reasons for her behavior, but from what I can tell, it's not because you're abusive. You're not perfect, no, but nobody is. I think (and I'm not a psychologist, I just play one on the Internet) that this is most probably just a massive miscommunication between the two of you. It'd probably be best for you to just sit down and flat out ask her if you make her uncomfortable or what. Just lay it out blunt, ask her, listen to her answer, and go from there.
And if she stammers and doesn't seem to know how to answer, then the answer she's trying to say is "Yes" and then you have to figure out why she's so uncomfortable as to not even be able to be honest with you.
But yeah, if you had to pick out certain things on the list and sort of try to make them fit, then you're not an abuser.
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