The Customer Complaint Letter Game

[catcul]

Dear Miss Moonflasher,

I'm afraid we cannot let you graduate since you were caught committing indecent exposure. You may receive your diploma once your legal issues are resolve.

Sincerely,

Sidney Prude

-----

Dear Raincloud Laundromat,

Last week, I walked into your laundromat to meet women converse with members of the community. When I walked up to a group of ladies, I decided I would flash show them what I was offering.

I lifted my shirt and dropped my pants, and said to them, "Hey, ladies! Does this remind you of something?"

Suddenly, this mountain of a woman stepped up to me and said, "It looks like a penis, but smaller."

Then, she viciously assaulted me, wrestled me to the floor, picked me up, and threw me out of the door. That woman left me bloodied and bruised.

I can't believe you let people like this into your laundromat. I demand that you only let pretty little delicate ladies wash their clothes and ban rhino woman. I also demand you pay my medical bills and return my clothes I left in the washing machine.

Sincerely,

Pervin Newdman

-----
Note: I imagine the "mountain of a woman" would have the same build as Phoebe from Indivisible.

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. Newman,

What you did was considered indecent exposure. Therefore, your requests are denied except for returning your clothes which are being shipped to you as we speak. Also, you are banned from this laundromat. Don't come back here or you'll be arrested.

Sincerely,

C. L. eanclothes
Owner



Dear Security Company Manager,

You had no right to fire me. All I did was make copies of the offense reports and pass them out to various people. I demand you give me my job back. If you don't, I will hack into the security system and post all of the security codes on Facebook.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Blabbermouth

[Kristev]

Dear Mrs. Blabbermouth,

Go For Broke Mall fired you as a customer because you snuck into the security office's building and stole information from us, then handed it out to people who have no need of it.

We are grateful that you showed us the flaws in the security system, and we have changed all of our security codes. But copies of your threats have been sent to the police. If you ever come back to Go For Broke Mall, we have orders to detain you on sight.

Disrespectfully yours,

Mr. Stead Fast,

Protection Racket Security Company Manager.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Good Shepherd technology company,

My wife and I went out and bought your latest invention, the gigantic female robot which you call "The Electronic Babysitter." Well, we couldn't figure out how to program it, but my mother, who was visiting us from Great Britain, could. She ignored my wife and I and programmed The Electronic Babysitter the way she wanted.

Well, much to our severe displeasure, The Electronic Babysitter made sure our kids got to school on time, with nutritious lunches, even going so far as to wake us up making the kids get up for school, throwing out the quick lunches my wife made for our kids the night before in favor of far more complex lunches, and breakfasts, too! The Electronic Babysitter even made our daughter change the clothes my wife and I set out for her, saying that she looked indecent. Indecent! We paid a fortune for that outfit at Nearly Nude's! You are going to recompense us for that outfit, not to mention the expense of The Electronic Babysitter herself!

But the worst, the absolute worst, was just recently and that's why I'm writing you this letter. My wife was out at her part-time job, and I was just lounging in my chair. The kids come up begging to go swimming in the pool, and I tell them they can. It isn't fifteen minutes later when I'm disrupted from my video game because The Electronic Babysitter has taken it upon herself to pluck the kids out of the pool and tell them they shouldn't have gone in without me or my wife present. I mean, she even talks like my mother!

And when I tell her she's ruining my kids' fun, she tells me that my son was drowning in the deep end and that she detected this with her sensors and put herself in danger (being a robot) to rescue him. Next thing I know, she's telling me that the water has stripped her of some of her control over her limbs, and she kicks me in the ass!

Well, I disabled The Electronic Babysitter right then and there, and we're mailing her back to you along with this letter. My wife and I are so stressed out by all of this that we've gone on vacation. My mother has the kids back in Great Britain, saying that she's giving the kids their own vacation.

I demand a full refund, a replacement that will do only what I tell her, or better yet, him, to do, and that you pay us for the outfit, for the ruined pool experience, for the snack lunches my wife packed that your robot threw away . . .

Ten million dollars should do it. If you don't, I am going to hire a lawyer, and I'll go to the media. My neighbor's cousin's physician's long-lost nephew is a reporter on television! And if that doesn't work, I'll hire a hacker and seize control of your entire team of The Electronic Babysitter robots. I'll bet you won't like being treated to a million clones of my mother. Just because she graduated from the Mary Poppins school of child care, she thinks she knows everything about kids. I'm not having her, or any robots programmed by her, tell my kids what to do! Or lecture me about being a neglectful parent!

