How to fold laundry

[Marmalady]

My Purdey-cat liked to help me to make the bed. By getting into the nice clean duvet cover after I'd put the duvet into it, and before I'd done up the fasteners.

[jedimaster91]

Laun......dry.......?

[Kittish]

Mine goes a lot like the original post, except I set the basket on the bed. Then have to do the magic tablecloth trick multiple times for hanging stuff because there's a cat or a dog or both laying on them when I go to put the next item on a hanger. And with added rolling around and burrowing in the bedclothes from the dog.

[dalesys]

Laun......dry.......?

Anything that's been on the floor more than a month.

[mathnerd]

Anything that's been on the floor more than a month.

According to some of my friends you can still shake it out and spray it fabreeze at that point.

[MoonCat]

That was too funny

I don't have a washing machine right now so I do all my folding at the laundromat... which reminds me, I need to get over there before I have to make that phone call to work: "Can't come in today, I'm all out of clean clothes..."

[mathnerd]

That was too funny

I don't have a washing machine right now so I do all my folding at the laundromat... which reminds me, I need to get over there before I have to make that phone call to work: "Can't come in today, I'm all out of clean clothes..."

One of my old bosses used to tease me a little that he knew when I'd put off laundry just a little too long because that was when I showed up for work in a dress.

[MoonCat]

One of my old bosses used to tease me a little that he knew when I'd put off laundry just a little too long because that was when I showed up for work in a dress.

Dress? What is this dress you speak of....?

[Jester]

Then there's the Jester Method for Doing Laundry:

1. Decide that you've let your room get too slovenly and embarrassing even for you.

2. Decide to do something about it on your next day off.

3. Have a beer and watch Top Gear or NCIS.

Alternative Step 3. Have some rum and watch True Blood or Game of Thrones. Or some combination of this and the first Step 3.

4. Have a day off. Ignore the room and the laundry. Or, if necessary for work, ignore the room and the laundry, except that which is needed for work, such as work shirts, work shorts, underwear, and socks. Be thankful you live in some place warm.

5. Repeat steps 1-4 several times over way too long a period of time, during which the ignored laundry reaches legendary levels of "You've got to be kidding me!"

6. Lose tv remote. Be unable to locate it. Blame a redhead. Considering dating history, this should be pretty easy.

7. Return to Step 1 after realizing that blaming the redhead is not making the tv remote reappear, and that you're sick of adjusting the volume manually. Really mean Step 1 this time. I mean, REALLY mean it, unlike all those other times you really meant it.

8. Plan to start laundry process on next day off, promptly at 10:00 am, a very reasonable hour.

9. On next day off, start laundry process promptly at 12:45 pm, which, considering procrastinative tendencies, is pretty much a reasonable hour.

10. Knowing full well that this is far too much laundry to do in a day with the in-home washer and dryer, gather laundry into many trash bags, doing first intelligent thing in the whole process by organizing laundry while gathering it.

11. Load all 15 loads of laundry into truck with a tailgate/hatch that won't open, so everything must be loaded in through the passenger side door.

12. Realize that you have FIFTEEN LOADS OF LAUNDRY.

13. Hang head in shame.

14. Do second intelligent thing in the whole process by driving to bank and getting several rolls of quarters, due to fear that size of laundry to be done may well empty out the change machine at laundromat.

15. Realize that the idea of emptying out the change machine at laundromat is actually a reasonable fear, since you have 15 loads of laundry.

16. Hang head in shame.

17. Buy laundry baskets and collapsible laundry hampers at store, since there will later be 15 loads of laundry to haul home in cleaner shape than currently.

18. Get to laundromat at 3:30 pm, which is very reasonable time since there were 15 loads of laundry to sort.

19. Take over 8 washers for first shift of laundry.

20. Realize that you have so much laundry, you have to do it two shifts so as to not take over half the laundromat.

21. Hang head in shame.

22. When washers finish, load all but three loads into dryers.

23. Realized one washer took money, but didn't actually wash clothes.

24. Curse money-eating defective washer.

25. Load unwashed clothes from defective washer into a recently vacated functional washer.

26. Load three loads of items you don't dry into basket to be hung up.

27. Load second shift of 7 loads into recently vacated (and decidedly functional) washers.

28. Hang non-dryer bound clothes on clothes hangers you brilliant brought along.

29. Realize there aren't close to enough clothes hangers.

30. Solve above problem by hanging two items on each hanger.

31. Pray doubled up hanging items will still be able to air dry.

32. Realize this is a problem that has probably never happened before to anyone else in human history.

33. Hang head in shame.

34. Empty dry clothes from dryers.

35. Add more quarters to dryers with clothes that are less than dry, which are approximately half.

36. Load vacated dryers with some of the finished second shift of washed clothes.

37. Begin to fold a ridiculous amount of clothes.

38. Despair at the ridiculous amount of clothes to be folded.

39. Continue folding ridiculous amount of clothes.

40. Empty finished dryers that now have definitely dried the rest of the first shift of laundry.

41. Load newly vacated dryers with remaining loads of washed second shift of laundry.

42. Realize that ridiculous amount of clothes to be folded has grown to preposterous mountain of clothes to be folded.

43. Despair at preposterous mountain of clothes to be folded.

44. Continue folding preposterous mountain of clothes.

45. Empty dry clothes from some of the second shift of dryers.

46. Add more quarters to dryers with clothes that are less than dry, which are approximately half.

47. Realize that while much of the preposterous mountain of clothes to be folded has in fact been folded, the added dried cloths keeps amount of clothes to be folded at preposterous mountain level.

