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Sweet saint Peter on a pogo stick, today sucked. I broke a personal best record at work and moved almost 6000 lbs of books today. I was tired, sore, and cranky, but also out of milk, toilet paper, fresh fruits and down to my last 3 mushrooms. I HAD to go grocery shopping. Unfortunately. As always, let's start with the bus ride there...
It's a SERVICE Animal!! Sit down and shut UP!!
So, I get off work and hop a bus with every intention of going to the grocery store. Yay... We get to one particular stop and a blind gentleman with a service dog boards. This happens to occur during the midafternoon rush hour, so there are already a ton of people waiting to get on the bus, and it's getting crowded fast. The blind man boards, and his dog lays down underneath his feet. You know. Like he's trained to do when commanded? The driver warned some of the people boarding about him, so the dog wouldn't get stepped on and so the middle school children that were boarding knew not to pet the puppy.
There was this one woman who took one look at the dog and threw a screaming conniption fit! She started wailing loud enough to put a howler monkey to shame. So, let's call her HM, for Howler monkey.
HM: What is THAT doing on the bus!?!? Get rid of it!
Driver: Um, ma'am, I can't do that.
HM: It's a DOG!! Pets aren't allowed on buses!! It's ILLLEEEEEGGAAAAAALLLLL!!!
D: No, ma'am, see, it's a service animal and--
HM: He's trying to attack!! It's a danger to the public!!! (Yeah, attack? When she started shrieking, the dogs ears folded back, probably in self defense, but he didn't move an inch.)
D: Ma'am, that is a service animal. It is perfectly legal for him to be on the bus.
HM: Get him off or I call the police!
D: <Heaves a sigh>
HM: Look! LOOOOOOOOK!!! He's frightening the CHILDREN!!!
Now, a woman with a four year old was boarding, and the HM's shrieking about the dog being dangerous frightened the child. Not the dog. He was so scared he started whimpering and tried to run off the bus. Poor tyke. The driver literally had to pick the boy up and carry him past the dog, while his mom followed. I offered to let them have my seat, and went to sit closer to the dog, to make the little boy feel better. I even gave him some grapes to munch on to distract him, after his mom said ok. HM would not leave off, though!!
She kept threatening to call the police because the driver wouldn't throw the blind man and his dog off the bus!
The blind man kept trying to explain, but HM kept screaming she was going to have him arrested for breaking the law. Driver finally had enough and stopped the bus, and stood up in the middle of the aisle.
D: Folks, can I have your attention please? As you've probably noticed, we've got a canine friend on the bus. Now, for those of you who aren't aware, this is a service animal, see the special harness? It is perfectly legal for a service animal to ride METRO with their owners, so they can provide the needed services for their way of life.
HM: But it's an--
D: FURTHERMORE, any attempt to pet the animal, move the animal, or interfere with its function as a service animal will get you arrested, at the very least, and most likely slapped with a pretty heavy fine. So, let's stop wasting time, since we're already 15 minutes behind schedule, and let me get you folks where you need to go. Any questions?
HM opens her mouth to speak. Oh gods...
HM: It's a dog!! Dogs aren't allowed on buses!!
D: It's a service animal. Service animals are. This isn't the first time I've had a service animal on my bus. Though, last time it was a snake.
HM: But it---
A snake!?!?!
D: Yep. wrapped around the passengers wrist. Apparently able to warn about seizures. Pretty cool, huh?
HM was in shock after that, I think, so she actually stayed quiet for the rest of the trip, at least until I got off at the transit center.
Starbucks Stupidity
Once I get to the grocery store, I head to the Starbucks. Pumpkin spice latte FTW!! I love pumpkin!!
Anyways, I wait for my drink to be made and this guy wanders up behind me and looks at the seasonal menu. He asks if the pumpkin spice latte is sugar free. The barista tells him it isn't, and that it doesn't have a sugar free option.
Sweet farkin' fruit loops, you'd think she just told him the apocalypse was nigh and he was first in line to be blown up or something.
Him: What?!?! How can it not be sugar free! I'm diabetic. I REQUIRE sugar free beverages.
Her: I'm sorry, sir, but it's a seasonal flavor, and as such, isn't available as sugar free.
Him: But I'm a diabetic
Me: >.< (flashing back to Dick...I've found his long lost twin...*shudder*)
Him: <heaves a long, suffering sigh> Well, what DO you have that's sugar free.
Her: <tells him the list of syrups that come sugar free.>
Him: I still don't see why there's NO consideration for diabetics! Don't you think we'd like to sample seasonal flavors?
