Wow..wedding war! (minor swearing)

[fireheart]

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/c...-1226666684938

http://www.thespec.com/news-story/38...ift-firestorm/

So at a wedding in Canada, a couple gave a same-sex couple a gift consisting of various foods...I'm assuming for honeymoon-related activities

The brides reaction however...to demand that she be allowed to see the receipt and informing the guests in question that she was in fact gluten-intolerant.

War ensues....(second link)

There's a couple of swear words in the second link, but not enough to warrant a NSFW tag.

[Kaylyn]

"A wedding is to make money for your future..."

Funny, I thought a wedding was to GET MARRIED and celebrate your love with friends and family.

[Kheldarson]

Dear Lord. You never ask for gifts. Of any kind. For any event.

Your close relatives and friends can tell everyone else what you'd like, but you don't talk about it. Their presence should be gift enough.

[fireheart]

Dear Lord. You never ask for gifts. Of any kind. For any event.

For some birthday parties and some other occasions, we've received invites that have stated "If you would like to give us a gift, money towards <xyz> would be appreciated" usually something they actually NEED.

[Kheldarson]

For some birthday parties and some other occasions, we've received invites that have stated "If you would like to give us a gift, money towards <xyz> would be appreciated" usually something they actually NEED.

It's still considered inappropriate to have on the official invite. Unless you're hosting like a Tupperware party, and then it's understood you're bringing money to buy stuff.

Otherwise, a host throws a party to celebrate and entertain. A guest may bring a gift to show appreciation or to show their congratulations. But it's understood that the foremost gift is their presence. (Hence why formal invitations also tend to phrase the invitation as "would appreciate your presence" or "invite you to celebrate with us".) A guest is never required to bring a gift, which is why mentioning gifts is taboo.

Now, if you have an online presence for your party/celebration, a link to a registry is not frowned on. And, of course, letting it be known to friends and family who can spread the word as to what you'd prefer (like Kabe and I let it be known that we were saving for a decent mattress, but we still had a small registry so people could buy us other items if they'd prefer) is appropriate, and you can answer if asked directly. But should still preface with all you really need is their company.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"A wedding is to make money for your future..."

Funny, I thought a wedding was to GET MARRIED and celebrate your love with friends and family.

As did I. I must be going about things all wrong.

[fireheart]

It's still considered inappropriate to have on the official invite. Unless you're hosting like a Tupperware party, and then it's understood you're bringing money to buy stuff.

Otherwise, a host throws a party to celebrate and entertain. A guest may bring a gift to show appreciation or to show their congratulations. But it's understood that the foremost gift is their presence. (Hence why formal invitations also tend to phrase the invitation as "would appreciate your presence" or "invite you to celebrate with us".) A guest is never required to bring a gift, which is why mentioning gifts is taboo.

Oops, I probably should've clarified. Usually in the scenario I mentioned above, you're not obliged to give them a gift, but you can if you want to. I just don't have one of the invites around to actually LOOK at it. (ie my cousin's engagement party has the aforementioned line, but we're still giving them a gift anyway as more of a housewarming present)

I've heard of a number of weddings recently involving guests having a money well and people are invited to put money in there, but aren't expected to.

I've heard of cash weddings becoming more of a hit in recent years, although apparently the tradition spawned in Greece (except over there you pin the money to the bride's dress, not put it in a well)

[Kheldarson]

Oops, I probably should've clarified. Usually in the scenario I mentioned above, you're not obliged to give them a gift, but you can if you want to. I just don't have one of the invites around to actually LOOK at it. (ie my cousin's engagement party has the aforementioned line, but we're still giving them a gift anyway as more of a housewarming present)

I've heard of a number of weddings recently involving guests having a money well and people are invited to put money in there, but aren't expected to.

I've heard of cash weddings becoming more of a hit in recent years, although apparently the tradition spawned in Greece (except over there you pin the money to the bride's dress, not put it in a well)

Even with the "if you'd like", it's considered poor taste/manners to include any mention of gifts of any type on the invite. Of course, that doesn't stop people anyway.

I had a card/money box at my wedding as well. But my wedding site was the only place I even mentioned the fact that I had a registry. Of course, I gave the option of RSVP'ing on the site or with the formal card, so that's how I got the info out.

