Movie Theater SCs (long)

[Jay 2K Winger]

Okay, so I don't work at the movie theater anymore, though there are times when I wish I still did. It's been several years since I quit the job ('cuz I'd gotten a second job that paid better and had health insurance), and having recently discovered CS, I can now vent a lot of these great stories.

No ID, No Ticket - Part One
BG: Our theater had a strict "1 ID per ticket" policy regarding R-rated movies. As in, if your teenage ass trying to buy tickets for you and your two teenage buddies, you'd better have three IDs to prove that you're old enough to see the movie. The only exceptions were for members of your immediate family.

Dramatis Personae:
J2K: Yours Truly
STI: Stupid Teenage Idiot

STI: Can I get three tickets to [some R-rated movie]?
J2K: Sure, I just need to see three picture IDs.
STI: (hands over his ID)
J2K: All right. Now I just need to see two more IDs for the other two tickets.
STI: What? I gave you my ID!
J2K: Yeah, but if you want to buy three tickets, I need to see the IDs for the other two people.
STI: Why?
J2K: Policy. One ID per ticket.
STI: My friends aren't here yet, man.
J2K: Well, I can sell you your ticket now, but I can't sell you the tickets for the other two.
STI: Can't you just let it slide, man?
J2K: No way.
STI: Come on, man! Be a friend!
J2K: (smiling) I'm not paid to be your friend. Three tickets? Three IDs.

In the end, he left without buying any tickets. I could get away with being a snarky b*st*rd at the theater thanks to the wall of glass separating me from the customers.

Calling Their Bluff
Another case of the "no ID, no ticket" scenario.

J2K: Can I help you?
SC: Yeah, can I get a ticket for [some R-rated movie]?
J2K: I just need to see your ID.
SC: Well... I don't have it.
J2K: Well... I can't sell you a ticket.
SC: But I'm over 18!
J2K: Okay. Can I see your ID as proof, then?
SC: It's in my car!
J2K: Well, you'd better go get it!
SC: But the line's really long!
J2K: Well, you'd better hurry, then!

At this point, the SC realized he wasn't going to get any help from me, and tried to jump over to the next window, cutting in front of the next customer there. I sidle over to the next window as well.

J2K: Don't even think about it.

Now the SC gets angry and points a finger at me.

SC: You'd better watch your back when you leave tonight, man!

Now, if I were to be threatened by someone, I might get worried. But I size this guy up. I'm about 6'1" to 6'2", anywhere from 260 to 275 pounds. This guy was a couple inches shorter than me, much skinnier, and clearly didn't do any working out. In other words, I was confident I could take him.

J2K: Tell you what? I'm on break in ten minutes, how 'bout I meet you right outside?

Aha, I have called his bluff. The SC gives me that "backing away sneer," the sort of expression that says "Yeah, whatever," while they back away from you. Then he just sort of sulks off.

My manager had overheard the whole exchange, and gives me a concerned look.

Manager: Do you want someone to walk you to your car tonight?
J2K: Nah, he's not going to try anything. And if he does, I'm carrying around a backpack with, like, twenty pounds of books in it. He tries anything, I'ma smack 'im in the head with it.

The SC didn't try anything, of course.

No ID, No Ticket - Part Two
TG: Teenage Girl, who came up to my line by herself, no accompaniment
TGD: Teenage Girl's Dad, comes into play later

J2K: Hi, can I help you?
TG: Three tickets for [some R-rated movie], please.
J2K: I'll just need to see three IDs for the tickets, please.
TG: (hands over her ID)
J2K: And the other two tickets?
TG: Oh, they're for my parents.

I am a skeptical b*st*rd by nature. As I noted, she was by herself. So I didn't believe her.

J2K: I'm sorry, but I can't sell you the tickets if they're not with you.
TG: (stares at me)
J2K: Sorry, theater policy.

She gives a 'tsk' and takes back her money and leaves. I go about my business. Some time later, maybe fifteen minutes or so, an older gentleman comes up to my window.

TGD: Three tickets to [some R-rated movie].
J2K: That'll be $[some price that was too high even seven years ago].
TGD: (pays me)
J2K: (gives him the tickets)
TGD: (brandishing tickets) Now, my daughter came to your window earlier, and you wouldn't sell her a ticket. Now, I've got a problem with that.
J2K: (remembering) Sir, she was by herself, I had to ask for three IDs.
TGD: She gave you her ID, and said they were for her parents, and you wouldn't sell her a ticket.
J2K: Sir, she was by herself, she could have been lying.
TGD: I've got a problem with that.
J2K: Well, if you'd like to make a complaint, the customer service desk is right inside.

