In which we meet Urine Guy, Sweat Lady & More! (gross and long ish)

[ralerin]

Right. So I work for Rite Aid (With Us It's Personal! *eyeroll*), have been for 10 months, first real job, yada yada ya. I've been lucky enough to not get customers who throw the whole yelly dance (and having said that I'm going to get buttloads of them today ) but I've gotten a few gross customers so I figured I'll share my stories with you.

Urine Guy!

Urine guy is this tall guy with a slight limp, slightly hanging mouth who comes in wearing the same unwashed shirt and jeans usually every Sunday. He buys either liter of the store brand cola, 20oz of pepsi or liter of Pepsi depending on how much change he has in his pocket today. I call him Urine Guy because he usually has this overpowering cloud of urine surrounding him. Sometimes it's mixed with coffee or whatever he had for lunch (with the stains on his shirt to match). Once he came in and paid for his stuff and I was watching a dark spot on the front of his jeans get bigger and bigger. Thankfully none got on the floor.

He also wears a prosthesis, which I only found out when he came in when it was POURING outside, squeaking like a squeaky wheel with every step he took.

Sweat Lady!

She is absolutely awesome, very sweet, very polite. Usually buys coke or pepsi if we have it on sale and brings her own cart to put them in. But I'm not sure if she just overheats in the summer or what have you because every day when she came in when the temperature was over 75, sweat was POURING down her face and soaking into her clothes. So much of it that she looked like she had taken a shower.

AIDS Dude

Thank god I only ever saw him once but hoo damn I don't ever want to see him again. I had worked there for about two months when this guy comes to the register with some bags of store brand gummies, 2 for $3. He hands over his cash and I noticed there's something suspiciously red on the back of my hand and on the money. I hold up a bag and it's got more bright red smears on it and the counter.

Me: "....Sir? Are you bleeding...?"
Him: "Oh, yeah. Heh, sorry. You gotta paper towel?"
Me: ".....Here is your paper towel and change. Have a nice day."

BOOKED it to the bathroom (didn't give a flying crap if there was a line building up, I left the other cashiers to it) and began SCRUBBING for easily 10 minutes trying to get the blood off of me. The LP officer (I miss him terribly )took out the bodily fluids kit and scrubbed down my counter for me while the other managers came up to me and asked if I was ok. I didn't have any cuts on my hands or anything but still. Not fun.

Scooter Lady

On truck day, I nearly walked into an old lady slowly whirring past on her scooter. She had a helmet on (important for later). She asks where the alarm clocks are and I show her, taking one down from the shelf.

Her:"Does this light up?"
Me:"Yes, ma'am, it does."
Her: "What was that?"
Me: 'Yes, it does."
Her: "Oh. How much was it?"
Me: "$8.99."
Her: "What?"
Me: "$8.99!"
Her: "Oh. Does it light up?"

Back and forth over different alarm clocks for about 10 minutes. Finally she settles on the most expensive one and I'm walking back next to her because I've been called up to help ring. Suddenly, she hits the gas instead of the brake and runs over my foot, nearly knocks down a mother with her child and finally crashes into the ATM.

Me: "Ma'am! Are you all right?!?"
Her: "Yes! I couldn't control it! I'm so sorry, are you ok?"

After I told her I was fine, she scooters off to one of the other cashiers to pay for her clock and I go up to my register and help ring. We all had a laugh when I told everyone else my story.

Vibrator Guy!

Guy calls up around 7:30 ish on a semi busy night.

Him: "Yes, do you guys sell vibrators? I'm looking to buy one for my wife."
Me: *while serving a customer* "........I'm assuming you mean the...ah...adult novelty...?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Yes, we do but I'm not sure what sort we have or what the prices are." (And yes we do sell them!)

I pass him off to a co-worker who doesn't bother to check, just that we don't have any and to go to the mall and check Spencer's (the adult novelty store). Grr.

[Evil Queen]

rings are fun.

[Imogene]

I... never knew that about you, EQ... I guess, I just figured by your handle that you were/are female.

[ralerin]

Eq: Wouldn't know, haven't tried. >_>

[Sliceanddice]

I... never knew that about you, EQ... I guess, I just figured by your handle that you were/are female.

and she isnt by that comment?
ive heard girls say that before

[depechemodefan]

So how do you know if AIDS guy has AIDS? Though I do get where you are coming from "OMG, blood! I might catch AIDS or hepititis or warts or something!" I don't know much about what the rules and regulations, but shouldn't your manager let you go to the emergency room? Or maybe it's not that grave, but still, I think since this happened at work the job should let you get tested for stuff. Also, your job should have let you go to the hospital or doctor to get an x-ray after the woman ran over your foot. Though it might not hurt now, who knows what could have happened.

To yeah, the helmet should have been a clue that there is a reason she is wearing a helmet, the clutz!

[Danno]

Fun fact about me: I have no sense of smell. Don't know why, I just never had one. And let me tell you, it's saved me grief a lot of times. Back when I used to work at a grocery store we had more than a few customers like the ones described in the first two stories.

One time when I was reloading the milk cartons I witnessed people all around me making the most horrified faces. I see the manager hurry by looking rather nauseated and proceed to prop open all the doors. I guessed correctly that something stunk, but was surprised to learn that it had been caused by one person. Some guy wearing multiple layers of unwashed clothing and jackets (in mid-summer) had walked though, made one quick purchase and left. His odor remained longer than he did.