Her: I'm sorry, sir, I can tell my manager, and give you a corporate number to call, but right now that's all I can do.
What follows is a repitition of the "Woe is me, the poor diabetic, I want pumpkin latte" diatribe, with the poor barista apologizing and offering the corporate number and other options. He finally settles and makes a choice, but makes it sound like she's poisoning him and committing felony murder by MAKING him choose something other than pumpkin spice latte.
Him: FINE. I GUESS I'll just have to stick with a sugar free vanilla latte, since that's part of my LIMITED choices.
She rings him up for the drink, and asks if there's anything else she can get for him. At this point, my drink is ready, I'm taking it from the bar and slithering away to make my escape. He points to the pastry case.
Him: Yeah, I'll take 2 of those cinnamon rolls, a slice of pumpkin bread and 3 petite vanilla scones. Those scones are AWESOME.
Her:
Me: <chokes on my first sip of my latte>
Her: Um, sir?
Him: WHAT NOW!?!
Her: You...do realize the icing on the scones is...well, almost pure sugar.
Me: <Can't help but chime in> Not to mention the cinnamon rolls aren't exactly sugar free either.
Him: So what??
Me: Uh huh. Diabetic my fat white ass.
Him: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?
Me: For someone who was insisting on needing sugar free choices because he's diabetic, you just bought enough junk food to kill yourself. Happy trails, dude. I can think of better ways to go than in a diabetic coma over Starbucks, but to each their own.
I saluted him with my cup, and told the barista she makes a kick ass pumpkin spice latte, and how much I LOVE drinking them when they're in season.
Not my proudest moment, but then, I stopped caring
Note here: This particular grocery store is undergoing renovations. They're moving stuff around, but have signs up noting this, as well as listing new locations of items in their old spots, so stuff is easier to find. Yeah, construction sucks, but they're trying. I can deal with it.
Not everyone can, apparently. I'm in the dairy section, getting milk and looking for some shredded cheese, when I get bumped from behind. Enter cranky old woman in a motorized cart. Fabulous.
COW: I can't believe what they're doing to my store.
Me: o.0 Uh. Ok.
COW: <Inches forward and ba-bumps me - like a light tap to the legs - with her cart again> If I had known they were doing this, I'd have stopped shopping here already!
Me: <Takes a step further, makes a noncommital "hmm" and turn to leave>
COW: <ba-bump with the cart again> Where in the WORLD did they move the <random item I can't remember> to!?!? Jesus christ, I just wanted one package and now it's nowhere to be found!>
Me: I don't know. they put signs up saying where stuff moved to.
COW: I don't see it! Where is <item>
Me: I don't know. <Turns to walk away>
COW: <ba-bump again!! Ok, Lupo's past cranky, moving to angry>
Me: Maybe you're not aware of this, but you're HITTING me with your CART
COW: I asked you a question! Where's <item>?
Me: And I answered. I. Don't. Know. <Said sweetly, with a smile>
COW: Well, go find it, I need 1 package and I've searched everywhere!
Me: <Still smiling, still in a sugary sweet voice.> No.
COW: But I'm trying to find--
Me: <Interrupts at full volume> DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING WORK HERE!?!?!
COW: <aaaaaand....ba-bump with the cart again>
Me: And stop hitting me with your fucking cart!!
COW: <Splutters> I just thought you'd be willing to help a disabled old woman, and here you are--
me: And here I am, getting harassed and battered by an entitled old crone while trying to get my own shopping done, who can't even manage to steer a cart more than 6 inches without running into my legs!!
COW: Didn't your mother raise you to have any manners?!?!
Me: <Oh, that does it. NO ONE brings in Mama Lupo like that!> Actually, my mother raised to to give respect and compassion where it is EARNED. You? You earn none. So, with all DUE RESPECT, leave me the fuck alone!
COW: <splutters> You know what? I don't have to deal with this!! I'm never shopping here again!!
Me: And I'll be sure to shop here every day then!! Take your little HoverRound and go play in traffic. On the freeway. During rush hour. Mk? Byyyeeeeeeeee!!!
So, yeah, not my proudest moment, but guh. I hope I don't end up with bruises after that, but I probably will. And of course, no employees in sight, but a lot of other customers standing and gaping. Thanks guys. No, really.Fuck off and die. kthxbai! Thanks heaps!
Bonus: Mangoes were on sale again!! That almost, ALMOST made up for it.
*Hisses* My mangoes!! No touchy!!
It's a SERVICE Animal!! Sit down and shut UP!!