[EricKei]

This reminds me of one of my Dad's tales of his childhood -- Back then, it was acceptable for people who didn't even know the happy couple --including kids -- to attend the wedding and reception. They were welcomed like any other guest, on 2 conditions: (A) They behaved themselves like anyone else/offered their best wishes, and (B) they participated in the Money Dance, cash in hand.

For those unfamiliar with the latter, it's a tradition in some areas (in this case, New Orleans) where one of the later dances in the overall program consists of the bride (and groom) taking brief dances from anyone who wishes to do so, as long as they chip in some money towards the honeymoon fund. According to the Wiki, Ms Manners does not approve ... I'd hate to find out what she thinks of the OTHER grand tradition which is seen in almost EVERY New Orleans-area wedding reception, including every one which I have ever intended... The most-anticipated dance of the night: Strokin' (somewhat NSFW) And no, I'm not kidding.

[AnaKhouri]

You throw a party, you pay for it. End of story. We paid for our own wedding and while many people gave us gifts, we didn't expect it.

Lately I have been receiving invitatoins to showers/birthday parties with registry cards inside. I find this appalling, like they are assuming I owe them a gift in exchange for hte invite. I didn't do this for any of my showers; if someone was interested they could ask me or my mom or BFF.

On the flip side, I often receive invitations for friends' kids' birthday parties with 'No gifts please' written under the RSVP (as a mother, I understand this...kids have TOO MUCH STUFF these days).

But yeah, those brides are sickening. You NEVER criticize a gift; if you don't like it, give it away later after you've sent a thank you note for it. There's even a proverb telling us this: Never look a gift horse in the mouth (at least, not while the giver is there). And then to demand money for the privilege of attending their wedding! That pair deserves each other.

[Aislin]

I got married 3 months ago. If you got an announcement , it was because we couldn't afford to have you at the reception, if you received a invite it was because you were so close to us we couldn't imagine getting married without you. I didn't do a gift registry because we have been together 5 years and we HAVE all those little things people register for. I received a far bit of unsolicited cash, but I also received some of the sweetest most thoughtful gifts, like a hand carved bowl for our wedding bands and a picture frame for our wedding picture. I received gift baskets with pasta, and I am gluten intolerant. Guess what? I said thank you and have made the pasta for my husband who isn't gluten intolerant, because you know, he likes pasta sometimes. These women disgust me.

[Kheldarson]

This reminds me of one of my Dad's tales of his childhood -- Back then, it was acceptable for people who didn't even know the happy couple --including kids -- to attend the wedding and reception. They were welcomed like any other guest, on 2 conditions: (A) They behaved themselves like anyone else/offered their best wishes, and (B) they participated in the Money Dance, cash in hand.

For those unfamiliar with the latter, it's a tradition in some areas (in this case, New Orleans) where one of the later dances in the overall program consists of the bride (and groom) taking brief dances from anyone who wishes to do so, as long as they chip in some money towards the honeymoon fund. According to the Wiki, Ms Manners does not approve ... I'd hate to find out what she thinks of the OTHER grand tradition which is seen in almost EVERY New Orleans-area wedding reception, including every one which I have ever intended... The most-anticipated dance of the night: Strokin' (somewhat NSFW) And no, I'm not kidding.

Sometimes tradition overrides manners. And this might be one of those cases, particularly within very ethnic families and neighborhoods. I'd also bet that the money dance isn't mentioned on invitations either. Plus, it's an optional activity.

So point still stands that these brides were immensely rude to throw a gift back in their guest's face and basically demand payment for attending their party. They're very bad hostesses.

[Eevie]

Wow. Personally, I'd be pleased to get anything at all. The fact that they got food for those first few days is a wonderful thing. Those brides are just ungrateful, simple as that. And I actually found that gift idea to be really cute! Might try it for the next wedding I go to. I know when my cousin got married, she and husband were living off of TV dinners and instant ramen those first couple of weeks after their honeymoon. They would've been thrilled with a gift like this. Those two were just ungrateful little bitches.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I just had a radical idea. The married couple could have donated the unwanted food to a food bank if they couldn't use it.

Crazy, I know.

[Titi]

The comments from this yahoo article are reassuring. I haven't read them all but in the ones I have read NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON agreed with the brides.

http://gma.yahoo.com/online-war-erup...ws-health.html