Negative People

[AnaKhouri]

So, here is a question. When some people find out I am pregnant, why are they so negative?

Most people of course are happy for me, which is great. But a few, co-workers, regular customers (I am finally starting to look pregnant so it is obvious), other people with whom I am am acquainted, will say things like, "You're due in August? You're going to be MISERABLE this summer!"

If I complain my feet hurt, they say, "Oh, that's just going to get WORSE! Enjoy!"

One customer asked if I had morning sickness, and when I replied it had been very mild, said, "I wasn't sick at all with my first pregnancy, and I thought it was great until I MISCARRIED." Way to freak me out, bitch!

Now, aside from the minor annoyances I have quite enjoyed being pregnant so far, and I doubt I will be MISERABLE this summer; we have air conditioning, after all.

My husband theorizes that they are jealous. I don't get this, as all the negative people already have children. I think they simply had uncomfortable pregnancies and they want every other woman to be as miserable as they were, out of spite.

Has anyone else run into this? Why do people behave this way?

[monolayth]

I feel your pain. I'm due in Aug too.

I have no idea why people do that. I wonder why they feel the need to tell us something like that when it is quite obvious.

[blas]

In most cases, those people probably just feel the need to bring you down to make themselves feel better.

I mean, I could have good news to share with coworkers like "Oh I ordered x and it'll be here on Friday!" and without a shadow of doubt, one of them will answer "It'll probably get broken in the UPS truck!"

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Because people are rude. I actually just started reading Miss Manners' book on saying the right thing. Her opinion is that people have switched from the banal but appropriate "Congratulations" in favor of more emotional, "sincere" responses.

In other words, they DO think you're going to be miserable, it does remind them of when they miscarried, and so they voice these thoughts without regard to your feelings or the fact that YOU are the one having the baby now, so it is not all about them.

Congratulations, by the way. ^^

[MystyGlyttyr]

I've only said something like that to someone once, and only because I knew, this being her first pregnancy and she being fairly young and inexperienced, that she would need to rest more during the hot months or she'd wear herself out. And she understood I was offering it as advice and not an idle comment.

About the closest I come otherwise is to say something like "I know which insoles are the best" to the foot hurt question. Which may not be appropriate either, but at least isn't completely mean.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

About the closest I come otherwise is to say something like "I know which insoles are the best" to the foot hurt question. Which may not be appropriate either, but at least isn't completely mean.

I don't see anything inappropriate about that. Offering a helpful suggestion that could reduce the discomfort without assuming anything.

By the by, what ARE the best insoles?

[AnaKhouri]

Yes please, what ARE the best insoles?? I'll take any advice on my feet that I can get right now...

[JoitheArtist]

Yes please, what ARE the best insoles?? I'll take any advice on my feet that I can get right now...

All I know is that every time I've worked a shoe department, nurses and waitresses always, ALWAYS, bought the same shoe: Reebok Princess II. They claimed they were great for their feet. Dunno if that helps.

Regarding stupid comments from people: Sadly, our current culture largely thinks that negativity is cool. "Cool" people aren't passionate about anything, but snarkily detatched. We're pretty much expected to be negative. It's incredibly sad.

Congrats on the baby!!

[MystyGlyttyr]

Believe it or not, it varies depending on where exactly your feet hurt. Mine is my heels, which ache a lot thanks to lots of impact over the years. For that, those blue gel things, once you get used to the icky feeling, are kickass. I'd also recommend this one for overall foot pain just because they're so soft and squishy, heh.

For the arch, it's a ProArch 3/4 Length. My friend has flat feet so she's tried a bunch of stuff and swears by the men's version of these. I don't know why the men's version, but hey.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dr. Scholl's ball-of-the-foot insoles (for those who wear heals) are a life-saver for my feet. I love them! That's why I don't wear high heels much because the balls of my feet hurt like the dickens when I do. After I found those, now I want to wear heels all the time.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, I ran into some of that, too.

My theory is that there are quite a lot of folks out there who are just fucking stupid.

I would just give them them a vauge look of disbelief, and say "Oh, wow, great. Thanks for that." and then just sort of dismiss them.

If they get a clue, they'll apologize or at least shut up.

If they don't, apply a clue by four. "You know what, I don't need to hear a bunch of negativity. I have enough to worry about." And then dismiss them.

I really freaking hate that. It's offensive and insensitive.