Signed,

Mr. Ab Santee Parent and Mrs. Lazee Bone-Parent.

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Parent,

Enclosed is an application for parent school. The mother of Mr. Parent will have custody of the children until the course is completed.

Sincerely,

Ree Sponsible
Creator


Dear Church Minister,

Where do you get off refusing to marry my cat Boots and I? Don't you realize that what you did is discrimination and that Boots and I are in love and want to get married? I demand you marry Boots and I at once and pay for our honeymoon. If you don't, I will sue the church for discriminating against marriage based on species.

Sincerely,

Wanda Mary Mycat

[Tama]

Dear Ms. Mycat,

Interspecies marriage laws aside, your cat is incapable of giving consent. Therefore this marriage, and therefore, whatever else you might have in mind, is highly illegal no matter where you live.

- J. Harkness



Dear Future Pizza Shop,

Aku ordered an extra thick pizza and it did not arrive in thirty minutes or less--in fact, it did not arrive at all!

Aku is most seriously displeased and wants a refund, and the pizza delivery boy banished!

Not sincerely,

Aku the glorious

[mjr]

Aku The Glorious:

Providing a fake interstellar address won't get you a pizza, and it certainly won't get you a refund.

So both requests are denied!

Yours in the Stars,

Captain P. Icard
Owner, Future Pizza Shop

-------------------------

Dear So-Da-Pop Carbonated Beverages:

The other night, I was at home with my girl. Now, you must understand, my girl is HOT...

And I was feeling particularly randy this evening. See, my girl had on these really short shorts and a teeny, form fitting shirt. I think she was randy, too. Unfortunately, there was a condom nowhere to be found, and my girl isn't on the pill.

But then I remembered that I saw on the Internet I could use your drink as a contraceptive. Well, that happens to be my favorite drink, so I downed one, had my girl down one, and then I took a 3rd one and poured half on my parts and half on her parts.

Imagine my surprise when she turns up pregnant a month later! Your product didn't work! I saw it on the Internet, so it has to be true!

So I will be needing all of the necessary things to care for my baby, plus expenses for a wedding, plus an additional $20 million.

If you don't, I will go to the media about your lies! I will also tell everyone that your competitor, Dr. Salt, is better! Then I will sneak into your factory and drain all the vats of your product onto the floor, and cut power to the building!

Feeling Randy,

Clevon N. Aive

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. Aive,

Just because it's on the internet doesn't necessarily mean it's true. We have forwarded your threats to the police and you'll have to depends on your families concerning the baby and wedding.

May K. Believe
Manager



Dear Supermarket Manager,

You had no right to fire my daughter! All she did was take off her uniform because it was getting hot! I demand you rehire her and allow her to wear as little as she wants! If you don't, I will shop at your store wearing nothing!

Sincerely,

Mrs. Exposure

[Kristev]

Dear Mrs. Exposure,

Your daughter was an absolute fool to take off her uniform here at Snowfall Supply Supermarket, because this place is the last supermarket for a hundred miles around in the deep place of snow and ice.

It couldn't possibly be hot in this place, though she may have been hot. We get of lot of lumberjacks here.

Nudity is illegal in the first place, but just plain stupid here in the freezing cold. So I won't rehire her. And if you come in here wearing nothing, you won't get far. Or didn't you see all those ice sculptures who were once people in the parking lot? Please reconsider. I don't want you adding to the ugliness of those human ice sculptures.

As for fire, your daughter should have been grateful. It's the closest she'll get to a fire of any kind in over a hundred miles.

Sincerely,

Miss Bitt R. Cold,

Snowfall Supply Supermarket Owner,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Shell-Chevron-ExxonMobile-ARCO-Texaco-Phillips 66-Gas Monopoly,

I went to one of your gas stations, the newest one built just around the corner from my home. There was another one that I was going to, and liked going to, but your new store is a couple of blocks closer.

But I won't be going back to your new store. And do you know why? Because, just like the last few times I've filled up my gas tank at the gas station I favored, when I filled my car up with gas from your brand new station, it was all gone within two weeks. When I top my tank off, I expect that gas to last! It shouldn't go away so fast! What are you doing, watering your gas down? Your gas is clearly an inferior product that just doesn’t last as long as it should. It seems like it just gets consumed so quickly, as if it were water! If I’m going to pay a premium for gas, it better last me a %2wfw $U#J decade!

