Dear....

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear (Blank),

SEED. DAMN. YOU.

-Needs a Margarita.

Dear Self,

Turn off your TF and go the hell to bed. You can finish tomorrow. You got one done, isn't that enough? The other three are small enough you can have them all done in less than an hour. Use them for your next piece of artwork.

Now go to bed, you have work.

-The Awake One

PS: PAY THE FUCKING WAREHOUSE ALREADY! If you miss it THURSDAY I'm gonna rip you a new ASSHOLE! And considering I'm about to do it to MYSELF, I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT GEORGE!

Dear EQ,

How's Brutus?

-RW

[teller]

Dear self

stop being sick all the time please.

dear doctor

I am unwell all the time this is not good. I may be over weight but i should not be conestly sick. i am not a hypocondroac I am sincerly unwell I need help why will you not help me its your job.

dear kids at the school

when i tell you to get away from an area stay away from it, its for your own saftey truely. also do not go into a area that is fenced off or maked as unsafe. and stop riping up our tiker tape that we use please. my job is to keep you safe so let me do it.

[monolayth]

Horrible A,

You need to be taken out back and shot. You are a horrible person and what you do to thoes boys could only be criminal. They are so delighted to see you and you could care less. I want to rip them away from you when they wont let you go. You could mean so much more to them than the person who is a myth. that is what you are to them. Visiting four times a year. taking them someplace fun then dissappearing from their lives. What is sad is that you have so many chances to be around them but you would rather party. You come into town all the time since you moved close by. Do you try to see them? no. we run into you and you laugh and say your just in town to hang out with so and so. If they could see you for the real you then they would hate you. the delight i see in their faces when you stop by hurts. I am the one there for them. I am the one who buys them stuff and does all the roles of a mom. yet they could care less for me.

yet you claim you love them and want custody. take them. that is what we have always said to you. we know your lies. we know you dont want them. hell you have not contributed anything to them in the past 4 years. you have not bought their clothing and you only buy an occaisonal meal. and you really dont want to when you do. and furthermore with your constant moving you cant take care of them. seriously last year you lived in flroida, hawaii, alaska and nebraska. and what was that dissappearing act you did from september till christmas eve? yeah they totally would want to spend christmas with you who never buys them presents and asking the night before was totally going to happen.

do you realize the behavior problems you present when you are around then leave? they act out horribly, and forget all rules and things we do everyday. the 6 year old completely shut down last night because i was making him eat a peice of pineapple. started crying and screaming and would not reapond in anyway to anyone. i had to carry him to bed. he would not even turn his head and acted like he went blind. that is not normal. and this happened after you told him that you were moving thursday to florida.

i really wish you would just dissappear completely. it would make their lives better.

tired of cleaning up after you,

Mono.

[smileyeagle1021]

Dear man pretending to be RHPG's boyfriend,
Seriously dude, WTF. I know that overall you have been a great boyfriend, but you should know that RHPG does not deserve any of the grief you are causing her right now. Straighten up or I will personally beat you on her behalf when you get to Utah.

Sincerely,
RHPG's gay brother that she never had (even though she probably does).

[Becks]

Dear head,

Please stop with the dull ache.

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lizziebeff,

Is it Sunday yet?

Love,

Becks

[the_std]

Dear Blue Menu Oatmeal Double Chocolate Cookies,

You are my new favourite awesomeness. Thank you for being so healthy!

Digging in already,
Me

Dear shower,

Please never do that again. Geysering out of the drain when I'm in you, standing directly over the drain... Not cool. Not cool.

Feeling a little too clean,
Me

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks--

Almost.

You might want to ask Mom if she'll make bacon. It's not actually her favorite thing to do. Or at least ask her to supervise.

--Sunshine

******************************************

Dear FoH phone rep--

I KNOW my last name!!

I've spent MANY years spelling it to people for forms rather then saying it for just the reason you demonstrated.

Get over yourself.

Oh yeah: Don't EVER fucking try to sign me up for a "special deal" that costs $80. Just fuck no. Ask if I'm interested. DON'T try to charge me for it before I can get a word in edgewise.

