Ode To My Apartment Complex Management

[Jester]

(Warning: language)

Okay, yes, I have too much free time on my hands, and I probably should be doing some food prep for tomorrow's lasagne cookoff. But the idea for this popped into my head, and I had to run with it.

So here then is my serenade to the wonderful, lovely, and pretty much soulless people that run my complex at the moment...at least until their corporate overlords replace them.


Without further ado, here is the new hit song sweeping the nation, "Corporate Wants It That Way."

[to the tune of “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys]

Yeah…

I signed…your lease
It was…beyond belief
It is…quite silly
But Corporate wants it that way

I am…responsible
for snow…removal
Key West…is tropical
But Corporate wants it that way.

Tell me why
The pool is never open late
Tell me why
I can’t back into my parking space
Tell me why
You can tell me with a straight face
Corporate wants it that way

Am I…your tenant?
Feel more…like your servant.
Yes I know…it's too late
Because I signed the lease yesterday.

Tell me why
You have so many silly rules
Tell me why
You treat renters like they’re fools
Tell me why
Danica Patrick makes me drool
Whenever it’s race day.

Now I can see that you're tuning me out
Ignoring my complaints about AC, yeah
You say it works just fine
But I want you to know
That here in our upper floor home

We are….on fire.
Burning…like used tires.
It’s hot
It’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot

Don't wanna hear you say
Ain't nothin' but a hurricane
Just use a little duct tape
(Don't wanna hear you say)
I never wanna hear you say
Corporate wants it that way

Tell me where
Item number Twenty fits
Tell me where
You find this fucking bullshit
Tell me where
I'll be living after I say
(Don't have to hear me say it)
Corporate can suck my dick
Corporate can suck my dick

[BookstoreEscapee]

Hehe, cute. I am happy to be able to say that I couldn't really sing it because I don't really know the tune (pretty much just the line "I want it that way"...)

Now I want lasagne...good luck!

[Sarlon]

Jester....I think I died laughing....

I could hear the entire song in my head and I HATELOATHEDESPISE that sing with a vengence.

[ThanosIsKing]

Hehe, cute. I am happy to be able to say that I couldn't really sing it because I don't really know the tune (pretty much just the line "I want it that way"...)

I could hear the entire song in my head and I HATELOATHEDESPISE that sing with a vengence.

Just change the voice in your head to Weird Al's. I now have his eBay song in my head and it's wonderful.

[Bright_Star]

Snow removal in Key West? I'd pay to see that...lmao!

[Jester]

Hehe, cute. I am happy to be able to say that I couldn't really sing it because I don't really know the tune (pretty much just the line "I want it that way"...)

That is why I included the link to the actual song, so you could sing along in your head with my new lyrics.

Snow removal in Key West? I'd pay to see that...lmao!

The funny part is, I didn't make that up. Not in this lease, but in my last lease, there actually was a paragraph saying that the tenant was responsible for any and all snow removal from the property. They told me it was because the company simply used the same lease for all their properties nationwide, but it still seemed ridiculous. And I noticed it was not in the new lease, so maybe someone was paying attention to the constant laughter coming from their property in Key West....

[BookstoreEscapee]

That is why I included the link to the actual song, so you could sing along in your head with my new lyrics.

That's why I did not click the link.

[telecom_goddess]

I've seen a couple of references to cars having to be parked facing a certain way, mainly it seems you can't park them facing out into the lot. WTF?? what does it matter to them?

[Jester]

Though it is being unofficially officially ignored, this rule has been in my last two leases. The reasoning handed local management from Corporate is that parking backed in is "a sign of gang activity," basically how gangs indicate to whoever they are trying to signal that they are open for business for drugs or guns or whatever. How different gangs differentiate between one gang backing in, another gang backing in, or just normal people backing in is beyond me....or anyone with common sense.

[telecom_goddess]

Though it is being unofficially officially ignored, this rule has been in my last two leases. The reasoning handed local management from Corporate is that parking backed in is "a sign of gang activity," basically how gangs indicate to whoever they are trying to signal that they are open for business for drugs or guns or whatever. How different gangs differentiate between one gang backing in, another gang backing in, or just normal people backing in is beyond me....or anyone with common sense.

OMG that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.....most people I know that park face out just like to park face out it doesn't indicate a damn thing.

This is why I hate corporate management companies that run most complexes. They have the dumbest policies in place that don't improve anything. The place I'm in now is run by the owners and I'm liking it much better.

[wolfie]

Though it is being unofficially officially ignored, this rule has been in my last two leases. The reasoning handed local management from Corporate is that parking backed in is "a sign of gang activity," basically how gangs indicate to whoever they are trying to signal that they are open for business for drugs or guns or whatever. How different gangs differentiate between one gang backing in, another gang backing in, or just normal people backing in is beyond me....or anyone with common sense.

To me, seeing cars backed into parking spaces means one of the following:
1. Driver wants to move minimal distance before traffic approaching is in their line of sight (i.e. clear of next vehicle).
2. (station wagon, minivan, and SUV owners) Driver wants to make it easier for cars in neighbouring spots to do #1.
3. (spots backing onto sidewalk) Driver doesn't want to carry goods from trunk/hatch between their car and the one in the next spot.

I've seen the chaos IdleAire produced at truck stops (nose-in parking only), and when the system shut down the first thing people did was to start backing in. With a highway (sleeper) tractor, you'd have to back up around 60 feet before you could see past your neighbours.

[Sonoma]

My apartment had that rule. I thought it was ridiculous. I backed in, because the garbage dumpster with it's security fence was right next to my carport. That meant I had this huge wall right next to my spot. I had no visibility. By the time I could see oncoming traffic, I was already in the road. I actually got a formal notice reminding me to park head-in. I should have sent them the bill when my truck got hit because I couldn't see coming out of that spot one day on my way to work. As far as I know, my condo has no such rule. And, when we take over management from the developer, I'll do my best to make sure that rule doesn't make it into our book, even though I don't need to back in here.

[Jester]

To me, seeing cars backed into parking spaces means one of the following:

Or, driver is loading/unloading stuff. Or, driver wants to make a quicker escape in the morning. Or, several other possibilities we have not even thought of.

[Bella_Vixen]

If I could back up straight, I would back in more often. Luckily, where I live I can park in *my* spot so that I can drive straight out into the street. If I can't park that way, I am able to drive around our remarkably small parking lot to accomplish the same thing.

I hate backing up so much that I *will* park in the middle of nowhere at the store so that I won't cause an accident when I cut across lanes to leave, just so I won't have to back out. I've had too many people not slow down, not to mention bothering to stop, when I'm trying to back out of a parking space.