So what if I drive two hours to get to work, and then another two hours home, and am known to drive cross-country for my vacations? Your gas is getting so expensive nowadays! Luckily for me, at the gas station I used to go to and will start going to again, the manager always refunded me for the disappearing gas. He's a great guy.

But when I brought my receipt to the new gas station, the girl there gave me the most horrible back-talk. "Do you realize this receipt is from ten days ago? How far have you driven in the last ten days?" And her absolute worst was when she told me that she couldn't authorize a refund without a manager's presence, and that there wasn't one there because he was on lunch so could I please come back in about an hour?

An hour!?! How dare she? What nerve, what cheek? No, I didn't go back to see her manager because I had to go see my girlfriend in the next state over, but I am furious! I demand that you give me a refund like the manager at my preferred store always does (as I said, he's a great guy), and that you give me free gas for the rest of my life, and ten million dollars for my trouble.

If you won't, I'll come back with things that can start fires . . .

Signed,

Mr. Gus Guzzler.

[Tama]

Dear Hometown PD,

Enclosed is Mr. Guzzler's letter. As you can see, he's made threats of arson. Please take care of him right away, or the gas station may not be here tomorrow.

On another note, he's also broken our donut machine, so your free donuts will be taking a temporary hiatus.

Sincerely, Hometown Shell-Chevron-ExxonMobile-ARCO-Texaco-Phillips 66-Gas Monopoly

--------------------------------------------

Dear Shmoei Entertainment,

My favorite character in Babbleball Z is the main lead, Ukog, who was always very selfless and willing to defend everyone from danger because he's just a good guy. But from watching new incarnations of the latest series from your native country of Japan, he's nothing but a selfish dick who wants to fight strong people!

Fix this! He's supposed to always be the good guy thinking of other people! Not some mindless fighter!

If you don't fix him I am going to light your studio on fire and take Ukog's ancient voice actor hostage!

I don't care if this was the creator's preference for his personality! My american view of this show must be catered to!

Not sincerely,

Crazy Fanman

(This is a thing, a lot of people I know are upset that Goku from DB Super is behaving like he is. Endangering a bunch of universes so he can fight strong people...etc. Instead of being the flawless Superman that the american dub made him out to be)

[purplecat41877]

Dear Mr. Fanman,

We're sorry for your dissatisfaction. We have forwarded your threats to the police and warned the voice actor.

Sincerely,

Car Toon
Manager



Dear Burger Place Manager,

Why won't you fire me? I don't want to work and my mean, rotten parents won't let me quit. I demand you fire me so I won't have to work anymore. If you don't, I will fill a bag full of burgers and fries and put them in my schoolbag.

Sincerely,

Wanda B. Fired

[Kristev]

Dear Wanda,

This is a family business. You are expected to participate. But if you really, truly don't want to work here, that's just fine. You're fired, but instead of working here, your new job is going to be with your uncle as his new assistant down at Gunk & Grime Gone Plumbing and Sewage. I'll give you three days before you come back begging and crawling to work at Burger Place again.

And if you steal, it'll come out of your paycheck, no matter where you're working. You already have quite a debt to payoff still from nearly burning down your aunt's book store, Read It and Weep.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Ann Trepreneur, owner of Burger Place, Gunk & Grime Gone, Read It and Weep, and three other small family businesses, aka Grandma.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Neverclosed Supercenter,

I am writing this letter because I am aghast at the shabby treatment I received by one of your courtesy clerks (and because there is so much going on at your store that you need to be made aware of) on the day of that massive thunderstorm.

See, while I was riding around in one of your electric carts, (you have two in the store and I don't see why only old people who can't walk should be permitted to use them both), I saw so many things that just got my dander up! They should have gotten management and loss prevention's dander up, too, but they didn't!

First of all, I saw someone bring eleven items into the ten items or less lane. I know because I was counting.

Secondly, I saw someone trying on clothes, but when she was finished trying them on, she left them in the fitting room instead of bringing them back to the rack.

Thirdly, I saw someone enter the bathroom with a loaf of garlic bread, in defiance of the sign that clearly said "No merchandise in the bathrooms", as if the sign were not there. When I called him on it after he exited, he told me he'd paid for that bread and showed me a receipt, but I knocked it out of his hand and told him that that's not the point. It's still merchandise, so he had no right . . . he walked off after that, calling me a lunatic. He breaks the rules and I'm the lunatic? I don't think so!

