TIckle Me Weirdo!

[calulu]

One of the big things I love about my job is that I get to speak to people all over the US and my bosses do not mind if I tease, play with, pick on, flirt with the customers when they start with me. I'm a bullshit artiste extraordinaire at work, it helped me sell new cars, sell radio advertising, sell jewelery, sell insurance and now it helps me sell flowers. You sell more easily and more volume when you're relaxed and having fun than by being serious and upright with all the customers.

Granted I don't misbehave with everyone, just with those that play up first. But there are a few pitfalls with doing that. One of this is arousing the ardor and interest of pervy older guys and The Tickle Guy.

Today, first thing in the morning I finally got to experience the man my coworkers have named The Tickle Guy.

Answer the phone bright and early, flirty male voice acting like he wants to buy something but within a few minutes we'd devolved from a conversation on the prices of roses to the strange and unbelievable.

The Tickle Guy "You sound young and hot. Do you like to tickle guys?"
Me - "Honey, I am married, ain't NO tickling going on."
The Tickle Guy - "Why? I bet you'd be good at it and it piss him off?
Me - "Piss him off? Hmm, perhaps I should tickle him. So what color roses would you like?"

I play along with his weirdness because I'm still naive enough to think that five minutes of his bullshit is going to translate into a twenty dollar commission. But it doesn't, somehow he starts talking more and more about his sexual fetish of tickling and being tickled.

The Tickle Guy - "So if I pay enough for my roses will you come over here and tickle me till I wet my pants?"
Me - "Sure. Can my husband watch?"

At this point I realize The Tickle Guy is starting to pant and moan!

Just about the time I get my caffeine deprived brain wrapped around the fact that this jerk is jerking off he finishes and thanks me before hanging up! No sale.

He wasn't the only obscene fool calling into the call center today. Others got other jerks going by such charming sobriquets as -
Hugh E Wreckshun
Don Quedik
Ophelia Heiny

Full moon, Spanish Fly in the water or Frat boy pranks? I think The Tickle Guy is a serious fetishist but the others seemed more like dumb fratboy pranks. Who else would tell a stranger - "I'm jacking off to your voice so what do you think about that?"

My coworkers and I were just dying laughing at these fools today.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Just so you know, if you get an I.P. Freely, it isn't me. I'm a good boy. I don't even know your number or who you work for.

kthnxbai.

[Fandangoose]

I'm sure Craven Morehead will call you soon, if he hasn't already!

[tropicsgoddess]

I'm sure Craven Morehead will call you soon, if he hasn't already!

Craven Morehead....lol.

[calulu]

I'm also expecting Heywood Jablowme and Suk MiDong to call up too.

[Peppergirl]

What about Mike Hunt? We can call the diner and have him paged. Repeatedly.



Damn, I'm really aging myself with that one.

[RetailWorkhorse]

"I'm jacking off to your voice so what do you think about that?"

"Really? I couldn't tell, you must be doing it wrong."

[PepperElf]

i guess you could tell him that... if he continues to do that he'll be charged?
sometimes i think that's why some of those guys do that...
it gives them a voyeurism-like thrill and it's cheaper than phone sex (besides you can't feel like a voyeur if you're calling a willing subject)

[Kyree]

"Really? I couldn't tell, you must be doing it wrong."

That'd take the wind out of their sails real quick, haha

[calulu]

The Tickle Guy called back today and for added bonus idiotic sexual harassment coworker used it as an opportunity to say highly inappropriate things to me..

Retail Workhorse, I've used your suggest on several other obscene phone callers I got today and it seems to take the starch out of Mr Happy very quickly and makes them hang up..

Today, I'm sitting in my glass cube at work and The Tickle Guy calls again, hears my voice and moans out how glad he is it's me again before starting to beg for tickle talk. He asks me what I think about the fact that he's mastur-yo-know-whatting to the sound of my voice and I tell him that he must be doing it very wrong because I could not tell what he was doing. I hang up on him and he calls right back.

At that point he got my equally obnoxious and filled with bravado-bullshit pal Lou in the next cubical over and we spent the next hour transferring his call back and forth between us, insulting and cracking on him. It was slow and we had nothing better to do. We toyed with him like two chimpanzees on speed tussling over the lone rubber banana. I'm surprised he took our crap as long as he did because neither of us were cooperating with his talk semi dirty to me till I get off game. How his erection wasn't wilted immediately I do not know.

Just about the time I got off the phones and was laughing so hard I was crying Horny Assclown Coworker made the mistake of asking me if obscene phone calls left me horny. He offered to relieve me of any residual horny over lunch. If I had had a female erection at that point it would have morphed into an innie.

[smileyeagle1021]

What about Mike Hunt? We can call the diner and have him paged. Repeatedly.



.

Don't forget Mr. Hunt's cousin, Mike Oxbig

[Bradester]

Don't forget Colonel Angus! I hear he's a master debater.

[blas]

Just remember, to be a master fisher, you must be a master baiter.

[bigpedaler]

Just remember to be informal when Mr. Meoff calls...he goes by his nickname, Jack....

[calulu]

Third time's a charm? He called all day today, he's coming in on Skype so we cannot trace the asshole but I did manage to cruise a ton of tickling sites and find one mb where a guy is bragging that he loves to call Flowers O Suck and talk tickling. Emailed him a little while ago, got his headers and traced them. I know where this dillweed is. Turning the info over. He's getting booooooring.