48. Despair.

49. Continue folding.

50. Empty finished dryers of dry clothes.

51. Realize no one should ever use the phrase "preposterous mountain" to describe their laundry even once, let alone several times in a day.

52. Hang head in shame.

52. Against Las Vegas odds, finish folding.

53. Look at finished, laundered, hung, and dried laundry with tired sense of accomplishment.

54. Realize all the finished, laundered, hung, and dried laundry still has to be loaded into truck. Through the passenger side door.

55. Despair.

56. Smartly strap all the wet hanging clothes together with a belt brought along just for that purpose.

57. Load all the finished, laundered, and dried laundry into truck through passenger side door.

58. Realize strapped-together wet hanging clothes are almost too heavy for someone your size to lift as one unit.

59. Kick yourself for being so stupid.

60. With much struggle, load strapped-together wet hanging clothes into front passenger seat of truck.

61. Drive to convenience store.

62. Buy cheap four pack of tall boy PBRs.

63. Get home around 10:00 pm, a completely unreasonable time to get home from a day off of doing laundry.

64. With much struggle, barely get strapped-together wet hanging clothes out of truck, up stairs, and into apartment.

65. Unload only the most needed laundry from truck through passenger side.

66. Crack open cheap tall boy of PBR.

67. Drain cheap tall boy of PBR while watching NCIS.

68. Repeat previous step three times.

69. Pass the fuck out.

70. Many days later, post experience on CS.com.

71. Hang head in shame.

72. Do last two steps while eating fantastic homemade pasta dinner and drinking unbelievable German dopplebock.

73. Decide "fuck shame."

74. Paraphrase movie quote: "While you would remember the above as the worst day of your life, for me it was Tuesday."

[Seshat]

29. Realize there aren't close to enough clothes hangers.

30. Solve above problem by hanging two items on each hanger.

31. Pray doubled up hanging items will still be able to air dry.

32. Realize this is a problem that has probably never happened before to anyone else in human history.

33. Hang head in shame.

Nope. Happens to me.

But with me it's more a shortage of clothes hangers than an excess of laundry.

I don't have enough clothing to have 15 loads of laundry. Unless you include towels and sheets and blankets.

[Jester]

Sadly, I do. And that included towels, but not sheets or blankets. Or costumes. Down here in Key West, what with Fantasty Fest and other assorted events, costumes are a valid laundry category. It also didn't include heavy coats and some other stuff. The above excluded categories of laundry make up about 4 loads that I bagged and put aside for laundering later.

How does one get so much laundry? I have a lot of t-shirts, and with clothes I border on a hoarder. But I did throw out several articles of clothing that even I had to admit were beyond their expiration date, for various reasons, and donated some others. That being said, I still have numerous items that are well over 20 years old, and that still fit and look great.

Hell, I still own the dress shirt I wore to my senior high school homecoming dance, which was the first true dress shirt I ever bought with my own money. That dance was in November of 1987, and I looked damn good in it. Still do.

(And lest you get the wrong idea, yes, I have newer, more recently purchased dress clothes that I also look damn good in.)

[Gizmo]

I bought the foldy thing Sheldon from the Big Bang theory has, but... Sadly.... It doesn't work... Without human input... *sighs*.... My couch is so messy. We only have one dog. And he only steals socks.

My husband bought it.... he spends more time lining the shirts up properly than he used to folding the stuff by hand.... and thats before the extra folds he needs to do.

And Jester? Am I reading correctly that most of your 'clean' laundry spends most of its time in the truck? Or did I miss the bit about getting the rest out eventually?

I've kinda cured my laundry build up - I got hanging darks and whites bags in a frame. The darks is mine, the whites is the household stuff - sheets, tea towels etc. They are small enough I know I *have* to do laundry or start using the floor. New flat so I haven't yet given in on using the floor yet.

Oh, and we don't have an iron here yet.. if it needs ironing I don't need to buy it. Most things - even the most posh - if you get them out of the machine quick enough and hang them right don't need it.

[Gizmo]

I do however follow the "bugger... nothing clean" rule on washing up these days... working on that one... honestly. lol

[mathnerd]

Jester, I think you forgot a step or two in there. Your list isn't nearly long enough.

I've actually done that much laundry...and more, at various times in my life. But I'm not just one person. I also have three active boys that like to get muddy and produce a LOT of laundry. Being a single mom, it sometimes builds up. Actually, on the same day as Jester's laundry marathon, I'd been doing laundry myself. No sheets and towels, and still 5 loads, and it had only been about three days since the last time I did it. This is why I do laundry every single day.

[Jester]

And Jester? Am I reading correctly that most of your 'clean' laundry spends most of its time in the truck? Or did I miss the bit about getting the rest out eventually?

Oh, and we don't have an iron here yet.. if it needs ironing I don't need to buy it.

I said that that night I only brought in the stuff I most needed. I'm not gonna stretch the list past a day. That would be ridiculous.

(hangs head in shame)

And what's an iron? Fuck ironing. If it needs an iron, it doesn't need to be in my wardrobe. I have enough shit to deal with.