If you don't make it then I'll show you, I won't buy it!

[bob the goat]

I help customers design custom furniture that is something that we can manufacture, and that is something that they can afford. People seem to forget that without the last two tidbits in that sentence, then the first one is pointless. So, if I design something that we can't make, then my design is useless. If I design something that they can not afford then my design is useless.

A customer comes to me with their idea. They want a 4" thick stone table, and they want it held up with these spindly little metal folding stick legs. Just as an FYI, IF you can find someone that will make 4" thick stone, it weighs about 61.5 lbs per square foot. With a 4' x 9' table that they wanted that means that the table top alone weights 2214 lbs. The table legs that they wanted to use have a manufactures rated weight limit of 50 lbs per leg. So, they would need 45 of those legs under a 4x9 table.

Here is the kicker. They wanted the tables to FOLD. So, think about taking down a folding table. You pick up your ONE TON stone table, sit it on its edge, then fold up the 45 legs.

Me: No, no, no...that is not possible. Stone weighs WAY too much to do as a folding table, even if it were a thin top. We would not do a 4" thick top even with our large heavy duty bases.

SC: But that is what the customer wants.

Me: Then tell them that they are dreaming.

SC: Have you never heard that the customer is always right?

Me: Ok, I'll make you a deal. You send two guys here that are CAPABLE of picking up a ONE TON table and gently sitting it down on its side to fold it, and I will not only make them, I'll make them for free.

SC: You don't have to be rude. You are being disrespectful, I may just go to another manufacturer.

Me: Please do! While we will not refuse any business that is feasible, if you were to send this business to our competitors it will hurt them financially to attempt making it.

SC: That's it! I refuse to buy this table from you.

Me: Huh?

SC: If you don’t do what I ask then I won't buy this table from you!

Me: That is exactly my point.

SC: Huh?

Me: You are asking me for something impossible. I'm telling you that we can't make it so you can't buy it from us, and you respond by threatening to not buy it from us?

They hung up.

[auntiem]

If they hadn't hung up I would have said send them to me. I'll get to building that table after I'm done putting in the airstrip on a remote South Pacific island, building the swim up bar at a Mexican resort and lest we forget - installing A/C into the condo in Maui.
What is with these people?!

[greensinestro]

While that's a pretty entertaining thread, mainly with having to have 45 legs to fold a stone table, I think you could have handled this better. Telling the customer they are dreaming was probably uncalled for, let alone challenging the customer to having two men pick up this heavy table and offering to build it for free could have been left out. Some people have crazy ideas and all one would have to do is politely explain why it is impossible.

[One-Fang]

Bob did start off explaining why it's impossible, and from the words used it appears the customer is someone else, this was a middle-man. Nobody was directly insulted here, at least not without them having persisted past the point of stupiditude.

[SteeleDragon78]

im curious to know, could you hollow out the underside of the table so that it appeared to be 4" stone but in reality only be about 1/2 to 1" thick? and would that have been more feasible that what they wanted? not that a folding table like that would be smart in the first place. just my morbid curiosity getting the better of me

[tendomentis]

im curious to know, could you hollow out the underside of the table so that it appeared to be 4" stone but in reality only be about 1/2 to 1" thick? and would that have been more feasible that what they wanted? not that a folding table like that would be smart in the first place. just my morbid curiosity getting the better of me

That's exactly what I was thinking....I've seen concrete coffee tables built in that manner (or formed I guess, since it was concrete).

Still seriously heavy, but would reduce the mass by a heavy percentage.

[cinema guy]

Why do they need the legs to fold? My guess is they are druids* and planning to use it as an altar on the solstice.

Druid SC: "Now tie the virgin sacrifice to our portable altar."
Table creaks and groan. Legs bend and... CRASH! Virgin pulls free and flees into the night.
Druid SC: "Ah, Hell! ... I mean, oh goddess!"




*Yeah, I know, Druids don't sacrifice virgins.

