Dear....

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear RW,

Come to Illinois and together we will dine on FRESH BLOODY MEAT. PROTEIN, BABY! PROOOOOTEEEEEIIIIN!!!!

Also a meat-lover,

AH

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear AH,

Packing up Claudia-Jeep now!

-RW

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Body,

Please decide whether or not I'm going to be sick. I can't stand this not knowing. I've been in a state of "am I or am I not" sick? Tell me either way! Now!


IDaR

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Fave Ex®--

Please don't do this to me again.

[Becks]

Dear #1 best at work boyfriend,

Happy birthday. Sorry I didn't mention it before now. Maybe I'll make a phone call tomorrow.

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear PMS,

Just END already.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr,

--me

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Blue jeans,

I only have two of you. WHY did you have to get a hole the size of my palm under the back pocket?? Now I will be forced to turn you into a pair of shorts. You suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Go ahead and ROT, you're certainly old enough (10+ years).

Now I gotta go get a new pair, dammit. You know how hard it is to find a nice slim fitting pair of jeans in my size nowadays?

-Hating you,
RW

[the_std]

Dear Ninja,

This sounds heavy, but goddamn, you are the only thing keeping me going. Thank you so much for everything. I love how I feel around you.

... Maybe some day soon I will work up the balls to kiss you. It's only been three frickin' weeks now, jeebus.

Adoringly,
Me

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear folks who hurt Misanthropical's little guy,

I don't know you. I don't know them. But I am a fellow sufferer of ADD and if you make his life harder than it needs to be, I shall not be pleased.

Signed,
A chick in the same boat.

[draftermatt]

Dear Bosses,

The reason I keep mentioning that we should hire another drafter is for 2 reasons.

1. A lot of new projects. Yes they are dragging ass getting me information so I spent a good portion of Friday doing nothing, and yes I could work on other things, but then that would be another half finished project sitting on me when something else comes up that's more important.

2. I'm going to quit. I don't know when, I don't know for what job, but I will be. It's obvious to me, my wife, my friends that I need to get the hell out of here so at some point I'll be gone. And I'm not waiting around until you find a replacement. Once I give notice I'm gone at that date.

[Misanthropical]

Dear RootedPhoenix,

You are sweet. I also have ADD, but have never been diagnosed. Those who know me will vouch for the fact that I exhibit ADD behavior. They will also vouch for the fact that I get scary angry when someone messes with my family.

Where were you when my big guy went through hell from his teachers and principal in grade school for having ADHD?


Dear Property Manager,

I have never heard of owners that came out and wanted to randomly inspect the place I rent from. I'm suppose to be happy that they might come into my home uninvited to look around?

Yes, they own the townhouses, but I pay my rent on time and I expect to have my privacy. I don't like it invaded especially by people I don't even know.

The first time this happened, I told you I did not want them in here and you acted like I kicked your puppy. I don't remember it being in my lease that total strangers could come in and look around as long as they gave notice.

My home is not smelling out the neighbors, we don't make a lot of noise, we keep to ourselves and don't upset our neighbors. The police have never had to knock on our door, so I expect to have my privacy respected. You may think I'm being unreasonable, but I am a private person and I take my right to be seriously.

If a person is not invited in by me or my husband, they have no right to come in our house to snoop, mmkay?


Dear nurse at my family doctor's office,

Why give me a hard time when I call for a refill on my pain medications? I think it's rude to call back and tell me that only my pain specialist can call those in. I, once again, had to explain that I don't have one right now!

So, you explain to me in that voice one reserves for talking to a 2 year old, that you would only call in enough for one month and after that I will have to have a pain specialist do it. I am not stupid, so stop talking to me as if I was. I was not asking for a refill on a narcotic, so drop the attitude, mmkay?

I can just as easily take my family's business to another doctor's office. I would think with all the money that your practice has gotten from my family's business that I would get a bit more respect.



Dear grandma,

Why do you insist on sending me emails that are overly religious and meant to inflame people? I don't share your view of God and/or religion, which if you had asked you would have known. So, please stop.

I also want you to stop sending me emails about how certain political figures are going to turn this country into satanic worshipping, baby sacrificing hell hole, kthnxbi.

[AdminAssistant]

BoyThing,

Seriously? I know we're not that serious, but I'm already beginning to feel a little taken for granted. I sat aside this night to spend with you. I know a work emergency happened, but after that was taken care of...you couldn't even come over to hang out? Not even for a little while? I mean, I was freakin' EXHAUSTED last Saturday when you called me at 1 am, but I trotted my butt over there.

The rest of my week is full - freakin' full. And then it's time for nature's gift, and then it's home for Thanksgiving. So, whenever you're whining about no sex for 2 weeks, you can blame your own lazy ass.

~Grumpily,
Moi

[Misanthropical]

Dear body,

Please get use to working full time and wait to try to nod off till I get home. Thanks.


Dear pain specialist office that I am never setting foot in again,

Those records better be faxed over to the nice doctor I'm going to be seeing. His office needs those before they will schedule an appointment.

If you guys give me any trouble on this and/or the doctor tries to once again put his warped version of the truth in my file, I will come down there and go all kinds of Wrath of God on you all. My wrath will make the Old Testament God look down and say "Wow, that was harsh!" Get me? GOOD!


Dear weird chick who sits on one side of me,

Stop throwing shit on my desk. You saw stuff on that desk that shows someone sits there, so if you throw one more thing on my desk before I get in, I will whip it at your head and say "HERE! I THINK THIS IS YOURS!"

Keep your shit on your own desk, got me?

Also, my friend was not amused to come in and find you and your nasty friends using her desk as a picnic table.

We both have work to do and don't have time for your shit.


Dear woman on the other side of me,

I corrected you on how my name is pronounced, it's not complicated and is no reason for you to drag it out to show you said it right, like I'm the idiot. I am not asking for much, just for people to call me by my name and not some variation of it, thanks.

I try to calls others by their correct name, so I expect the same courtesy.

Oh, and please stop telling me that every little thing is God's Will, it's annoying.


Dear BossMan,

One more short joke out of you and I will beat you with my cane. Oh, and while we are on the subject of my cane, stop playing with it when I'm not using it.

[iradney]

Dear Self

You got up yesterday morning to go workout before work. Go you! Why didn't you do it this morning??
You better get your act together tomorrow morning, or I'm going to withhold coffee!!!
Rads

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear People Who Understand the Following,

Hello. Salute, it's me... your Duke.
and I made something that's real to show you how I feel.
Hello, hello, it's me, Picasso.
I will paint my words of love with your name on every wall.



-Numa Numa

[Evil Queen]

Dear RW,

I think you need less Numa Numa. With that said. Click HERE and enjoy.

-EQ



Dear stupid body,

You better not be sick by the time this evening rolls around. As a matter of fact, if you're STILL sick or even remotely feeling bad, I will personally kick my own ass. This will be youtube worthy, someone had better be around to film it.

Damn you who made me sick,
-EQ