How to give a cat a pill

[Lace Neil Singer]

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[Cat]

LOL SO true!!!!!!!


ugh, piling Riley was a chore.....I fear every having to pill Morgan....she loves the taste of human flesh.

[edible_hat]

My dad has a great technique for making the cat look upwards with its mouth and throat open, then he just drops the pill right in. They try to cough it up but by then it's in the stomach.

[Rebel1012]

How to give a dog a pill

1 - Take pill from foil wrap

2 - Wrap pull in peice of bacon

3 - Make him beg

[Lace Neil Singer]

The dog I used to have loved pasta, so all you had to do is wrap a pill in a piece of lasagne and give it to her. XD Pill down.

[Bright_Star]

Just put the pill within the cat's food.

[Ree]

Just put the pill within the cat's food.

Ummm...you did notice this was posted in "Jokes"...right?

It was meant to be funny. I doubt the OP really needed serious advice on how to give meds to a cat.

[TheSHAD0W]

Similar...

How to Wash Your Cat

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).

Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a variety of odors... from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember... your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.

So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.

2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.

3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.

4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.

5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire... the cat barely notices you anyway.

6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom .... speed is essential. In one single liquid motion .shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet hornet.

7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.

8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.

9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.

10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat . reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.

11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.

12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door .... put towel wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.

13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.

[marlovino]

That reminds me of this kitty shower pic. (No thats not me in the pic)

[LionMan]

Dumb question, at which step should you go to the hospital to get the missing limbs attached? Or else I may just have a slightly more psychotic cat than most.

[drunkenwildmage]

Dumb question, at which step should you go to the hospital to get the missing limbs attached? Or else I may just have a slightly more psychotic cat than most.

Nah..Your cat sounds like most.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Pablo was small enough to just scoop him up and plunk him in the sink, no lures required. Also, too high for him to jump off the counter, so he couldn't run away. Not that it stopped him from trying. I tried the blow dryer on him once, but he didn't like that too much. He preferred to just curl up under a blanket in a lap to dry.

Also,

[Lace Neil Singer]

That reminds me of this kitty shower pic. (No thats not me in the pic)

If anyone had tried that with my old kitty... that shower cubicle would be half full of blood. o.o

And yup, she was near impossible to pill; putting it in her food was useless, she'd eat around it. Trying to stroke it down her throat; a good way to lose a finger. We used to just take the easy way out and ask the vet to pill her after a checkup; the cat had to go to weight watchers every so often cuz of her tendency to eat everything and anything.

Sigh; I miss the cat. New kitty is much more gentle and sweet, and doesn't attack anyone, but will never replace old kitty.