What's your Horrorscope?

[Lace Neil Singer]

http://www.pessimysticmeg.tk/

Today, mine for Cancer is:

Your life is in the balance and you need to weigh up your decisions. You have had full measure of zodiac metaphors and go on a killing rampage with a pair of brass kitchen scales. Lucky weight: carat

Lucky sexual position: Number 17

[cinema guy]

In your rush to prepare for your coming sexual encounter, you will fail to notice that the condom has been used before. You will realise this only when you feel the cold liquid against your skin rather than the warm sensation you usually feel.

Unlucky racist: Your Nan

Well both my Nans are dead.

[kerrisan]

Hmm. Don't see Leo.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"Leo" is hidden under the banner ad on the right of the screen.

Mine for Virgo reads:

Your confidence will soar today when you believe a work colleague is flirting with you, but face facts, you're an ugly bastard and you never pull.

Unlucky boy band: The Osmonds

[Lace Neil Singer]

Hmm. Don't see Leo.

Here's your Leo for today!

Your boss fancies you. Do whatever you can to accommodate his lust.


Unlucky condom: Beer flavoured

[kerrisan]

Ahh, thanks!

Mars is making you as angry as a bumble bee trapped inside an empty milk bottle! It is essential that you express these intense emotions through some form of vegetable mutilation, preferably in a public area like a restaurant.

Lucky cabbage: Red cabbage

Well, I was pretty mean to my lunchtime salad . . .

[Killer Bees]

Today for Taurus, mine reads:

"You will die a horrible fiery death. Lucky number: three. Lucky redneck: Dolly Parton"

[Lil Bunny]

Heh I'm a scorpio:

Bring out the gimp. Thats you that is.

Lucky painkiller: Heroin

[Greenday]

Here's Pisces

Lump at the back of your trousers? Don't sit down before investigating.

Lucky lesbian: Martina Navratilova

[Gawdzillers]

On April 1 your doctor will call you to tell you the implants you received are in fact not saline. They're his grandparents' colostomy bags.

You'll decide they still make a nice D-cup.

Lucky tenor: Capua

[Nicolego]

Lucky capricorns

Snakes! Snakes! Watch out for the killer snakes! Oh, too late.

Unlucky poo type: Runny

[Lace Neil Singer]

Eww...

Today is falling piano day. Beware the sign of the crooked horse. Eat brocolli and feel the wrath of dogs.

Your lucky number is 69.

Unlucky luck: Luck of the Irish

[AFpheonix]

Despite your unpleasant demeanour, tramps will warm to you today and insist upon sharing their cider with you.

Lucky number: 0

Yay, hobos!

[Lace Neil Singer]

Like, er, you're going to have a really, really cool day. Chill out and enjoy the good vibes. You lucky colour is sort of pink with a bit of green, you know like ...... what's one of those things you .... wow, good weed man ...

Lucky dead person: you

O_o

[ThePhoneGoddess]

You will be responsible for the extinction of the albatross.

Lucky sexual position: awake