Fastest Resignation?

[real people person]

i had a friend from Czechoslovakia who wanted to move into my mom's ( back in high school, or right after, whatever) mom said, fine, but if you live here you have to work. so she went and got hired at mcd's. after 1 hour , maybe less, she went into the manager's office, took off her uniform, handed it to him and in a beautiful zsa zsa gabor accent told him , " i quit ! i can't stand the smell in here. "

[HawaiianShirts]

I have to add to this one.

Fastest resignation I have personally seen: two days.

This is a tie, actually. One guy at my current job was hired on with me. We had one day of boring, in-the-office training followed by several days of "shadowing" somebody else on the sales floor. This guy was in car audio. On his first shadow day, he got caught trying to stuff a new deck under his shirt, told management he was using his shirt to wipe dust off of the box, then left complaining that it was "too loud" with all those demo speakers.

The other was at my first job at the pizza place. One girl was hired to work the kitchen. Her first night was a busy one, so we showed her all the different stations and assigned her to one she decided she could do. She voluntarily worked that same station the next night as well. However, every half hour she begged the managers for a break. If she was actually working for more than two hours, she would start stumbling around the kitchen and claim that she was about to pass out. When she was given a ten-minute break, she'd suddenly regain her balance and bolt across the parking lot to the grocery store where her boyfriend worked and not return for about half an hour. Rather than confront her about it, we started mimicking her stumbling about with all the overly dramatic gestures (big sighs, hand pressed to forehead, etc.) and whining that we couldn't have "make-out breaks" at the grocery store, too. She quit, claiming a "hostile work environment."

Fastest resignation for me: one day after training.

Desperate for work a few years ago, I responded to a want-ad for "customer service." The guy who answered my call said that he owned a vacuum store and that he needed someone to do menial stuff around the store. "You'll pretty much just fill out order forms, answer customer questions, and help my sales guys load and unload the vans." At $1400 a month, I thought I could handle that.

I went for a one-week unpaid training with a group of about 12 others. The owner showed us the vacuums that he sold, giving us more of a sales pitch than a training. Then he had us regurgitate the same sales pitch to him. I figured the others were there for sales positions and that I was just included because I might have to answer customer questions about the products.

My workweek was supposed to be Tuesday through Saturday, 7AM to 7PM with a two-hour lunch break. On the last day of the training, we were told to come to a company meeting on Monday. It was to start at 10AM and last no more than two hours.

I showed up on Monday at 10AM. The meeting started at 11:30 and went until 3PM. As I was headed to my car to go home, the boss stopped me and told me that he needed me to work that day. My day was already shot anyway, and I thought I could use the hours, so I stuck around. In spite of my protests, he told me to join the sales guys on a van. I was driven to another community about ten miles away, handed some fliers, and was told to go door-to-door and try to get someone to agree to an in-home demonstration of the vacuums.

This was in January. It was cold and windy and even started to snow after sunset. I had no coat because I wasn't expecting to be outside at all except going between car and buildings. I was frozen.

I tried a few doors anyway, thinking maybe I'll get to do what I was really hired for the next day on my normal shift. After a block, I met up with someone else from the company. He'd been with them for a few months. I asked him why I was assigned to do the door-to-door thing when that's not what I was hired for. He told me that there was no job like the one I described.

When the van driver came around again, I told him that I needed to leave. He told me I couldn't leave. He told me to shadow with some other guy until everyone was called back in or walk home. I didn't know how to get home from that neighborhood, and it was dark, so I shadowed the other guy until about 10PM. (Yes, they were still knocking on doors at 10PM.)

The next morning, I called the guy who hired me.
Me: This is HS. Just letting you know I won't be there today.
Boss: How come?
Me: Because you lied to me.
Boss: No, I didn't. You really are loading vans and answering questions. ... Don't you want to give it another chance?
Me: *click*

And, yes, I'll point fingers. It was for the Kirby company. I probably should have seen it coming, but, like I said, I needed the money. Happily for me, though, over the past three years, I watched the office get moved four times to progressively smaller buildings before finally disappearing altogether about a month ago.