So, I get off work and hop a bus with every intention of going to the grocery store. Yay... We get to one particular stop and a blind gentleman with a service dog boards. This happens to occur during the midafternoon rush hour, so there are already a ton of people waiting to get on the bus, and it's getting crowded fast. The blind man boards, and his dog lays down underneath his feet. You know. Like he's trained to do when commanded? The driver warned some of the people boarding about him, so the dog wouldn't get stepped on and so the middle school children that were boarding knew not to pet the puppy.
There was this one woman who took one look at the dog and threw a screaming conniption fit! She started wailing loud enough to put a howler monkey to shame. So, let's call her HM, for Howler monkey.
HM: What is THAT doing on the bus!?!? Get rid of it!
Driver: Um, ma'am, I can't do that.
HM: It's a DOG!! Pets aren't allowed on buses!! It's ILLLEEEEEGGAAAAAALLLLL!!!
D: No, ma'am, see, it's a service animal and--
HM: He's trying to attack!! It's a danger to the public!!! (Yeah, attack? When she started shrieking, the dogs ears folded back, probably in self defense, but he didn't move an inch.)
D: Ma'am, that is a service animal. It is perfectly legal for him to be on the bus.
HM: Get him off or I call the police!
D: <Heaves a sigh>
HM: Look! LOOOOOOOOK!!! He's frightening the CHILDREN!!!
Now, a woman with a four year old was boarding, and the HM's shrieking about the dog being dangerous frightened the child. Not the dog. He was so scared he started whimpering and tried to run off the bus. Poor tyke. The driver literally had to pick the boy up and carry him past the dog, while his mom followed. I offered to let them have my seat, and went to sit closer to the dog, to make the little boy feel better. I even gave him some grapes to munch on to distract him, after his mom said ok. HM would not leave off, though!!
She kept threatening to call the police because the driver wouldn't throw the blind man and his dog off the bus!
The blind man kept trying to explain, but HM kept screaming she was going to have him arrested for breaking the law. Driver finally had enough and stopped the bus, and stood up in the middle of the aisle.
D: Folks, can I have your attention please? As you've probably noticed, we've got a canine friend on the bus. Now, for those of you who aren't aware, this is a service animal, see the special harness? It is perfectly legal for a service animal to ride METRO with their owners, so they can provide the needed services for their way of life.
HM: But it's an--
D: FURTHERMORE, any attempt to pet the animal, move the animal, or interfere with its function as a service animal will get you arrested, at the very least, and most likely slapped with a pretty heavy fine. So, let's stop wasting time, since we're already 15 minutes behind schedule, and let me get you folks where you need to go. Any questions?
HM opens her mouth to speak. Oh gods...
HM: It's a dog!! Dogs aren't allowed on buses!!
D: It's a service animal. Service animals are. This isn't the first time I've had a service animal on my bus. Though, last time it was a snake.
HM: But it---
A snake!?!?!D: Yep. wrapped around the passengers wrist. Apparently able to warn about seizures. Pretty cool, huh?
HM was in shock after that, I think, so she actually stayed quiet for the rest of the trip, at least until I got off at the transit center.
Starbucks Stupidity
Once I get to the grocery store, I head to the Starbucks. Pumpkin spice latte FTW!! I love pumpkin!!
Anyways, I wait for my drink to be made and this guy wanders up behind me and looks at the seasonal menu. He asks if the pumpkin spice latte is sugar free. The barista tells him it isn't, and that it doesn't have a sugar free option.
Sweet farkin' fruit loops, you'd think she just told him the apocalypse was nigh and he was first in line to be blown up or something.
Him: What?!?! How can it not be sugar free! I'm diabetic. I REQUIRE sugar free beverages.
Her: I'm sorry, sir, but it's a seasonal flavor, and as such, isn't available as sugar free.
Him: But I'm a diabetic
Me: >.< (flashing back to Dick...I've found his long lost twin...*shudder*)
Him: <heaves a long, suffering sigh> Well, what DO you have that's sugar free.
Her: <tells him the list of syrups that come sugar free.>
Him: I still don't see why there's NO consideration for diabetics! Don't you think we'd like to sample seasonal flavors?
Her: I'm sorry, sir, I can tell my manager, and give you a corporate number to call, but right now that's all I can do.
What follows is a repitition of the "Woe is me, the poor diabetic, I want pumpkin latte" diatribe, with the poor barista apologizing and offering the corporate number and other options. He finally settles and makes a choice, but makes it sound like she's poisoning him and committing felony murder by MAKING him choose something other than pumpkin spice latte.
