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  • Okay, I may be repeating myself here, but what the heck.

    I sat down with my friend Frank today and did a little brainstorming for the Celebration of TD's Life. We have figured out approximately where and when (a weekday after the Super Bowl at one of our local bars) and what (a Celebration that is also a fundraiser for the local ASPCA as well as offering some education on domestic violence). And we have a few ideas of what we are going to do.

    But Frank and I are very similar, and have a lot of similar ideas. I want to hear some other ideas. What are some fun and novel things we could do at the Celebration to celebrate our friend's life and, as well, to raise money?

    I await the collective wisdom of CS.com, which is massive. So bring it on, kids, bring it on!

    EDITED TO ADD:

    I suppose I should tell you some of the ideas that we are playing with so far.

    Celebration ideas:

    1. A picture slide show of various pictures of TD, possibly set to music.

    2. Her favorite local band, if we can get them to donate their time. In this case, they may....they are really cool guys.

    3. Possibly a trivia contest about TD. Not sure about this, because obviously this would be biased to her good friends, and we want everyone to have a good time.

    4. Obviously, her friends speaking. This needs no explanation, I hope.

    5. JUST THOUGHT OF THIS! Perhaps a "wall" where people express their thoughts about TD. Once it is all done, we can.....hmmm.....dunno.....send it to her parents in Chicago? Place it somewhere in town? Not sure about this one, to be honest.....but it is a way for people to express themselves, especially those who may not want to speak publicly.

    Money raising ideas:

    1. A 50/50 raffle. For those of you that don't know, people purchase raffle tickets, and at some point, you draw a winning ticket. The winner gets 50% of the total pot, the other 50% goes to the cause you are trying to raise money for.

    2. A silent auction. I am going to go around to various businesses and establishments and attempt to get them to donate products, services, gift certificates, etc. These items will then be auctioned off in a silent auction, which is where people put down their bids in writing. Whenever you look at the paper for the particular item, you can see the highest bid. It is a way to auction off stuff all at the same time, and without as much tension or aggression as in a regular auction. In most cases, the winner gets the item for less than they would pay normally, and the cause makes money, and the donating business gets good PR. Sometimes, the item goes for MORE than its value, as some people are more than willing to buy it at more than face value when they know all the money is going to a good cause.

    3. A Coors light chugging contest. This sounds odd, but this was TD's beer of choice, so it makes sense. And remember, A. this is Key West, just about everything is an excuse to drink and, B. this is supposed to be FUN!

    4. A food buffet. My head chef at The Bar has already said he would donate some food. What we would do with that is have it semi-free.....basically, you buy a ticket for the buffet at $5 per person, which is still a killer deal. All money, of course, goes to the cause.

    5. Beyond all this and other things we may come up with, OBVIOUSLY we will accept straight donations to the cause, for those who just want to do that. No fundraiser/charity event would refuse straight donations, actually.


    So....what else?

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."

    Comment


    • One idea I have is actually one that came up this holiday season for "Secret Santa" type gifts but could easily be adapted for this type of gathering.

      Each guest could bring a present that represents something about TD such as a board game she liked, a favorite food, shirt in her favorite color, etc. Then they could be given to a domestic violence shelter.
      My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.---Cary Grant

      Comment


      • Well.. You had some contact with the woman's shelter during all this? There are undoubtably either 1 or 2 people of artistic talent or children there. Charity Art auction. You can even post them online. I'm sure an overview of exactly what happened and what was lost because of all this would attract attention.

        You want to keep things as positive as possible. I don't know anything about this person other than what you've posted on here. It seems she was a DAMN good waitress. People liked her. Why not focus on that? Have a competition that's fun, full of energy, and can be held at a bar. Speed competitions for the wait staff (multiple drinks, multiple tables, one hand tied behind back, points off for spillage, best time wins) or somesuch.. and name it for her. That way something FUN can be attributed to her name, instead of the sadness that's there now.