He leaves, and I'm thinking, "I can't be the only person to know that Teenagers Are Damned Liars, can I?"

Skeevy Creep
(Whom I will call SKC for "SKeevy Creep")
Okay, this guy was just creepy. Pervert, and all sorts of things. My first encounter with him was when the Guy Ritchie movie "Snatch" came out.

SKC: (overly cheerful) Hi, I'd like one ticket for... "Snatch."

He put to much cheerful emphasis on that word.

J2K: That'll be $[some price that was too high even seven years ago]. ...Here you go, enjoy the show.
SKC: Thanks! I'll be sure to enjoy... "Snatch."

And I watch him go, thinking, "Okaaay, I need to go take a shower now." SKC was a frequent at our theater, too, came by at least once a week, and was just as skeevy every time. I found out he had a habit of taking a seat next to single women in the theaters, and trying to put his hand in their lap. And when they would slap his hand away and tell him to get lost, he'd just get up and move to another woman.

We were just BEGGING for another reason to get rid of this guy, to ban him forever.

Around this same time, the theater was doing fund-raising for the Jimmy Fund, to help children with cystic fibrosis. A $2 donation, and you'd get a little golden heart pin. We routinely would ask customers if they'd like to donate their change, and such. Well, SKC was being helped by a coworker, who asked out of reflex.

CW: Would you like to donate some of your change to help children with cystic fibrosis?
SKC: No, they're all dead anyway. (walks off)
J2K: (turning to CW) Did he just say what I think he just said?
CW: (appalled) Yeah!

I called one of the managers and relayed the whole thing, and asked, "Please tell me we're gonna ban this creep." Unfortunately, being a heartless b*st*rd on top of being a skeevy creep is not enough to ban someone.

However, we did eventually ban him. Not too long after the Jimmy Fund thing, the theater held a "family fun" night, where we had various food and drinks available (apart from the usual movie theater concessions) and some family film for show. And SKC showed up and was going around telling people we'd "put something" in the food, and just generally being his usual skeevy self, and we finally banned him from the theater.

No ID, No Ticket - Part Three

CW: Hi, welcome to [theater], can I help you?
SC: I want three tickets to [some R-rated movie]. (slides money through the slot)
CW: I'll need three IDs if you want to buy three tickets, sir.
SC: I don't have three IDs, I want three tickets.
CW: I can't sell you the tickets if you don't have the IDs, sir.
SC: I don't care. I want three tickets.
CW: I'm sorry, sir, but I can't help you if you don't--
SC: I don't care! I want three tickets!
CW: Sir, it's theater policy, I can't sell you three tickets without three IDs.
SC: I DON'T CARE! I WANT THREE TICKETS!
CW: ... (hands money back through slot) Have a nice day, sir. Next!
SC: HEY! I WANT MY THREE TICKETS!

At this point, I hand my CW the walkie-talkie, and he, without taking his eyes off Mr. Shouty, just says, "Security to the box office, please." And Mr. Shouty stomps off, all pissed.

Things Not To Say To A Strong, Independent Woman
This coworker of mine, whose name, alas, I cannot remember now, was just great. She has just helped this guy buy two tickets to whatever show, given him his change, and is going on with her business. Then suddenly the SC comes back and knocks on her window.

SC: Hey! You short-changed me!
CW: (in a "what are you, an idiot?" tone) No...
SC: Yes, you did! You owe me three dollars!
CW: (same tone) No...
SC: You short-changed me!
CW: No, I didn't. I gave you the correct change.
SC: Look, wench--

And as soon as he said that, she just straightens up, and gets this look that would strip paint off the wall. And the SC quickly realized he done said the WRONG thing, and runs off.

CW: (to me) I was gonna kick his ass.
J2K: I would've held him down for you.

I've got plenty more stories from the theater, but I can save those for another time.

[JoitheArtist]

CW: Sir, it's theater policy, I can't sell you three tickets without three IDs.
SC: I DON'T CARE! I WANT THREE TICKETS!

I have never understood these people, though goodness knows I've dealt with enough of them. What do they think "policy" means, anyhow? Vague guidelines? A general idea? Some random sentences that were pecked out by Herbert the Magic Chicken on the Sacred Policy Computer keyboard?