--a slightly pissed of customer.

****************************************

Dear FoH--

Thanks for stocking my size in most items.

Your phone reps need some work, though.

--Me

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Child Rum,

Please get better soon, okay? I don't like it when all you want to do is sleep (and yes, I know, sleeping is good for you when you're sick). You don't eat much lately and I'm trying hard to get you to drink ginger ale & pedialyte. It seems like I'm fighting a sleeping bed.

Also, calling your piggy bank a "Piggy Tank" is absolutely adorable even if your father was too thick-headed to pay attention.

Love,
Mommy Rum

[taurinejunkie]

Dear Rum Runner *notices post above*

I don't think I've ever gone through a bottle this size so fast. Please, tomorrow morning don't come out of the same orifice you went in.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Ex-Girlfriend that Faved my latest piece,

I will not contact you. In fact, I deleted the notice. When I saw it, I nearly had a fit. My head swam and my heart nearly stopped beating in my chest, you have impacted me that much. Hell, I'm petrified of half-Asian girls because of you.

So leave me alone. Don't contact me. Never ever. I'd rather you dropped off the face of the earth.

Don't. Hurt. Me. AGAIN.

You are not my friend. You are not in my life for a reason. You fucked me up. I won't let you do that again.

No Love,
The Psychopath Holding A Grudge The Size of The Milky Way

[SengaKitty]

Dear RW,

I'm sorry to hear someone you don't want to hear from is contacting you. I'm glad to see you come vent here, it's healthy. Sending you many virtual hugs and cookies
wanna borrow my clue by four?

RHPG

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Hulu.com,

Thank you for having episodes of both Perry Mason & Dragnet! Those shows are awesome!

Much love,
Rummy

-------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jack Webb and Harry Morgan,

You two rawk my sox when I watch Dragnet 1967 and y'all portray Sergeant Joe Friday and Officer Bill Gannon.

Rawking,
Rummy
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Raymond Burr,

You are the best TV lawyer ever to be on TV. Sexy and manly all rolled into one.

Admiringly,
Rummy
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Fellow CSers and the rest of the world,

Yes, I'm most definitely a dork. I love "old" TV shows.

Happily,
Rummy

[KiaKat]

Dear Knee.

I hate you. You cause me more problems than any other part of my decaying, arthritis-riddled body. I lost 35lbs because of you. I'm probably going to have to lose another 15, and still end up having surgery to fix you. You can DIAF now, and stop causing me pain because I tried to move a stupid couch. Correctly. With my legs instead of my back.

No love, much hate, in fact,

The One Who Owns You.

Dear painkillers,

I don't like you. You make me woozy and not able to think. But you also make the pain go away, so I can at least function a little bit. So you may stay.

Appreciation,

The One in Pain.

[Setsunaela]

Dear Body,
Please quit with the dizziness already. I KNOW I'm now taking two medications that cause slight dizziness. You don't have to make it all obvious. Please.
Also, lungs of mine, I get it. I took a bronchiodilator and then took a nice deep breath of cold, dry air. I know you didn't like it, because you shut up faster than that time I decided river water was a nice substitute for air. Please stop making my daily activities hell by making me cough every time I do anything vaguely strenuous.
Thanks
Setsu

Dear family,
I'm getting marred soon. Hopefully we can put aside differences and all be nice for my i-got-married party, please. I do not wish to watch Godmother and her ex-husband argue. I do not wish to be lectured by Aunt R. I do not wish to watch Cousin R be lectured by ANYBODY. I also do not wish to hear a lecture. I'm getting my BB&B bridal registry all in order, with some wishful-thinking items and a lot of realistic, I actually need these items, so it'd be nice if people made some purchases from there. Please don't embarrass me in front of the few members of new family that will be visiting to wish us well..
Your loving niece/(god/grand/step)daughter

[AdminAssistant]

Dear Toyota Place,

Thank you for taking care of my baby and getting her back to me in the same day. Yeah, it costs more to go to the dealer, but it is sooooo worth it.

You guys totally rock!!

~ The One with the Camry