Roommate Vent *Language warning*

[Dasota]

So my roommate is moving out.

That is to say, I wish she would get her shit and get the hell out.

Last October, my current roommate and I were living together in a different place with friends of ours who were a couple, but they had screwed us over on not paying the rent and other things (The lease was in their name and the landlord didn't/wouldn't talk to us.) So I found a place. Another friend of mine owns a two family house and the apartment upstairs was going to be free. I decided I would take current roomie and move in to our current apartment.

Now at the time I wasn't working, I had worked out a deal both at the previous and current place with the people I lived with that I would keep the house clean, doing all the chores with the exception of the others laundry, and help with food from time to time (I was on food stamps, but had a bit extra since I'm a frugal food spender.) With the current place, any time I did any odd jobs I would put any extra money I had after my phone bill and assorted necessary items towards the rent, which was always fairly close to what my half of the rent was.

By December I was working, and so was the current roommate, so we switched off on chores, which worked for a little while, but then my roommate up and quit her temp position, and I was between temp gigs for about a week and a half, but I made due with scraping up rent through odd jobs. Then right after the new year, I got a long term gig, but roomie wasn't cleaning unless I'd specifically ask her to do something.

Then we were both working again at long term gigs, Hooray! But we weren't splitting the cleaning evenly. Again, unless I'd ask, and then it turned into unless I nagged, she wouldn't clean. And even then, she didn't really know how to wash dishes. I think she may be allergic to hot water or something, because NOTHING would ever be clean. food still stuck to things, everything was SUPER greasy. Like you lived on your own for over a year out of state away from family, how have you not learned how to do these simple things and be a functional adult?

Around the end of April she wasn't getting any temp gigs, though I wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't calling or what at the time. So I told her, pretty much the same deal as me when I wasn't working. Clean the house, but pay the gas bill instead of providing food as the gas bill was in her name and relatively cheap. My house got more and more cluttered. Dishes being left piled in the sink, floors not being swept or mopped.

In June, I gave her two weeks to get the house in immaculate condition. A regular spring cleaning if you will. She left it to the last possible minute and then didn't do a thorough cleaning. I told her what needed to be done, and to keep up with it now until she got a job. Then the gas got shut off. She didn't tell me, I had to find out for myself when I went to go shower. After having grown up fairly poor, I know that the utility companies do a three month kinda thing before shutting you off. I was LIVID. I told her she was allowed one shut off, and that was her one, if it happened again, she was getting tossed out on her ass. Also, if she was that stuck on not being able to pay, to let me know, I would do what I could to help, but she had to communicate with me.

In the middle of July, she came to me and said that it would probably be best if she moved out and in with her parents if we were going to remain friends. I agreed wholeheartedly as I was becoming a mothering nagging monster and I hated being that person, but felt as if I had no other choice when reasonable requests, and being angry got me nowhere, neither did the nagging to be honest, but jesus fucking christ, I was at my wits end with her. We agreed that she could stay until the middle of September. I'm going on vacation at the end of this month and don't want to deal with doing a roommate switch while I was out of state and it would give me time to try and find a roommate.

Which would have been awesome, had the gas not get shut off again, and this time I hadn't been home really except to sleep for about a week, so I have no clue how long it's been like this. And of course, I was about to go shower, again. Ended up going to her room and bang on the door to tell her she needed to start packing and getting her crap out of my apartment.

She then fled to her parents and has been sleeping there. Has only come back a couple of times, and I've had to chase her down for the most part to figure out when she's coming by the get her things and it's been like pulling teeth. She told me Thursday? Friday? that she wanted to come over Saturday to clean before getting the rest of her stuff out. My brain kinda BSOD'd at that. It's too little too late to clean. I just want her to get her shit and get out.

Now today is the day I got my gas turned back on, (happened in the middle of typing this up, hooray!) and also when the roommate said she'd be fully moved out by. Now it's not gonna happen until this week, though I told her, that no matter what, I am getting the keys from her today. She came by around noon and filled up one load and says she's currently on her way for another, but I'm leaving at 3, and when that happens, she's gotta get out too since I'll be taking her keys with me.

