The Customer Complaint Letter Game

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Ms. Okenglass:
Our store has a "you break it you buy it" policy. Therefore, you are responsible for the $800 in glass figurines that your children broke. The fact that they were broken deliberately, because your children were "bored" does not matter. Your threat to cause damage to our store has been reported to the police. Based on this threat and your childrens' actions, we have banned you from the store. Do not come back.
Sincerely
Crystal Ann Glass
store manager
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Dear Burger Baron,
i went to one of your locations the other day and I was treated so poorly that it traumatizes me to put the incident into words. I ordered a salad and it came with no dressing!!! What was I supposed to do choke to death on a dry salad. I pointed this out to the high-school dropouts you have working for you and all they did was apologize and give me dressing. Excuse me??? I was traumatized by this and I demand free meals for life and that you fire all employees you have now and replace them with better ones. All of my Facebook friends agree that i am right!! If you do not give me my demand, i will go to the media , the attorney general and my cousin who happens to be a lawyer!! Do ask i demand or else!!
Sincerely,

Sally Ladd-Dressing

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Ladd-Dressing,

Our policy is that salad dressing is only available upon request. Therefore, we will not fire any of our staff and your request for lifetime free meals has been denied.

Sincerely,

Burger Manager



Dear Mini Mart Manager,

After buying a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, I pulled out a cigarette, prepared to light it, and your rude employee had the nerve to tell me to step outside to light my cigarette. I am the customer and I have every right to smoke in your store if I choose to. I demand you fire the employee that sold me the cigarettes and lighter, give me free cigarettes and lighters for life, and a $400 gift card. If you don't give me what I want, I will burn your store to the ground.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smoker

[XCashier]

Dear Mrs. Smoker,

It is STATE LAW that smoking is prohibited in all businesses. I am enclosing a copy of the law in question, which shall be delivered by the same police officer I've given your arson threat to.

Have a nice stay at the Greybar Hotel.

Sincerely,
Nosmo King, manager
Mini Mart

******

Dear Rancher's Roundup Steakhouse,

I came to your establishment to enjoy a dinner with my friends. We were horribly shocked and traumatized to find that you serve STEAK!!! Don't you realize the horrors that cows live through, only to be murdered and fed to greedy meat-eaters? I demand that you change your entire menu to vegetarian cuisine and then give me $1,000,000 for the trauma I suffered upon seeing dead animals, or I will bring PETA in to stage a protest!

Sincerely,
Millie Tant-Vegan

[hinakiba777]

Ms. Tant-Vegan,
I am unsure how well this letter will go over with you, as you've prove that you have selective reading skills. However, I owe it to all customers to at least attempt to respond to their complaints. The name of our restaurant is "Rancher's Roundup Steakhouse." Now while some argue the most important word in that title is house, personally I believe it's Steak. The fact that you were shocked a restaurant with the word steak in it's name was serving steak is just, well dumbfounding.

Now we do offer some very lovely vegan and vegetarian options. There is an excellent lettuce wrap, and we have a wonderful Cob salad. So if you would like to return to our establishment, I would be willing to offer you a coupon for a vegan meal at no charge. Just to show that we as a company are supportive of that life style choice.

As for the million dollars, we will not give that to you. No one forced you into our restaurant, and no one made you eat meat. The fact that you can't read a sign puts no onus on us.

Though if you are bringing PETA over, could you ask Charles if he wants the the party platter delivered at noon again? And how many people will be participating. Last time they protested we nearly ran out of tomatoes and carrot.

Have a Moo-rific Day;
Porter Haus
Owner and Operator of Rancher's Roundup Steakhouse
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Dear Regional Library,
Two weeks ago I picked up a few novels from your fine establishment. I enjoyed reading them very much.

However, when I returned today to get more books a very rude young lady told me I couldn't have anymore. She told me that i was "over the limit" for amounts of books borrowed. Borrowed? You mean I don't keep them? Then she told me that I only have a week left to return the books or I would be charged an "overdue fee."

How dare you offer me free books, and then tell me I can't keep them. Worse you now claim that if don't give them back you will charge me?! Who ever heard of such a thing?

