Thank you... now please LEAVE! (long and ranty)

[Mara-chan]

The following is a dramatization and compilation of several customers I've had over the last few days. There really isn't much dialog except what happened in my head each time this has happened... and what may come out the next time it does.

You know, I always thought those Visa check card commercials were cute when everyone was checking out to the music then someone would write a check and the music would stop. But now when there's a bunch of people in line and BigGiantPurseLady pulls out her checkbook for $4.87 worth of stuff I just want to scream. GET A DAMN CHECK CARD!!! By the time you wrote the date we could be DONE with this transaction!!! I HATE CHECKS! Personally I only write checks for my Rent since our appartment complex's office is run by old ladies who don't know what computers are.

But wait... she can't write the date because they don't know it. So we tell them the date and they go to write the "To" and have to ask "Where am I?" o_O Um.. it's on my shirt... and nametag... and the bag in front of you... and the doors... and the big sign behind the counter. And the big sign above the counter... and the GIANT sign above the store you walked in ten minutes ago! "Do you have a stamp?" A STAMP? It's Staples. S.T.A.P.L.E.S. Not that hard to write out. If you can't spell it, look at the name on my shirt... and nametag... and....

"What was the total again?" $4.87. "What was it?" Four Dollars, eighty seven cents. 4. Looks like an upside down chair. 8. Kinda looks like my eyes that are bugging out right now. 7. The number of times I just beat my head against the counter.

I need a phone number. OMG! It's on the check! There IS a god!

...no there isn't. THe computer just asked for ID. She has to dig through her wallet to find it. No, that's a blockbuster card. Nope, that's your AARP card. No, that card... That's your damn bank card! Why didn't you use that? THAT is your ID. Take it out so I don't have to hold up this 14 pound pink wallet while I type in your license number!

I give her her stuff and her receipt. Nope, can't put that in the bag, it's got to go in the wallet. Tightly folded into the pile of receipts she's been collecting since time began in an attempt to turn them into diamonds pressed in between the millions of cards in her wallet. Make sure that ID is back in the proper spot. Make sure all the clasps are done up tight. Wallet goes into the BigGiantPurse in JUST the right spot. And so does the phone she had to take out to get to the purse. And the her glasses. And her compact. Wait. Where's the keys? She can't find her keys! OMG! Her keys were just here! Stop the world, she can't find her frigging keys so let's hold my line up until she realizes they're in her OTHER hand! Is she done? Will she move that massive purse so the next customer can buy their stupid desk calendar before it expires (or she does)? C'mon lady... you can do it... pick up the purse... and the stuff you bought... you can do it... almost there... almost there...

"Did you give me my receipt?" *goes to open purse*

AUUUGGGGHHHH!!!! Please! Just go! GO! Take Purse-zilla and LEAVE! Figure it out when you get home! Just let me check out the next person and move on with my life! Do NOT pack and repack that giant bag at my counter! Just take your crap and GOOOOO!!!!

*pant pant pant*

Oh thank god, she's gone. Next customer. Breathe.

"Can I write a check?"

[RetailWorkhorse]

I'm so sorry, Mara-Chan, but I had to laugh. Long and hard. My ribs are killing me.

[BethB]

I'm sorry to hear about your customer with way too much junk stuffed in giant overnight size bag of a purse. I hate when people use a check when debit is a trillion times faster and less painful or the everything has it's own little space in the purse people. 99% of the time you can't find it where you put it...or so you say. I thank the gods that all I carry is my wallet containing my cards, my phone, maybe checkbook and candy. Not full but I can find what I need

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I only write checks when I won't physically BE there to personally hand a person a payment (like bills or something). Thankfully, I finally got my Grandmother to see the error of her slowness. Always writing checks and stores. Finally got her to use her Debit card.

She can almost use it without help, too.

[Sonoma]

I think I was in line behind these people the other day.

I will confess, there is one grocery store where I usually write a check. I do it because half the time the debit card machines are down there. When I do write a check, I write out everything but the amount when I'm waiting in line. That way, all I have to do is write in some numbers, and we're ready to go. It's easy, if you know what you're doing.