I'm not gonna get any money that she owes me for back rent, though she said she'd give me something today, about 100 or so, but I'm not holding my breath for that. I don't care that I got burned out on money. I really don't. I've had many folks help me out when times have been tough, so passing on the kindness others have shown to me is not a big deal. I'm pissed that I had to deal with a child essentially who absolutely refused to communicate and let me know things about the gas bill, or capable of getting off of her laptop and off her lazy ass and doing something around the house.

And of course, my roommate search is going nowhere and making ends meet is going to be super tough, but doable. Painful, but doable. It'll be a ramen kinda time, but I'll manage until I can get someone to move in, hopefully.

[Food Lady]

I totally understand why you don't care about the money. I'd be ticked at having to take a cold shower. So glad I live alone!

[Aethian]

Met one if my new neighbors today and it sounds like you both dealt with the same person.

[MoonCat]

She's immature. Doesn't want the responsibility, and she figured if she didn't do the cleaning, YOU would. That's why she flubbed washing the dishes, and why she let stuff pile up--she figured you'd decide it was too much trouble to nag her, and just do it all yourself.

Hope you find a good roommate soon, Dasota! Good luck!

[Jester]

Not as bad as when I had to deal with tossing the Deadbeat, but....

Tell her she needs to get her shit out NOW. Since she's not working, she really has no excuse not to comply.

When she doesn't show up (notice I don't say "if"), begin removing her stuff with prejudice. If you're nice, you'll merely put it outside. If you're really completely fed up with her bullshit, you'll toss it in the dumpster.

Either way, I wouldn't blame you.

But whatever you do, do NOT give her a million chances to get her shit out when she keeps ignoring you.

[taxguykarl]

I agree with Jester. I would, in fact, recommend gathering ex-roommate's stuff yourself and having it waiting (for a reasonable time, of course).

[cindybubbles]

Put her stuff in a storage locker and have them send the rent bill to her parents' house. Then mail her the key.

[Jester]

Cindy, it's a nice idea, but it doesn't work like that. No storage place is going to allow someone to set up a storage unit, put stuff in there, and then stick the bill to someone else. Whoever sets up the account is going to be responsible for the bills.

Of course, the next logical step would be to suggest putting all of roommate's stuff in said storage locker, and holding the key for payment. Roommate pays what is owed, roommate gets key and thus stuff. Or roommate pays for storage bill, roommate gets key. Sadly, while either of these may well be just, neither is actually legal, at least not in the U.S., where I'm pretty certain Dasota is. Because it's not legal to keep someone from their possessions. It's somewhat akin to theft. You can have the person come get them. You can put them outside. You can, theoretically, toss them in the garbage, as I did. None of these is preventing the person from accessing their stuff. Their stuff may be rained on, ruined, or disgusting from being in the trash, but you are not controlling them, nor controlling the person's ability to access them.

Now, don't quote me on the trash thing, as I'm not a lawyer. Hell, don't quote me on any of it, as I'm not a lawyer. But one thing I am sure of is that, while you can't prevent someone from getting their stuff, you are also not obligated to keep their stuff in your place indefinitely, or for any length of time. So putting it outside if they don't come and get it? Perfectly valid.

In other words, fuck them. Karma, bitch.

[MoonCat]

You can get rid of someone's stuff after a certain length of time, but I think in this state there are a lot of legal hoops to jump through, including publishing a legal notice to try to give them fair warning. A lot of people may not be aware of the laws re: a tenant's rights, and I am certainly not an expert. But I would think if the girl is moving out, she'd want her stuff and would eventually come and get it.

[Sapphire Silk]

She's immature. Doesn't want the responsibility, and she figured if she didn't do the cleaning, YOU would. That's why she flubbed washing the dishes, and why she let stuff pile up--she figured you'd decide it was too much trouble to nag her, and just do it all yourself.

Ugh. I had a roommate like this. He wouldn't do the dishes, either, and would let them pile up and just wash what he needed when HE wanted to eat . . . and to hell with the rest of us.

I ended up buying one of those roll away dishwashers that hooks to the sink because I didn't have time to wash the dishes all the time.

Of course, the next logical step would be to suggest putting all of roommate's stuff in said storage locker, and holding the key for payment. Roommate pays what is owed, roommate gets key and thus stuff. Or roommate pays for storage bill, roommate gets key.

