Does this LOOK like a book store to you? (plus a bonus!)

[Dave1982]

I completely forgot about this until I was reminded of it in another thread.....

I've gotten oddball but not entirely unreasonable product requests during my tenure with Staples. Just the other day, someone was looking for a diskette drive cleaning kit. A perfectly legit request, but sorry, I don't have those anymore.

Hot glue guns, cray-pas, wall-mount phone/ethernet jacks, MacBooks (not that that's oddball), obscure software, etc.

Sorry, none of the above are things we carry. But no problem asking.

But yesterday.......

Two female SCs approach.

SC1: Where are your Bibles?

Me: Excuse me? Bibles?

SC1: Yes, Bibles.

Me: As in the Christian Bible?

SC1: YES!

Me: I don't have ANYTHING like that--

SC1: No. I'm asking you WHERE ARE THEY LOCATED? As in WHAT LOCATION? What shelf? WHICH AISLE?

Me:....................for Bibles?

SC1: YES!

Me: We don't carry them.

SC1 made a sound of offended disbelief.

SC1: Whatever

She and her friend walked away

SC2: I can't believe they don't have Bibles!

SC1: I know!

OK, :WTF: just.....:WTF: This isn't a bookstore, a church, a hotel, or any other place that would stock Bibles. The closest I can get you is a dictionary that is roughly the size of a Bible, but that's it.

That whole exchange left me dumbfounded.



But wait....a bonus tale of

The night before, I was covering the closing cashier's dinner break. Remember that I've said I always get the crazies when I cover cashier breaks?

Woman and her SO approach the register. She took a look in my direction, then turned back to her SO.

Woman: They don't have cigarettes.

Cig....cigarettes? CIGARETTES?! No, we DON'T have cigarettes! This is Staples, not the Kwik-E-Mart! What's the matter with you?! Now, I suppose I could give you the pack that one of my co-workers usually leaves stashed at an unused register, but he'd be mighty pissed if I did that.

Woman (again, to her SO): Where are we supposed to get cigarettes around here?

Oh....ok...you're not from around here. That explains everything.......

Wait....no it doesn't......based on your accents, you are clearly not only American, but likely from New England. Therefore, you MUST be familiar with Staples, and should know that while we may be "The Office Supply Superstore," it should be obvious that "Yeah, We've Got That" does NOT apply to cigarettes.

Moreover, you must have gotten here via the nearby highway. Did you not see the Mobil station that's right there at the off-ramp? And if you didn't, did you also not see the SUPERMARKET and the SECOND GAS STATION you passed to get here? You can get cigarettes at any of those places.

They bought some soda and candy bars, argued about money briefly, then on the way out, she again said "Where are we supposed to get cigarettes?"

Me: Excuse me?

Woman: Huh? What?

Me: There's a gas station just beyond the highway, and a supermarket just before the highway, THAT WAY *points.*

Woman: Oh....thanks!

I mentioned this to Captain Jellico, and even HE thought it was funny!

[RootedPhoenix]

Why on earth is an office supply store supposed to have Bibles OR cigarettes? Wow.

Some people.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Why on earth is an office supply store supposed to have Bibles OR cigarettes?

Because sometimes after confession, you need a smoke?

[JustaCashier]

That wasn't easy.

[Barracuda]

As far as the first two ladies go, is it possible that they didn't think about the fact that you mainly sell office software and thought you had Bibles on CD? Some computer stores do sell the Bible on CD ( I have seen programs that have several complete different versions like the NIV, KJV, etc; on one disk.) I know they shouldn't have expected to find that in an OFFICE software store, but it would make more sense than expecting to find an actual book.

[SG15Z]

Bibles? Cigs? At Staples!? DOES NOT COMPUTE!

[MrSmiley]

OK, :WTF: just.....:WTF: This isn't a bookstore, a church, a hotel, or any other place that would stock Bibles. The closest I can get you is a dictionary that is roughly the size of a Bible, but that's it.

They used to have various editions of the bible on CD-ROM, about 10 years ago, you could even find them in generic budget racks... Of course back then, we had encyclopedias on CD-ROM too. sigh... I feel old. The google generation is going to be spoiled... I know I am for using it.