Libraries are supposed to GIVE people books, for FREE. They are not supposed to demand the books. I never agreed to any of this. I am keeping these books.

I am sure that this particular employee has caused a lot of problem with her insane ramblings, so I will forgive you if you do a few things for me. First I want 10,000,000 books, but only ones I like. For every book I don't like, you must bring me 20 new books. Also, I want the horrible girl who said I had to return my books to be fired. And then placed in stocks in front of the library where patrons can throw bad books at her. It is the only way she will ever learn.

Sincerely;
Ella Itereight

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Itereight,

You will need to pay $80 for the books you plan to keep since our establishment is meant for borrowing books. Also, we gave the employee that you wanted fired a raise and you won't be allowed to borrow any books whatsoever until you pay the $40 overdue fee that you owe.

Sincerely,

L. I. Brarian
Manager



Dear Supermarket Manager,

I recently brought my puppy into the store and one of your rude employees told me that my puppy wasn't allowed in the store. I saw a woman in the store walking with a dog that had a harness and when I mentioned that, the rude employee mentioned that the woman was blind and that the dog was a guide dog. If I can't bring my puppy into the store, then that blind woman shouldn't have her dog in the store either. If you don't start allowing all dogs in your store, I will never shop at your store again.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Puppydog

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Mrs. Puppydog,
We allow service animals only. Which is why the seeing-eye dog was allowed and your dog was not allowed. We have made our no pets (except for service animals) rule clear, by posting the rule at the front entrances of our store. We are enforcing the rules given to us by our our corporate offices. You are perfectly free to shop elsewhere as we will not make an exception for you.
Sincerely,
Polly C. Follower
store manger
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Dear Mini-mart owner:
I went into your store yesterday and I was appalled at the level of service. First of all your lazy cashier wouldn't allow my eight year old to buy me wine, secondly after your rude employee insisted that i be in the store to purchase my wine she carded me!!!!!! EXCUSE ME!!!! I have a kid which is more than enough proof that I am of age . Anyway, i didn't have my ID on me so your horribly rude and insensitive employee refused to sell me my wine. The nerve of him. He is probably a loser who lives in his mother's basement!! I am a successful mother who is well-loved in this community. If you do not fire this employee and give me free wine for life I will never come to your store again. i will also tell everyone I know to do the same. I am a nurse and my husband is a police officer and we will will tell everyone we come across about you store's hateful policies. we will also contact the media, the DA and the Attorney General.
Sincerely,
Bella Cose

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Cose,

We're required to ask for ID on age restricted products if you look under a certain age. Also, I know a number of teen parents so having children is not proof of age.

Sincerely,

W. Ine
Manager



Dear Gas Station Manager,

I was running low on gas so I came to your gas station to fill my tank. When I saw the amount owed, I decided that it was too high so I pulled the nozzle out, left it hanging, and drove off without paying. I demand you lower the gas prices so they're more easily affordable. If you don't do this, I will continue to get gas from you and not pay for it.

Sincerely,

C. H. Eapgas

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Mr. Eapgas,
We do not control the price of gasoline. Your drive off was recorded by three different cameras. Thank you for giving us your name so that we can tell the police exactly who to go after for the theft of our gasoline. We prosecute thieves to the fullest extent of the law,
Sincerely,

Tex Aco
station manager
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Dear Taco Chimes,
I went to your restaurant the other day and I was treated in such a rude manner! Your rude employee gave me the food too quickly. She was also much too cheerful! I demand that the girl serving me be reprimanded for her horrific customer service skills and that I be given a $500 gift card, to win me back as a customer. If you do not do as I have demanded I will never come to your store again and tell all of my friends and family about your horrendous and disrespectful service.
Sincerely,

Susie Slowsky

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. Slowsky,

We're a fast food restaurant for a reason. If you want slow service, go to a restaurant where you have to wait a long time.

Sincerely,

B. Urrito
Manager



Dear Supermarket Manager,

I came into the express line with a full cart and your rude employee told me that I needed to go to another line. I started unloading my cart and your rude employee had the nerve to call security and have me moved to another line. I am the customer and I have every right to go into the express line with a full cart if I choose to. I demand you retrain your employees on the importance of customer service or I will never shop at your store again.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Fullcart

[ralerin]

Dear Ms. Fullcart,

Your rude ass has now been banned from the store. It's called an "express" lane for a reason because we will "express" those who have more than the limit out of the store.