Fourthly, I saw someone go through and take samples from the pretzel and cheese display. Okay, there was a woman there handing samples out. But then she let this man come back and get samples again! When I challenged her, she said "I have to get rid of them and no one else seems to want them because of the flavor combo. Sample?"

And that's far from all of it. I have an entire list of things wrong, that's just the top of it. So I told your cashier, but she said only that she'd bring it up with a manager. How dismissive, but at least she said she'd do something.

But I wanted to be sure that action was taken against these rule-breakers. So I told everything to the cart pusher as he came by with his carts. I was loading my groceries in the car by then, trying to be fleet and quick to escape the pouring rain. He came by to offer me help, but stopped when he saw that I could walk and handle everything all by myself.

I told him everything and that he should go directly to a manager with the things I saw. Instead he offered to fetch me a manager if I came back inside with him, but I refused. Don't you know how valuable my time is? Retrain that boy! Anyway, I reiterated so he knew exactly what had happened, then I accidentally ran over his foot as I put the electric cart out of my way. He then screamed back at me as I finished repeating the story "And you, young lady, have intentionally used an electric cart meant for those who need it, which isn't you! And worse yet, you've intentionally left it in the pouring rain, and just injured me with your carelessness!"

How dare he speak to me like that? It's inexcusable. Besides, he's a big hypocrite, since he took the cart inside. He doesn't need it either. That limp he had after I ran over his foot was obviously just for show, and I don't approve of it!

I demand ten million dollars in compensation, and that the store take my complaints seriously! If you don't, not only will I sic my father, Roy Ofswords on you, I may even take my complaints straight to the emperor! And if that doesn't work, I know a magician who can call up the devil! Let's see how you handle him?

Angrily yours,

Paige OfSwords.

OOC: (The Page of Swords is a tarot card. She represents spying and snooping, including tattle-tales. The King of Swords (Roy), The Emperor, The Magician, and The Devil are also tarot cards that just happen to fit into the story.)

[purplecat41877]

Dear Ms. OfSwords,

Unfortunately, not everyone follows the rules and we have dealt with the rulebreakers. Also, the "No Merchandise inside Restroom" refers to unpaid merchandise.

Thanks to you, the cart boy has a broken foot and will be out of work for a while. You are banned until you pay the enclosed bill from the hospital.

Sincerely,

Al L. Night
Manager



Dear Convenience Store Manager,

I came to your store to buy cigarettes and lottery tickets and your rude employee refused to sell them to me. She gave me a lecture about how smoking is bad for my health and that I should stop buying cigarettes. She also told me that the lottery is a waste of money and that I should use it to buy food and clothes. She also gave the same lecture to other customers that wanted cigarettes and lottery tickets.

I don't appreciate being told how to spend my money. I want this employee retrained on customer service or fired or I will release an army of mice inside your store.

Sincerely,

S. M. Okeygambler

[Kristev]

Dear Mr. Okeygambler,

The reason she turned you and the other shoppers down is because you and your friends, including Tina Gerr, who is on probation and should know better, tried to buy all those things without proper identification.
You were all underage, and Eagle-Eyed Ethel caught you. Nothing gets by that old cashier. That's why she runs the register closest to the door.


And don't try to release mice unless you like them dying fast, because we're famous for having a patron cat, Delilah, whom we all call the real boss around here. And she's quite the huntress.

Sincerely,

Katt Lover, highest human manager of At Delilah's Convenience Store.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lifetime Love Pet Shop,

I went into your store because I saw the gigantic sign that said Lifetime Love, inside of a gigantic stylized heart. But there weren't that many people, only a bunch of animals in cages and animal supplies.

I start walking around the store, looking for some suitable man who I deemed to be worthy of me, when suddenly I hear just the words I've been longing to hear.

"You're beautiful," a man says. "Ravishing, and so cute. I just want to scoop you up in my arms and hold you forever. You are just perfect for my son, and if he doesn't want you, I certainly do."

I turn around and find this man with the silver tongue, only he's not looking at me. He's looking at a calico kitten in a display with one other kitten, another calico but with different markings.

I reach out and touch this man, while he's dandling his finger in the display to play with the kitten. He jumps, startling the kitten and landing virtually in my arms.
"You're looking for the love of your life? Well, you've found her, lucky boy. Here I am, and you won't need your other two wishes."
"Well, I wish you'd let me down before my spouse shows up," he replies, so I drop him to the floor like a hot potato.

