I stared at a cucumber today. How was your day hunny?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

So I was in the breakroom waiting to punch back in from lunch, and on the counter next to me was a cucumber, evidently one of many from a co-worker's garden, next to a sign reading "Help Yourself."

I couldn't help but notice the size of this cucumber. It was long. It was wide. It was quite fleshy and firm. It was a cucumber straight outta BALCO Farms, is what it was.

And I found myself staring at it thinking "Easy there Freleigh, get your mind out of the gutter! Okay, think it but don't say it, I guess. Actually, don't even think, because then you will say it."

I blame the sleep-deprived state I was in at the time, and still am.

[Catwoman2965]

Hehe - that made me laugh as I too was the lucky recipient of a larger-than-life cuc from my CW's garden. However I cut it up and made a salad out of it.

[Sleepwalker]

Tossed salad is always an option.

[BookstoreEscapee]

What's wrong with cucumbers? Cucumbers are good for you..

[Whiskey]

Cucumbers are good for you..

The way irv describes them, theyre very good

[zombiequeen]

Mmmmm....cucumbers
wait...what? NO NO NO! Bad gutter people! Do not taint my lovely cucumbers with your dirty thoughts!

[Salted Grump]

Bad gutter people! Do not taint my lovely cucumbers with your dirty thoughts!

Joiiiiiinnnnn Usssssssssssss

[RetailWorkhorse]

wait...what? NO NO NO! Bad gutter people! Do not taint my lovely cucumbers with your dirty thoughts!

Too late. You're thinking it now. And we know you're thinking it. And you know we know you're thinking it.

[Mikkel]

Did anyone else remember the back cover of "The collected adventures of Harold Hedd"?
Link

[Sheldonrs]

.... However I cut it up and made a salad out of it.

Wouldn't work for Irv. He's not a slot machine.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I'm thinking of the "Help Yourself" sign and all its variations... Such as the one that appeared next to a pile of squash in my factory's breakroom. It read "Free! Please take and enjoy!" It was written on neon yellow paper.

...And so one coworker stole the sign and taped it surreptitiously to the back of a coworker known all around the factory for being a cheerful, undiscriminating, and unapologetic slut. She wore it around on her back for about two hours before noticing.

[zombiequeen]

Oh darn, now you all know of my secret obsession with cucumbers...I like to cut them up in little slices.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

My brain read the title as: "I stared at a CUSTOMER today

[Flying Grype]

Tossed salad is always an option.

I see what you did thar!!

[Sheldonrs]

I see what you did thar!!

I bought the video.