Dear....

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear Cousin A,

YOU ARE A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT. People like you make me so mad sometimes. I keep my nose out of trouble, I've never even done half the shit you have, and yet you're going to get 'rewarded' for your mess while I can't seem to catch a break in life. You not only screw over yourself by doing what you did, you've screwed up someone else's life and you've made it that much harder for certain others to be taken seriously. Thanks a lot, dumbass. You have just won a free trip to Fail City on the Failboat at the Fail Motel and a side of Fail Salad.

Me

[iradney]

Dear TTO's parents

I love you guys to bits, I really do. But you've been "visiting" for three weeks, and this house ain't big enough for 4 people. Please leave soon! I miss my house!

Rads

Dear TTO

If you ever invite your parents over again for an extended period and don't tell me? I'll check into a hotel on YOUR dime. I don't mind them visiting, I love them like my own, but I can't handle having 4 people in a place where there's only enough space for 2, and one bathroom. I live here too. I pay rent too. Either clue me in, or pay a huge hotel bill.

Rads

[Sarlon]

dear headache,

PLEASE go away, I love my temples not sounding like a bass drum.

-----------------

dear kitten,

I love you, but because I go out for the day doesn't mean that I've been gone for months! I love you being affectionate, but tripping me is a bit much!
---------------------------------

Dear idiot who ran the stop light today!

that was red...and had been red....red is NOT a suggestion! what if you had hit the guy following the law?

----------------------------

Dear person that nearly hit the idiot above mentioned,

I'm very sorry for the almost heart attack, if you had hit him, I'd of GLADLY stayed and witnessed that he ran the stop light, not you.

-------------------------

Dear muse

OK 13 month vacation is OVER!! lets right this book....i got all the ideas, but now lets get them down on paper!

[draftermatt]

Dear Door to guest bedroom,

I spent a while sanding your warped ass so you would close properly, and then repainting you after the sanding.

Why when I went to close you after the paint was dry did you start sticking again? Now I have to sand you down more, and hopefully just touch up a few spots.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Female Dog,

We never got you fixed because there was never a reason, and money. Now we have boy dog, and he's getting neutered in two weeks. I don't know why you had to go into Heat now, but thankfully he doesn't seem to understand what you want when you point your ass straight up in the air in front of him. Stop it now you horny thing. I don't want babies!

Yes I probably should have had you fixed, but seeing as how you hadn't really been in heat for like 2 years prior I didn't think much of it.

[blas]

Dear Myself:

You are a coward and a wimp. How could you allow yourself to be swooned by a guy who has been so mood-swingy and completely mercurial for nearly the past month, showing almost zero interest in you except when he sees you (and even THEN he barely shows interest)....how could you be so ready to tell him to shit or get off the pot....and then be swooned when he was in a surprisingly good mood and you had a great weekend together.....you know what's going to happen, yes you do.....you were seething inside when he barely talked on the phone last night, he'll do the same tonight and you'll be seething again...........you know what you have to do.....so fucking DO IT......you know the cycle is not going to end and he's only happy and fun to be with when he's in a good mood....you KNOW it's too late and somehow he's lost interest in you and he doesn't have the balls to say anything....you KNOW what happened the last time you knew a relationship was going downhill but you sat there holding on to hope and nothing but hope, and on the worst day possible, he ended it.....do you want that to happen again? Do you want to sit and twiddle your thumbs and get your heart broken by him on a good day, or do you want to take initiative and do the RIGHT thing? It will hurt either way, but it will hurt less to do it yourself! You learned before, waiting around trying to change things doesn't work. When a guy has lost interest, he's lost it, and there is nothing that will make him like you the same again. So just TELL HIM what's up, see what he says (or most likely won't say) and do what you have to do, before you sit and stew and stress and he gets the benefit of ruining your day for you sometime in the future!

Blas, you wussy, DO IT....

Blas

[gunsage]

Dear Fellow Treadmill Walker,

It sure is fun to work up a sweat, isn't it? No, don't mind me...I only turned the channel to Comedy Central well before you got there, then you decided to take the treadmill in front of the TV. It's all good. Oh, what's that? Oh, you want me to turn it down because you CAN'T HEAR THE PERSON YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO ON YOUR CELL PHONE EVER SINCE YOU WALKED INTO THE FITNESS CENTER UNDER THE ASSUMPTION OF WORKING OUT BUT APPARENTLY WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO DO WAS WALK AND TALK?

Seriously, you wanted to walk on the treadmill and knowing I got there first, go RIGHT in front of the TV, then asked that I turn it down. Here's some advice I've had to give my daughter. She's two, by the way, and understands this basic concept. If you're going to use something, use it. If not, I WILL. If her cartoons are on, but she leaves the room to go play with her toys, I'm not going to ask her to turn the TV off, I'm going to change it to video 1 and play me some more Tales of Vesperia.

And guess what? That's taught her a very important, basic rule that apparently you haven't learned yet: sharing. You don't want to watch/listen to the TV? Why would you EVER get on the treadmill RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT when I already had it set up? If you have a phone call to take, you probably shouldn't be working out. And even though it's not my place to tell you that, it is mine to tell you you're an enormous douche pending a megaton teabagging a la me.