Him: FINE. I GUESS I'll just have to stick with a sugar free vanilla latte, since that's part of my LIMITED choices.
She rings him up for the drink, and asks if there's anything else she can get for him. At this point, my drink is ready, I'm taking it from the bar and slithering away to make my escape. He points to the pastry case.
Him: Yeah, I'll take 2 of those cinnamon rolls, a slice of pumpkin bread and 3 petite vanilla scones. Those scones are AWESOME.
Her:
Me: <chokes on my first sip of my latte>
Her: Um, sir?
Him: WHAT NOW!?!
Her: You...do realize the icing on the scones is...well, almost pure sugar.
Me: <Can't help but chime in> Not to mention the cinnamon rolls aren't exactly sugar free either.
Him: So what??
Me: Uh huh. Diabetic my fat white ass.
Him: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?
Me: For someone who was insisting on needing sugar free choices because he's diabetic, you just bought enough junk food to kill yourself. Happy trails, dude. I can think of better ways to go than in a diabetic coma over Starbucks, but to each their own.
I saluted him with my cup, and told the barista she makes a kick ass pumpkin spice latte, and how much I LOVE drinking them when they're in season.
Not my proudest moment, but then, I stopped caring
Note here: This particular grocery store is undergoing renovations. They're moving stuff around, but have signs up noting this, as well as listing new locations of items in their old spots, so stuff is easier to find. Yeah, construction sucks, but they're trying. I can deal with it.
Not everyone can, apparently. I'm in the dairy section, getting milk and looking for some shredded cheese, when I get bumped from behind. Enter cranky old woman in a motorized cart. Fabulous.
COW: I can't believe what they're doing to my store.
Me: o.0 Uh. Ok.
COW: <Inches forward and ba-bumps me - like a light tap to the legs - with her cart again> If I had known they were doing this, I'd have stopped shopping here already!
Me: <Takes a step further, makes a noncommital "hmm" and turn to leave>
COW: <ba-bump with the cart again> Where in the WORLD did they move the <random item I can't remember> to!?!? Jesus christ, I just wanted one package and now it's nowhere to be found!>
Me: I don't know. they put signs up saying where stuff moved to.
COW: I don't see it! Where is <item>
Me: I don't know. <Turns to walk away>
COW: <ba-bump again!! Ok, Lupo's past cranky, moving to angry>
Me: Maybe you're not aware of this, but you're HITTING me with your CART
COW: I asked you a question! Where's <item>?
Me: And I answered. I. Don't. Know. <Said sweetly, with a smile>
COW: Well, go find it, I need 1 package and I've searched everywhere!
Me: <Still smiling, still in a sugary sweet voice.> No.
COW: But I'm trying to find--
Me: <Interrupts at full volume> DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING WORK HERE!?!?!
COW:
<aaaaaand....ba-bump with the cart again>Me: And stop hitting me with your fucking cart!!
COW: <Splutters> I just thought you'd be willing to help a disabled old woman, and here you are--
me: And here I am, getting harassed and battered by an entitled old crone while trying to get my own shopping done, who can't even manage to steer a cart more than 6 inches without running into my legs!!
COW: Didn't your mother raise you to have any manners?!?!
Me: <Oh, that does it. NO ONE brings in Mama Lupo like that!> Actually, my mother raised to to give respect and compassion where it is EARNED. You? You earn none. So, with all DUE RESPECT, leave me the fuck alone!
COW: <splutters> You know what? I don't have to deal with this!! I'm never shopping here again!!
Me: And I'll be sure to shop here every day then!! Take your little HoverRound and go play in traffic. On the freeway. During rush hour. Mk? Byyyeeeeeeeee!!!
So, yeah, not my proudest moment, but guh. I hope I don't end up with bruises after that, but I probably will. And of course, no employees in sight, but a lot of other customers standing and gaping. Thanks guys. No, really.
Bonus: Mangoes were on sale again!! That almost, ALMOST made up for it.
*Hisses* My mangoes!! No touchy!!
That is awesome. I kind of want a service ferret or something, but I don't think a ferret could help me out with any physical things I needed done. 
As a therapy ferret, though...
]
Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with her. WHY would you keep hitting someone?! If you can't control a motorized cart properly, how about you...I don't know...DON'T USE ONE. Or have someone with you to help you control it. And why would you help some old woman you don't know, that's what the employees are for, although I can't imagine any of them wanting to help her, either. 
Your stories are so entertaining to read, although I'm SO sorry you have to actually live through them!
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