        Comment


        • I think flyebye's idea is fantastic. Any kind of donations are a great idea, especially when they can be done in memory of TD.

          I would definitely make a point to talk to any shelters or domestic violence organizations in the area to see if they have suggestions, or particular things they are in dire need of - some may not be able to take certain kinds of donations, but might really need others, and I'm sure would really appreciate the foresight of contacting them.

          Good luck, and know that you're in all our thoughts and prayers, as is TD. Let us know how it all turns out - knowing what I do about you, I'm sure it'll be one heckuva party, which sounds like what TD deserves in her memory - her friends remembering her and celebrating her life.
          "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

          “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

          Comment


          • Quoth Jester View Post
            5. JUST THOUGHT OF THIS! Perhaps a "wall" where people express their thoughts about TD. Once it is all done, we can.....hmmm.....dunno.....send it to her parents in Chicago? Place it somewhere in town? Not sure about this one, to be honest.....but it is a way for people to express themselves, especially those who may not want to speak publicly.
            That is a wonderful idea. I can tell you her parents will treasure those recollections. Stories and acecdotes about TD's life in Key West and the interactions each of you had with her would be especially meaningful. Maybe they could be typed up and placed in a notebook with copies of recent pictures. TD lived very far away from them and they can no longer ask her about her life in Key West; these will be their only memories of her time there.
            The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

            The stupid is strong with this one.

            Comment


            • Jester,

              I'm late coming back to this thread, and was horrified by the update. I understand and sympathize with your desire for "balance", and wish desperately that there was something I could do.

              I know we don't propose violence toward others on this site, but is it permissible to hope that BB rots from the inside out? For a long time?

              Damn it. While I can understand the battered woman POV (been there, done that, burned the t-shirt), I find it very hard to read about someone who got away and then went back.

              Are you going to be posting an address for contributions from CS'ers?

              Take care of yourself, Jester. Please.

              Comment


              • Have a pinata or six, meant to represent BB and charge people $1 a whack.
                Unseen but seeing
                oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                3rd shift needs love, too
                RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                Comment


                • Quoth Jester View Post
                  Okay, point taken. But as the only witness to what actually happened is BB himself, none of that could be proven.
                  no one witnessed the deaths of ron goldman and nicole brown (except for OJ) and ron's father still filed a civil suit against OJ and won.... so there doesn't need to be a witness per se.... just proof that he caused her death, whether it's directly or indirectly.

                  Comment


                  • For the "wall", why not use a series of postcards, or copies of pictures of TD? People can write on the backs of them. That way, it'll be very easy to send it to her parents, who will love you for it. You may also want to put together a photo album to send to them.

                    As a side note, watch out that BB doesn't try to sabotage the proceedings in some way. I'll bet he really got off on playing the role of the grieving boyfriend, and doesn't want to lose the limelight. He may attempt to crash the celebration - I don't know how, but he might.

                    A trivia contest would be a good fundraiser, with all the participants paying a certain amount to take part. Raffle off some yummy desserts. See how many businesses in the area would be willing to donate a gift certificate for a raffle, too.

                    And... I think it'd be just grand to let your local women's shelter know what you're doing. It'd be a huge benefit to battered women to see and hear what you're doing, and know that it could have been me.

                    It'd be what they need.

                    Comment


                    • I finally made it here after a long week of just browsing the on topic threads. I wanted to scream in rage, and beat the holy hell out of something. Being at work, I just shut the door for a bit and cried some frustrated tears. Now that I've control of my self again, I can post.

                      Jester and ReformedWaitress: Dammit, but I'm sorry it turned out this way. The girl I once knew had a boyfriend put a bullet into her head, TD's killed her emotionally. Both are murder just the same. I know some of what you're going through, and it sucks. Completely blows, and I'm sorry. Either of you are welcome to PM me and I'll provide my number, or call you, if you need an ear that's been there to listen.