"Teabags. The other white meat."

Rainbows and Shotguns,



Gun Sage

[iradney]

Dear Daddy

I love you, I do. I understand you want the best for myself and TTO. But please stop nagging about us coming to Canada. It will happen, I promise. But there some things that need to be done (like get married!) before we can come over. And please stop telling me I have no qualifications - what the hell is my MCSE then????

Love
your upset daughter

[monolayth]

dear lungs,

WTF?

annoyed , me.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear Blas,

You're not a coward, or a wimp, or a wussy, or anything like that. You're just human. It's human to want to make something you invested a lot of time and effort into work, even when it's painfully obvious it's *not* working. At least you have the sense to recognize this. Now that you know the mistake, you can correct it. And we here at CS have faith in your asskicking abilities.

To steal a quote from Barack Obama, "Yes, You Can!" You can do what you know you need to do. Rip that stale bandaid of a soon-to-be-ex off and we'll provide the Bactine** to ease the stinging.

Cheering you on,

AH



(** = Bactine is goooooooood stuff. Smells nice, disinfects *and* takes the sting out of any open wound!)


--

Dear Weather,

Thank you for turning so nice and cool. This makes my frosted little flake of a heart muchly happy, as I am one of the Evil Cold-Loving People who reviles the dreaded Heat. *hiss*

Pleased to see you again,

Me

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

Dear Doucheasaurus Rex,

I know it was the final day of Bumbershoot. I know. Hell, The Offspring was next! But WHY did you have to light up that joint not two feet from me during Paramore!? I've been smelling weed ever since and I don't like it.

-SIGE





Dear LazyTown producers,

If that cake song doesn't get out of my head immediately, I'm going to die.

-SIGE

[Bella_Vixen]

"Dear" fucktard trucker in Kentucky--

Seriously--WTF?!?

How can you just ditch someone with whom you have plans to help him get back home...especially AFTER he paid you for it??

I hate you more then words can ever say.

--Me

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

Should I gather that Fave Ex© is having travel issues?

Or is this something totally unrelated?

Concerned,

Becks

[Dreamstalker]

Dear Owner:

I know I didn't finish building the shop test rig. I told you why, and dressing me down for 10 minutes is not going to change the fact that a 478 heatsink will not fit on a 775 motherboard. Even if it would fit, I told you when you were asking me what parts I wanted that I cannot apply enough downward force on a board that is mounted in the case and to please find a model that used a bracket and clips [what I was given used no bracket at all, plastic "pushpins", and by design could not be attached unless the board was in the case]. That is not going to change tomorrow. "You've been here for three weeks" holds no water when you've been ignoring my requests for a shop rig until today.

Yes, the case panel LEDs got swapped. That's really not that big of a deal as long as I know about it, and TBH I couldn't really see the mobo header markings due to the general lack of good lighting in the place.

Hovering over my shoulder while I'm doing stuff is not going to make it go faster, nor is demanding I do it a different way when I'm already in the middle of the process. You have your way, I have my way. They both get the intended result. Telling me what I'm supposed to do as I'm starting to do it does not help either.

Mildly bitter tech whose skills are frankly being wasted right now


[I'm tempted tomorrow to just bring the parts I had originally intended to use, and do a ninja build when he's not there--end result will be a working shop rig, so why do the exact parts matter?...except it's AMD kit and I don't want to waste my precious Opteron on this guy]

[Imogene]

Dear Texas drivers:
I know you don't like the speed I drive. I know you don't like that I actually go the speed limit. Do NOT drive right up on my bumper. If I can't see your tires in my rearview, you can't see my tires in front of you, which means you're too damn close! Also: I should not have to look both directions when crossing a one way street because you don't care about the rules of the road.

Dear Texas employers:
Yes, I wear nail polish every so often. It's no different from women wearing nail polish. I'm generally very cheerful, and affect a childlike manner. I like colors in my life, and being different, because it makes you think for once in your pathetic existence.

Dear Radio blasters:
Just stop. I don't want to hear your music about how you objectify women. I don't want to hear your music denigrate a person because they have more melanin in their skin. I don't want to hear about your appreciation of Bling. I do it too, and, you know what? I can do it appropria-, oh, Shiney!

Dear Carlos Mencia:
You're a racist asshole, but you make a few good points. Not many, but they are there.

Dear Larry T. Cableguy:
You're a racist asshole, you recycle old "Good ol' boys" jokes, and your damn phrase has been spreading like mental herpes. Every time I hear someone say that phrase/word (depends on the drawl) I want to gargle molten boron. Plus, you don't even have a farmer's tan to go with that damned sleeveless everything wardrobe you own... you look ri-gods-damn-diculous!

Dear Hollywood:
Halle Berry, Larry T Cableguy, Billy Bob Thornton, Jessica Simpson, and J Lo are NOT worthy of having their own movies. Stop doing it! And stop making unnecessary sequels!

I'm done.

[the_std]

I want to gargle molten boron.

Dear Juwl,

Nobody does it like molton boron!