Dear....

[Sakka]

Dear sister-in-law,

How nice to finally meet you. However, did you really need to bring your pomeranian rat dog with you?

So far, it has bullied my cat into him wondering if this is even his house anymore and has barked incessantly at me.

For future reference, when ones pet, offspring, whatever misbehaves, the correct response includes, but is not limited to: embarassment, horror, shock, anger at pet/offspring/whatever, etc. Not on this list in any way, shape, or form, is humour or amusement.

Given the above, I oh so loved your response of laughter, general amusement, and the comment of '(dog) is just showing you what she thinks of you (Sakka)' when informed that your pom dog left a pile on my bedroom floor while I was at work, bit your mother-in-law, and tried her best to bite your father-in-law.

Debating between looking for recipes involving dog and wondering what the local coyotes like their dog to be basted in, me.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear AllRecipes.com,

You rock! Without you, I was going to have to call take-out for dinner.

You're #1 fan,
Rummy

[dragon_wings]

Dear SM,
When you get back from your vacation I'm gonna ask for your ok to redye my bangs. Please say yes. *begs* I got my haircut today and I miss the pink (which was supposed to be purple). My natural color is... Too boring and, well normal.
Thanks,
Dragon_Wings

[Sarlon]

dear aunt who married my mother's brother,

Go die in a fire....you made the entire waitstaff of the restruants VERY unhappy, you argued over every little detail, you controlled the ENTIRE weekend.

Go die in a fire and let my uncle be happy!

Not so lovingly yours (die in a fire),
Sarlon

[monolayth]

Not so dear migraine,

GTFO!

Blargle,
Mono

[Becks]

Dear feet,

Yes, I know it's insanely hot again.

That does NOT mean you have to start swelling again.



--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear mosquito bites,

I don't know, and I don't want to know, how you got where you are.

Just stop itching.

*sigh*

--me

[dragon_wings]

Dear random dude(s) on my front porch,
STOP PACING! It's creeping me out seeing a shadow just move back and forth in my window. Plus I'm afraid you can see *in* my room despite the stained glass and sheer curtains on the side windows.
Gah!
Creeped the fuck out,
Dragon_Wings

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Becks,

Sea Breeze astringent will work on the itching of the mosquito bites. I know from experience.


Rummy

[Becks]

Dear Rummy,

I wonder if the Wal-Mart equivalent works the same?

Love,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Man of the Household™,

I really appreciate you getting me some Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream.

That being said, if you eat it, you will not enjoy the pain I will inflict on you after I find out.

Love,

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear anyone that might be amused by this,

When my feet swell, the only part that doesn't is my heels.

I wonder why that is.

Anyone have a theory?

Questioningly,

Becks

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Dear Duke Power-

Quit playing with the electricity in the neighborhood . . . I'm not wild about having my evening outside interrupted because the lights go out. This ain't exactly the safest of neighborhoods here, ya know.

Besides, I get cranky when my internet connection goes out . . .

Regards-

DGoddess

[Eisa]

Dear Aunt,

I love you, you know I do...BUT YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! WHY must you yell for me like a large boulder has just fallen on you, only to find out you want brownies added to your grocery list? Why must you call me only to give me U.S. history lessons? I don't give a fuck, I really don't. I'm sorry. I'm 23 years old, I'm out of college, I don't need the lectures.

And yes, I AM grateful that you're letting me live here rent-free. Truly, I am. I have no problem helping you around the apartment. I do have a problem with you wanting me to do everything. In a day. And how you keep bitching about losing money. You know why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A HOARDER. And a SPENDER. You just spent hundreds of dollars on clothes. Shit you don't need. I know you've lost a shitload of weight. You don't need THAT big a wardrobe!

And FFS, stop joking about kicking me out. It hurts my feelings.


Love,

Your niece

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Dishwasher,

Why did you have to conk out? I hate washing my dishes by hand! Why did your motor have to break? I hate appliance shopping!

Grrrrr,
Rummy

[AnaKhouri]

Dear Mr. George RR Martin:

New book on Tuesday. More Hound please. Thank you.

Love, Ana

[monolayth]

Dear Charles,

Leave the books alone! Also books do not need chicken!

Sigh,
mom.

[Treasure]

Dear neighbors:

this is an apartment complex, not a dorm, not a frat, this is not "Friends".... please, respect my side of the "porch" and don't use the common stairs as your: lawn furniture,living room, trashcan, "bedroom?" children's jungle-gym.

also, your children are under 10yr old - there is no good excuse for them to be running around and screaming at 11pm - NONE! please, keep them in the house if you're not going to make them go to bed

do not hold phone conversations, while leaning (or close enough to do so) against my patio; also please keep your children from playing infront of my patio - i realize there is a 3 foot space between my patio, and the edge of the "lawn" however - that means there is only 3 feet between safety and your sweet little angel falling 6 feet to the parking lot - there are plenty of other more appropriate areas where they can play - if you'd get out of your house(s) and actually take them there - like the park, around the corner - instead of blasting your music and ignoring them, and then not knowing when they leave the apt, and (hopefully) go upstairs (or down) to your sister's apt.....

no love,
your neighbor, Treasure

ps - you do NOT want to get in a volume war with me - bagpipes will drown out tejano music - you will lose!