you should know these things, Dave

[vacation_rentals_suck]

Guest: Dave, I booked a villa but the pictures dont give me a good enough sense of the location

Me: what do you need to know?

Guest: well what surrounds the building?

Me: it is near a beach path

Guest: what, you cant be more descriptive than that?

Me: what do you want to know?

Guest: I mean is it a gravel beach path or concrete, what are we talking about here? Is the beach path surrounded by grass and if so, what kind of grass?

Me: I am not really sure

Guest: and that's it....you arent going to offer to find out?

Me: hang on

I come back pretending to check

Me: ma'am nobody knows

Guest: I dont understand that...dont people ask these questions before they come down there?

Me: no, not really

Guest: OK well I am also noticing that there is a tree near that building and I need to know how often that tree is pruned

Me: I am not sure

Guest: well thats strike two.....Dave, you're not impressing me

Me: I am very sorry

Guest: am I just asking silly questions here?

Me: no ma'am not at all (yea right)

Guest: well I need a better description, Dave, it is very important to me, ok...(she starts crying) I know it's not important to you but we have saved for 5 years for this vacation and the thought that it wont be perfect is too much to bear....I'd die, Dave. I have no mental picture and it worries me. I need someone to gice me a better feel for this place or I wont sleep tonight. This is my vacation and its just too important.

Me: hang on

The manager actually went down there and had to take 47 pictures of the complex (I am not kidding) before this lady was finally satisfied. Uggggg

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Wow... I didn't know jellyfish could be managers.

No vacation is "perfect". That lady is in for a WORLD of disappointment.

[Kiwi]

she sounds like the kind of woman whos vacation is RUINED because a waitress forgot to refil her drink at some point during a meal

[Blade_Raver]

I probably would have told her:

"Look, each grain of sand changes location at random times.. since it's not in the perfect spots that you want them to be every second.. this will ruin your vacation. Good luck in your search for perfection because it's not here."

[Hyndis]

Wow... I didn't know jellyfish could be managers.

No vacation is "perfect". That lady is in for a WORLD of disappointment.

Also, vacations are far more memorable if you just play it as things go instead of trying to plan out every minute detail in advance. Then its not a vacation, its slavishly following a script.

The most interesting vacations are the spontaneous ones. Just pack a few small bags, such as a few days of clothes, standard toiletries bag, and perhaps a few books. Pick a direction, and then head off that way.

[Skrae]

Wow... I didn't know jellyfish could be managers.

No vacation is "perfect". That lady is in for a WORLD of disappointment.

Not entirely true, a full paid vacation to where ever you like, with a minigun (or other weapon of choice), and as much ammunition as you can expend at whatever target you like, consequence free, now that's perfect right there.

[Jester]

...we have saved for 5 years for this vacation and the thought that it wont be perfect is too much to bear....I'd die, Dave.

Lady, things are tough all over. And it seems that, since things are never perfect, you are going to die. Tough noogies.

Wow... I didn't know jellyfish could be managers.

And here I thought you had been paying attention to this website....

The most interesting vacations are the spontaneous ones. Just pack a few small bags, such as a few days of clothes, standard toiletries bag, and perhaps a few books. Pick a direction, and then head off that way.

Better yet, don't pack a thing, spin a pen on a map, hop in your car with a friend and another friend who came along at the last minute, gas up, pick up a fourth person at the gas station who parks her jeep and comes along for the ride, and go off on your road trip.

Yes, the above happened to me. Early Nineties. Random road trip at 2 in the morning with my friend His Majesty, a female friend of ours, and some chick we met at the gas station, from Phoenix to Laughlin, Nevada, to gamble and have eggs and beer at sunrise.

It was even better than I made it sound just now.

[Eireann]

That woman really knows how to get her way, doesn't she? Cry and talk about dying, and that's it; instant gratification.

Here's the appropriate response:

"You'd die? I hope you've made out a perfect will and found the perfect gravesite. Rest in peace. Goodbye."

[tamezin]

Wow... I didn't know jellyfish could be managers.

No vacation is "perfect". That lady is in for a WORLD of disappointment.

That depends on who you take with you....

Pefect Vacation for Tamezin

1. Sun but not too much sun.
2. Swimming pool with no-one else around unless I want them around
3. All of my favorite authors conspire to release the next latest and greatest all at the same time ... just in time to take them on my vacation.
4. Hubby takes the kids to some theme park daily, I get to stay at the hotel
5. My kids forget how to say the word 'Mom'

Hell Vacation
Orlando with a 4 year old 6 year old 18 year old and my mother.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

What KIND of grass and how often is the tree pruned???



You know, I can think of better uses for the money she's been saving for the last five years. Her insurance might even cover some of the cost of therapy, too.

[smileyeagle1021]

and here I thought the perfect vacation was defined by what you did and who you spent it with... and not so much whether the path is gravel or concrete and how often the tree is pruned... silly me

[Imogene]

What KIND of grass and how often is the tree pruned???

Crab grass... that'd make it perfect for me.

[zzapp the witch]

I've never had a vacation.....unless you count Basic Training. Somehow I feel slightly empty and left behind.....

[blas]

I'm starting to get really irritated at how all of your customers call you by name and they ALWAYS use it when they are letting you know how displeased they are.

If I were you, I'd twitch every time someone said "You're really disappointing me, Dave" or "Listen, Dave, I have a serious issue with the grass at this villa"

[tropicsgoddess]

Me: no ma'am not at all (yea right)

Guest: well I need a better description, Dave, it is very important to me, ok...(she starts crying) I know it's not important to you but we have saved for 5 years for this vacation and the thought that it wont be perfect is too much to bear....I'd die, Dave. I have no mental picture and it worries me. I need someone to gice me a better feel for this place or I wont sleep tonight. This is my vacation and its just too important.

Me: hang on

The manager actually went down there and had to take 47 pictures of the complex (I am not kidding) before this lady was finally satisfied. Uggggg

Talk about spineless management. This lady could use a vacation....on the couch of a therapist's office coupled with some meds.