Dear....

[Jester]

Dear Meat Loaf,

What the hell, dude? I mean, your stuff is classic. You ROCK. And you go and sell out for that stupid Go Phone commercial?

Yeah, yeah, I know, lots of songs are on commercials these days, from respected artists. Even my favorite band Heart has a riff from "Barracuda" on a freakin' minivan commercial.

But they only provided a riff. They didn't change the freakin' song.

Dude, you took one of your all time classics, and changed the lyrics to cheesey commercialism crap, and PERFORMED said crap on the commercial. You didn't even have the dignity to hide behind someone else performing your revamped song after you sold its soul to Corporate America.

To take your cue, let me change some of your lyrics for you:

"Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
Meat Loaf selling his soul is a depressing sight."

Okay, that was cheesy. See what I mean? But Meat, I'll close with some of your lyrics, unadulterated:

"And nothing really rocks
And nothing really rolls
And nothing's ever worth the cost."

So, Meat, was it worth the cost?

Your Disgusted Fan

[draggar]

Dear Medical Insurance Company,

I know that having wisdom teeth pulled is usually a luxury and thus is not typically covered under the definition of "absolute bare necessities" however, won't you admit that teeth are not supposed to come in at 90 degree angles? And that having open sores in one's mouth that are infected and bleeding is not healthy at all?

Fuck you very much,
Sylvia

Deal Sylvia,

Insurance companies suck. They kill 44,000 people a year because they don't want to spend money.

They don't pay our doctors a fraction of what they deserve and when something goes wrong because the insurance company doesn't want to pay up the doctor gets sued and the courts go against the doctor.

They think someone who can type well knows more about medicine than actual doctors do.

Dear Meat Loaf,

What the hell, dude? I mean, your stuff is classic. You ROCK. And you go and sell out for that stupid Go Phone commercial?

Dear Jester,

I agree. It's sickening when someone sells out like that, especially in such a cheesy way.

Although, once again I'm seeing an influx of Queen songs in commercials and they're not too badly done ("I Want It All" for a credit card commercial, the guy is buying a new TV and "Don't Stop Me Now" for Cadbury Chocolates (on YouTube now). I've seen a few others, too.

[kaetchen]

Dear roomate,

Okay, I understand that you are going to be gone for a month and a half and don't want to pay rent. That's fine, and I understand you want to get someone to sublease it. Okay.

HOWEVER, when I tell you that if you are going to pick someone and to please run it by me first...why is it that you neglect to ask me before effing asking the person?!! Neither myself, OR the bf think that your kleptomaniac friend is the best person to sublease to! Especially after you tell me about how he stole massive amounts of things from the University and complusively steals bikes!! (PLUS THERE IS NO WHERE TO HIDE THEM HERE IF WE WERE TO! AND I WORK FOR A POLICE DEPARTMENT!!! THAT ='s BAD BAD BAD!!!!)
I know you say "Oh, he doesn't do that anymore." Oh really, how do you know that for sure? You don't have any definitive proof of this.

It's bad enough that another one of your idiot friends came into our room and stole $ out of my change jar for cigs.

No love.

Also...
Dear future mom-in-law lady person,
Yes, I know that I told you about my wig. You've known about me wearing them for about 4 years now, also I have told you MULTIPLE TIMES that I have Trichotillomania and that's why I pull my hair .
Remind me in the future not to tell you why I am absolutely livid at UPS for not sending my wig on time when I paid extra. Because deciding to ask me "Is that a new wig?" while we're eating with the rest of your family who doesn't really know and then trying to back-pedal only to end up having everyone wonder what the hell you're talking about and as a result having everyone go " whawhawhat?"isn't really helping me to like you much more. You could have at LEAST asked while we had been in the car when we were by ourselves.

I think I want to have a courthouse wedding when the time comes,
Me

[morgana]

Dear Jester,

I am a redhead.

Betrayers, flings, drunks, psychos, felons...

I am "none of the above".

Don't give up hope.

Morgana

[friendofjimmyk]

Dear you - you know who you are,

I can appreciate the fact that you are still reeling from your first ever relationship. I can respect the fact that you do not want to put yourself in a vulnerable position to get hurt again. I really can understand that. However, if you do not want a girlfriend - you do not deserve the benefits of one. I know I am to blame in this situation because I allow the behavior to continue - but you know where I am - you know how I feel about you. I cannot help but feel taken advantage of - the worse thing is I have no one but myself to blame...

so... I guess...

Dear me,

You suck! Buck up and stand up for yourself! If you don't like it - you DON'T have to put up with it. YOU choose to stay in this situation when you do NOT receive what you want from it. You have NO ONE to blame but yourself - so what are you waiting for - you're not getting any younger!

[protege]

Dear Baxter,

I know you and your fellow kitty Sally have only been home 2 days, but could you please stop leaving massive furballs in the living room? I know you're just playing with her, but stop it Oh, and you're welcome to curl up in the green recliner.

