Dear....

[Becks]

Dear Jester,

If I were single, I'd throw myself at you.

Don't know how far I'd get, considering the distance, but..

Oh yeah...

Some clever closing,

Becky

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Evil Irv:

Wait until EQ is asleep, then escape just like we planned. You do have the hacksaw, the chloroform and the can of baked beans as an emergency backup, right?

Awaiting your safe return,
Good Irv

[TequilaSunrise]

Dear Kusophiles,

Please add me to the harem.

Hopelessly in love,

TS

Dear Brain,
Please, please shut down so I can go to sleep.

Exhausted body

[CaroPhoenix]

"Dear" L,

Yesterday was a really nice sun-shiney day. I decided that I was going to celebrate it by wearing my nice, bright yellow dress. I actually looked like girl! (I know, I know ... can y'all imagine?)

Just because I was bright and shiny yesterday, did not mean you were allowed to follow me around the store for the hour we were working together. I know you get distracted by bright and shiny objects, but really ... next time, I rip off your head (and I haven't decided which one yet 'cos you don't use either). Let me talk to the customers without you interrupting every few seconds.

Not happy,
IDaR

P.S. Now I need to go someplace and buy me some Sailor Jerry.

[Peppergirl]

Dear Kus,

There is a granny member of your harem who is a travel agent. Quit bitching about fares. I'm a miracle worker.

Love,
Pepper



Dear rest of harem,

As the oldest member, I get first shot.

Love,
Pepper



Dear Jester,

I'm sure you're just as adorable as Kus. STFU already. We'll fawn over you too.

Love,
Pepper



Dear skin,

I already asked you yesterday to forgive me for exposing you to a horrible sun/wind burn while in florida. Please accept my apology already and quit hurting.

Love,
Pepper



Dear Jetta,

I don't like you. I miss my jeep. I will never like you.

Love,
Pepper

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Pot,

You are black.

That is all.

Your ever-suffering,
Kettle

[crazylegs]

Dear Women who complain that there are no nice guys left:

Want to know what happened to them? YOU DID.

You see, you HAD the shot at a nice guy. If you think back, there was always a time in your life where you had a platonic guy pal who always wanted to be more, but you shrugged him off because he just wasn't your type for whatever reason your immature mind came up with. Too fat, short, poor, etc, and you tried to go after the dreamboat guy that ended up cheating on you or kicking you to the curb after he got tired of you putting out. You resented the nice guy's devotion and friendship and didn't return in kind beyond the level that was just enough to keep him around for support. Eventually, he got the hint that if he wanted to date someone like you, he'd have to act like the assholes that you had been dating. So he cleaned up his act and got some backbone when it came to what he wanted. And truth be told, turned into more of a cynical asshole than he ever wanted to be. You kept going off and doing your own thing.

So now you've still been chasing guys who still fit this horrible infantile shallow taste that you have and having only been encountering players and assholes. You try the bar and club scene for a few years, wondering "What happened to the nice guys?"

Want to know what happened to all the nice guys? You did. If only you were five years younger, or had the ability then to see what you had right in front of you at the time.

Most women will only have a handful of "nice" guys come into their lives. So please, stop misrepresenting what it is you want and grow up, or admit ot the fact that you've completely screwed yourself over. You aren't getting any younger.

Sincerely -

Someone who is STILL trying hard to be a nice guy

Dear UK ladies

Please re-read the above letter which I have quoted for emphasis.

Yours frustratedly

Crazylegs

[Igorina]

Dear emo-Kus,

Got any reccomendations for music to listen to? I'm going through my own li'l patch of it right now, and my music list could use some expanding.

Signed,
emo-Igorina

P.S. The punning bio-geek in me almost typed, 'emu' instead of 'emo', but I figured neither one of us is a large flightless bird from Australia.

Dear Jester,

I, for one, am a fan of your sense of humour and rapier wit. I even have red hair.

Igorina

[Becks]

Dear me,

Wait a few weeks, then if it seems the right thing, really look into a transfer.

Seriously.

This BS has to stop.