Policy, people. It means RULES, ya numbskulls!

[karath]

No ID, No Ticket - Part One
STI: Come on, man! Be a friend!
J2K: (smiling) I'm not paid to be your friend. Three tickets? Three IDs.

That right there? That is BEAUTIFUL. Great job!

Another case of the "no ID, no ticket" scenario.

SC gets angry and points a finger at me.

SC: You'd better watch your back when you leave tonight, man!

Now, if I were to be threatened by someone, I might get worried. But I size this guy up. I'm about 6'1" to 6'2", anywhere from 260 to 275 pounds. This guy was a couple inches shorter than me, much skinnier, and clearly didn't do any working out. In other words, I was confident I could take him.

J2K: Tell you what? I'm on break in ten minutes, how 'bout I meet you right outside?

The SC didn't try anything, of course.

Now THAT would be satisfying. You'd think most people would know that you don't make a bluff you can't back up! But these ARE SCs, after all...logic be a foreign concept to them

No ID, No Ticket - Part Two
He leaves, and I'm thinking, "I can't be the only person to know that Teenagers Are Damned Liars, can I?"

Far from it. I know a couple of teens who are (relatively) honest these days...but I remember my friends and I from a few years ago. We became remarkably adept at the art of subterfuge in that age of our lives!

No ID, No Ticket - Part Three

I'm noticing a pattern, here...

Things Not To Say To A Strong, Independent Woman
This coworker of mine, whose name, alas, I cannot remember now, was just great. She has just helped this guy buy two tickets to whatever show, given him his change, and is going on with her business. Then suddenly the SC comes back and knocks on her window.

SC: Hey! You short-changed me!
CW: (in a "what are you, an idiot?" tone) No...
SC: Yes, you did! You owe me three dollars!
CW: (same tone) No...
SC: You short-changed me!
CW: No, I didn't. I gave you the correct change.
SC: Look, wench--

And as soon as he said that, she just straightens up, and gets this look that would strip paint off the wall. And the SC quickly realized he done said the WRONG thing, and runs off.

CW: (to me) I was gonna kick his ass.
J2K: I would've held him down for you.

I've got plenty more stories from the theater, but I can save those for another time.

That is, once again, just beautiful. I'm amazed he went with "wench," that's a bit archaic...but that reaction was just perfect! Oh, SCs..."I haven't gotten what I want! I'll personally insult the employees, that'll get me everything!"

[Applerod]

Working at movie theaters or similar places that require interactions with large swaths of the public exposes you to quite a range of behavior and personalities. I worked at a couple movie theaters some time ago and found it interesting in that regard, despite the brief nature of most of the transactions. Also, I often wondered what it was like to work behind a plexiglass enclosure since we didn't have them at those particular theaters.

[SG15Z]

Things Not To Say To A Strong, Independent Woman
This coworker of mine, whose name, alas, I cannot remember now, was just great. She has just helped this guy buy two tickets to whatever show, given him his change, and is going on with her business. Then suddenly the SC comes back and knocks on her window.

SC: Hey! You short-changed me!
CW: (in a "what are you, an idiot?" tone) No...
SC: Yes, you did! You owe me three dollars!
CW: (same tone) No...
SC: You short-changed me!
CW: No, I didn't. I gave you the correct change.
SC: Look, wench--

And as soon as he said that, she just straightens up, and gets this look that would strip paint off the wall. And the SC quickly realized he done said the WRONG thing, and runs off.

CW: (to me) I was gonna kick his ass.
J2K: I would've held him down for you.

I've got plenty more stories from the theater, but I can save those for another time.

I love it when they do that. You didn't give me my $100 back!! Well I'll audit the till real fast and we'll find out won't we. If you're still not satisfied we can look at the camera footage. Then they run off.

[JustADude]

CW: (to me) I was gonna kick his ass.
J2K: I would've held him down for you.

Ah, chivalry is alive and kicking... well, holding them down for a kicking, but close enough.

[ditchdj]

But I thought that the "R" rating said that a minor could see the film if accompanied by someone 17 or older???

[solidmetalgear19]

Nah,

The way it works is that a person who is 17 or older can see an R rated film by themselves as long as they present an ID

One has to be 21 or older to accompany those too young to see an R rated film and stay in the theatre with the kids for the duration of the film.

I can't tell you the number of times that a parent would buy tickets for an R rated film then:

A: go for a smoke break and leave the kids.

