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A common practice among inmates is to change religions whenever it's close to whatever religious holiday is coming up, so they can take advantage of extra food and/or programs. So this month is Ramadan. Now, I'm not Muslim, I don't know much at all about Islam, but I know more about it than most of these guys (it never ceases to amuse me to see a guy on the little prayer rug thingy praying while facing any given direction except east). The main idea of Ramadan is that they are supposed to fast all day, spending all their time instead to praying and reading the Koran. So the inmates that observe it get a sack lunch from the Chow Hall instead of a regular meal, then they take it back to their cell and eat it in the evening when they break their fast. In the meantime, they watch TV, play cards, act stupid, and basically do everything they normally do. Except in the evening when they get called out to a conference room to pray. I don't really understand why so many of them get in on it, since they basically get hosed on the meal (they get a sack lunch instead of the food everyone else gets). It's probably for the "prayer" time in the evening when they get together and trade contraband. Oh, and, even though they don't "officially" eat when everyone else does, they also spend the day snacking on all the junk food they've bought off the Commissary.
So here's the latest crop of crap from the Prison, starting with the Ramadan-flavored stories.
CW = Coworker
SGT = Sargent
IM = Inmate
ME = Duh
Riiiiiiiight
One of our inmates in the Intake process gets a Ramadan meal. In the Intake houses, they aren't allowed to keep food in their cells, so the officers from that house was going to take it back and put it in the fridge til the guy was ready for it. The officer approached our SGT with the following.
CW: Hey, uh, this guy said that his Ramadan meal is sacred and I can't touch it.
SGT: Bullshit.
CW: But-
ME: Who in the hell does he think blessed it for him? The inmates in the kitchen? The food service supervisor?
I don't care who you are or what you believe in. Bologna is not holy. Inmates love to play the "you-can't-touch-that-cuz-it's-sacred" game. Because most people are stupid enough to take their word for it and are afraid to get in trouble. Despite the fact that the only sacred items that we cannot touch (by law) are Native American medicine bags.
Sigh
IM1: Man, it's almost time for the fasting to end already.
IM2: Good thing, too, cause I'm hungry.
Nothing wrong with this conversation, in and of itself. What really makes it special, though, is the fact that the second inmate was eating a snack cake at the time.
Respect Your Beliefs
IM: Where da Ramadan Callout at?
ME (Working in the Programs area tonight): Down the hall, room 120.
IM2: A'ight. Let's do this fuckin' thing.
Yeah, um, "this fuckin' thing" is supposed to be a time to repent for your sins and probably give some praise to Allah and whatnot.
I Have No Idea What it's Supposed to Stand For...
I was walking through the Chow Hall during evening meal. You know, making sure they weren't like, dealing drugs or anything under the tables. I walked past a skinhead who had a large tattoo on the side of his head. It was a four-leaf clover, with flames around it. And a voice in my evil brain said "They're magically delicious, bitch!" I had to suppress my giggle fit while I quickly headed back into the kitchen area where I could safely release it. Because laughing at a skinhead is probably a bad idea.
And They Say Chivalry is Dead
IM1: I probably wouldn't be into her.
IM2: Man, as long as she has two legs and a vagina, you'd be interested.
IM1: Hehe, yeah, true. Hell, she even could have a wooden leg and we'd be alright.
I felt like I should have been obligated to be offended by this remark, but I couldn't help but be amused.
Tainted Meat
While working in the kitchen, I observed an inmate sneeze into his hand, then immediately use that hand to pick up a burger, put it on a tray, and give it to the next guy on the assembly line. I mean, I don't care if most of them live or die, but, just the same,
I Sense a New Warning Label Coming....
The following is an actual radio call:
Officer: I have a Signal Medical in (Cellhouse).
Control Operator: *Sounds Alarm Tones*
Captain: Incident Commander to Unit calling the condition, what is the nature of your signal?
Officer: Uh.............C-Can you 21 me for that? (radio code 10-21 = Call by phone).
This occurred in a Segregation cellhouse. The inmate had paged the house Control Room Officer to inform her of his problem. She had the floor officer go check on him, and he confirmed it and called the condition. What happened? He had "lost" a bottle of hot sauce. I'll let you guess where.
More Fun on the Radio
This was while I was driving the Perimeter car.
ME: #### to Control, be advised, there is a black cat inside the fence at zone 24.
Control Officer: Control, 10-4.
Unknown Officer: SHOOT IT!
ME:
There is a gun in the perimeter car, since it is a post outside the fence. Two of them, actually. A .38 and a shotgun. I love cats. But that damned black cat.... It likes to roam around along the fence, which sets off the microwave alarm, which causes a Condition 5 (possible escape) to be called, which causes the response team to have to go make sure no one is getting through the fence. It does this several times a week (sometimes daily).
Go My Pretty! Kill! Kill!
While posted in a tower, I saw a wheel bug walking around on the rail. I briefly wondered if it could be trained to be prey on humans, and be a real assassin bug. But I've never, ever seen one in this area before (this is the first one I've ever seen period, for that matter), and a lone bug isn't as formidable as an army of them. So it's back to the drawing board for recruiting minions I guess.
Conversations with No One
I was in a Seg house the other day. This guy talked for like 3 hours straight. The guy in the cell next to him was asleep. It didn't take me long to figure out that he wasn't talking to anyone at all. Here are the highlights.
IM: Yeah, see, the thing is, that's not me. That's not what I do.