As he is getting up, a female clerk and a stylish but rather effete man come up to him and help him to his feet.
"Jim," says the effete man, "Marcia here was just telling me the saddest tale. It seems that a dog got the mother of these two little kittens, and one of their brothers, before someone called the dog off. After dropping the kittens off at a vet, somehow, they all wound up here. The last brother was adopted, so it's just these two sisters left from that litter. It's so sad."
"Oh, you poor things," said Jim, and he started to pet both kittens.
"What about me?" I asked. "All those things you said . . ."
"I said them to the kitten," Jim countered. "I don't even know you. And by the way, meet my spouse, Elgin."
"Hello," the effet spouse said, offering me his hand. Naturally, I refuse it and knock it away.
"Have you decided on a purchase?" Marcia chimes, looking at Jim.
"Yes, I have," Jim said, picking up the kitten he had been playing with. "We'll take this one. She's lovely, and so sweet. Can't you hear that purr? We'll also take that orange collar by the door, since it matches her fur, a big bag of kitten chow . . ."
"And clumping cat litter," said Elgin. "Along with a baby-sized littler box. I'm sure you have a record of the kitten's shots?"
"In the safe under the till," Marcia said back. "You'll get it with your receipt. Will you be needing any food or water dishes?"
"Yes, we almost forgot," Jim replied. "Thank you."
"I'll fetch those things and have them waiting at the register," Marcia said. "Ma'am, I'll be with you in a minute, okay?" And Marcia left at that point.
"Jim, darling," Elgin said, "are you sure this is a good idea?"
"It's Jason's birthday tomorrow," Jim answered. "He's been begging for a pet for some time and we can't have a dog at the apartment, so a cat is a much better choice."
"But he's only turning nine," Elgin said. "Maybe this could wait another year?"
"He'll never learn if we don't let him try," Jim said. "Besides, even if he's not good at taking care of this little angel, you and I certainly will be."


At this point, I leave and look around the store, searching for other men. I find one other man, one dressed in scuffed biker boots and leather that has been torn to shreds by kitten and puppy claws, and bird talons. What ugly clothing! Besides, he's too busy looking at boa constrictors and has so many tattoos, most of which are about how much he loves animals, that I don't even go near him. So, I decide that I'm going to redouble my efforts to land this Jim.

I go up to the register where Jim and Elgin are with the kitten and the supplies Marcia has fetched and kept waiting.
"All right," she said, "will that be cash or credit?"
"Cash," Jim said back, reaching for his wallet.
"Wait!" Elgin interjected, surprising them both. "Jim, we cannot get this kitten. Don't look at me like that, and don't say anything. What I mean is that, after everything these little babies have been through, I demand that we go ahead and buy her twin sister as well. We cannot break this family up any worse than they've already been."
"You've made a wise choice," Marcia announced. "I learned in my veterinarian classes that two kittens will keep each other entertained and less lonely than a single kitten would be, and since they're littermates, they already know each other and won't feel the need to compete for territory like cats tend to do."
"Thank you, Elgin," Jim said. "I am so glad to hear . . ."
"I couldn't bear to sever those two sisters, not after the death of their mother and brother, and the loss of their other brother," Elgin answered.
Marcia left to go fetch the other kitten.
"What about me!" I snapped, catching them all by surprise. "Jim, you are the most handsome man I've ever met and I am not leaving this store without you!"
"Is there something I don't know about?" Elgin asked.
"No," Jim said. "I was talking to the kitten and she thought I was talking to her. But lady, I don't know you, and based on the way you're behaving, I don't want to know you!
"I am a happily married man, and we've adopted a son together. I'm supposed to just up and abandon them all for a girl? One I don't know, let alone like?"
"But you belong with me!" I argued.
"Madame, that's enough!" Marcia said, holding the other kitten. She then put both kittens in a small cat carrier. "Is she bothering you, sir?"
"Harassing is more like it," Jim said.
"Ma'am, you'll have to go," Marcia told me at once. "If you don't, I'll have to call the manager."
"And who is this manager?" I scoff, only to see the man with the tattoos show up and stand right beside Marcia.
"I am," he said to me. "You've been inappropriately behaved ever since you first saw this man, and I won't have it here."
He started to walk toward me, so I ran out the door. Then he followed me to the door and yelled.
"And don't come back!" was all I caught of it. I've never been so mad in my life.


