Last weekend was overrun with idiots. For whatever reason, my brain-to-mouth filter failed completely on me, and I gave the SCs the responses they deserved. Well, a censored version of what they deserved. That is, until my boss told me to stop being such a smartass to the customers. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't help myself. 
Kids Eat Free: Hellhole Saturday
Sucky parent: WHY are the MY kids' meals on the bill?!?! Don't KIDS EAT FREE TONIGHT?!
Me: Yes. The cooks aren't psychic though, so we have to put what you want the kids to eat into the computer. Plus, don't you want little Johnny to have his mac and cheese - minus the ham and no french fries, but mozzerella sticks instead? There's no way anybody could remember that with the Restuarant swamped like this.
Sucky parent: *glares at me*
Me: *smile* That will be $xx.xx please.
And again:
Sucky parent: *thrusts reciept at me* What are these meals doing on there? Don't kids eat free? I have three kids' meals on here!!!
Me: I know. *takes reciept from their shaking hand (perhaps anger at getting shot down?), ignores customer and starts putting in discount*
Sucky parent: *angry silence*
And, yet again:
Sucky parent: What are these meals doing on here! You guys have a sign out front that says "KIDS EAT FREE FROM 4-6pm, and I want my -
Me: I am well aware of what the sign says. However, we still have to imput the meals into the computer. Therefore, they will ALWAYS be on your ticket until I take them off *gestures at front counter* up here. That way, I know exactly what goes in and out of the till, and I don't get in trouble.
Sucky parent: There are fi-
Me: I gathered that. I can count.
Sucky parent: *closes mouth*
Oh, and again:
Less sucky guy: Hi, I have a question.
Me: Is this about the kids eat free promotion?
Less sucky guy: Yes. My kids' food is still on here. Does that promotion still apply?
Me: Yes. As I have said to everyone before you, the meals still have to be on your ticket. I take them off up here.
Less sucky guy: *hands me the reciept* I bet you get that question a lot, don't you.
Me: Yes, and it drives me crazy. Absolutely nuts. If people just paid attention, then maybe I would hate this promotion a little less.
Less sucky guy: For what it's worth, I am sorry you have to listen to the same question a thousand times a day.
Me: Thanks. That helps...until the next idiot comes up to ask.
Screamer:
Sucktastic parent: WHY IS MY PRECIOUS JENNY'S FOOD ON HERE!! HOW DARE YOU!!! I THOUGHT KIDS ATE FREE TODAY!!!!!! (note: insert dramatic arm flailing here - at one point I thought she was going to take somebody's eye out)
Me: Um, ma'am...I take care of that up here. The meal will come off. The servers can't do it.
Sucktastic parent (here on, referred to as Flailing Lady): It would make more sense if THEY did it! Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting cheated!
Me: You aren't getting cheated by having to wait ten seconds for me to imput the appropriate discount into the computer.
Flailing Lady: WHAT did YOU say?!
Me: I said, I put in the discount up here. I know that the promotion runs today. I have dealt with people all day who ask me the same question, so how could I forget about it? After being asked about a hundred times in an hour about a promotion, only a half-wit would forget about it. Especially since it annoys me when people complain about having to wait the five seconds it takes to plug in the right discount.
Flailing lady: Well, it appears only half wits work here, since they forgot my DISCOUNT!!!
Me: Nobody forgot about it. We've all been harassed about it all day. Lord knows I can't forget about it.
Flailing lady: YOU BETTER NOT!
Me: *mumbles*Oh, don't worry. With you around, I won't get to.
Flailing lady: WHAT was that?!
Me: That will be $xx.xx. WITH the discount.
Needless to say...I am dreading tomorrow. Guh.

Kids Eat Free: Hellhole Saturday
Sucky parent: WHY are the MY kids' meals on the bill?!?! Don't KIDS EAT FREE TONIGHT?!
Me: Yes. The cooks aren't psychic though, so we have to put what you want the kids to eat into the computer. Plus, don't you want little Johnny to have his mac and cheese - minus the ham and no french fries, but mozzerella sticks instead? There's no way anybody could remember that with the Restuarant swamped like this.
Sucky parent: *glares at me*
Me: *smile* That will be $xx.xx please.
And again:
Sucky parent: *thrusts reciept at me* What are these meals doing on there? Don't kids eat free? I have three kids' meals on here!!!
Me: I know. *takes reciept from their shaking hand (perhaps anger at getting shot down?), ignores customer and starts putting in discount*
Sucky parent: *angry silence*
And, yet again:
Sucky parent: What are these meals doing on here! You guys have a sign out front that says "KIDS EAT FREE FROM 4-6pm, and I want my -
Me: I am well aware of what the sign says. However, we still have to imput the meals into the computer. Therefore, they will ALWAYS be on your ticket until I take them off *gestures at front counter* up here. That way, I know exactly what goes in and out of the till, and I don't get in trouble.
Sucky parent: There are fi-
Me: I gathered that. I can count.
Sucky parent: *closes mouth*
Oh, and again:
Less sucky guy: Hi, I have a question.
Me: Is this about the kids eat free promotion?
Less sucky guy: Yes. My kids' food is still on here. Does that promotion still apply?
Me: Yes. As I have said to everyone before you, the meals still have to be on your ticket. I take them off up here.
Less sucky guy: *hands me the reciept* I bet you get that question a lot, don't you.
Me: Yes, and it drives me crazy. Absolutely nuts. If people just paid attention, then maybe I would hate this promotion a little less.
Less sucky guy: For what it's worth, I am sorry you have to listen to the same question a thousand times a day.
Me: Thanks. That helps...until the next idiot comes up to ask.
Screamer:
Sucktastic parent: WHY IS MY PRECIOUS JENNY'S FOOD ON HERE!! HOW DARE YOU!!! I THOUGHT KIDS ATE FREE TODAY!!!!!! (note: insert dramatic arm flailing here - at one point I thought she was going to take somebody's eye out)
Me: Um, ma'am...I take care of that up here. The meal will come off. The servers can't do it.
Sucktastic parent (here on, referred to as Flailing Lady): It would make more sense if THEY did it! Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting cheated!
Me: You aren't getting cheated by having to wait ten seconds for me to imput the appropriate discount into the computer.
Flailing Lady: WHAT did YOU say?!
Me: I said, I put in the discount up here. I know that the promotion runs today. I have dealt with people all day who ask me the same question, so how could I forget about it? After being asked about a hundred times in an hour about a promotion, only a half-wit would forget about it. Especially since it annoys me when people complain about having to wait the five seconds it takes to plug in the right discount.
Flailing lady: Well, it appears only half wits work here, since they forgot my DISCOUNT!!!
Me: Nobody forgot about it. We've all been harassed about it all day. Lord knows I can't forget about it.
Flailing lady: YOU BETTER NOT!
Me: *mumbles*Oh, don't worry. With you around, I won't get to.
Flailing lady: WHAT was that?!
Me: That will be $xx.xx. WITH the discount.
Needless to say...I am dreading tomorrow. Guh.
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