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The route has some fun things, and some truly weird things, and some downright horrible things. I deliver to 8 separate neighborhoods, most of which are apt complexes. They have ALL every last one of them, gotten nicknames, some of which will be mentioned.
The Beer Gardens-
Mostly inhabited by college graduate age people, very pet friendly, this apt complex has some interesting encounters early in the morning, primarily from drunks. No actual SCs, as I have yet to encounter more than one of my actual customers.
Me:
CD: confused dude
*Carrying papers up to top floor of apt.*
CD: "hey... Do you have beer?"
Me: "no... I'm delivering the papers." *walks down hallway, comes back to find him blinking at me.*
CD "Papers... like... newspapers?"
Me: "yes....?"
CD "Do they come with beer now?"
Me: "....No....?"
CD: "Oh.... have a nice day then...?"
A momentary Delay
There are frequently beer bottles left abandoned along the stairs here. However, one morning I discovered that one of the apts I delivered to, someone had carefully lined up at least 250 so that they covered ALL of the stairs. 0_o
Party
Bumped into a party that was still going strong on two floors at 4 in the morning. Had two fun conversations with this one.
RDD: Random drunk dude
GIBI: Good intentions, bad ideas guy
Me: *delivering papers, stepping around people*
RDD: Oh, hey. Do you know where all the beer got to?
Me: "no, I'm just here to deliver papers."
RDD.: "Oh... I was really hoping...." *mumbles into presumably empty cup, then slides down wall*
GIBI spots me as I'm leaving. "Hey! You're working this early?!"
Me: "Yep. Making money to pay off college."
GIBI: "You need a beer!" *attempts to hand me beer*
Me: "Still got a long way to go and I'm driving."
GIBI: "Take it and drink it at the end!"
It smells of...
The next neighborhood isn't that bad, except for one little thing. This was best described by a good friend of mine who was helping me on the route one morning.
AF: Awesome Friend
*Gets back into car*
AF: "IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH IN THERE."
Me: "Yes, I know."
AF: "NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE SOMETHING DIED, IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH."
he actually looked panicked, and more so when I had no explanation for him except that they all either smelled of 'death' or really strong incense
I decided not to tell AF about the fact that this was one of the places people had decided to wander around in their underwear.
why the hell would you feel inclined to come to your door and open it in filthy underwear??
I am, unfortunately, unable to get into one of the apt complexes. I am perfectly happy to ring their doorbells, or put it on patios, but I will NOT stand there, at 3 in the morning, waiting for someone I don't know, after I have called hopefully their phone number. Not gonna happen.
Whatever they're on, a friend of mine wants some.
This next apt complex is locked, but I have the key. I just wish I had the key to understanding what went through some of the people's minds....
The chili incident.
I opened the door to find, laid out with almost ritual carefulness, a pile of beans, a pile of ground meat, a pile of cheese, a pile of spices a spoon, and a bowl with the word 'chili' written on a paper next to all of it. I feel sorry for the person who had to clean it.
A message
One of the apts has a message on the door. "You have managed to break your lock 6 times in two weeks. The lock is for your safety. Please stop. If you see someone breaking the lock, please report them."
I suspect I don't want to know
walked in to find that either someone wears too much laundry or they were having a random orgy in the hallway. 3 pairs of underwear, two bras, a shirt and a pair of pants. How do I know someone didn't drop their laundry? it was lodged in the celing tiles, draped over the railing, and on the doorknob. Went around to upstairs to avoid touching the underwear.
Erm.... I don't...
Some of you may remember my power. I did not think it would come into play with this few encounters with people.
DPLW: Determined but possibly lonely woman
*unlocking door, looks up to see DPLW standing there, dressed only in a short, red silk bathrobe.* It is 3:45 in the morning, give or take a couple of minutes, long before this would have been late.
Me: "Good morning...?"
DPLW: "Is that paper for ___"
Me: "yes....?"
DPLW: "Oh good. I was just really wanting to make sure I got my paper..." moves closer "It was always late last time you see..." *starts tugging on rope holding bathrobe closed, exposing more cleavage.
Me: "Well, I don't plan on having it be late this time." *leaves*
Land of the old. Theoretically, this neighborhood has someone under the age of 50 in it. I've just never seen any.
There is a paper thief in this neighborhood, so I am calling people to ask them where they'd like me to put their papers (front porch, mailbox proper etc)
"And Good Golly"
"Oh, I just don't want to make any more trouble"
Me: "That's perfectly alright ma'm, it's far more trouble to me when someone is making off with your papers, in your mailbox then?"
"Well Gee Jimmny Christmas! I'm so GLAD we have such a wonderful carrier such as you! Right there will work best!"
Geh! Thank you, but GEH!
NG: Ninja Grannie
*bringing paper up to front door, nobody around, 4 in the morning. Turns around*
NG: "Good morning." I would have sworn on any book you gave me that there had been nobody around, but I turn around and this sweet looking old woman dressed entirely in white is standing RIGHT BEHIND ME. The only possible hiding spots were the roof, and a group of thorn bushes.
"I've been trying to catch you for a while, you've been doing a great job." *hands me 20$ and walks past me, picks up paper, goes inside*
How... how can you telll.....?!
There is one house in which I put their paper on the porch. There are somewhere around 25 papers, untouched as far as I can work out, sitting on this porch. If I miss a day though, all hell breaks loose.