IM: Bill Gates? Yeah, he got lucky. Used to be, he was just sittin around in a t-shirt watching TV like everyone else.
IM: You know what I mean?
IM: It's kind of like... Okay, you know, when you have another man's **** in your ass? It's like that.
The guy just kept going. It was actually fun to just listen to him ramble on.
On that Note...
IM1: What I'm saying is, just because you f***ing someone that has a penis, that don't make you gay.
IM2: Right, right.
I really have nothing else to add to this. It's perfect just the way it is.
So ends another thrilling episode.
So here's the latest crop of crap from the Prison, starting with the Ramadan-flavored stories.
CW = Coworker
SGT = Sargent
IM = Inmate
ME = Duh
Riiiiiiiight
One of our inmates in the Intake process gets a Ramadan meal. In the Intake houses, they aren't allowed to keep food in their cells, so the officers from that house was going to take it back and put it in the fridge til the guy was ready for it. The officer approached our SGT with the following.
CW: Hey, uh, this guy said that his Ramadan meal is sacred and I can't touch it.
SGT: Bullshit.
CW: But-
ME: Who in the hell does he think blessed it for him? The inmates in the kitchen? The food service supervisor?
I don't care who you are or what you believe in. Bologna is not holy. Inmates love to play the "you-can't-touch-that-cuz-it's-sacred" game. Because most people are stupid enough to take their word for it and are afraid to get in trouble. Despite the fact that the only sacred items that we cannot touch (by law) are Native American medicine bags.
Sigh
IM1: Man, it's almost time for the fasting to end already.
IM2: Good thing, too, cause I'm hungry.
Nothing wrong with this conversation, in and of itself. What really makes it special, though, is the fact that the second inmate was eating a snack cake at the time.
Respect Your Beliefs
IM: Where da Ramadan Callout at?
ME (Working in the Programs area tonight): Down the hall, room 120.
IM2: A'ight. Let's do this fuckin' thing.
Yeah, um, "this fuckin' thing" is supposed to be a time to repent for your sins and probably give some praise to Allah and whatnot.
I Have No Idea What it's Supposed to Stand For...
I was walking through the Chow Hall during evening meal. You know, making sure they weren't like, dealing drugs or anything under the tables. I walked past a skinhead who had a large tattoo on the side of his head. It was a four-leaf clover, with flames around it. And a voice in my evil brain said "They're magically delicious, bitch!" I had to suppress my giggle fit while I quickly headed back into the kitchen area where I could safely release it. Because laughing at a skinhead is probably a bad idea.
And They Say Chivalry is Dead
IM1: I probably wouldn't be into her.
IM2: Man, as long as she has two legs and a vagina, you'd be interested.
IM1: Hehe, yeah, true. Hell, she even could have a wooden leg and we'd be alright.
I felt like I should have been obligated to be offended by this remark, but I couldn't help but be amused.
Tainted Meat
While working in the kitchen, I observed an inmate sneeze into his hand, then immediately use that hand to pick up a burger, put it on a tray, and give it to the next guy on the assembly line. I mean, I don't care if most of them live or die, but, just the same,
I Sense a New Warning Label Coming....
The following is an actual radio call:
Officer: I have a Signal Medical in (Cellhouse).
Control Operator: *Sounds Alarm Tones*
Captain: Incident Commander to Unit calling the condition, what is the nature of your signal?
Officer: Uh.............C-Can you 21 me for that? (radio code 10-21 = Call by phone).
This occurred in a Segregation cellhouse. The inmate had paged the house Control Room Officer to inform her of his problem. She had the floor officer go check on him, and he confirmed it and called the condition. What happened? He had "lost" a bottle of hot sauce. I'll let you guess where.
More Fun on the Radio
This was while I was driving the Perimeter car.
ME: #### to Control, be advised, there is a black cat inside the fence at zone 24.
Control Officer: Control, 10-4.
Unknown Officer: SHOOT IT!
ME:
There is a gun in the perimeter car, since it is a post outside the fence. Two of them, actually. A .38 and a shotgun. I love cats. But that damned black cat.... It likes to roam around along the fence, which sets off the microwave alarm, which causes a Condition 5 (possible escape) to be called, which causes the response team to have to go make sure no one is getting through the fence. It does this several times a week (sometimes daily).
Go My Pretty! Kill! Kill!
While posted in a tower, I saw a wheel bug walking around on the rail. I briefly wondered if it could be trained to be prey on humans, and be a real assassin bug. But I've never, ever seen one in this area before (this is the first one I've ever seen period, for that matter), and a lone bug isn't as formidable as an army of them. So it's back to the drawing board for recruiting minions I guess.
Conversations with No One
I was in a Seg house the other day. This guy talked for like 3 hours straight. The guy in the cell next to him was asleep. It didn't take me long to figure out that he wasn't talking to anyone at all. Here are the highlights.
IM: Yeah, see, the thing is, that's not me. That's not what I do.
IM: Bill Gates? Yeah, he got lucky. Used to be, he was just sittin around in a t-shirt watching TV like everyone else.
IM: You know what I mean?
IM: It's kind of like... Okay, you know, when you have another man's **** in your ass? It's like that.
The guy just kept going. It was actually fun to just listen to him ramble on.
On that Note...
IM1: What I'm saying is, just because you f***ing someone that has a penis, that don't make you gay.
IM2: Right, right.
I really have nothing else to add to this. It's perfect just the way it is.
So ends another thrilling episode.
I clenched in sympathy just reading that!
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