B: Leave and exchange their ticket for another show.

C: Just leave. Period.

Of course we watch these people and then correct the mistakes. That's the thing with working in this business. They think all the employees are stupid. We know damn well where everyone is supposed to be.

[RebeccaOTool]

Oho, you NEVER use the term Wench outside of a ren. Fest, Mr. SC. And even then, if you mean it wrong, you're gonna get torn to shreds.

[ditchdj]

Is that what state law says??? Because the actual rating states in the box, "under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian". It says nothing about the age requirement of the "parent" or "adult guardian".

[Pezzle]

Yeah well I always thought the rule was stupid too. At 18 I could take a bullet for my country, but apparently not accompany my 12 year old brother to an R-Rated film (screw that I was watching Predator at 5). But, I'm not one to make a fuss in person, I just bitch online.

[BlaqueKatt]

Some random sentences that were pecked out by Herbert the Magic Chicken on the Sacred Policy Computer keyboard?

HEY......
Be nice to Herbert, he's doing the best he can.......

[Jay 2K Winger]

More Movie Theater SCs

Bad Movies Deserve Refunds?

J2K: Hi, welcome to [theater], can I help you?
SC: (tosses me a ticket stub) Yeah, that movie sucked, I want a refund!

So I take a look at his stub. Now, I dunno how other theaters do it, but at our theater, the policy (while I worked there) was that you could get a refund for your ticket up to 30 minutes after the movie started. Depending on the cashier's mood, and/or the attitude of the customer, this could mean either 30 minutes after the movie started (i.e., roughly fifteen minutes post-listed time, to allow for previews), or 30 minutes after the listed time on the ticket.

Alas, this SC had not done this. Oh, no, he'd sat through the whole damn movie, and was now asking for a refund.

J2K: Sir, this movie's over.
SC: Yeah, and it sucked! I want a refund.
J2K: So ... you watched the whole movie.
SC: Yeah.
J2K: And you say it "sucked."
SC: Yeah.
J2K: And yet you sat through the whole thing?
SC: Yeah?
J2K: Which implies you thought it was okay enough to sit through.
SC: ...?
J2K: Instead of getting up and coming to get a refund within the first half-hour.
SC: ...?
J2K: (taking pity on the confused guy now) No refund, I'm sorry.

Usher Duty!
Eventually, I was cross-trained as an usher, either tearing ticket stubs, or handling some clean-up duties after a movie was over, or what I mostly ended up doing, which was checking ticket stubs at the actual theater doors.

See, while I was working at the theater, "Hannibal" came out, and for whatever reason, Corporate decided to crack down on underage movie-goers getting into R-rated movies. This meant we carded heavily (and prompted the "1 ID per ticket" policy), carding not only when you bought the ticket, but sometimes even when the ticket was getting torn. (To catch those teenagers who tried to avoid the box office carding by buying online or from our automated ticket kiosks.) And we had one last line of defense against theater-hoppers by stationing ushers outside the doors to the R-rated movies.

I was one of those guys. Probably because I'm a pretty big dude (~6'2", ~270 pounds) who could handle any rowdy idiots.

As expected, I did get some guys who would get rejected from buying tickets to see the R-rated movie they came to see, so they'd buy tickets to some PG-13 movie instead, and try to just slip into the R-rated movie anyway. And that's when they'd run into me.

TD: Teenage Dude

J2K: Hold up, guys. Can I check your ticket stubs?
TD: Why?
J2K: I just want to make sure you're heading for the right movie.
TD: Uh...
J2K: So where's your ticket stub?
TD: I didn't think I'd need it, so I threw it away.
J2K: Sorry, guys, but if you don't have your stub, I can't let you in.
TD: Are you serious?
J2K: As a heart attack.
TD: What happens if we try to go in anyway?
J2K: We throw you out.

They didn't get into the movie, needless to say.

On another incident, these three not-even-teenagers walk up, accompanied by an older guy who was probably one of the kids' dad. But these kids were only thirteen, IF THAT. And this was an R-rated film that was DEFINITELY not for kids. But, I'm thinking, it's cool. If he's gonna be with them, that's fine, and I'll try not to judge.

KD: Kid's Dad

J2K: Can I check your ticket stubs, please?
KD: (hands me the stubs)
J2K: All right, enjoy the show.

And the kids go on into the theater, and then KD turns around and starts to leave.

