This is definitely a one-way conversation.

[ShadowTiger]

... Interesting.

So I'm making keys yesterday. I've got quite a line behind me. Apparently a lot of people had gone to the Orange Vest Hardware store (Not even my store chain.) to get a freaking Kwikset key made, one of the easiest, most basic keys to do, and they got it made wrong. Again, interesting. Must have gotten a newbie.

I'm making keys, with a rather old and wise Coworker (Whom I respect quite a bit.) in the aisle to my right, helping another customer, and this kinda short middle-age woman approaches me right in the middle of my grinding, and says:

Her: "Excuse me..."
Me: *Still making keys, hoping she's talking to my Coworker.*
Her: "Um, excuse me..."
Me: *Turns to my right to see her, and smiles a bit, and silently motions toward the key machine and my coworker...*
Her: "Could you help me?"
Me: *Shuts off machine, silently apologizing to the people whose keys I'm making. I don't want key slivers in anyone's mouths.* Hi there. With?
Her: "I'm looking for caulking."
Me: "Ah, it's in aisle 82,359, in the middle, on the left." *Turns key machine back on and keeps grinding.*
Her: "Yes, thank you, I'm looking for the caulking, and I need to know which one to use for my windows."
Me: *pauses, looking at her, and shuts off the machine again.* "Yes, um, it's in aisle 82,359, in the paint department. The guy behind the paint counter desk can help you. " *Turns key machine back on.*
Her: "Maybe he would know where it is?" *Motions toward my coworker, who is quite swamped at the moment.*
Me: *Shuts off key machine again* "Erm, no, he's busy. Ask the guy behind the paint counter. He can definitely help you, and is quite experienced with caulking. ^^;; " *Turns key machine on again.*
Her: "So he would know?" *Motions toward the same Coworker to my right.*
Me: "Paint counter guy." (Key machine still on.)
Her: *Points toward coworker, confused.*
Me: *Points in the opposite direction, toward the paint counter.* "The guy behind the counter in that direction. The Paint guy."
Her: "... ... maybe he'll know...?" *Still talking about my poor swamped Coworker there.*
Me: "No, m'dear, not him. He's not the paint guy. He's busy at the moment. Turn around, and walk into the middle of the store, and look to your left. You'll see a guy behind the counter making paint.." *Turns back to keys, and silently wills an invisibility shield around self.*
Her: *Walking to my Coworker* "Maybe you know. Where is the caulking, please."
Coworker: *Still helping a customer, ignoring her for a bit, though he raises a "one moment" finger to her.*
Her: "Where is the caulking, please?"
Coworker: *Now done* "The associate behind the paint counter will help you. It's his area of expertise." *Helps another customer*
Her: *Turns around, looking like she just passed through someone, and goes back to me.* "Where is the caulking?"
Me: "Aisle 82,359."
Her: "So, aisle 62,600?"
Me: "... ... aisle 82,359."
Her: "So it's in the caulking area?"
Me: "The caulking area is in the paint area. Follow the signs, dear."
Her: "Where's the paint area?"
Me: *Points*
Her: "But maybe he knows?"
Me: "I'm confused now."
Her: "Me too. Maybe he knows where it is?"
Me: "But I know where it is."
Her: "But maybe he knows?"
Me: "Fine with me, hon."
Her: *Asks Coworker again* "Where is caulking?"
Coworker: *Wondering why he's still here* "It's in the paint area. Ask the man behind the paint counter. He'll be glad to help you."
Her: *Turns to me* "Can you show me where the caulking is?"
Me: "After I'm done making keys. I have quite the line. Maybe it might take less time to wander off into the middle of the store to find it on your own. I can't leave until I'm done."
Her: "But why not?"
Me: "Because I have a line."
Her: "Okay, goodbye. Maybe he knows?" *Points to Coworker again*
Me: "Didn't you just ask him?"
Her: "But he didn't know."
Me: "So why are you asking him again? The Paint counter guy knows."
Her: "So maybe I should just ask him, right?"
Me: "Well, I've told you many times, but I don't know if it'll help to do it again, so yes, maybe he can lead you to it."
Her: "But I'm here now. Can't you lead me?"
Me: "After my line is gone and I have no more customers. That's what I'm supposed to do, anyway. If you want, you can walk over to the paint counter and ask him where it is, though I can tell you right now that it's in aisle 82,359.
Her: "But I don't know where that is!"
Me: "The paint counter or aisle 82,359?"
Her: "... Anything!!!"
Me: "Yeah, this store is a bit of a maze." *Spits out a key sliver* ".. Bleh. That was awful. Go into the middle of the store, and look to the left. He's right there."
Her: "Where?"
Me: "The middle of the store."
Her: "Where's that? Maybe you know?" *Walks to my Coworker*
Me: ... "Where the middle of the store is?"
Customers in the line: "HOLY %@#% LADY, FOLLOW."
*Customer takes her by the arm, leads her to the caulking, and comes back.*