Sincerely,

Supermarket Manager

--

Dear Proprietor,

How dare you hire those damn midgets that work at your store! I despise those freaks of nature and want all of them shot! I don't give a fuck about no political correctness either. This is a world of normal people! They are subnormal! Comply with my demands!

Sincerely,

Ms. Nottadwarf

[MoonCat]

Dear Ms. Nottadwarf,

Your insensitivity, intolerance and all-around nastiness have been noted. We'll pray for you. You are hereby banned for life from our premises.

Yours truly,
Tom Thumb, Manager
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Dear Sirs,

I was horribly offended when shopping at your supermarket yesterday. I overheard customers speaking in a foreign language! I can't believe you allow this type of unAmerican behavior in your stores. Why do you hate America??? I want a gift card in the amount of $500 or I will never buy anything from your store again.

Yours,
Mrs. Ima Nidiot

[Grape The Cat]

Dear Mrs. Nidiot,
Unless they are being hostile we cannot control what our customers say or how they say things. In addition customers may speak any language they please, and there is nothing Unamerican about this. Your request for a gift card is denied.
Sincerely,

Lynn Guistic
store managere
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Dear Wal-Store
I was at one of your stores today and and I was appalled at the level of customer service. I was in the store and lit up a cigarette. Without being civil , your associate told me that smoking was not allowed in the store. EXCUSE ME??? I am the customer. I am always right. Your rude, idiotic assistant manager also said smoking was not allowed in the store. Such Nazi policies should be eliminated. Fire both employees and give me a $5,000 gift card or I will start a class action law suit.
Sincerely,
Nick O'Tine

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. O'Tine,

It's against the law to smoke in stores. Therefore, your requests have been denied.

Sincerely,

Store Manager



Dear Pool Manager,

I recently came to your pool with no clothes on and your rude lifeguard told me to leave and put on a swimsuit. I am the customer and if I want to come to your pool wearing no clothes then I have every right to. I want you to fire the rude lifeguard and give me free membership for life. If you don't, I will never come to your pool again.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Natural

[Tsiyeria]

Dear Mrs. Natural,

I was so sorry to hear that the police were unable to catch you before you left the premises. We will, of course, be cooperating fully with the parents of the four children who saw you and are pressing charges against you. You'll be happy to know that our security cameras recently received an upgrade at the behest of a particularly generous donor, and we therefore have fantastic video of the entire situation.
As to whether or not you will be coming to our pool again, I must say that you won't be. Sex offender status has a way of keeping children away from you.

Best Wishes for your trail and prison sentence,

Pool Manager

---------------------------------

Dear Restaurant,

I am writing to complain about the service I received at your Interstate location the other day. The hostess sat me at a TABLE! I CLEARLY wanted a booth. It should have been obvious, as I spent five whole seconds looking at the booth I wanted. Then my waitress brought me water, but it was in a tiny cup! I am not a child, and I take offense to being served out of a child's glass!
The real problem, though, was the waitress's attitude. She was extremely rude, especially when my daughter pushed the fire door open and the alarm went off. I mean, she's only seven! How is she supposed to know what will happen? The waitress should have been there to stop her from opening the door. I demand to be compensated for my meal and given gift certificates, and at least 10 of your restaurant's t-shirts (in sizes small and large).

Sincerely,

Mother of the Year

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Mother:

We are sorry to hear of your experience. Enclosed find 20 (10 in small and 10 in large) of our super-deluxe, designer "I got kicked out of Restaurant and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirts.

Manager

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Dear Clearance Swamp Manager:

I visited your store today, the first Wednesday in July and thus Senior Day. Yet I did not get the 15% senior discount on my purchase.

So what if I'm only 22? I'm a college senior! I should get the discount!

Give me a personalized written apology (no form letters!), at least $1,000 in gift cards, and that sexy devil Irving Patrick Freleigh for one night. I'll do things to him that will make his co-workers bow before him like the hunky god among men he is.

Coed Naked