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This happened on Tuesday. It's now Saturday. I wanted to report it when it was fresh in my mind, but I still can't wrap my mind around what happened. I had to leave at 4, and I believe it occurred around 3:45.
The entire events took place within 30 seconds of each other for the most part.
I'll try to post the events chronologically. Let's see how it turns out.
Key:
(MAIN) - Is the direct perpetrator and cause of this thread.
(NEAR) - Are store staff.
(ME) - I'm not nearly as important here as the blue parts are.
(BY) - Innocent bystander shopper.
After that, it was pretty much a standard cleaning operation. We actually never saw the lady again, despite her baby not having a diaper, (How did we not hear any comments about that? I'm horribly shocked.) We quarantined the area, asked the customer if she was okay, and that we were glad she didn't get anything on her; she was laughing about it, luckily. She knew it wasn't our fault. She apologized for all that money going to seemingly waste. The managers wouldn't let the rest of the staff touch any of the money to clean it off, aside from safeguarding the area from people picking anything up. He just stuffed all the money into the same bag. I'm not going to hazard a guess as to what he did with the bag. I didn't really see the end of it, because I had to leave less than fifteen minutes later.
I guess we were used to cleaning up stuff. We'd had several gallons of paint spilled all over the paint area within the past week alone.
We have named it "That Crappy Tuesday." Pardon the pun.
The entire events took place within 30 seconds of each other for the most part.
I'll try to post the events chronologically. Let's see how it turns out.
Key:
(MAIN) - Is the direct perpetrator and cause of this thread.
(NEAR) - Are store staff.
(ME) - I'm not nearly as important here as the blue parts are.
(BY) - Innocent bystander shopper.
- (MAIN) - Thin Lady in her mid 20s with a baby in her cart walks up to the hardware desk. Is not there yet.
- (NEAR) - Paint guy is assisting another customer barely within the aisle adjacent to the above main character.
- (MAIN) - Lady is shuffling things around in her cart; baby included. Baby is wearing nothing but a diaper. (In this weather? Seriously?!)
- (ME) - I spot the lady with her keys in her hand; am eager to make some keys, rather than let it be any other question she has unrelated to keys. I do not want to be working today.
- (MAIN) - She says "Can you help me?" as she continues shuffling things around. She is now holding the baby up above the floor in both hands. I discover a cell phone between her shoulder and her cheek.
- (ME) - I leave the relative safety of the desk I was standing behind to see what she needs.
- (MAIN) - She has paused holding the baby outstretched above the floor.
- (NEAR) - Paint Guy is concluding his assistance with the other customer.
- (NEAR) - Manager-Type is walking down the central aisle to the desk with a rather full register drawer in his hands, heading to the main office to count the money in it. It is obviously a defense mission. If he had chainsaw nunchucks, they would be in full swing as his skeletal minions dance behind him to protect him from fates worse than their own grisly bony demise.
- (ME) - I approach the lady and inquire as to how I may aid her.
- ------------DANGER--------------
- (MAIN) - The baby's diaper explodes outward in a violent torrent of the demonic forces of hell rampaging forth from the frothing, bubbling portal from the depths of the infant's underworld. More foulness than I have ever been privy to (Or have found in a privy, for that matter) is rapidly spilling onto the floor from this tiny source without any end in sight.
- The Chaos Begins...
- (NEAR) - Manager slips in the stuff, landing shirt-down in it. Coins roll everywhere with such a ruckus. Dollar bills are laying in it, forever ruined by the vile substance coating a surprisingly large amount of the floor.
- (NEAR) - Paint Guy runs to get disinfectant, as he is essentially standing right next to the aisle it is found in, but trips on the diaper, as if it was a banana peel +5 nature damage, and at least lands face-up, staring at the underside of the baby.
- (MAIN) - Her expression is a curious mix of jaw-gaping awe, and the curiosity to see what happens next. Nope folks, no remorse here.
- (ME) - I radio the cleaning guy to get a mob and bucket and the heaviest disinfectant, and run to get some wet floor signs, all the while pondering what the lady would do with her baby.
- (BY) - Screams bloody murder in shock, and in an attempt to dodge away from the expanding puddle of deadly ick, jumps into a display of gallon size Clorox Bleach. Bottles clatter to the floor. Several of them open on impact with the floor, adding to the mix.
- Note: About six or so seconds have passed since the Danger mark.
- (NEAR) - Manager is screaming into his headset to get all available staff near the hardware desk not to pick up any loose coins or bills, that he would do it himself, and yells for several of the staff to hand out latex gloves from the very aisle we were standing near to handle anything biological that spilled onto anything else as they clean. Sadly, the spill had occurred right at the entrance to the aisle the gloves were held, so I surmised they were all going to have to go in by the back way, near the back wall of the store.
- (NEAR) - Paint Guy gets up and runs off to get a trowel scraper to pool the filth into a single area to minimize the spread of contamination.
- (MAIN) - She says "Okay where's yo bathroom. I'll get him all cleaned up."
- (NEAR) - A collective mental facepalm.
- (MAIN) - She trails her cart off directly through the muck (creating a wagon trail) towards the back wall without waiting for a response.
- (BY) - Fallen customer is helping herself out of the pile of plastic gallon bottles. Is rather unsuccessful. Is slipping far too much on the spilled Clorox. She is afraid to accept help because everyone is covered in vilebabyfilth.
- (NEAR) - Manager is quickly hoarding up bills into a nearby empty garbage bag we keep under the paint area garbage can. Just shovels all the money into it, just to get it out off the floor. He yells at people to keep away from anything on the floor, and instructs all staff to stand around and watch for people looking at the floor, while not handling anything themselves. People are already beginning to pick up coins that have rolled onto their ankles, with the staff yelling not to pick them up. Of course, they do not hear.
After that, it was pretty much a standard cleaning operation. We actually never saw the lady again, despite her baby not having a diaper, (How did we not hear any comments about that? I'm horribly shocked.) We quarantined the area, asked the customer if she was okay, and that we were glad she didn't get anything on her; she was laughing about it, luckily. She knew it wasn't our fault. She apologized for all that money going to seemingly waste. The managers wouldn't let the rest of the staff touch any of the money to clean it off, aside from safeguarding the area from people picking anything up. He just stuffed all the money into the same bag. I'm not going to hazard a guess as to what he did with the bag. I didn't really see the end of it, because I had to leave less than fifteen minutes later.
I guess we were used to cleaning up stuff. We'd had several gallons of paint spilled all over the paint area within the past week alone.
We have named it "That Crappy Tuesday." Pardon the pun.
That reminded me of an ad that's currently running here in Australia for a particular brand of nappies. 
was she feeding her baby to cause an explosion of Pompeiian proportions?! Strained jalapeños?!
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