I'm sorry, I don't have a rectally mounted replicator.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Here's another one from my wife and her wonderful <cough>sarcasm<cough> job at the furniture restorers.

Actually the job really is wonderful for her...it's the uber-rich people out there who are assholes to her that makes some days a pain in the butt for her.

Waterford, the same people who make Waterford crystal make woodstoves.

Yes, woodstoves. Woodstoves that cost more than my last three cars combined.

Anywho, this person didn't want to leave this enameled beauty behind and had the shippers move it for her. They [censored]ed it up good and proper. The lid looks like an acordian now.

So my wife scours the earth for the replacement part and to the surprise of everyone, there is a company that specializes in the restoration of these stoves and has a supply line to the manufacturing plant in Ireland and can get the part in the proper color. Yay!

At this point you'd think that the person who loved her stove SOOOOO MUCH that she had it moved with her (which rarely hapens even with rich people), would be happy and grateful to my wife for finding a nearly impossible to find part...nope.

It is going to take 6-8 weeks for the part to get in from Ireland. This is too slow and there is no way in hades that the insurance company is going to approve overnight shiping of a part that weighs in at approx 150lbs from a foreign country so she's not happy. She also thinks that the color isn't going to match which is bull[censored] since the part number has the color code in it and it will match her stove.

She wants us to find it on E-Bay since she heard that you can find anything on E-Bay. When told that the insurers aren't happy with using e-bay except as a last resort (E-bay is nice, but it's far from perfect) and that she coudl persue that herself if she chose to do so.

She doesn't have a computer and never wants to even have to touch one. <sigh> My wife looks on e-bay and sure enough there are three lids for her model stove. One in Electric Blue, one in Black, and two in Yellow...her stove is a cream/beige/light pink/coral stove. This doesn't make her happy in the slightest. She only has two options at this point. Either she can let my wife order the part and get the stove fixed or have the insurance pay her fair market value for the damaged stove...but neither option makes her happy.

Times like this you so want to say "Well what can I do about it. I'm sorry, but I wasn't born with an anus of holding that I can reach into and pull out your replacement part".

[Crosshair]

Why don't they send her to go yell at the movers who screwed up in the first place. Sounds to me that her rich life is too boring and she needs something do do.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm just curious, is this a Queenie stove? It sounds wonderful. Too bad it's in the clutches of a pain in the butt.

[Becks]

I bet she eventually allows the replacement part from Ireland be ordered. However, when it DOES arrive, she'll complain that the color is wildly different. However, to the normal eye, it'll match PERFECTLY.

[Kogarashi]

She'll also complain about how absolutely long she had to wait for the part, rather than the 6-8 weeks promised previously, when it was her own dang fault they had to wait to order it anyway.

[dragonflygrrl]

I'm sorry, but I wasn't born with an anus of holding that I can reach into and pull out your replacement part".

An anus of holding?! Bwahahaha! I'll have to try getting that one past the DM one of these nights.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

An anus of holding?! Bwahahaha! I'll have to try getting that one past the DM one of these nights.

Is that the new Terrance and Phillip movie and when does it come out on DVD?

[Crawley]

Nope sorry, it's not the new T & P movie. It's part of the d20 system. You have to be playing a prisoner to be able to effectively wield it though.

[pbmods]

I'll bet what's probably really frustrating for the customer is that she can't demand anything for free!

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Update:

My wife gets a call from a rather irate customer who claims that the insurance company told her that they haven't gotten the latest report and that my wife is refusing to send the reports to them.

Horse Pucky. My wife can document that two copies went out on the 6th and on the 10th.

So she calls the insurance company and asks "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?" They claim that they have never recieved anything and that my wife hasn't been sending it. My wife checks and says that her system sent out two copies of the report to Adjuster "X". The company states that "X" is busy and can't check at the moment and that she'll check and call back in about an hour.

Several hours later and still no call. Wife calls back and gets someone diferent who is willing to help out as best as she can. Sho' 'nuff, there it is, both copies are in the inbox of "X" and that the place has been very busy.

So busy it seems that they didn't want to deal with crazy stove lady and blew her off by siccing her on my wife for something she didn't do.

Anyway we're still in deadlock with this woman.

"I want my stove fixed!"
"Then let me order the part that matches your stove from the manufacturer in Ireland"
"But it won't match!"
"Then you'll get the money for the stove, we'll pick it up and put it our for salvage"
"But I want my stove fixed"

repeat ad-infinitum

However a new wrinkle is that now that the part is found, the insurance company is likely only going pay for the cost of the part and let the CSL order it herself...from the only place in creation that has the [censored]ing thing...taking 6-8 weeks...isn't going to match (bullshit)...etc.

Mongo

[Horsetuna]

I seem to have one of those 'anuses of holding'. As I seem to pull 21s out of my backside all the time, to the chagrin of the players

[pbmods]

"Then let me order the part that matches your stove from the manufacturer in Ireland"
"But it won't match!"

