This correspondence happened in just before we discontinued our Mac version a few years ago. I enjoyed it because the guy started out so rational and then just...well, you'll see.
[names and identifying details have been changed]
The first installment involves a web feedback form which he filled out on our site. I get those and reply to them...
Form: feedback
Name: John Q
Response: yes
I am starting correspondence course for [new career]. I need to find software and hardware for Macs which I can use. I have the most recent system software and I need to find applications, utilities, and peripherals which I can use for this new goal of mine. If you can direct me to other sites that would be fine. It's just a disappointment, though not suprising, that so much is being done on PC type machines - just a prejudice from my computer engineering and software background.
Thank you,
John Q
My reply...
Dear John Q
We do have two products for the Mac which may be of interest to you. [Blinky] is a free download from our web site (it can be found at [blinky URL]) and is a [insert description of Blinky]. The [Main Product] also comes in a Mac version (you can download a free demo from [main product URL]. As far as I know, we are the only manufacturer carrying software of this type for the MacIntosh. Both products will work on OS9 and earlier, but won't work on OS10 or later.
To be completely honest, I should also point out that the Mac version of [main product] hasn't been updated since 1999. When Apple introduced OS10 we found that it wouldn't run our software and also wasn't compatible with the hardware which [it drives] and there was no practical way to correct the problem. [Our company] is not alone; many software developers have had similar problems with Apple changing operating systems and many have decided that the sales of Mac versions of their software don't justify the much higher development costs that working with Apple imposes on them. Of course, we have been in communication with Apple regarding this situation and we hope that they will give our concerns priority they deserve. However, I am not hopeful that a solution will come quickly.
In the meantime, if you are serious about [changing careers], it might make sense to purchase an inexpensive used PC or a Mac with OS9 dedicated to that purpose. I would recommend the PC in the long run because, for the reasons outlined above, we are focusing on the Windows version when we add features to our product.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.
Dips
99% of the time that would have ended it. A very few folks have come back and begged us to create a Mac version, promising to buy it. We will reply by putting them on our emailing list and promising to let them know when/if it happens, but being clear that might be years or never. But this guy had quite an interesting reply in him, as you'll see...
Dear Dips
Thank you for your information.
I have been a hadware technician and programmer since 1968 and I have done work on many systems including MS-DOS, Windows (95 and 97), UNIX (up to version 4), Mac OS(7, 8 and 9). I have also been a manager for more than a decade and a half. Please beware when you are saying what you said to me. People may have the knowledge to see though the pernicious little lies and half truth's. This casts you and your company in a very bad light.
As a manager I am aware of the many problems which are faced by persons who wish to use these tools (computers) to perform tasks. It costs to do these things. People do not want to invest in doing these things and improving them when they can make money, survive and grow on what they already have with little new investment (financial and otherwise). That is only natural. Investment in any economic downturn situation is virtually non-existent. The combination of the necessity for investment and the poor economy is fatal for any effort like this which is not only dependent on investment by people who do not expect large returns, but which caters to a small, poorly known marketplace. I understand that. Please use your intellectual skills for something other than finding and creating excuses.
John Q
After my boss was done laughing, he instructed me not to answer the email. He felt engaging this guy would not do anything constructive for anyone. I remember that John Q did write back once. Apparently I didn't save that email. I don't recall it being anywhere near as awesome as the above, though.
Those of you who are still reading might be wondering why this got dug up years after the fact. I was going through old requests for the Mac version because, TA-DAH!, our chief of development has made the decision to try creating a new version for the Mac.
Oh, and, I gave the email the MST3K treatment and printed it out for my co-workers' enjoyment. I seem to have lost that version, though.
Update: I just found it. It is posted below to avoid thread necromancy. The original Dipshit text is in black and the translation from Dipshit to English is bracketed and in red. Enjoy.
Thank you for your information.