                      A preacher once told me that there is no justice in the world, and we're all damn lucky that's the case. I think I'll pray for some justice to be delivered BB's way. I'll also pray that TD gets a better deal in whatever passes for the afterlife. You two have my best wishes.
                      The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                      "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                      Hoc spatio locantur.

                      Comment


                      • Quoth morgana View Post
                        I know we don't propose violence toward others on this site, but is it permissible to hope that BB rots from the inside out? For a long time?
                        Not only is that permissible, but I imagine you are not alone in it.

                        As for CS not condoning violence towards people, something tells me if someone happened to commit some violence against BB, no one would object, here or otherwise.

                        Quoth morgana View Post
                        Are you going to be posting an address for contributions from CS'ers?
                        I am not sure I understand this question.....

                        Quoth morgana View Post
                        Take care of yourself, Jester. Please.
                        I have been, and I will. Cooked a lovely pasta dinner for my friend D-Rod, Flakey, and Photo Boy last night. We went through SEVERAL bottles of wine, and had a blast playing "I never." Fun for all, and good food too!

                        Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
                        Have a pinata or six, meant to represent BB and charge people $1 a whack.
                        I love the idea, but no. We want to keep this positive, keep the focus on celebrating TD's life, and I don't think something violent like that, as well-meaning as it is, would be appropriate.

                        Quoth CorDarei View Post
                        no one witnessed the deaths of ron goldman and nicole brown (except for OJ) and ron's father still filed a civil suit against OJ and won.... so there doesn't need to be a witness per se.... just proof that he caused her death, whether it's directly or indirectly.
                        There is apparently no proof that BB caused TD's death. Period.

                        Quoth Eireann View Post
                        As a side note, watch out that BB doesn't try to sabotage the proceedings in some way. I'll bet he really got off on playing the role of the grieving boyfriend, and doesn't want to lose the limelight. He may attempt to crash the celebration - I don't know how, but he might.
                        We are probably going to have the Celebration of TD at The Bar, where she worked with me and RW, and where BB is banned from ever entering. He CAN'T crash it if it's there. The other option we have considered is the Waterfront Bar, where TD once worked. If BB crashes that, he will probably end up dead. Also, on the flyers I am going to print up, we are going to have the involvement of the domestic abuse advocacy group prominently displayed, so hopefully he'll get the hint that he is not going to be welcome. I DO hope, though, that he calls me asking to attend. I so hope he does.

                        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                        Still A Customer."

                        Comment


                        • Quoth Jester View Post
                          I don't think something violent like that, as well-meaning as it is, would be appropriate.
                          You're right. I should've thought of that, myself.

                          What was I thinking?
                          Unseen but seeing
                          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                          3rd shift needs love, too
                          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                          Comment


                          • What most of us were thinking....if we can't beat the crap out of BB himself, why not beat the crap out of his effigy? Good idea, actually, very therapeutic....just not really appropriate. No worries though.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

                            Comment


                            • Quoth Jester View Post
                              As for CS not condoning violence towards people, something tells me if someone happened to commit some violence against BB, no one would object, here or otherwise.
                              It's fair to say that we wouldn't approve, but as long as such didn't involve this site in any way, shape, or form, what could we do about it?

                              Rapscallion

                              Comment


                              • Depressing bitter and angry update.

                                We are no longer having the memorial at The Bar. We may not be having one at all.

                                Allow me to backtrack. Earlier today I had called the local ASPCA again, and talked to the director, and she was all about it. (Who turns down free money, right?) I also called the local domestic abuse advocacy place and left another message for whoever it is I need to talk to. Still haven't heard back from them. Tonight I was supposed to sit down with Rockin' Manager at The Bar and hammer out the details of when and what, blah blah blah, for the memorial.

                                Then a friend of mine, A., came in to talk to me. She said she liked what I was doing, that it was really nice, but that it was "inappropriate" of me to be having the domestic abuse people involved, as TD had a history of getting boyfriends falsely arrested. I knew about this, and I never claimed TD was a saint, but as I told A., I also saw BB's handiwork. What I saw was not something that could be faked or done to oneself. Such as, oh, I dunno, a fist sized really black eye, or bruises on her neck in the shape of fingers...you know, the kind you might get from being choked.

