Dear....

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Dear Mosquitoes-

Go find another buffet to snack on. I am NOT a pizza, nor do I like to resemble one with all these pink spots on me from where you've bitten me relentlessly every time I set foot outside all summer long.

Sincerely-
Me

[CaroPhoenix]

"Dear" cataract in Child Rum's right eye,

Why did you have to grow bigger? Who is feeding you?

Child's vision is now 20/100.

We have to patch her left eye (to strengthen the bad right eye) for 2 hours. 2. HOURS. Do you realize how hard it is to get her to wear her patch for 30 minutes?


Rummy
-----------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

What possessed you to go out running across the street to Daddy and Daddy's friend wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of underpants?

*going insane*
Momma Rum

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear Becks and Bella,

I have a On Notice board (from the Colbert Report) on my file drawer at work. Lower back is on it.

Also Wednesday.

-BE

Dear Eyes,

Stop it please.

-me

[Becks]

Dear BE,

That's something I simply must order for myself.



--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear MOTH,

Yeah. Um... Yeah.

I don't like you right now.

--me

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Dear RTO Store-

Your crew made me one very happy customer today when I came by today with my Mom to look for a new tv set. While we didn't expect it to be delivered before we got home, it was still great to come home and the tv was already set up and connected to the satellite receiver and my DVD/VCR unit and everything was working like a charm.

I'm still blown away at how awesome your service was.

Sincerely-
DGoddessChardonnay

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear everyone,

Tomorrow is the first day of school for Child Rum. She's entering 2nd grade.

I don't know if I should: or or

Maybe all 3?

Rummy
------------------------------------
Dear Ashton Kutcher,

After I throw Child Rum on the bus, I'm going to be going out and buying "Killers" on DVD.

Sincerely,
A fan named Rummy

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Dear Dingbat-

Just saw on FB you and Homer finally got your first apartment. Hope everything goes well for you.

Just remember though: the smoke detector ain't no timer. But at least we won't have to worry about a fire since Homer's a trained fire fighter.

Love-
Your Oldest Sister

PS - Come and get your dishes that I promised you . . . just call and we'll have some boxes for you.

[fireheart]

Dear Sara Lee Cheesecake bites,

You are heaven. Absolute heaven.

Love,
Me.

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear leg--

Please stop hurting. I've taken so many pain meds in the last 12 days that I fear for my liver.

Seriously.



--me

[tropicsgoddess]

To the next door neighbors,

For the love of all things holy....SHUT THE HELL UP!!! We're tired of hearing you and your boy toy or whatever he is to you having loud ass arguments day in and out. Even after you've been told by the landlady and cops to quit it you still keep going on and on! Do us all a favor and take that crap on Jerry Springer or somewhere far away from here. Or hell, break up with him, take some counseling or something! Just shut up already! Sheesh!

-Me.

[cewfa]

Dear Ex-Friend,
I miss you despite the way treated me and that makes me sad, lonely, and angry at the same time. I know you care, why won't you show it?

Dear Soon to be Ex-Friends,
Ex-Friend (mentioned above) and I are not going to be friends until she proves to me that she sincerely wants to be my friend. You guys need to accept that and accept that I am not going to let her manipulate me and accept that the world doesn't revolve around her. Don't shun me because she is being a bitch towards me.

Dear Soon to be Ex-Friend,
Don't get pissed off because I tried to cheer you up because you were stupid enough to fall in love with a married woman. She isn't going to leave her husband for you, she probably doesn't have the guts to leave her husband. Quit being a prick and let me be there for you.

Love all,
Bubba.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear guy at the eye doctor,

I feel like I'm in middle school but I really want to find an excuse to come back...


The girl who's been there twice in the last two weeks*

*(legitimately)

[cewfa]

Dear Girl I am talking to,
Please don't fall for me. I am getting ready to go back to school in another state and don't really want a relationship. Besides that, I am a slob and an asshole (not really). Please, please, please, don't fall for me.

[CaroPhoenix]

To the Asshat that RAN THROUGH THE LIGHTS OF THE SCHOOL BUS PICKING MY DAUGHTER UP,

F you. Just F you!

Just. because. there. is. a. school. bus. in. front. of. a. house. And. just. because. the. little. girl. has. walked. onto. said. bus. DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BLOW THROUGH THE STOP SIGN AND FLASHING LIGHTS. MY DAUGHTER IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT SETTLED INTO HER SEAT. SHE HAS TO BE BUCKLED IN.

I swear to God the next time you blow through the lights of that bus, I'm chasing after you and getting your plate number and siccing the cops on you.

Sincerely,
An irate parent named Rummy

PS AND NOOOOOO, WAVING AS YOU PROCEED FORWARD DOES. NOT. EXEMPT. YOU. FROM. WHAT. YOU. DID.

PSS My daughter rides a special needs bus. So calm your horses!!!!!!

[Peppergirl]

Dear Coffee Machine,

PLEASE just learn to make yourself. Oh, I know all I have to do is load you up and turn on the timer, but even THAT is too much trouble lately.

Love,

Pepper