Identity Thief FAIL (language, long, but hilarity ensues)

[Seraph]

had to pretty much copypasta this. Names have been changed to protect the idiotic, LOL. And yes, I had some serious lolz in scaring the pee out of him.

Session Start (seraphsdesigns:FailThief): Mon Jul 11 20:58:26 2011 -0400
FailThief: Hello
Seraph: Hello
*** "FailThief (FailThief)" signed on at Mon Jul 11 20:58:32 2011.
FailThief: I am going to need a design soon and hve a question
Seraph: Ok
FailThief: Will i be able to edit the little boxes without having to have you do it for me
Seraph: If they aren't completely custom headers, yes.
FailThief: This is my site
FailThief: <link>
FailThief: ok good
Seraph: Do you need a list of prices?
Seraph: Or is this in regards to a premade?
FailThief: yea a remade
FailThief: But, how much for a custom
Seraph: Let me grab that real quick
FailThief: OK
Seraph:<price spiel>
FailThief: Ok, yea that is a little much for me at the moment. when traffic picks up, i may buy one
FailThief: once i get the money, im gonna buy one of urs tho
Seraph: Ok =)
FailThief: So how many do u sell a day?
Seraph: Depends, really. Its usually about 3-4 premades a week on average. Custom designs have really been spiking, about 1-2 per week
FailThief: Pretty good money then
Seraph: It would be, if the government didn't take about 16% of it, LOL
FailThief: Shh.. dont tell :-)
FailThief: tee hee
FailThief: why do u file it?
Seraph: Because I'd rather not end up in jail, LOL
FailThief: Well then im screwed!
Seraph: I hear you don't get video games there, haha
FailThief: im only 14 tho LOL
Seraph: PayPal reports everything now, so the IRS audits like mad
FailThief: so i dont need to pay taxes
FailThief: cuz im only 14!!
FailThief: i <3 youngness
Seraph: If you make over $600 in a year, you will need to
FailThief: f*ck that
Seraph: Sucks, but I had to do that =/
FailThief: i used a fake ssn with all my affiliates...
FailThief: prob not a good idea
Seraph: Uhhhh very not a good idea.
FailThief: will they find out?
Seraph: You will get ALL your money reversed
Seraph: Yes, yes they will.
FailThief: really :/
FailThief: but i think they only use it if u make 600$ or more
Seraph: They report it....using a false SSN is actually fraud
FailThief: fuck
FailThief: SHIT
Seraph: You know you can get your computer privileges literally revoked by the government for that
FailThief: omfg
Seraph: Like, literally they will confiscate your computer.
FailThief: lol
FailThief: im changing now
Seraph: No, I swear to god. They can do that.
FailThief: idk if i can change my ssn on this
Seraph: =/
FailThief: omg.
FailThief: ok, but i made 6 affiliate accts and only use one. what about the other 5, if i dont use them, can they still report me?
Seraph: I honestly have no idea
FailThief: ugh
FailThief: idk my real ssn
Seraph: Not a good idea to just make one up though :P
Seraph: I mean...that's a really *really* bad idea.
FailThief: fakenamegenerator.com ftw
FailThief: oh shit
FailThief: u have me scared shitless
Seraph: What in the WORLD were you thinking?
Seraph: Seriously, no offense? But when you make a business, you HAVE to be legit
FailThief: thinking i would save time
FailThief: yea
FailThief: it was the only thing i wasnt legit on
FailThief: :/
Seraph: You faked your name and SSN>
FailThief: not name
Seraph: Thats pretty darn big things to fake
FailThief: real name
FailThief: didnt fake name
Seraph: Ok, well even still
FailThief: yea
Seraph: Jeez louise....thats a pretty huge thing to falsify
FailThief: ok, i can change it
FailThief: asking my parents for my real one
Seraph: Holy mackerel, lol....if you accidentally hit on a REAL ssn, and somehow that person finds out?
Seraph: They can sic the Federal Trade Commission on you.
FailThief: omg
FailThief: fuck
FailThief: shit
FailThief: shit
FailThief: shit
FailThief: asssss
FailThief: this suckss
FailThief: brb
*** "FailThief (FailThief)" signed off at Mon Jul 11 21:31:04 2011.

I've already reported his website to the script company he bought it from, notified all the affiliates I can get a hold of.... The script company pulled his site within minutes of me notifying them, and the affiliates are all blacklisting him.

[Hawaiian Eskimo]

But it's like, the internet! You're supposed to be able to do whatever you waaannnnt.

In simpler words, "lol pwnt"

[Kristev]

He's just beseeching for all heaps of trouble. Mummy & Daddy dearest probably won't be too happy, or understand what's going on, should the police come knocking on the door like the Tommyknockers . . .

[RayvenQ]

Should have told him that you were legally obliged to report him, and see how scared he gets and how quick.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is something about the Internet that makes people do things they wouldn't otherwise if it didn't exist. They think there is absolute anonymity.

Maybe I have too much faith in humanity yet, but I can't imagine this kid going to a bank for a business loan and telling the loan officer "I created a fake SSN so I wouldn't have to pay taxes durr hurrr."

[Squeaksmyalias]

Maybe I have too much faith in humanity yet, but I can't imagine this kid going to a bank for a business loan and telling the loan officer "I created a fake SSN so I wouldn't have to pay taxes durr hurrr."

Poor dear, have you been drinking heavily? Or did you hit your head?

[taxguykarl]

FailThief: so i dont need to pay taxes
FailThief: cuz im only 14!!
FailThief: i <3 youngness
Seraph: If you make over $600 in a year, you will need to
FailThief: f*ck that
Seraph: Sucks, but I had to do that =/
FailThief: i used a fake ssn with all my affiliates...
...
FailThief: but i think they only use it if u make 600$ or more
Seraph: They report it....using a false SSN is actually fraud

OMG. And I thought the caller with that story was a crank. I doubt that this was the same one as that call was a couple years ago.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Poor dear, have you been drinking heavily? Or did you hit your head?

I had something dropped on my head today.

[Moosenogger]

LMFAO. I almost wish he did hit on a real SSN. Then, when the true owner of the number takes him to court, he'll understand why you don't just make up any old number and use it as your own.

Also, I'm sure the IRS will be real interested in him from now on. (Can you say "yearly audits"?)

[Andara Bledin]

Please don't wish that.

It's a lot harder than just going, "That's not my number" to get someone else's fraud out of your own information. Identity theft is expensive, painful, and time-consuming to correct and people have gone to jail over stuff they didn't do because of it.

^-.-^

[Kristev]

Only too true.

But why do I get the feeling this kid has inept criminality in his future instead of merely his recent past?

[Moosenogger]

Please don't wish that.

It's a lot harder than just going, "That's not my number" to get someone else's fraud out of your own information. Identity theft is expensive, painful, and time-consuming to correct and people have gone to jail over stuff they didn't do because of it.

^-.-^

That's why I said "almost."

[PepperElf]

The script company pulled his site within minutes of me notifying them, and the affiliates are all blacklisting him.

i love when you can actually get someone in trouble like that. i mean not that i'm a bitch ...well ok i am one sometimes but... sometimes it's nice to see people stopped when they're trying to scam like that.

had a case where some idiot tried tricking me into giving out my paypal info. only the moron used his COLLEGE personal webspace for it. ... so bitch that I am, I emailed their admin about the spoof email i'd gotten linking to his page.