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  • #1

    Resignation Letter Generator *NWS*

    Well, it's not work safe. But it is funny.

    http://www.porkjerky.com/resign.htm

    This is the letter I wanted to send when I quit the garden centre.


    Idiot Manager
    Garden Centre

    Re: Resignation, Rapture & Tribulation


    Dear Idiot Manager;

    Due to impending world catastrophes as prophesized in the Koran, both the old and new testaments and Pete Rose's Winning Baseball; and because recent Zodiac and United Nations' actions have since verified these prophesies: I must regretfully inform Garden Centre that I resign my position as a Pet Unit Manager effective immediately.



    May God Have Mercy On Your Souls,




    Lace



    P.S. I hope you choke to death and drown in vomit.

    P.P.S. And not your own.
    People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
    My DeviantArt.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    June 2, 2007




    Seymour Munch
    Crappy Store

    Re: My Indentured Servitude


    Dear Seymour Munch,

    I am not some 8 year-old Indonesian kid that Crappy Store can pay just 32 cents an hour, beat with a cane and assrape as it pleases for 16 hours a day. For the love christ, I am a Whipping Boy. That position should command respect and be idolized. For god's sake, even in uncivilized societies virgins would be sacrificed, dances would be performed and feasts would be had in my honor. But not here.

    So, while I have enjoyed being brutally sodomized and subjugated by you, another opportunity has arisen. Despite the fact that this new offer does not come from an organization with demeaning conditions, no hope of advancement nor the opportunity to be literally raped in the ass by small cocked supervisors like yourself, I have accepted.

    Fuck you and your fat gay lover,


    I.P Freleigh

    P.S. I hope you choke to death and drown in vomit.

    P.P.S. And not your own.

    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment

    • #3
      i'm going to hell for this and these are made up names BTW:


      June 2, 2007




      Sue
      Our Marriage

      Re: My Indentured Servitude




      Dear Sue,

      I am not some 8 year-old Indonesian kid that Our Marriage can pay just 32 cents an hour, beat with a cane and assrape as it pleases for 16 hours a day. For the love christ, I am a Husband. That position should command respect and be idolized. For god's sake, even in uncivilized societies virgins would be sacrificed, dances would be performed and feasts would be had in my honor. But not here.

      So, while I have enjoyed being brutally sodomized and subjugated by you, another opportunity has arisen. Despite the fact that this new offer does not come from an organization with demeaning conditions, no hope of advancement nor the opportunity to be literally raped in the ass by small cocked supervisors like yourself, I have accepted.



      Fuck you and your fat gay lover,




      Bob



      P.S. Hopefully the monkey you get to replace me won't throw his own shit with the accuracy in which I did mine.

      Comment

      • #4
        June 2, 2007

        Sucky Boss
        Sucky Company

        Re: EOE Violations


        Dear Mr Cactussofarupyouranusthatyoucouldchewonit Sucky Boss;

        I will no longer allow myself to be used and abused as everyone at Toddler Murdering Inc Sucky Company seems to enjoy so much. I mean it is horrendously atrocious what you people put me through. I am treated as if I am black. Or a woman.

        God forbid, sometimes the treatment I receive is as bad as if I were a black woman. No one deserves that. No one. Which is why I must resign my position as a cashier effective immediately.

        Shove that up your cracker ass, if there's room behind the cactus.


        jb17kx

        P.S. The headphones, tupperware, naked pictures of your children and mouse pad at my desk are my personal property. I would appreciate their return.
        I think, therefore I am. But I am micromanaged, therefore I am not.

        Comment

        • #5
          Quoth jb17kx View Post
          I will no longer allow myself to be used and abused as everyone at Toddler Murdering Inc Sucky Company seems to enjoy so much. I mean it is horrendously atrocious what you people put me through. I am treated as if I am black. Or a woman.

          God forbid, sometimes the treatment I receive is as bad as if I were a black woman. No one deserves that. No one. Which is why I must resign my position as a cashier effective immediately.

          .
          Maybe back in the forties, but not in this day in age.

          Comment

          • #6
            The humour is in the fact it's so innapropirate for today's world...
            I think, therefore I am. But I am micromanaged, therefore I am not.

            Comment

            • #7
              I like this one even better:

              June 3, 2007




              Jacque Strap
              Crappy Store

              Re: Changes To Employee Benefits


              Dear Jacque Strap;

              I find it disappointingly ironic that Crappy Store's new policy forbidding the use of company computers to view child pornography was put in place under the guise of "increasing productivity". When in fact everyone knows it has had the exact opposite effect.

              I, and all my coworkers, now have to spend at least three times as long surfing for near-kiddie porn as we did when our bookmarks were not blocked by the firewall. Furthermore, since it is near-kiddie porn, (i.e. diaper ads, Ann Gedes albums, birth announcements, etc.) and not the high grade photos I have come accustomed to; it's no longer as fulfilling as it once was. This should explain to my "sour disposition" and "increasingly poor attitude" that you noted on my permanent records.

              Also, as noted in my most recent annual review, my attendance is lacking and my duties as a store bitch are being neglected. To those comments allow me to retort: "Duh". A motivation for me coming to work was removed. Of course I am more inclined to not want to be here. What's next? Our dental plan? Maybe the 401(k)? How about we sell all the furniture and use milk crates?

              Therefore, because of these increasingly ludicrous work conditions, I quit. I will be able to focus my time on seeking employment with a company that properly motivates its employees and provides them with the tools to be successful and gratified with their employment.

              Au Revoir Ass Felcher,


              I.P Freleigh

              P.S. Please return the jar in the refrigerator in which I keep my feces. Thank you.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

              Comment

              • #8
                June 3, 2007




                Middle Aged Cows
                ABC Factory

                Re: Resigning On Good Terms




                Dear Middle Aged Cows;

                While I may be may be justified in raping your spouse, disemboweling you and decapitating your children as your family sleeps, have no fear: I will not rape your spouse, disembowel you nor decapitate your children as your family sleeps. What I am going to do though, with this notice, is resign my position with ABC Factory all without raping your spouse, disemboweling you and decapitating your children as your family sleeps.

                Granted, a person with a weaker moral system or a stronger sense of revenge than I would most likely rape your spouse, disembowel you and decapitate your children as your family sleeps. I, though, am a stronger person. One who does not need to rape your spouse, disembowel you nor decapitate your children as your family sleeps. Unfortunately, though, I must resign.

                So while you do need to worry about finding another Operator to fill my vacancy, you shouldn't worry about me raping your spouse, disemboweling you or decapitating your children as your family sleeps.



                Tell the wife and kids I said 'hello',




                Blas



                P.S. Attached is a graphic depiction of how I am going to rape your dog, along with a couple of sketches.




                Haha, sounds about right. Take that you middle aged cows and you can shove your drama right up your lazy fat asses.

                I don't want to go to work tonight.
                You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

                Comment

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