[Thanks]
I have been a hadware technician and programmer since 1968 and I have done work on many systems including MS-DOS, Windows (95 and 97), UNIX (up to version 4), Mac OS(7, 8 and 9).
[I used to be programmer but haven't done so for very long time]
I have also been a manager for more than a decade and a half.
[I am superior to you and have wonderful people skills]
Please beware when you are saying what you said to me.
[I can't handle hearing views that don't agree with my own; don't tell me about them, or else...]
People may have the knowledge to see though the pernicious little lies and half truth's.
[What you said does not jibe with my hard-core Apple user view of the the universe so it must be a lie]
This casts you and your company in a very bad light.
[You and those who hired you don't follow the One True Religion so you are BAD!]
As a manager I am aware of the many problems which are faced by persons who wish to use these tools (computers) to perform tasks.
[The people I supervised weren't trained properly]
It costs to do these things.
[I was too cheap to get them training]
People do not want to invest in doing these things and improving them when they can make money, survive and grow on what they already have with little new investment (financial and otherwise).
[You people are cheap too, but , unlike myself, you are money grubbing jerks because you won't do what I think you should do]
That is only natural.
[I geuss you can't help being cheap money grubbing jerks]
Investment in any economic downturn situation is virtually non-existent.
[I'm having trouble convincing people to invest in the things I think they should invest in; it must be the economy]
The combination of the necessity for investment and the poor economy is fatal for any effort like this which is not only dependent on investment by people who do not expect large returns, but which caters to a small, poorly known marketplace.
[Let me explain to you [very specialized single purpose] software manufacturers about how hard it is to do business with a small, poorly understood market like Apple users]
I understand that.
[I, the Very Experienced Programmer and Manager of 15 years, will extend the benevolence of my superior comprehension of your business decisions to you]
Please use your intellectual skills for something other than finding and creating excuses.
[I am no more likely to persuade you to see things my way than I was able to manage others with my superior understanding and exceptional people skills; it is much easier to place my shortcomings onto you and write off your objections as "excuses."]
[Name removed]
[[Name removed]]
[names and identifying details have been changed]
The first installment involves a web feedback form which he filled out on our site. I get those and reply to them...
Form: feedback
Name: John Q
Response: yes
I am starting correspondence course for [new career]. I need to find software and hardware for Macs which I can use. I have the most recent system software and I need to find applications, utilities, and peripherals which I can use for this new goal of mine. If you can direct me to other sites that would be fine. It's just a disappointment, though not suprising, that so much is being done on PC type machines - just a prejudice from my computer engineering and software background.
Thank you,
John Q
My reply...
Dear John Q
We do have two products for the Mac which may be of interest to you. [Blinky] is a free download from our web site (it can be found at [blinky URL]) and is a [insert description of Blinky]. The [Main Product] also comes in a Mac version (you can download a free demo from [main product URL]. As far as I know, we are the only manufacturer carrying software of this type for the MacIntosh. Both products will work on OS9 and earlier, but won't work on OS10 or later.
To be completely honest, I should also point out that the Mac version of [main product] hasn't been updated since 1999. When Apple introduced OS10 we found that it wouldn't run our software and also wasn't compatible with the hardware which [it drives] and there was no practical way to correct the problem. [Our company] is not alone; many software developers have had similar problems with Apple changing operating systems and many have decided that the sales of Mac versions of their software don't justify the much higher development costs that working with Apple imposes on them. Of course, we have been in communication with Apple regarding this situation and we hope that they will give our concerns priority they deserve. However, I am not hopeful that a solution will come quickly.
In the meantime, if you are serious about [changing careers], it might make sense to purchase an inexpensive used PC or a Mac with OS9 dedicated to that purpose. I would recommend the PC in the long run because, for the reasons outlined above, we are focusing on the Windows version when we add features to our product.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.
