Dear....

[Princess-Snake]

Dear new IV line,
You are only two weeks old, and probably still getting used to things, so let me give you some advice. Bleeding through the bandage is not a good idea. This usually indicates that there is something wrong with you and that you must be replaced. My dad will take a look at you when he gets home in a few minutes to confirm that I am not crazy and that you actually are bleeding. When he gets home, do yourself a favor, and stop bleeding or both you and I will regret it.
Sincerely,
Me

Dear Daddy,
Should I start packing a suitcase?
Love,
Your Daughter

[protege]

Dear assclowns at the garage...

Pardon my French, but fix my fucking car already! It's been sitting in the exact same spot for over 3 weeks now. I know this, because it's the only orange GT there...and I pushed it to where it's sitting now. Also, and quit whining about how it's taking up space--that's your fault, not mine. Oh, and I don't think I'll be coming back for service--I'm going to learn to fix it myself. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

--Pro

Dear Baxter and Sally,

Was it really necessary to play most of last night? Running around, I can handle...but not 3 straight hours of meowing. At least neither of you attempted to climb into bed with me. At least not that I could tell

--Pro

Dear Alana and Morris*,

Quit sulking in the workshop already. Morris, I know you haven't moved from under the table in several months, and yes I do know that your tires are cracked. I have new ones...but I've been too busy to fit them. Alana, I know that your paint job looks like shit, but again, I've been too busy to fix that.

--Pro

*those are the Radio-Flyer wagons I once used to deliver newspapers. After many years of hard use, they're enjoying a gentler life of keeping tools off the floor and serving as mobile workshops. That's not to say I don't occasionally use them for hauling mulch or dirt. Not often though--I have a knackered '59 R-F for that

[Princess-Snake]

Dear line,
I told you so.
Sincerely,
Me

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Self,

Why are you dizzy? Please make it stop! I no like being dizzy this late at night and not being able to sleep 'cos child has decided now is the time to be wide-eyed and bushy tailed.

Dizzily,
IDaR

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks and Mr. Becks--

WELCOME HOME!

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

Thanks.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to stop by when we were (kinda) in the area. Blame the men I was traveling with.

Still recovering,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Paul,

Thank you for introducing me to the slice of heaven that is frozen hot chocolate from the coffee shop downstairs.

Nummers,

your favorite sister (at the moment)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Bear,

Thanks for supplying the pizza on Thursday. I owe you big time.

Love,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Julie,

Thanks for supplying the pizza on Friday. I owe you, too.

Love,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Patty Moo,

Thanks for doing some of our laundry. You rock.

Also, thanks for bringing some of the brood to help. Please thank them for me and Mr. Becky.

Love,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mommy,

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to see you yet. Soon, I hope.

Missing you,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear apartment,

You are just way too cute for words. I love you.

Except for the kitchen, but that's OK. Everything else makes up for it.

Swooning,

me

[Misanthropical]

Dear husband,

Thank you for finally realizing that I want nothing to do with phones when I'm not at work. I am on the phone all night at work and don't want to deal with the phone when I'm off the clock.


Dear oldest son,

You don't realize how relieved I was that you can not drive till you are 16. Yes, I worry, deal with it.


Dear Stupid,

I realized there was a God when you were moved two aisles away. However, it is extremely rude to keep shouting out a person's name over and over again, while they are talking to me.

Oh, and here is a novel idea, how about actually doing your job at some point. That means you have to be at your desk instead of walking around talking to friends or making personal calls to your BabyDaddy.


Dear BossMan,

I was wondering if you were going to hose me when my 6 month probations was over. Thank you for not betraying my trust in you.


Dear Idiot Coworkers,

Stop sending me dumb shit through our work email. Did you all eat a big heaping bowl of stupid or what?

Bill Gates is not going to send any of you dipshits millions of dollars for forwarding emails. Don't make me have to beat the stupid out of the lot of you.


Dear Self,

What the heck is up with always making a mess when trying to eat something? Stop it.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Marriage,

Why can't you give up the ghost already? Isn't almost 6 years of torment enough?

Sadly,
IDaR

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Shoulder,

I'm sorry I slept on you funny yesterday morning. I really am. Maybe you could take some things into consideration though...
-It's been a day and while yesterday you were a dull soreness, today you are a sharp pain going through my shoulder and trying to enter into my neck
-I was amazingly careful about how I slept last night to make sure not to injure anything further and to try to help you heal.
Please please stop hurting. I'm two Excedrine in and still in enough pain that work is going to be interesting and I may have to go home early which I don't really want to do. Considering it hurts to hold the phone to my ear with the arm that I answer the phone with, I may not have many options.


Dear J,

Thank you for medicating me. Really. You are once again, my hero.


Dear students,

Please don't call too much today. I have tons of work with the keys and my arm really hurts and I know this is the week before classes start. Could we wait on the mass last minute calling that we both know is going to plague my week untill after my arm doesn't hurt?

[crazylegs]

Dear assorted members of the public.

Why don't you ever do anything wrong while I'm in my normal hours for the day, why must you torment me and keep doing things wrong while I'm en route back to the station so I have to deal with you and make me even more late.

Bog off.

Crazylegs

[Lioness Blackfire]

Dear American High-Voiced Male Olympic Gymnastics Sportscaster,

Shut up.
Now.
You are clearly a jinx, and whenever you say something too positive, people fall over. If you keep it up, I worry that something will blow up, or catch fire.
Please close your mouth, unless you are saying negative things.

Sincerely,
Gymnastics Fan



Dear Blackheads,

Why are you so resilient? Have you been bitten by a radioactive spider? Come from another world and gained powers from our yellow sun? Been reincarnated from a princess on the moon? What? What is your secret?! I must know!

Sincerely,
Searching for Krypton

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Brain,

Please please wake up! I'd get you cafeine but I only have enough for one which I was hoping to get at lunch. Also, the carbonation over my burnt tongue would suck.


Dear Tongue,

I'm sorry. Some day I will learn to be patient and eat slower. It won't be any time soon though so future appologies as well.

[Princess-Snake]

Dear IV line,
You are really pissing me off. Thank god you're getting replaced tomorrow.
Hatefully yours,
Me
Dear doctors,
You just had to schedule the surgery for 7:30, didn't you? You do realize that this means Daddy and I have to wake up at 5 am so we can leave at 5:30? God, I hate waking up early.
Your patient,
Me

[AdminAssistant]

Dear media,

I realize that getting a bunch of atheletes all together in tights to show off the obvious superiority of Americans and defeating Communism by winning more medals is extremely important.

BUT, for the love of all that's holy, can we please talk a little bit more about this whole Russia/Georgia thing?? Because in the long run, I think that's a bit more important that the in-depth discussions about what Michael Phelps ate for breakfast yesterday.

[KiaKat]

Dear Warner Bros.

DIAF.

Sincerely,
one of Harry Potter's biggest fans.
(reference: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,404681,00.html)