(Sorry it's so long. I've wanted to tell that story for a while now.)

[Mr Slugger]

Fastest for me really can't count. Cause I didn't actually start. I went to work for a reset company when I was younger. They go into stores and reset isles. Well I was told that the jobs would be local. So first day I was called and told to me them in some town in Maine, I live in Mass. It was like a 4 hour drive to this place. So I just didn't show.

[texasbelle5]

My personal record is a day and a 1/2. Many years ago I was hired by carpet store to greet and assist customers, help them pick out carpet and sell them upgraded padding.
Only problem was there were no customers. My first day I didn't see a single customer. But I did see the filthiest bathroom I have ever encountered in my life. I don;t think it had ever been cleaned. I refused to use it and walked over to Mickey D's. Next morning I asked the owner 2 questions:

1. Who is supposed to clean the bathroom?
He told me I was

2. Where are the customers?
He said this store didn't see many customers and hopefully it would pick up soon

I left at lunch and didn't go back. No way was I cleaning that shithole of a bathroom. And no way was I going to sit in a store that had not a single customer in a day and a half.

[Evil Queen]

Personally Witnessed:

Some girl comes in for a job interview. Very nice, very smart, very excited about the job. She does well and is told to come in the next day to train. Girl never shows up.

Fastest Resignation for me:

I go to this office, start the interview process and about halfway in discover for myself that it's a temp agency. They basically lied in their ad and I walked out during the interview process and told them I wouldn't be coming back.

[JLRodgers]

I was once hired to replace a guy that quit after 4 hours.... of training.... when there's 2 weeks of training.....

Now granted he was tossed a complex programming problem the first day of training that needed fixed ASAP (it was his job he was hired for at 46.8K/yr), but he left for lunch and kept on driving. He lived 3 hours away in another state, boss called his fiance asking "is he ok?!?" (thinking an accident) She didn't know anything of it -- turned out the problem was something he'd never dealt with so he decided not to continue.

So when I was hired.... and lived 3 hours away.... and was handed the same problem the first day.... and left for lunch........ Let's just say the manager visibly sighed and told me the story of the other guy and thanked me for staying when I walked through the doors on my return

But I've never left a job quick... there was one I transferred, realized I shouldn't of, but stayed until I was supposed to get a raise -- then gave 2 weeks notice (after like 6mo-1yr working there in crap conditions) because they didn't give me anything.

[Gruesome]

I'm sure this doesn't count in a legal sense...

I was 16 and looking for a weekend/after school job. I hooked up with this "marketing" gig that was very...interesting. They had a group meeting with about a dozen other young people and started this dog and pony show about how GREAT it is to work for XYZ and how they are the BEST at what they do (which was never really detailed) and rah rah rah for the company. These two guys were doing this tag-team cheerleading routine that was as high-octane as it was bizarre. While this is going on, we are all hurriedly scrawling our info on the paperwork we have all been given, and my bullshit alarm is clanging away like mad.

They collect the papers and announce, "You are all hired! You now work for XYZ and we are set to make some SERIOUS MONEY! ARE YOU READY?!?!"

Yeah, we reply, all revved up and ready to go.

"Ok, before we can start the training we have to do a little paperwork. We'll start with these and get you all logged in tothe system, but thats just a formality. while we do that, you've got about 30 minutes to go get the money you need to pay us to start your training. There are material costs and blah blah blah and ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME SERIOUS MONEY! YEAH! GO XYZ! WOO HOO!"

Total scam. They wanted us to pay $50 up front to "join the team," after we were told we were already employed. Right. F you too. I hope the rest of them were smart enough to run, but I figure a couple actually paid. I just wish I had been on the ball enough to call the cops.

So if I really was employed then I lasted about 20 minutes before I hopped in my car and left. Oddly enough, when I got a job at Little Caesars a few days later, I didn't have to pay them anything.

