Dear Ms Brat,
You know a lawyer? Great! So do we! I'm sure they'll meet sometime in the very near future, specifically on the date of your court summons. We have the antics of you and your children on videotape, plus a list of all the items you have stolen, written statements from customers and employees who have witnessed your shenanigans, as well as the countersuit the singer is filing against your linebacker-sized Anthony for shattering his shin.
I'm glad you know a lawyer. You're going to need all the help you can get.
Don Tsteal,
Manager, Glass Menagerie Gifts
* * * * *
Dear Fabric Store Manager,
I came into your store with intention of decorating my fabulous nightclub. I corralled your lowly servant girl and demanded that she measure out all the fifty-two bolts I had picked out. When she asked me if I'd taken measurements of what I needed to cover, I could not believe her audacity. Who takes measurements before they begin a project? You just grab what you need and get moving!
Well, when I abandoned her to her work to get more fabric, I came back to the cutting table and she'd gone! When I demanded to know where the servant had gone, her fellow servant said some nonsense about helping other customers. What rot! Those proles aren't spending nearly as much as I would have, and I demand to be waited on hand and foot! I mean, I am a famous nightclub owner! What do they do? Naturally I walked out without all that fabric.
I am insulted and incensed that your lowly servant girl wouldn't drop everything and serve me and only me. I demand that she be burned at the stake and you give me a million dollar gift card and send some more servants over to decorate my place!
Sincerely,
Hugh Jego-Maniac, owner,
Deca Dance Night Club
You know a lawyer? Great! So do we! I'm sure they'll meet sometime in the very near future, specifically on the date of your court summons. We have the antics of you and your children on videotape, plus a list of all the items you have stolen, written statements from customers and employees who have witnessed your shenanigans, as well as the countersuit the singer is filing against your linebacker-sized Anthony for shattering his shin.
I'm glad you know a lawyer. You're going to need all the help you can get.
Don Tsteal,
Manager, Glass Menagerie Gifts
* * * * *
Dear Fabric Store Manager,
I came into your store with intention of decorating my fabulous nightclub. I corralled your lowly servant girl and demanded that she measure out all the fifty-two bolts I had picked out. When she asked me if I'd taken measurements of what I needed to cover, I could not believe her audacity. Who takes measurements before they begin a project? You just grab what you need and get moving!
Well, when I abandoned her to her work to get more fabric, I came back to the cutting table and she'd gone! When I demanded to know where the servant had gone, her fellow servant said some nonsense about helping other customers. What rot! Those proles aren't spending nearly as much as I would have, and I demand to be waited on hand and foot! I mean, I am a famous nightclub owner! What do they do? Naturally I walked out without all that fabric.
I am insulted and incensed that your lowly servant girl wouldn't drop everything and serve me and only me. I demand that she be burned at the stake and you give me a million dollar gift card and send some more servants over to decorate my place!
Sincerely,
Hugh Jego-Maniac, owner,
Deca Dance Night Club
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