I had four jewels of suckyness this full moon (Suck moon?). One I already ranted about, here's the others. Funny thing, two of the three suckages deal with slowpokes, but all three could have been solved by me yelling "MOVE YER BLOOMIN ARSE!" (bonus points for knowing the reference)
First Suckage: The Ramp.
A customer comes in asking about the warranty she bought on a chair. Our extended warranties kick in after the manufacturer's and usually they'll just send out a gift card to replace the chair. The customer just needs to call the warranty number. The lady was perfectly nice about it and went about her shopping.
Her husband, however, was out front in the van. He parked it DIRECTLY in front of our door ramp, which means no one could get in our out if they were in wheelchairs or using carts. So when I had a break in customers I went out to ask him to pull forward (or better yet, PARK IN THE LOT). Just as a side note, he had to be nearly 400lbs, he was HUGE, no wonder the chair broke.
<me> Excuse me, can you move your vehicle, people can't get up the ramp.
<SC> I'm waiting for my wife and someone to get this damn chair out of my car.
<me> *realizing he's the nice lady's husband* Oh, I'm sorry, I told her she has to call the 800 number and they'll replace it.
<SC> WHAT THE FUCK!?! I'M DISABLED! THIS IS BULLSHIT!
<me> ((if you're disabled, you should know not to block the ramp. And FAT is not disabled. See Wall-E.)) I'm sorry, but... *he pulls off*
Second Suckage: Countin' Copies
This customer waited till nearly closing to come in and make a bunch of color copies on self serve. She was a little hard to understand (English was a second language), but she seemed to know how to use the copier.
A little while later, it's nearly closing and she is STILL over there. It shouldn't have taken this long. Apparently her copies keep messing up. So she refeeds it, and it errors. Refeed. Error. One of our guys goes to help her as we close up the store. It runs out of paper. Then she starts erroring again. I don't know WHAT she did to that copier, but it just would NOT work for her.
This is the part that I found sucky....
She compared her 2 copies to see if she had everything. Each time she turned the pages, she licked her fingers.
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn... turn?* Nope, that one needs to be copied. So she would stop everything, make the copy, resort her piles and start again.
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn... turn? * (said like Scrubs' Dr Cox) OH. MY. GOD!
She started at about 5:20. We close at 6:00. I let her out that door at nearly 6:40.
Why must people lick their fingers to turn pages?!? And you KNOW we were closed, HURRY UP ALREADY!!!
Not to mention the SIX customers who came up to the door after we were closed. C'mon, it's SUNDAY!
And Finally, Suckage Three: Time. Stands. Still. ...for NINE CENTS.
A Little Old Man (LOM) wanted to make ONE copy. Our copy machines either take a credit card, you can put money in the machine and get a card with that value on it, or you can go to the counter and pay for how many copies you need. Copies are 8 cents a copy plus tax. 9 cents.
<LOM> How do you make copies.
<me> You have to put money in or...
<LOM> I only need ONE.
<me> *spidey senses tingling* Then it'll be nine cents. Do you have a credit card.
<LOM> No.
<me> *spidey senses screaming* Then I'll get you a card to use. It'll be nine cents.
I walk over to the counter to ring out his HUGE sale and give him a card with 9cents credit. He doesn't follow.
<me> That'll be nine cents ((translation: COME PAY!))
<LOM> ...
Suddently a vortex opened in the space time continuum. Time began to stretch in ways only Einstein could imagine if he approached the speed of light. Either that, or this guy was friggin SLOW!
I cannot describe accurately how slow he moved at this point. If you closed this window, restarted your computer, logged back in, read all the other new posts and returned to this post after reading EACH of the following lines you may come CLOSE to the next few 'moments' of this story.
(back to the story)
He looked at me.
<me> Nine cents.
He pulled out his wallet.
He opened his wallet.
He looked in his wallet.
He flipped through the bills in his wallet.
He looked at me.
(and yet he NEVER came any closer to the register. Like 20 feet away)
<LOM> Should I use a credit card? I only have $20's.
<me> You can use a twenty!
He approached the register.
He opened his wallet
He flipped through the bills.
He handed me a $20. I quickly made change and rushed around the counter to show him how tomanipulate the controls of the Tardis to restore the flow of time use the copier.
He waddled back to the copier.
I put the card in, hit start and made his copy.
<me> Here ya go. You keep this card in case you ever want to make copies again. Give it to the cashier and she can put more money on it.
<LOM> So I keep this card?
<me> Yup. Okifyouneedanythingelsejustgiveusayellokbye.