[pizzaparlorchick]

That was seriously the funniest thing I've read all year!
Yeah a lady came in to the pizza place I work at. She had a HUGE purse and she was rumbling through it trying to find money and then after she paid and ate, she accused me of not giving back her change. So after 10 minutes of her searching though her huge body bag carried around her shoulder, she found the change in one of her compartments. LOL

[MannersMakethMan]

Oh boy, do I know how you feel. Cheques are the spawn of Satan and should be burnt. After working in retail for a while, I forcibly made my nan change from using cheques to her debit card. I mean, she had to have it with her anyway as the cheque guarantee card, why the hell wouldn't she use it outright and speed up the whole transaction?

Funnily enough, she always used to complain when she got caught behind someone else doing it, but it was fine for her to because she was always quicker... Oh no she wasn't. And she wouldn't wear her glasses either out of vanity, so she'd be incredibly slow trying to read everything. Yes, I often had dreams about tearing up her chequebook...

There's a time and a place to use cheques. In a shop is not it, unless you'd like to leave with a large scorch mark on your backside.

[EmilyRose1982]

OMG I was so happy when my company banned checks!

I did the Mambo around the store on the day it went into effect!

I still get a rush when people pull out their checkbooks and I get to say "Sorry, we don't take checks!"

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Eternity is a long time, my friends. It's hard to imagine how long eternity is. Imagine you're at a supermarket checkout line, and there's fifteen people ahead of you, and they all have a full basket of groceries. And none of the items are marked. And everyone wants to pay by check. And it's the girl's first day on the job. And she doesn't speak English.

You take a few minutes off that, and you start to get an idea of how long Eternity is.

--Emo Phillips

[Chromatix]

It is said that Orthodox Church services are meant to give a vision of Heaven.

They last for an eternity.

[Mara-chan]

Thank you, thank you. My pain is your entertainment...


....well, that sounds REALLY bad.

[Gerrinson]

I was sooooo happy when ye olde grocery shoppe got check printers. Customers sign, hand the check over, and the printer does the rest. Easier, faster, less confusion.

I give her her stuff and her receipt. Nope, can't put that in the bag, it's got to go in the wallet. Tightly folded into the pile of receipts she's been collecting since time began in an attempt to turn them into diamonds pressed in between the millions of cards in her wallet.

Totally OT, but this reminded me of when my dad and stepmom got married, in 1997, he finally cleaned out his wallet at the reception. Why at his own wedding reception? Beats me. I was amused to help him sort his receipts and noticed that he had receipts (like pharmacy/grocery receipts) back to 1974. Just to put this in perspective, I am his oldest child and I was born in 1976. My dad, the pack rat. On the bright side, the wedding was 2 days after my 21st birthday, so I had my first alcoholic drink at my parents wedding.

/end threadjack

[ditchdj]

Why does it seem that store owners have a problem with accepting ALL forms of payment: You can't use a debit/credit card because the merchant pays a fee, you can't write a check because it's too cumbersome, you can't use CASH because you're using too many coins. When it does it end???

[Sliceanddice]

wow oi now have to tell you about my mom.
She is nice sweet and nonconfrontal, not an SC or EW normally, i have to complain for her.
But one day we need to run to the store to pick up some basics and my mom couldnt find her debit card, so she pulled out her aged checkbook. When we got there i turned to her and 'your going to fill that out before we get to the cashier right, everything but the total?' she looked sursprised and said "No i dont know how much it is" i reply "But do you know your name, the name of the store, the date, and all the other little bits of info you need on the check? do you have your ID found from you monster purse and ready to hand over with the check? do it or we are keeping this under 20 dollars because im paying"
she scrounged up 10 bucks and we about 27 dollars worth of stuff.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Another thing about checks is that they don't always go through the first time. Then you have to page a manager over for a check approval, and they have to turn their key in the register to let the transaction go through. Or something.

Once I heard the person in electronics page for a check approval about 5 times before the manager either came over to do it, or the customer got pissed and walked away without buying anything. I've noticed the managers at my store don't respond the fastest when somebody pages for a check approval.

This doesn't happen with a debit card.