Therefore, you MUST be familiar with Staples, and should know that while we may be "The Office Supply Superstore," it should be obvious that "Yeah, We've Got That" does NOT apply to cigarettes.

...

They bought some soda and candy bars, argued about money briefly, then on the way out, she again said "Where are we supposed to get cigarettes?"

I still think it's odd that Staples (and hardware stores for that matter) carry soda & candy bars... but then I see the customers who can't get through an air-conditioned store for 5 minutes without being hungry...

[BookstoreEscapee]

That wasn't easy.

Someone at my office has an Easy Button. Every once in a while I hear it go off.

[dendawg]

SC1: Where are your Bibles?
Me: Excuse me? Bibles?
SC1: Yes, Bibles.
Me: As in the Christian Bible?
SC1: YES!
Me: I don't have ANYTHING like that--
SC1: No. I'm asking you WHERE ARE THEY LOATED? As in WHAT LOCATION? What shelf? WHICH AISLE?

you should've said, "This is Staples, not Steeples!"

[Dave1982]

I was telling Focker about Bible Woman tonight, and he said "Oh yeah, the Bibles are right over there next to the Necronomicon!"

[depechemodefan]

Me: I don't have ANYTHING like that--

SC1: No. I'm asking you WHERE ARE THEY LOATED? As in WHAT LOCATION? What shelf? WHICH AISLE?

I hope they are n't elementary school teachers. Though they remind me of American tourist visiting England. They do speak English there too you know.

Also, I wonder if they know what a bible is?

[Mark Healey]

They bought some soda and candy bars

I wouldn't go to an office supply store for those either, so it's not entirely unreasonable. unlikely, but not unreasonable.

The bible thing I just don't get.

[Argabarga]

Uhg, I feel for you, my dad is guilty of this faulty logic from time to time along those lines...

He needs a hammer, hammers are purchased in stores, and hey! There's a store right over there! Therefore, they'll have a hammer!

He never gets angry or causes a scene, but he's always dejected to find out that the Pet store didn't have the hammer he wanted......

[Ironclad Alibi]

Woman: They don't have cigarettes.

Cig....cigarettes? CIGARETTES?! No, we DON'T have cigarettes! This is Staples, not the Kwik-E-Mart! What's the matter with you?! Now, I suppose I could give you the pack that one of my co-workers usually leaves stashed at an unused register, but he'd be mighty pissed if I did that.

Woman (again, to her SO): Where are we supposed to get cigarettes around here?

Maybe they wanted a cigarette vending machine. They used to be in all kinds of stores that don't sell cigarettes over the counter.

[Imogene]

Had a lady the first year of my working at The Chesterfield, who needed help with Dragon-Ball (doesn't everyone?), and, as I was the resident anime geek, the SM pointed her at me.
M: "How can I help you?"
H: "I'm looking for the episode where Cell dies...?"
I look at her in confusion momentarily, and realize she must be buying it for her son.
M: "I'm not much for the series myself, but I'd imagine that Cell dies at the end of the 'Cell Tournament' saga, which we don't have, as it hasn't been released yet."
H: "No, I'm looking for the episode where Cell dies."
M: *o.0;* "And, while I'm not absolutely certain, I think he dies at the end of his fighting tournament, to a young, and very pissed off Gohan, but, still, that DVD isn't available to the market yet..."

Or this other guy, browsing our box sets...
M: "How can I help you?"
Him: "Where's your James Bond box sets?"
M: "All of the James Bond movies are out of print, except The world is not Enough at this time."
Him: "Your website says you have them in stock."
M: *thinking, "That's very impressive, as we don't have an on-hand count of our inventory, we have to look up our movies to see if they even exist first, and then go to the shelf to find out if we have any."* "I'll ask around, but I've heard nothing of this box set being released."
*I do go ask all three of my coworkers who were there that night, and get back a resounding 'No, it doesn't exist', so, I walk back over to the guy and update him.*
Him: "Your website says you have them in stock."
M: "I've asked everyone, we don't have them, as the movies are all out of print."
He gives up and walks out. Two days later, they appear on our reservation sheet.