I guess time sped up there at the end when I quickly disappeared from his sight.
I hope to god that he wasn't driving. But, it's Florida, so I'm sure he was.
First Suckage: The Ramp.
A customer comes in asking about the warranty she bought on a chair. Our extended warranties kick in after the manufacturer's and usually they'll just send out a gift card to replace the chair. The customer just needs to call the warranty number. The lady was perfectly nice about it and went about her shopping.
Her husband, however, was out front in the van. He parked it DIRECTLY in front of our door ramp, which means no one could get in our out if they were in wheelchairs or using carts. So when I had a break in customers I went out to ask him to pull forward (or better yet, PARK IN THE LOT). Just as a side note, he had to be nearly 400lbs, he was HUGE, no wonder the chair broke.
<me> Excuse me, can you move your vehicle, people can't get up the ramp.
<SC> I'm waiting for my wife and someone to get this damn chair out of my car.
<me> *realizing he's the nice lady's husband* Oh, I'm sorry, I told her she has to call the 800 number and they'll replace it.
<SC> WHAT THE FUCK!?! I'M DISABLED! THIS IS BULLSHIT!
<me> ((if you're disabled, you should know not to block the ramp. And FAT is not disabled. See Wall-E.)) I'm sorry, but... *he pulls off*
Second Suckage: Countin' Copies
This customer waited till nearly closing to come in and make a bunch of color copies on self serve. She was a little hard to understand (English was a second language), but she seemed to know how to use the copier.
A little while later, it's nearly closing and she is STILL over there. It shouldn't have taken this long. Apparently her copies keep messing up. So she refeeds it, and it errors. Refeed. Error. One of our guys goes to help her as we close up the store. It runs out of paper. Then she starts erroring again. I don't know WHAT she did to that copier, but it just would NOT work for her.
This is the part that I found sucky....
She compared her 2 copies to see if she had everything. Each time she turned the pages, she licked her fingers.
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn... turn?* Nope, that one needs to be copied. So she would stop everything, make the copy, resort her piles and start again.
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn*
*lick lick* *turn turn... turn? * (said like Scrubs' Dr Cox) OH. MY. GOD!
She started at about 5:20. We close at 6:00. I let her out that door at nearly 6:40.
Why must people lick their fingers to turn pages?!? And you KNOW we were closed, HURRY UP ALREADY!!!
Not to mention the SIX customers who came up to the door after we were closed. C'mon, it's SUNDAY!
And Finally, Suckage Three: Time. Stands. Still. ...for NINE CENTS.
A Little Old Man (LOM) wanted to make ONE copy. Our copy machines either take a credit card, you can put money in the machine and get a card with that value on it, or you can go to the counter and pay for how many copies you need. Copies are 8 cents a copy plus tax. 9 cents.
<LOM> How do you make copies.
<me> You have to put money in or...
<LOM> I only need ONE.
<me> *spidey senses tingling* Then it'll be nine cents. Do you have a credit card.
<LOM> No.
<me> *spidey senses screaming* Then I'll get you a card to use. It'll be nine cents.
I walk over to the counter to ring out his HUGE sale and give him a card with 9cents credit. He doesn't follow.
<me> That'll be nine cents ((translation: COME PAY!))
<LOM> ...
Suddently a vortex opened in the space time continuum. Time began to stretch in ways only Einstein could imagine if he approached the speed of light. Either that, or this guy was friggin SLOW!
I cannot describe accurately how slow he moved at this point. If you closed this window, restarted your computer, logged back in, read all the other new posts and returned to this post after reading EACH of the following lines you may come CLOSE to the next few 'moments' of this story.
(back to the story)
He looked at me.
<me> Nine cents.
He pulled out his wallet.
He opened his wallet.
He looked in his wallet.
He flipped through the bills in his wallet.
He looked at me.
(and yet he NEVER came any closer to the register. Like 20 feet away)
<LOM> Should I use a credit card? I only have $20's.
<me> You can use a twenty!
He approached the register.
He opened his wallet
He flipped through the bills.
He handed me a $20. I quickly made change and rushed around the counter to show him how to
He waddled back to the copier.
I put the card in, hit start and made his copy.
<me> Here ya go. You keep this card in case you ever want to make copies again. Give it to the cashier and she can put more money on it.
<LOM> So I keep this card?
<me> Yup. Okifyouneedanythingelsejustgiveusayellokbye.
I guess time sped up there at the end when I quickly disappeared from his sight.
I hope to god that he wasn't driving. But, it's Florida, so I'm sure he was.
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