Me: "I love you forever."
Customer: "I Figured as much. Have a good one."
Me: "You too, bro."


Took all the strength I had to resist the temptation to impale her with another customer.

[Midnight12]

*brain implodes*
did she want an engraved invitation or someone to actually lead her like the one customer did. or did she have blinders on? or wearing super thick glasses?

[IT Grunt]

I think you've just discovered the hardest substance known to man, and that lady's skull is full of it. 'Dense' doesn't begin to describe that customer.

[Duncan MacLeod]

That made my head hurt. Leads me to believe there was something chemical involved, or the customer was not firing on all cylinders. Honestly, if it was only 2 times, id say "brain burps" but in this case i tend to think otherwise.

[Mikkel]

Good thing your customer saved you from exploding. That's a legendary amount of stupid and not listening.

[ShadowTiger]

She seemed of perfectly sound and rational mind to me, really, aside from the obvious course of the conversation. Respectfully dressed, alert, and everything. Just ... so .. confusing. > <.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I've dealt with people like this before. It's almost like you are speaking English, and they are speaking English, but neither of you are speaking the English you think you are speaking.

[ShadowTiger]

I've dealt with people like this before. It's almost like you are speaking English, and they are speaking English, but neither of you are speaking the English you think you are speaking.

This, essentially. Yep. Sounds a lot like it. ^^;;

[Andara Bledin]

After three iterations, my answer would have just dropped to one word. "No."

It wouldn't matter what she was asking, since she obviously wasn't listing to one bit of it.

^-.-^

[chainedbarista]

my brain blew a fuse on that one.

how in the nine levels of hell does she find her way out of the house each day? stupid, yes, but served with an industrial sized helping of hearing/thinking challenged.

[NateTheChops]

I do like the fact that you didn't kiss the sucky customer's ass.

I've had too many of these very similar incidents read like a I was a third world nation in negotiations with a nuclear power asking them not to build a vacation resort over my people's meager crops.

You stood your ground, kept the customers actually coming to you for business in mind and as respectfully but as firmly as possible told the customer where to go and how to get there without snapping and saying something you'd regret.

I sincerely applaud you.

[Marmalady]

*brain implodes*
did she want an engraved invitation or someone to actually lead her like the one customer did. or did she have blinders on? or wearing super thick glasses?

No, what she wanted, what all customers like this want, was for ShadowTiger to immediately stop what they were doing, never mind the line that had already formed, and personally lead her (if not physically carry her) all the way to the caulking.
Then help her decide which sort she wanted.
Then personally lead her (again, carrying is preferable) to a checkout, make sure once more that she had the right sort of caulking, pack her bag and escort her to the door, bidding her a respectful and cheery farewell and begging her to grace the shop with her esteemed presence again.

[Wenchie]

OMG... that hurt my brain.

I'm happy that customer saved you.

[morgana]

Man, that hurt just to read. If I'd been in line waiting for keys, I'd probably have dragged the . . . woman . . . off to the paint desk by her hair.

I'd suggest early-onset Alzheimers', but honestly I think LexiaFira nailed it. She probably did just want one of you to drop what you were doing (and leave all of your customers in the lurch) to attend to her specialness.

I think I need chocolate now.

[raw456]

My brain hurts

After the 3rd request,I would have been looking around for the hidden camera. It almost reads like a candid camera sketch. Had I been in the line, I would have taken her to the caulking area and shown her exactly how *I* would use the caulk and the best place to apply it