"So let me see if I understand what you're telling me, lady. You don't want me to order the part that you need from the manufacturer who makes a living building these things every day and in fact, has a warehouse full of exactly what you need ready to ship, because you claim the part won't match... so instead you want me to find it on eBay, where we have no guarantees that we'll find the right part, the right color, the right model. And we'll have to take the word of somebody we don't know who is likely no expert on the subject and might not even realize that he doesn't have the right part."

And anyway, screw her. She's getting it for free; that should be enough for her. Why do you need her authorization to order the correct part at no cost to her?

[protege]

"So let me see if I understand what you're telling me, lady. You don't want me to order the part that you need from the manufacturer who makes a living building these things every day and in fact, has a warehouse full of exactly what you need ready to ship, because you claim the part won't match... so instead you want me to find it on eBay, where we have no guarantees that we'll find the right part, the right color, the right model. And we'll have to take the word of somebody we don't know who is likely no expert on the subject and might not even realize that he doesn't have the right part."

Her logic is a bit screwed up. Speaking of parts, some of you know that I'm "restoring" a 1969 MGB GT. Actually, it's currently sitting at a garage, and the mechanic is taking his time. Anyway, I've had to replace several things on it--sills, seat covers, dashboard, and various other things. Nearly everything I needed came from a parts company in California that rhymes with "Floss." Most things came in about 2-3 days at a reasonable cost.

Not so much with Ebay--some of the prices MG stuff goes for on there is just insane! I know I could have gotten a deal on things such as the carpet set, but how would I know it was the right one? Keep in mind that the MGB was in production from 1962 to 1980, and even though it didn't change much, the detail differences over the years are just enough to be annoying. It's worse when you have a "crossover" car like mine. That is, it was built as the factory was switching over to the '70 model year. It has the 1970-only split rear bumper, rocker dashboard switches, but quite a bit is from the 1969 year. Sooooo I was a bit worried that I'd order the wrong stuff. I wasn't about to spend several hundred dollars on a wrong carpet set or other part only to get stuck with it.

Ebay did come through though. Someone on my LJ list tipped me off to a used oil pressure gauge. All I wanted was the (unavailable) chromed bezel, since the chrome had flaked off. Didn't really need the gauge itself, but for only $20, I now have a spare

Ok, now that I've bored you all to tears... Most of my reasoning with the MG parts, was that even though I know quite a bit about the cars, why shouldn't I trust the experts' opinions? They've only been selling parts for 20-odd years, know the cars better than I do, and were only too happy to help when I had questions about things.

[phillippbo]

With customers like this, when I've gone through the possible options, and they keep on and on as if there is a third, super-secret, just-what-they-want option that I'm holding out on them, I will revert to this (actually, this is pretty much the exact wording i use every time):

"I'm sorry, sir/ma'am, but I have given you every possible option to solve the issue. If none of these are sufficient, I see no reason this conversation should continue."

And then I just stop talking until they bring up something new. For most customers, even entitlement wenches, this is enough to make them stop whining and choose one of the options I offered. One customer continued on and on and kept demanding to know if I was listening. Went something like this:

Me: <statement above>
SC: <Blah, blah, blah, yakkity-schmakity, same issue>
Me: ...
SC: <continuing on unabated, demands satisfaction>
Me: ...
SC: "Are you still there?"
Me: "Of course, sir."
SC: <same issue I told him I was not going to talk about anymore, demands an answer>
Me: ...
SC: "Are you still listening to me?!"
Me: "Yes, sir, I am."
SC: <same issue yet again, whining, ranting, etc, demands resolution>
Me: ...
SC: "Why aren't you saying anything??!!??"
Me: "Because, sir, I said that there isn't any reason for this conversation to continue if none of the options I gave you were sufficient after I gave you all the available options several times. Since you haven't brought up anything new, and the options available haven't changed, the conversation hasn't continued. Would you like to <a, b, c options>?"
SC: "No! I've told you..."
Me: "Then is there anything else I can help you with?"
SC: "NO! YOU HAVEN"T HELPED ME AT ALL!" *click*

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Conclusion:

The Crazy Stove Lady is getting the part shipped in from Ireland. It will match, after all do you honestly think that a company like Waterford is going to screw something like that up.

If for whatever reason the stoe doesn't match then the Insurance company will just pay the depreciated value (before the smash) of the stove and it will go back to my wife's company as salvage where it will get repaired, then sold with the proceeds going to charity.

Her sofa will get replaced with a new one and one that has a washable covering while the old one will get cleaned to the bast of the ability to do so and will be donated to charity. The stove will be picked up and repaired at the shop where the customer won't be looking...nah, try hovering over the technician

In short she'll either be happy, or she'll have to buy a new stove. In either case my wife doesn't have to deal with the CSL any more.

Mongo