                                A. told me I was all wrong about BB, that she's known him a while, he's a really nice guy, and he wanted to be part of the memorial. I told her very bluntly that that was NOT going to happen. 1. A lot of people would not show up if he was there. 2. *I* would not show up if he was there. 3. It was in his best interests to not show up, as not only would many people want to kill him, several would probably try. 4. Even if everything she was saying about him was true, he was not, by management decree, allowed to ever set foot in The Bar again.

                                Upon hearing this, A. asked to speak to my manager. I directed her to Rockin' Manager, and told her to "have fun with THAT conversation!"

                                A little bit later Rockin' Manager came up and told me about the conversation, in which A. basically told her that we were all "all wrong" about BB, blah blah blah, and finally after a little bit of this, Rockin' Manager told A. that she was walking away, and the conversation was over, period.

                                So this was bad, but nothing I had not expected. I actually expected BB to call me at some point to ask about being involved. Silly me...I expected him to act like a reasonable person. And yeah, the above is semi-reasonable. What followed.....was not.

                                About half an hour after A. left, two dirtbags came into The Bar, walked up to the hostess stand, dropped their pants, said, "This is for TD....Kiss our ass!" and then left. I heard about this, but did not see it, as I was bartending on the roof. (Had I seen it, I probably would have been fired for swinging at one or both of these assholes.) EVEN if you disagree with what I was planning for the memorial, this act was so atrocious, vile, disgusting, disrespectful, hateful, horrible, and over the top idiotic, that you have to wonder what person thinks that this is acceptable behavior in any way.

                                And so Rockin' Manager did something that I cannot in any way disagree with: she pulled the plug. She said flat out that we are not going to be having the memorial at The Bar, and frankly, I can't blame her. The last thing The Bar needs is that kind of circus idiocy.

                                The problem, of course, is that I am not sure we can do this ANYWHERE without these idiots showing up. A couple of friends have suggested various alternatives, such as having a small private ceremony, or having big burly guys at wherever we end up to take care of troublemakers, etc.

                                But I am discouraged, dishearted, disgruntled, disgusted, and several other words that start with "dis."

                                I tried to do something nice for someone who, while certainly flawed in many ways, was a sweet girl, and I get absolutely shit on for doing it.

                                What the fuck is WRONG with people? What is so wrong with doing something nice?

                                My guess is that BB just doesn't want to be associated with being an abuser. He certainly has A. snowed. I am going to try to talk to A. tomorrow to see if, perhaps, BB and his friends will agree to just stay the fuck away if I agree to focus the memorial just on TD and the ASPCA, and leave the domestic abuse place out of it. I doubt his word will mean shit, but it's a thought.

                                One thing they cannot stop me from doing, though, is having SOME kind of fundraiser for the ASPCA, and they cannot stop me from volunteering at the domestic abuse place. (I tried volunteering at the local animal shelter years ago, but they were very disorganized, and despite repeated phone calls from me, never bothered to call me back.)

                                No matter what I do, I expect more trouble from these people, probably including physical threats or acts against me.

                                When I was talking to my mom earlier about this, I said "I want this asshole dead." She said, yeah, metaphorically....and I stopped her. "No mom. I want him dead. Removed from the planet. No longer living. Not metaphorically, but really. People like this do not deserve to live."

                                There are people who say it is not up to me to decide who lives and dies. Perhaps not, but I can certainly have my OPINIONS on who should live and die.

                                BB deserves to die. And I would gladly dance on his motherfucking grave.

                                Pardon the profanity, but I am absolutely LIVID right now. I don't know whether I want to cry or beat the crap out of something. Maybe both.

                                Fuck. Just fuck.

                                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                                Still A Customer."

                                Comment

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