[Dreamstalker]

Well, the brilliant folks decided my first night was to be the night of their 10th Anniversary Party. I was basically thrown into the middle of tornado and left to fend for myself.

Training at the game store consisted of "here's the register, if it freezes reboot it but don't do that too often, by the way there's a Magic tourney tonight and you're closing" (waitasec, I wasn't told anything about having to close by myself).

When he did decide to "formally" train me (which was pointless as by that time I had pretty much figured everything out, only not "his" way), the owner just made things worse by seeing a need to hover and walk me through every. little. thing.

[Balgram]

Wow, I guess this thread was resurrected.

Shortest hire for me was a job where I taught English via webcam at home. It was an awesome job and I enjoyed it, but it was pretty early in the morning (the students were on the other side of the planet).

Well, halfway through my first month my students stopped attending for some reason, and I could not get hold of anyone (including my local boss). I sent an e-mail voicing my concerns. For the longest time, I thought it was me, but I've taught English before several times and I know students like me. /brag

I then found a better hours, better paying, more interesting job, so I explained that I was leaving (via e-mail and chat) and gave my notice.

They never gave me hours for the next month, so I figured they didn't need me. I didn't get hold of ANYONE for 2 weeks though, and I still haven't had any kind of response to my quitting e-mail. It was the weirdest thing.

They still sent me my paychecks, so who am I to complain?

[smileyeagle1021]

Total scam. They wanted us to pay $50 up front to "join the team," after we were told we were already employed. Right. F you too. I hope the rest of them were smart enough to run, but I figure a couple actually paid.

I actually paid for one of those... it did seem legit... it was a financial services company, and I had applied and been accepted to handle loan apps... so asking me to pay for training is legit because you have to get state certification which does cost money... so fair deal... then they told me to actually do my job I had to sign up for a $25 a month web service... yes you heard that right... they wanted me to pay to use the company website... I told them to shove it.

oh and btw... anyone interested in a mortgage in Utah... I am technically certified to sell you one (sadly, my contract with that company does not allow me to use my certification with any other company... I must re certify if I want to actually do loans).

[KhirasHY]

I've actually never quit a job quickly, but I have had a few winners over the years, both before and after I was a manager:

1) New guy comes in for his first shift...and he just looks...comic book-ish. One of my favorite co-workers sees him come in and goes "What the hell is up with Captain America?" The guy hears, and presumably mulls it in his head for a while before deciding he's offended, and walks out. Total time on the clock: 4 minutes. He's my record holder.

2) New hire recently came in, was a reference to the job from the guy who originally trained me, so I liked his application a lot. He comes in for the first night, runs his first patrol (our longest one, takes about 2 hours, and is about 4 miles long hitting all the guest floors), and realizes this job requires him to do actual work. Clocks out, comes by my office in street clothes, says "Never mind", and leaves.

3) Guy starts working with us, his previous job was at the morgue. Works one night, and never shows up again. Our theory is that he saw people walking around, and it freaked him out.

4) When I worked retail at a video game store, one of the Christmas hires worked for 1 hour, saw how busy a store like that gets over Christmas, and walked out. As an amusing side-note, we were so busy that everyone just shrugged, and went back on their merry way.

5) One week, the Housekeeping department had 18 new hires (this was right after the hotel first opened). Within 8 hours, there were 4 left of that batch, and within 3 days, we were down to 1 new hire. 5 of them got fired for getting into an all-out brawl within 2 hours, 6 said the work was too hard, and 3 just vanished on the first day. On the second day, one got caught stealing, one grabbed a female guest, and one walked off the job.

On a positive note, the 1 remaining person got Employee of the Year last year, and is one of the nicest ladies you'd ever meet

[JustADude]

(sadly, my contract with that company does not allow me to use my certification with any other company... I must re certify if I want to actually do loans).

Check on that, Smiley. I'm pretty sure that's illegal to do, without some sort of end-cap on the time period for the restriction.