[PepperElf]

just tell him to buy his wife the Hello Kitty "neck massager"

[ralerin]

Depechemodefan-It wasn't that grave. Since I didn't have cuts or scratches or anything on my hand they just sort of went "Eh" and left it, especially since my hands were RAW from the scrubbing. Plus the guy in question had a scudsy look about him. Yes, I might be completely wrong about him and the only thing wrong with him is he needs a good bath but you know, I honestly didn't know if he had AIDS or hepatitis or lockjaw and I didn't feel like taking that chance. As for the foot, it's fine. If I had any serious problems I would've known about it by now. I'll get it x-rayed when I can afford to. And also, I like Depeche Mode as well.

Danno-Hm, that's very strange, must be a blessing at times but I would imagine a handicap at others?

Oh yes, I forgot several customers here, who I will list below.

Fish Lady

Similar to Urine Guy above as far as scent goes, not as far as the other characteristics go. Fish Lady has an overpowering smell of fish or else fishy vaginal odor around her and the smells lingers a good minute or five depending on how long she is at the register.

Double Bag Bitch

55 ish, short, stringy curly black hair, LOUD! RED! lipstick and pissy look on her face. Nothing ever said to me except "CAN YOU DOUBLE BAG THIS PLEASE?" even if it's a pack of flipping gum because "I'M WALKING!" So do you and about 75% of the people coming through the store judging by all the double bags we use.

Mommy Dearest Award Goes To...

The barely 20 year old girl who has a two to three year old daughter on her hip. She's been caught at least 5 times for stealing, always with the child with her. Way to go, mom. *applause* Show your child that stealing is a good thing when you can't afford your cigarettes/beer/whatever the hell you steal our vitamins for. Yes, I have awards for all of you other people who do it with your kids, too.

Annoyance Awards Go To:

1. The people who swipe their cards before I tell them to.
*swipe* "Why isn't it working?!?" *swipe swipe swipe*
"Because I haven't pushed the magic button yet and the machine is being slow."
"Oh. *giggle* Oopses." Double points if you speak a foreign language and complain at me in English. Triple if you complain in your language.

2. The people who get upset because our machines can't react to fingers or the corners of credit cards. And who put the pen away in the middle of the damn transaction when you have to verify cash back and then hit yes. Yes our system sucks. No, I don't want to hear it or your fake apologies when I say "Please enter cash back and DO NOT PUT THE PEN AWAY." Double points if you ignore my instructions and put the pen away anyway and go "Ooopsies. Well why do they make these things so COMPLICATED they should regulate it across all the stores!" Triple points if you hit the Cancel button and get all mad at me when I tell you that you have to swipe it again.

3. Those who ignore the poles on our carts and even when I say "That cart will not go through the door!" ignore me and blithely go walking right into the door with an almighty CRASH. Double points if you try to pull the cart through the door with you. Triple points if we take the poles off for you and your lazy fracking ass leaves it in the parking lot. Quadruple points if you do all of the above and leave the cart outside in the rain at night in our dimly lit parking lot. Quintuple points if you do all of the above and then you or another customer bitches that it dented your car. That is why we don't allow them out to begin with. Go haul your own crap out to the car like everybody else does.

4. Those who abandon the cart in front of the registers, especially during a line. I can sympathize if you are disabled or elderly or have got your arms so full you cannot carry anymore. But if you've got one bag in your hand? Laaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

5. The people who say "Are you open?" "That must be free!" "You look bored!" "I couldn't see you down there!" Our registers are very high. Our gum and candy racks are vertical and stacked at each register as opposed to horizontal across the front of the store. I am 5 feet 1/2 inch. Most people do not see me unless I step up onto the registers and even then ignore me unless I wave my arms about, which leads to either "Are you open" or "I couldn't see you". Those who say "I couldn't see you" usually get, "You're not the first person to have said that. If I had a nickel I would be rich!" type answer. I don't care if you look embarrassed. You are not clever and original.

Phew that turned into a rant.

Edit: Because "jocklaw" is not "lockjaw" and fixing words with endings switched about and words omitted. Nur, i r teh cant tipe lol.

[tropicsgoddess]

just tell him to buy his wife the Hello Kitty "neck massager"

Don't they also have that little vibrator you can slip on your finger from Trojan?

[BarbieGirl]

Fish Lady

Similar to Urine Guy above as far as scent goes, not as far as the other characteristics go. Fish Lady has an overpowering smell of fish or else fishy vaginal odor around her and the smells lingers a good minute or five depending on how long she is at the register.

Oddly enough I've seen some programs on this, and for some people its just a weird imbalance in their bodies where they smell like fish, although most can't smell it themselves. And I've never heard of it occuring in a man.
And then some people just smell like fish. I had some students who's cats would pee all over their coats and in the fall/winter they stank like fish, kinda sad.

[ralerin]

Urm, Barbie Girl...I said fish LADY. Not Fish Man.

That could be true, there's also some types of medicines that cause you to smell differently. Never knew about the cats.

[Primer]

I had some students who's cats would pee all over their coats and in the fall/winter they stank like fish, kinda sad.

I hate it when that happens. It's always on a morning where I overslept and have to throw on the closest "clean" clothes...only to find out on the drive to work that the cats were literally pissed at me about something. I don't live close enough that I can turn around, change, and head out again. Oh well... some days just suck.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

rings are fun.

Yes, they are.

Another thing to do next time you have someone requesting adult items: if you know where the nearest toy store is, give them the name and address.

I know in my city, we've got a Priscilla's and an Adam & Eve store (thanks to my own mother, who is even more knowlegable than I.)

[ralerin]

We've got an adult video store and a "stripper boutique" (selling outrageously skimpy/sexy clothes and costumes) but not sure if either one of them sell toys. I'm going to assume so.