[xaenon]

That's exactly what I was thinking....I've seen concrete coffee tables built in that manner (or formed I guess, since it was concrete).

Still seriously heavy, but would reduce the mass by a heavy percentage.

Even with this 'weight reduction' program, the mass would be too much for the spindly little legs to support. Also, the lack of material in the center of the table would make it hideously fragile. Of course, I'm not an engineer or designer, but I can see this table, if built as requested, collapsing and killing or seriously injuring someone. And it doesn't take much imagination to visualize the lawsuit that would result.

The guy trying to order this monstrosity is delusional, pure and simple. He has no concept of the sheer weight of the thing he's asking for. The fact that he wants folding legs on it indicates to me that he thinks two to four people are going to be able to lift and carry it, which in turn tells me he has no idea that stone is HEAVY. Those metal and plastic folding tables are flimsy enough, can you imagine how bad THIS thing would be? I wouldn't get within a hundred feet of it.

And you know what? Even if it could work, it would look ridiculous. A huge heavy slab of stone propped up on four skinny little legs.

I don't think the OP was wrong in telling this guy he was dreaming. Seriously, people like this schmuck really do need a wakeup call.

[JLRodgers]

I don't know about anyone else.... But I wouldn't wat a folding table that weighed much more than 40lbs.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I ask again, what is it about office furniture that turns people into complete morons?

[Bright_Star]

Was that for real?? I mean, who'd be stupid enough to want a table that weighs a ton & then want itty bitty legs to hold up that monstrosity? I'd love to see that constructed only to laugh my ass off as it collapsed from all that weight the 1st time it was set up.

[XCashier]

They want a 4" thick stone table, and they want it held up with these spindly little metal folding stick legs.

I didn't even get any further than the above quote without going Anybody with an ounce of common sense knows that stone is freaking heavy. Maybe -- just maybe -- you could make a lightweight plastic replica that looks like stone without the weight, but as xaenon pointed out, it would still look ridiculous on spindly folding legs. Big, thick solid legs, maybe, but not skinny folding legs.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I have to say I feel kinda bad for the middleman who the OP spoke to.

It wouldn't have been a good career move for him to bust out laughing at what his client wanted him to obtain, even though it desperately needed to be done.

[Polenicus]

That's... got to be the most bizarre request I've ever heard.

I've helped contractors put stone countertops in when my parents rennovated. They weren't that thick, and they weighed a TON, even with a whole bunch of us helping to move them. They were also worth a fortune.

I can sorta maybe understand someone wanting a stone table. I might even let the 4 inch thick part slide. But... why on EARTH would they want it on folding legs? Stone is something you put somewhere, and then move when you demolish the house, and not before. I doubt this person has any concept of what they're dealing with.

Unfortunately, this guy's mind seems made up. The only way to possibly change it is to take him down and show him how heavy stone is, and then give him an idea how heavy his table would be. But this isn't even the customer, he's ordering this for his client... so logic is immaterial as long as he makes the sale, I guess.

I's an unfortunate tendency that when what someone imagines doesn't mesh with reality, they will demand it anyway.

[Tutorgal]

im curious to know, could you hollow out the underside of the table so that it appeared to be 4" stone but in reality only be about 1/2 to 1" thick? and would that have been more feasible that what they wanted? not that a folding table like that would be smart in the first place. just my morbid curiosity getting the better of me

Even if the weight/legs issue were suddenly resolved, it wouldn't work. Stone can actually be surprisingly fragile. Long thin pieces have a nasty habit of breaking in the center. I work in a museum now and the other week the art packers had to move a long rounded piece that was hollowed out, kind of making a very long half tube shape. And the stone was a good 1.5 or so inches thick, 2 towards the top. There was great concern about carrying it, even with someone bracing the center. The table would probably end up breaking at the center. And it would still be really heavy.

That being said, stone tables are just gorgeous, and I'm also boggled by the fact that someone would want to ruin the look with spindly little folding table legs.