J2K: Hold up, wait a moment, sir.
KD: What is it?
J2K: You're not staying to see the show?
KD: No. I don't have time to watch a movie.
J2K: Then they can't stay unless they're accompanied by an adult.

He gives me this incredulous look, as if shocked we're not gonna play babysitter. I just shrug.

J2K: Those are the rules, sir.
KD: Give me a minute.

He goes into the theater, and emerges a few moments later with all three kids in tow, them protesting all the way.

Of course, you're never truly Made as an usher until you bag your first theater-hopper. And I'd caught a couple of them.

The first pair that I caught, I'd already stopped from getting into the R-rated movie when their ticket stubs were for some other PG-13 movie. I go about my business, and after twenty minutes of movie-time have gone by, I start to rove and clean up in the upper lobby. And while I'm doing this, I see the two guys come out of the bathroom and go into the R-rated movie.

Sigh. Grab the big heavy flashlight. Into the theater. I wait up by the the doors to let my eyes adjust to the darkness, and spot the two guys almost immediately. And what's more, they know I'm there, too. I shine the light on the backs of their heads, and they turn, see me, and immediately get the "Aw, man, we got busted" reaction.

J2K: You two, could you come with me to the lobby, please?

We adjourn to the lobby. Now, theater policy was pretty clear. Theater-hoppers are to be thrown out. But, I was in a forgiving mood.

J2K: Look, guys. I'm in a good mood today. So I tell you what. I'm going to let you go back and watch the movie you DID buy tickets for, and that'll be the end of it. But if you ever do this again, we WILL kick you out.

The two of them look at each other, and decide this is a better option than getting thrown out. They go back to the PG-13 movie, and I'm sure they were thinking "Dude, we dodged a bullet" or something.

Another time, though, this guy wearing some baseball cap (it might have been red) tried to theater hop on me. I hadn't been manning the doors to the theater that day, but I'd seen him go into a PG-13 movie. A little while later, I saw him come out and go to the bathroom, then come back out and go into an R-rated movie.

Sigh. Grab the big heavy flashlight. I go into the theater, wait for my eyes to adjust, and spot Redcap almost immediately. I walk down the aisle, shining the light ahead of me, and I can see him out of the corner of my eye relax as I walk past "without seeing him." He's sitting there thinking "I got away with it."

Heh heh, WRONG. As soon as I'm a few feet ahead of him, I spin around and shine the light RIGHT IN HIS EYES.

J2K: You. Lobby, please.

We go out to the lobby, and I tell him in no uncertain terms that he's going to have to leave. He sulks a little bit, and goes to the escalator to go back downstairs, where the main doors are. I watch him go, and just to be sure, get on the escalator as well. Good thing I did, because he was starting to slip around to double-back into the lower level of the theater. But when he did so, he saw me coming down, and sulked off out the doors.

I walked up to the doors to make sure he was leaving. Good thing I did, because he tried to get in line to refund his ticket. But then he looked up and saw me glaring at him and sulked off again with his tail between his legs.

Pre-screening Movies
This is the perk I loved about the theater. Two days before a movie opened, the theater would pre-screen it, to make sure that the lights dimmed when they were supposed to, that all the ads and previews ran in the order they were supposed to, all the sounds were clear and in sync and all that. Granted, the pre-screenings were at, like, 1:30 in the morning, but for a night owl like Yours Truly, this was not a problem.

The rules were clear about it, though. Pre-screenings were EMPLOYEES ONLY. Period. No negotiation. No, your relatives can't get in to see them. And if we won't let your relatives in, then your friends can't get in to see them, either.

Didn't stop some people from trying, though.

So it's late at night, coming up on the start time for the last show of the night.

SC: Hey.
J2K: Yes, welcome to [theater], can I help you?
SC: Are you guys screening [movie] tonight?
J2K: Prrrrobably. Pre-screenings are employees only, though.
SC: Any chance I could get into it?
J2K: Absolutely not.
SC: Come on, man. I'm [coworker's] brother!
J2K: Okay? Even if that's true, she's not here tonight, so I have no way to verify that.
SC: Here, man, I'll pay you $20 to get me into the screening.
J2K: Okay, first of all, my job isn't worth $20, since I WILL get fired if I let you do that. Secondly, bribes start at $200 and go up from there.

He sulked a little bit, and I saw him go inside and try to hit up one of the ushers the same way, until one of the managers caught him and told him to leave.