Problem with this is, Dasota still has to set up the account and be responsible for another bill. Not worth it.

You can put them outside. You can, theoretically, toss them in the garbage, as I did. None of these is preventing the person from accessing their stuff. Their stuff may be rained on, ruined, or disgusting from being in the trash, but you are not controlling them, nor controlling the person's ability to access them.

Check your state laws; your ability to do this varies by state.

But you can always bluff.

When I moved out of state after my divorce, I was able to give the ex an ultimatum and have it be legal . . . because I was MOVING. Which I did. And after weeks of "I'll get to it" he finally came around and got the rest of his stuff: five months after we separated.

Now, don't quote me on the trash thing, as I'm not a lawyer. Hell, don't quote me on any of it, as I'm not a lawyer. But one thing I am sure of is that, while you can't prevent someone from getting their stuff, you are also not obligated to keep their stuff in your place indefinitely, or for any length of time. So putting it outside if they don't come and get it? Perfectly valid.

It happens often enough. I see a lot of Judge Judy cases like these: roomie moves out, doesn't get stuff, stuff gets put on curb, roomie sues. Which is why you should check your local laws and get an eviction notice if necessary even if roomie has moved out just to keep it all legal.

[QUOTE=Jester;1163938In other words, fuck them. Karma, bitch.[/QUOTE]

Amen to that. I had some awful roommates before I got married. After I divorced, I said, "No more roommates." Even though it cost me financially, and I could save a lot of money by renting out my spare bedroom, I refuse to do it.

[Jester]

Problem with this is, Dasota still has to set up the account and be responsible for another bill. Not worth it.

I agree. And as I said, even though it would be just, it is certainly not legal in most places, and it once again sticks Dasota with an unwanted, unneeded, and unwarranted bill.

[Dasota]

So today is the day she's supposed to come by to get the rest of her shit. Furniture and such. I was being fairly cool about it since she has to work within my work schedule, the person who's truck she's using schedule as well as her meager one with work. I forgot to mention that she did indeed start a new job at the Aid of Rite in the middle of July right around when we both agreed she needed to move out. But it's shit for hours and really, she can work VERY easily around it. Also, no money was given to me since she's started this job because I knew that she needed to pay her phone and the gas bill and she was just starting out and getting maybe 20 hours a week, but that meant she still had to clean, which obviously she didn't.

I had called her yesterday to find out about what time. Like right when I walk in the door from work? Dinnertime? Midnight? Shit, give me something. I'd have no problems moving her crap out at 1 in the morning so long as she gave me some sort of notice as to when. She said she didn't know but would text me.... it's now 5pm and no word. Tempted to tell her I'm not home if she calls today and tell her too bad so sad, should have communicated with me earlier and given me some sort of notice other than the "On my way" text message I'm sure to get.

Sensing a pattern here? That whole, freaking talking to me thing? Or the lack of it? At this point I'm ready to cherry pick through her stuff, take what I want and trash the rest, but I can't. Not yet anyways.

Standard waiting period is 30 days. It's one of those "everyone knows" things, but is it really the law? I have no clue, but if her stuff is still in my way after I've settled back into real life after Dragon*Con, I'm going clothes shopping through her wardrobe and shoes, the rest is going to the curb.

Also, holy shit my house is dusty and dirty. I've cleared away most of the clutter and cleaned up after the cat who for whatever reason was taking to binge eating and puking for about a week there... that whole week I had no hot water. There is no love lost between me and my cat. We begrudgingly deal with each other. He ignores me if there is literally anyone else present, preferring them to me and I with go out of my way to "harass" him in the middle of a nap with vigorous belly rubs. I hate hardwood floors by the way, especially painted hardwood floors. Dust and dirt show up soooo easily. I think I can make a whole other cat on the fur I've swept up.

My kitchen is almost back up to acceptable levels. 95% of the dishes are done, and then it's a simple wipe and scrub of the stove and counters and then the floor.

Sooooo close to having my apartment back to acceptable levels for me. Bonus! Tuesday my best friend from high school is coming to check out the apartment. I hope she says yes. I need her to say yes.