Advisingly,

Myself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Anthony,

Thanks again for the Klondike bar you gave me yesterday. And to offer such a wide selection...You're a sweetheart. It's no wonder I adore the guys in the meat department.

Easily pleased,

Rebecca

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Tommy Teddybear,

Yeah, I'm off from work today, but you won't realize it for a few hours.

Remember, the gum is in the top drawer of your desk. I even left a note for you stating that.

Sharingly,

#1 fan girl

[monolayth]

Dear Jester,

I told you, that you have fans. The only difference is Kus posted hot costumed pics.

One of your fans,
Monoalyth

[Jester]

I'm sure you're just as adorable as Kus. STFU already. We'll fawn over you too.

Ah, but I am not looking for web fan girls. Thanks, but I don't need fawning over from afar. This may shock some of y'all, but that has never been what I'm about.

I, for one, am a fan of your sense of humour and rapier wit. I even have red hair.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

For some reason people seem to think that red hair is a good thing for me. Yes, I have had a weakness for it, but I seem to not have the best luck with redheads. Betrayers, flings, drunks, psychos, felons... Don't take this the wrong way, but somehow I am thinking that redheads may not be in my best interest!

I told you, that you have fans. The only difference is Kus posted hot costumed pics.

I have posted costumed pics. Oh, wait....forgot about that one word: "hot."

[Peppergirl]

Thanks, but I don't need fawning over from afar.

Who said anything about 'from afar'?

I kid, I kid.

[Becks]

I have posted costumed pics. Oh, wait....forgot about that one word: "hot."

Hey, a man in full jester's costume...VOTING...is just ROWR.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Dear Kusanagi,

Sorry I vanished off the messenger last night, there was some heavy ass wind that took out our phone lines. It'll be fixed by tonight if you want to talk more. Vent away

Hint hint
Mysty



Dear Whiny Ass BITCHES Who Call Me,

WHINING at me that your shitty fluff piece didn't run on the front page of the Sunday edition means SHIT to me. I DON'T CARE. They pay me to pretend I care to your face, but the instant you turn your back, I am flipping you off, swearing, and pummeling an effigy of you into dust. If you just call and ask if it ran, fine, that's acceptable. If you waste five minutes of my time bitching and moaning that a reporter "promised" you it would run, which is a BLATANT GODDAMN LIE, because that is the very first rule we drill into new reporters heads "NEVER PROMISE ANYTHING" then I'm going to be very hard-pressed to do a damn thing to help you in any way, shape or form.

In fact, once I've ascertained what you're whining about, I'll probably tune out 30 seconds in because you aren't going to say anything other than the "professional" version of "LICK MY BOOTS WORSHIP ME PEON" and I have more important things I can be doing than listening to that, like looking at pictures of Matt Hardy's naked butt.

Yes, I'm sure that you think your story about how your TRACTOR DEALERSHIP has celebrated it's TENTH ANNIVERSARY is FRONT PAGE WORTHY, but see, we have this thing we're printing...let's see...oh yeah, it's called NEWS. We print that, not fluffy bunny bullshit about how a tractor store has managed not to implode in the middle of FARM COUNTRY.

In conclusion, bitch, I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION. In fact, let me make sure I eat a big cheesy meat-covered pizza first so I can be SURE that you catch a good whiff of how much I care.

GROWL
Mysty

[tropicsgoddess]

Dear M,

I know you and J have known each other for years and you're a cool guy and decent looking. Aside from that you work, you're a nice guy but sometimes too nice to a fault . What bugs DF, me and everybody else that knows you is your "taste" in women and how you're pussy whooped. All the girls you've been with and even your current girlfriend V are ugly enough to make Jabba the Hut look good with the brains the size of pecans. Surprisingly they've managed to play you like a toy and manipulate the hell out of you. Hell, when me, DF and his mom went out to the bar, the cool chick you never called back was still working there!!! You could've been with somebody who was vivacious,independent, laid-back and smart with good looks but instead you settled with the high strung old cow with shit for brains who sits on her ass and doesn't work. Now you're stuck because she's pregnant!!! All I can say is good luck because you're gonna need it.


Tropicsgoddess