"Digital Screening Room" is theater-speak for "Tiny-Ass Room"
That should tell you all you really need to know about what our "digital screening rooms" were. When a movie was finishing its run at our theater (either because it had run its course, or wasn't selling well enough to make it worth keeping it in the larger theaters), we'd move it to the smaller "digital screening rooms," which seated MAYBE 100 people. And despite the name, the quality of the picture wasn't an improvement over the regular theaters.

Because there are some people who don't like seeing a movie on anything less than Tha Big Screen, we had to warn people if a show they were going to see was in one of those theaters.

J2K: Hi, welcome to [theater], what can I do for you?
SC: I'll have four tickets to [movie].
J2K: (checks computer) That's going to be in our digital screening room, it's one of our smaller theaters. Is that going to be okay?
SC: Like, how small?
J2K: About a hundred seats.
SC: Yeah, sure.
J2K: That'll be $[some price that was too high even seven years ago].

The money exchanges hands, as do the tickets. Yadda yadda. About ten minutes later (just enough time to get the ridiculously overpriced popcorn and sodas), SC comes storming back.

SC: What the hell is this? That theater's tiny!
J2K: Yes, sir, that's what I told you. Our digital screening rooms are much smaller than our regular theaters.
SC: Why the hell would you have those tiny-ass rooms in here?
J2K: I don't know, sir, I'm just a peon. I don't make those decisions. Would you like a refund?
SC: Yeah! You showin' that movie in any of your bigger theaters?
J2K: Unfortunately not, sir.
SC: Why not?
J2K: 'Cuz that particular movie's been showing for four weeks now, and [some big blockbuster] just opened last week, and we still get lots of tickets for it, and not so many for [movie].
SC: (sighs in exasperation) Fine, gimme the refund.
J2K: Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

I also got this particular exchange once. This particular SC knew what the DSRs were for, so I didn't need to explain it too much.

SC: Can I get two tickets to [some really bad movie], please?
J2K: Okay, but that's showing in one of our digital screening rooms.
SC: That's one of those really tiny theaters, isn't it?
J2K: That's right.
SC: Why is it in one of those? Didn't it just open last week?
J2K: Yeah, it did. And you're probably the tenth person we've had buying a ticket SINCE IT OPENED.
SC: Really?
J2K: Okay, I exaggerated, but we haven't sold many tickets for it at all. But that's why it's in one of the smaller theaters.
SC: Oh. ...well, give me two tickets anyway.
J2K: Are you sure? The movie's really not very good.
SC: I'm sure.
J2K: Your funeral.

[smileyeagle1021]

"Digital Screening Room" is theater-speak for "Tiny-Ass Room"
.

you're behind the times my friend... in new theatre speak Digital Screens are the really big ones (in the case of Hollywood Connection, aka tied for 2nd best theatre in salt lake) Digital can mean screen 9 which is about the largest non imax screen in the state.

that said, yeah I feel your pain with the small screen thing, when I used to work for Cinema 5 in North Logan UT (if the fact that 99% of the people on this board have never heard of that town before doesn't give it away, we were a small theatre), but anyway, screens 1 and 2 were about 250 seaters and , 3,4, and 5 though were only like 100 seaters... now the fact that we are a 5 screen theatre in a small town should tell you that the screens aren't going to be that big... but yes we still had a lot of complaints... my favorite was "but Stadium 8 down in Providence has bigger screens"... well then, get your butt back in your car and drive down to Providence... oh yeah, that would be an extra 15 to 20 minute drive, we couldn't have that now could we...

[Jay 2K Winger]

you're behind the times my friend... in new theatre speak Digital Screens are the really big ones (in the case of Hollywood Connection, aka tied for 2nd best theatre in salt lake) Digital can mean screen 9 which is about the largest non imax screen in the state.

Mind you, all these stories from the theater are seven years old. I stopped working at the theater in 2001 to take my current job at a wholesale club, because the wholesale club offered health insurance.

I know there are now true, honest-to-Frisbee digital screening rooms in theaters, with higher-quality picture and sound and all the bells and whistles and buzz-words.

Seven years ago, it was a euphemism my theater used to make the "tiny-ass theaters" less immediately offensive to the customers.

Still, we would get exchanges like this:

SC: That theater's small as hell! My family room's bigger'n that, and my TV is bigger than that screen!
J2K: (thinking) So why the hell don't you go watch movies on your TV at home, then, and stop bitching to Yours Truly, who can't do anything about it?