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Horribly inappropriate, but hilarious things heard at work

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  • #16
    Quoth cinema guy View Post
    My favourite soup is Cock-a-Leekie.


    Do companies not think of these things?
    The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

    Now queen of USSR-Land...

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    • #17
      Quoth fireheart17 View Post


      Do companies not think of these things?
      Cock-a-leekie is actually a soup of some generations past. Doesn't stop it being pretty funny these days.

      Rapscallion

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      • #18
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cock-a-leekie

        Actually, that sounds pretty good...chicken and leeks. Not too crazy about the addition of prunes, though.

        Certainly not what I had in mind when I heard the name!

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        • #19
          Quoth Rapscallion View Post
          Cock-a-leekie is actually a soup of some generations past.
          My grandmother introduced me to it. Baxters doesn't have prunes in it, just checked the can.
          "I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room." Sunset Boulevard.

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          • #20
            The reason for the "cock flavoured" is basically a reference to a stronger flavour. Most cocks Aren't butchered for a long while, so the meat tends to age more and it produces a stronger flavour.
            I AM the evil bastard!
            A+ Certified IT Technician

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            • #21
              I've already mentioned the time "I had such a good night my armpits are still covered in chocolate!" in another thread.

              Another morning I opened the doors to let the staff in and my face lit up when the first girl "C" came in. As with most folks there, she wasn't used to seeing me happy and asked why.

              Me:"Well I was counting the cash this morning, and I stuck my pen in my mouth, as usual. It took me a moment, but I realised that there was a really nice flavour to it and I had to think why. It was the pen I lent to you yesterday..."

              C:"... And I had it stuck down my blouse!"

              Me:"Mmm! So I just thought you should know... Your tit's taste gorgeous "

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              • #22
                A few years ago at a work christmas party, my boss (also my best friend) was introduced to my then boyfriend (now hubby) for the first time. Upon questioning him about his intentions and the like, she asked him "So, what do you do when you not doing >raw456<?"

                My reaction?

                my boss? oblivious to what she had said

                hubby? Kept his cool and answered the question.

                We still laugh about it.
                "When did you get a gold plated toilet?"
                "We don't have a gold plated toilet"
                "Oh dear, I think I just peed in your Tuba"

                -Jasper Fforde

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                • #23
                  When I was at my last job, we had a Nigerian guy working in our department. One afternoon, I hear K (who features in most of my stories from that place) say over the partition at him, "Hey F!" and then she proceeds to make all these clicking and popping sounds at him as if she's speaking one of those African "clicking" dialects.

                  (I dunno if it matters, I suppose it does, but K is black and J is half black and half asian, and they absolutely brutalized this guy. I'm glad he has a good sense of humor.)

                  I'm sorry to say I burst out laughing to the point I was about to pee in my pants. F was hanging on the wall in my cube going, "Oh, c'mon, RK, you usually have my back here." and the director behind me was saying, "Am I gonna have to send all of you to sensitivity training?"

                  Which made me laugh even harder.

                  Most of the really innappropriate stuff centered around F. He just made such a funny target. I have to admit I also said I was afraid to open his emails because...well...you know. (upon which he did a PERFECT "Nigerian scam" from memory, complete with the accent. )

                  One day he came in with these very nice new ankle boots, which he pulled up his pants to show off a bit to everyone. I was alerted to this development when I heard a pack of my coworkers laughing about his "ashy" ankles.

                  I was thinking, "man, they are tormenting F again." So I stood up, looked over my wall, and started to chastise them.

                  They I saw F's ankles. They were GRAY. I just winced, made a sad "tch" sound, and sat back down.

                  Which made THEM laugh even harder.

                  See, he'd always come to me to commiserate about the "lack of respect" because they used to also torment me for being old. But, man...the kid had some seriously ashy ankles.

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                  • #24
                    A coworker approached me in the office this morning, saying she had something for me. I was figuring some veggies since she has her own garden, but no...not even close. She produced this GIGANTIC stick of PINK sidewalk chalk (we're both college teachers, btw) saying one of her older students had given it to her, along with one in blue and one in green. She told me that she wanted to ask her student, "Did that come with batteries?" She also said that she tried writing on the board with it, but just felt too self conscious!
                    Last edited by Primer; 09-09-2009, 12:00 AM. Reason: grammar
                    Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

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                    • #25
                      Nearly everything said at work (when customers aren’t around) is inappropriate, trying to get crew to take other crews vignaty, the 3 week anal sex conversation. The poking of boobs.

                      Last night one of the crew worked out he could be done for 7 out of 8 things on the sexual harassment poster. His name badge read resident perve for the rest of the night.

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                      • #26
                        A couple of months ago a co worker said something that sounded inappropriate but wasn't meant that way, he just didn't think before he opened his mouth.

                        We work in an installs group at a telecom, and I was having issues with a DSL install, and asked for his help. I know he meant he would go the restroom and come back and look at my stuff and see what he could figure out, but he ended up saying ...and I quote..."I'm going to the bathroom and then I will play with it for a bit..."

                        https://www.youtube.com/user/HedgeTV
                        Great YouTube channel check it out!

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                        • #27
                          Quoth fireheart17 View Post
                          Didn't someone post something in the "Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Work" thread about making comments on meatball day a work?
                          That more than likely is me.
                          Unseen but seeing
                          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                          3rd shift needs love, too
                          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                          • #28
                            I'm in a new job and I'm working in management training for a large hardware chain now but the store I'm in is so small that we all do the work on the floor. As it turns out,the man who hired me is also into stand up comedy. And since I have a lot more free time (this store is literally across the street from my apartment in Houston) I'm planning on revisiting the open mic comedy nights at a new comedy club that's also up the street from work/home....
                            He thinks that's way cool and I started telling him some of my material and he literally started to guffaw really loud and then he shoved it back in his mouth as I finished the 1st line and when he came back out of the doubled over position he called another sales person over and said..."As manager I'm not allowed to hear this kind of thing,but will you please tak Cody around that corner and repeat what you just said."

                            Cody cracked up to and I'm pretty sure I'm going to bring a pretty good draw for my debut now...

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                            • #29
                              When I started at my current store I was told by my supervisor

                              "We take sexual harassment very seriously here"

                              Fast forward two days.......

                              I say something over the radio that comes through garbled.

                              My supervisor walks by and says 'Next time say that without the cock in your mouth'

                              I was almost on the floor laughing

                              Almost forgot!

                              Where I work when we do a forklift loading we have a 1 driver 2 spotter policy. One of the spotters has to be a manager. This one instance I was spotting for a female co-worker with a female manager. We had to bring a pallet of laminate flooring outside to a vehicle and load it up. The female driver says to me "How can we bring the pallet outside if your spotting?"

                              I say in response (completely oblivious until after the sexual tones to my response)

                              "You go ahead and I'll jack it and cover your rear."

                              Woulda been a FML moment if all 3 of us didn't start laughing our heads off.
                              Last edited by Department stores *sigh*; 09-15-2009, 07:56 PM. Reason: forgot a story ^^
                              Fan? This is shit. Shit? Meet fan.

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                              • #30
                                I was at work with my boss and his brother in law. Neither of them speak english as their first language, but my boss loves to sing along to the radio.
                                I had just got back from a run, and my boss turned to me and asked "Is it i want to be a porn-rocker?"
                                I had NO idea what he was talking about, and I just burst out laughing. Appparently while I was gone "I want to be a punk rocker" came on and he didn't understand. His brother got the joke though, and told him he shouldn't say that ever again

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