I wait, and a few minutes later, out come Jim and Elgin, with Elgin carrying all the things they bought, and Jim carrying the cat carrier with the sister kittens in it.
"It was so nice of Marcia not to charge us for the cat carrier," Elgin said. "We almost owe that lunatic lady a thank you."
"Don't ever say that again," Jim retorted.
"Hey," I said, coming out from around the car. "You're only with him because you haven't been with a real woman yet." And I try to wrap my arms around him. The next thing I know, Jim pulls backwards and I end up falling flat onto the parking lot.
"Elgin is the love of my life, lady!" Jim snapped. "I will not insult him by even speaking to you anymore."
And with that, Jim gets into the car with the kittens.
I stand up, and then raise my fingernails, ready to scratch Elgin. But effete Elgin has a surprise - a one-time use can of pepper spray on his key ring. And once the door is closed so it won't get to Jim or the kittens, Elgin sprays me with it.
Then Elgin gets into the car before I can react, and off they go, the gay men and their kittens.


I go to your pet shop again, demanding that Marcia call the police because they attacked me. And what did Marcia say after I came in? “Dad, she’s back again!” That’s what she said.
"Before or after you tried to put the squeeze on Jim?" Marcia argued. Then she proceeded to call the police . . . on me. Me!


I was strongly advised that I needed to take a plea deal for attempted assault on Elgin and the harassment of Jim, and wound up escaping jail time by doing community service. But I have to do it at the animal shelter, where they've got me cleaning cages!
Someone as beautiful as me, someone who has actually been on magazine covers before, should not be in any place like the animal shelter unless it is for a photo opportunity! But instead, a cat clawed up my face because I pulled her tail, a dog bit me because I stepped on his paw, and I slipped and fell into a dirty cage full of used newspapers! Yuck! It gets even worse from there!


I demand that you give me Jim's address, as well as ten million dollars and a free photo op! If you don't, I've found quite a few unpleasant animals here that would be more than willing to let me bring them to your pet shop and eat your little animals there. Then they'll wreck the place! And we'll see how full of themselves your Marcia, and your icky tattooed manager, are then.

Angrily yours,

Miss Vainessa Peacock, the most beautiful woman in the world.

[purplecat41877]

Dear Miss Peacock,

What you did was harrassment. Therefore, the ban is still in place and if you try anything, you'll be behind bars.

Sincerely,

P. Etlover
Manager



Dear Credit Card Company,

Where do you get off declining my card when I tried to buy what I needed? Thanks to you, I'm spending time in prison for massive shoplifting. I demand you allow me to get all I want, even if I max out the card limit, which you told me I did. If you don't, I will hack into your system and raise my credit card limit to unlimited.

Sincerely,

Will Notpay

[catcul]

Dear Mr. Notpay,

We restrict people with a credit limit so the wrong person isn't able to spend us into bankruptcy. We like to keep our employees employed. Since you threatened to hack into our systems, we will forward this letter to the proper authorities.

Sincerely,

Mr. Card

-----

Dear Nine Inch Nails,

I was looking for "Closer" by #ChainSmokers when I came across your video. I clicked on it thinking it was a cover song. What I saw was some of the most disgusting things I ever saw.

First of all, did you really say, "I want to you like an animal?" Also, you had an open pig carcass hanging from the ceiling and a spinning severed pig's head. Yuck! Also, you had a naked man with long hair and a naked bald woman in your video. Men shouldn't have long hair while women should. Even if a woman goes bald naturally, she needs to put on a wig. How long have you made the black guy stand in that spot? He blew a huge amount of dust off of his top hat. Also, you tied two Indian women's hair together and spun them around. Also, why do those old men keep showing up? Each one of them have more hair on their heads than the bald woman.

I know what you're up to. You're trying to gross children by showing the pig carcass. You're treating minorities like objects by spinning them around. You're trying to promote gender confusion by have a man with long hair and a bald woman. You're trying to turn this generation of children into vegan, gender-neutral racists. Your inclusion of a two-year-old girl proves it.

My husband, Pare A. Noid, will find irrefutable proof of your chicanery. Your day of reckoning is coming.

Sincerely,

Aryu Anne Noid

PS: If you think that Dr. X will bail you out, you have another think coming. Dr. X's day of reckoning HAS come.