Dips
99% of the time that would have ended it. A very few folks have come back and begged us to create a Mac version, promising to buy it. We will reply by putting them on our emailing list and promising to let them know when/if it happens, but being clear that might be years or never. But this guy had quite an interesting reply in him, as you'll see...
Dear Dips
Thank you for your information.
I have been a hadware technician and programmer since 1968 and I have done work on many systems including MS-DOS, Windows (95 and 97), UNIX (up to version 4), Mac OS(7, 8 and 9). I have also been a manager for more than a decade and a half. Please beware when you are saying what you said to me. People may have the knowledge to see though the pernicious little lies and half truth's. This casts you and your company in a very bad light.
As a manager I am aware of the many problems which are faced by persons who wish to use these tools (computers) to perform tasks. It costs to do these things. People do not want to invest in doing these things and improving them when they can make money, survive and grow on what they already have with little new investment (financial and otherwise). That is only natural. Investment in any economic downturn situation is virtually non-existent. The combination of the necessity for investment and the poor economy is fatal for any effort like this which is not only dependent on investment by people who do not expect large returns, but which caters to a small, poorly known marketplace. I understand that. Please use your intellectual skills for something other than finding and creating excuses.
John Q
After my boss was done laughing, he instructed me not to answer the email. He felt engaging this guy would not do anything constructive for anyone. I remember that John Q did write back once. Apparently I didn't save that email. I don't recall it being anywhere near as awesome as the above, though.
Those of you who are still reading might be wondering why this got dug up years after the fact. I was going through old requests for the Mac version because, TA-DAH!, our chief of development has made the decision to try creating a new version for the Mac.
Oh, and, I gave the email the MST3K treatment and printed it out for my co-workers' enjoyment. I seem to have lost that version, though.
Update: I just found it. It is posted below to avoid thread necromancy. The original Dipshit text is in black and the translation from Dipshit to English is bracketed and in red. Enjoy.
Thank you for your information.
[Thanks]
I have been a hadware technician and programmer since 1968 and I have done work on many systems including MS-DOS, Windows (95 and 97), UNIX (up to version 4), Mac OS(7, 8 and 9).
[I used to be programmer but haven't done so for very long time]
I have also been a manager for more than a decade and a half.
[I am superior to you and have wonderful people skills]
Please beware when you are saying what you said to me.
[I can't handle hearing views that don't agree with my own; don't tell me about them, or else...]
People may have the knowledge to see though the pernicious little lies and half truth's.
[What you said does not jibe with my hard-core Apple user view of the the universe so it must be a lie]
This casts you and your company in a very bad light.
[You and those who hired you don't follow the One True Religion so you are BAD!]
As a manager I am aware of the many problems which are faced by persons who wish to use these tools (computers) to perform tasks.
[The people I supervised weren't trained properly]
It costs to do these things.
[I was too cheap to get them training]
People do not want to invest in doing these things and improving them when they can make money, survive and grow on what they already have with little new investment (financial and otherwise).
[You people are cheap too, but , unlike myself, you are money grubbing jerks because you won't do what I think you should do]
That is only natural.
[I geuss you can't help being cheap money grubbing jerks]
Investment in any economic downturn situation is virtually non-existent.
[I'm having trouble convincing people to invest in the things I think they should invest in; it must be the economy]
The combination of the necessity for investment and the poor economy is fatal for any effort like this which is not only dependent on investment by people who do not expect large returns, but which caters to a small, poorly known marketplace.
[Let me explain to you [very specialized single purpose] software manufacturers about how hard it is to do business with a small, poorly understood market like Apple users]
I understand that.
[I, the Very Experienced Programmer and Manager of 15 years, will extend the benevolence of my superior comprehension of your business decisions to you]
Please use your intellectual skills for something other than finding and creating excuses.
[I am no more likely to persuade you to see things my way than I was able to manage others with my superior understanding and exceptional people skills; it is much easier to place my shortcomings onto you and write off your objections as "excuses."]
[Name removed]
[[Name removed]]
Comment