The Beer Gardens-
Mostly inhabited by college graduate age people, very pet friendly, this apt complex has some interesting encounters early in the morning, primarily from drunks. No actual SCs, as I have yet to encounter more than one of my actual customers.
Me:
CD: confused dude
*Carrying papers up to top floor of apt.*
CD: "hey... Do you have beer?"
Me: "no... I'm delivering the papers." *walks down hallway, comes back to find him blinking at me.*
CD "Papers... like... newspapers?"
Me: "yes....?"
CD "Do they come with beer now?"
Me: "....No....?"
CD: "Oh.... have a nice day then...?"
A momentary Delay
There are frequently beer bottles left abandoned along the stairs here. However, one morning I discovered that one of the apts I delivered to, someone had carefully lined up at least 250 so that they covered ALL of the stairs. 0_o
Party
Bumped into a party that was still going strong on two floors at 4 in the morning. Had two fun conversations with this one.
RDD: Random drunk dude
GIBI: Good intentions, bad ideas guy
Me: *delivering papers, stepping around people*
RDD: Oh, hey. Do you know where all the beer got to?
Me: "no, I'm just here to deliver papers."
RDD.: "Oh... I was really hoping...." *mumbles into presumably empty cup, then slides down wall*
GIBI spots me as I'm leaving. "Hey! You're working this early?!"
Me: "Yep. Making money to pay off college."
GIBI: "You need a beer!" *attempts to hand me beer*
Me: "Still got a long way to go and I'm driving."
GIBI: "Take it and drink it at the end!"
It smells of...
The next neighborhood isn't that bad, except for one little thing. This was best described by a good friend of mine who was helping me on the route one morning.
AF: Awesome Friend
*Gets back into car*
AF: "IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH IN THERE."
Me: "Yes, I know."
AF: "NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE SOMETHING DIED, IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH."
he actually looked panicked, and more so when I had no explanation for him except that they all either smelled of 'death' or really strong incense
I decided not to tell AF about the fact that this was one of the places people had decided to wander around in their underwear.
why the hell would you feel inclined to come to your door and open it in filthy underwear??I am, unfortunately, unable to get into one of the apt complexes. I am perfectly happy to ring their doorbells, or put it on patios, but I will NOT stand there, at 3 in the morning, waiting for someone I don't know, after I have called hopefully their phone number. Not gonna happen.
Whatever they're on, a friend of mine wants some.
This next apt complex is locked, but I have the key. I just wish I had the key to understanding what went through some of the people's minds....
The chili incident.
I opened the door to find, laid out with almost ritual carefulness, a pile of beans, a pile of ground meat, a pile of cheese, a pile of spices a spoon, and a bowl with the word 'chili' written on a paper next to all of it. I feel sorry for the person who had to clean it.
A message
One of the apts has a message on the door. "You have managed to break your lock 6 times in two weeks. The lock is for your safety. Please stop. If you see someone breaking the lock, please report them."
I suspect I don't want to know
walked in to find that either someone wears too much laundry or they were having a random orgy in the hallway. 3 pairs of underwear, two bras, a shirt and a pair of pants. How do I know someone didn't drop their laundry? it was lodged in the celing tiles, draped over the railing, and on the doorknob. Went around to upstairs to avoid touching the underwear.
Erm.... I don't...
Some of you may remember my power. I did not think it would come into play with this few encounters with people.
DPLW: Determined but possibly lonely woman
*unlocking door, looks up to see DPLW standing there, dressed only in a short, red silk bathrobe.* It is 3:45 in the morning, give or take a couple of minutes, long before this would have been late.
Me: "Good morning...?"
DPLW: "Is that paper for ___"
Me: "yes....?"
DPLW: "Oh good. I was just really wanting to make sure I got my paper..." moves closer "It was always late last time you see..." *starts tugging on rope holding bathrobe closed, exposing more cleavage.
Me: "Well, I don't plan on having it be late this time." *leaves*
Land of the old. Theoretically, this neighborhood has someone under the age of 50 in it. I've just never seen any.
There is a paper thief in this neighborhood, so I am calling people to ask them where they'd like me to put their papers (front porch, mailbox proper etc)
"And Good Golly"
"Oh, I just don't want to make any more trouble"
Me: "That's perfectly alright ma'm, it's far more trouble to me when someone is making off with your papers, in your mailbox then?"
"Well Gee Jimmny Christmas! I'm so GLAD we have such a wonderful carrier such as you! Right there will work best!"
Geh! Thank you, but GEH!
NG: Ninja Grannie
*bringing paper up to front door, nobody around, 4 in the morning. Turns around*
NG: "Good morning." I would have sworn on any book you gave me that there had been nobody around, but I turn around and this sweet looking old woman dressed entirely in white is standing RIGHT BEHIND ME. The only possible hiding spots were the roof, and a group of thorn bushes.
"I've been trying to catch you for a while, you've been doing a great job." *hands me 20$ and walks past me, picks up paper, goes inside*
How... how can you telll.....?!
There is one house in which I put their paper on the porch. There are somewhere around 25 papers, untouched as far as I can work out, sitting on this porch. If I miss a day though, all hell breaks loose.
That would definitely encourage more people to read the paper though: 
There has to be a story behind that!
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