--Pro

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Bitch Features,

I know that when a person makes an apology to another, there's a certain etiquette that goes along with it. Sadly, you don't know that. Thanks for throwing my flag of truce right back at me; may you contract crabs and headlice and consequently lose all your remaining friends, who I pity for they have to put up with you all the time. I put my hope in karma and it biting you right in your arse one day.

LNS

[Saydrah]

Dear Rat World,

Enough with the drama already. I say something innocuous that could, if I was a bad person, have a bad meaning. You know me. You know I am not that kind of person. Yet you still assume that I meant the "by some stretch of the imagination it could mean this" bad interpretation of what I said. Quit being jerks, ok?

-Is this middle school?


Dear Birds in the Stove Fan,


AUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Can't you wake up at 9 or some other REASONABLE time, not daybreak?

-Not an Early Bird

[ShinyGreenApple]

Dear teenaged boys who ate at Little Ceasar's whilst I was in there today,

You are stupid, self-absorbed wastes of flesh and oxygen. While you obviously think you are cool by crowding eight of yourselves into a very small lobby with barstool seating and being as loud as possible, I beg to differ. Contrary to your beliefs, the general public do not find you amusing in the least when you say the same things over and over, especially when said things are peppered with "Dis is funny shit!" and "I don't want no Mountain Dew, it'll make your winky shrink!" To the contrary, it makes you appear to have all the intelligence of a petrified grapefruit, and the very fact that you still use the term "winky" makes it obvious to me that yours is either non-existent, or at the very most, when flaccid it is little more than a bobbin, or when inflamed, towers a mere four inches. The next time you get the urge to disrupt a public dining area, please repress it and order in, or have some nice oreos and milk while you sit and let Elmo teach you all about the wonders of rubber balls. It will spare me, and the rest of the people of this good town of your idiocy. The same idiocy that makes me loose more faith in humanity with every word that exits your slavering, pubescent mouth and makes me overcome with the desire to Sweeney myself with a rusty salad fork.

[TruthHurts]

Dear Gray Hairs,

I spent $20 dollars on a lovely red shade in order to hide you. Instead I have lovely red hair with all the gray still intact. How dare you defy me.

Signed
Not willing to grow old gracefully

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Gray Hairs,

I spent $20 dollars on a lovely red shade in order to hide you. Instead I have lovely red hair with all the gray still intact. How dare you defy me.

Signed
Not willing to grow old gracefully

Dear TruthHurts,

I can sympathize with you about the gray hairs that defy the home dye. You might have to break down and get them professional dyed. I know that's what I've had to do.

in sympathy,
IDaR

[Lace Neil Singer]

Dear Slow Male Mate,

Why did you ask me the other day if my hair was dyed, when at the moment it's bright red with blonde streaks in front? I would love it if my hair naturally grew this colour, as I'd save the £40 approx it takes to have it dyed. I refuse to apologise for laughing myself sick at your inane question, but I hope that next time I see you in the pub we can put this incident behind us. You're alright really, but you do ask very stupid questions sometimes.

LNS

[MystyGlyttyr]

Dear Matt Hardy,

How much money would it take for you to fly out here and just stand next to my desk and let me just look at you for a while? I'll pay extra for the creepy factor of the unrelenting staring, I promise. And I'll pay more extra if it's shirtless. I will sell you my soul for naked except for shorts.

Oh my God, I used to HATE YOU. Just the thought of you once upon a time made me physically ill. Then you ended up being a decent human being after all and...just...when the hell did you get so freaking hot?? I mean...I don't know if you've looked at you lately but DAMN.

Just looking...a lot...
Mysty

[the_std]

Dear Boyfriend,

Please get your act together or this is over. And, since I don't want to have to pay both halves of the rent, I'd prefer you to stick around.

Oh, and I love you. That might be incentive, too.

Very Unhappy,
Me.

[crazylegs]

Dear N

I don't think you realise how much of a total prat you sound when you state the following phrase 'stick with me and you'll learn Crazylegs'. You may wish to consider the following

1) I have more training in this job than you do, infact my training was 60% longer than yours (this was due to an improvement in the training package)

2) You only have 6 weeks on the job experience (for this job) than I, after well over a year, this means jack shit

3) I have considerably more Management experience than you

4) I have considerably more experience with dealing with youths, both compliant and non than you

5) I have had considerably more experience in dealing with aggression with you

6) Your approach to dealing with unruly people is staggering to behold, only you can lose control of a group of people that quickly

7) I have considerably more experience on dealing with aggression single crewed than you do.

If you do say that again you may find I locate the nearest pick ax and ram it sideways into your mouth in a strange toothpick type fasion, however as your arse and mouth are interchangeable this could lead to an interesting sight.

Yours pissed off

Crazylegs