Am I overreacting?

[ShinyGreenApple]

Some of you might have remembered me mentioning taking a solo road trip to my sister's house in North Carolina. I was supposed to have left early this past Saturday and spent the majority of the week there, and then come home with a dog that her friend wanted to give me. Well, on February 25, I got in a wreck and smashed up part of my truck; I do have the truck back now, good as new, but we had to pay out a $500 deductible until when/if the insurance companies decide to find the other guy at fault and pay us back. While my Mom said that we still have the money for gas to send me, if I wanted to go, I'm not feeling to hot about driving ten hours just yet, not after what happened. We looked into buses/trains/airlines for a while, and when we mentioned this to my sister, she complained that if I flew in how I was planning, she'd "Have to drive a whole hour to come get you at that airport!"

But . . . it's ok for *me* to drive 10+ ?

My Dad thought about it, and called her up, and said that since I wasn't going to drive up (He completely understands me being skittish about being behind the wheel now), that he would send her the money instead, and she could drive down and visit us. She told him that she's just too tired to do that, and besides, her kids have soccer games on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Earlier in the week, I'd called her with a suggestion of my own. Instead of visiting this week, we could send her some money and she could drive down the first week of May. My Patient Care Assistant class is graduating sometime that week, and we're all going to wear white and walk the stage so our instructor can pin us, the whole shebang. Her answer?

"Well, that probably won't work out. One of the boys has his soccer tournament that week."

You know what . . . I have nothing against kids being in sports. But her kids have been doing these little hometown soccer things for over ten years, since they've been old enough to walk, twice each year. Anytime we want to call, or plan anything, there's a damn soccer game or tournament, or a music activity, or a church program that's so much more important. In a way, I'm relieved I didn't go up there this week, if I take that little priority to her. She keeps saying "Well, you can still come. All you have to do is put the key in your truck and drive!" And just so you know, I'm not avoiding driving altogether, I've been taking myself to school and clinicals all week without event, and ran a few errands this weekend. I just don't feel good about driving for that long, alone, on an interstate.

UGH! Thoughts? Heaven forbid I ever meet someone and plan my wedding on a soccer weekend . . .

[lupo pazzesco]

I don't think you're overreacting, personally. But that's just my opinion, mind you.

Yes, it's wonderful that the children have an extracurricular activity, and she's fully supportive of it. Yet, she claims she wants to see you, or have you visit, and isn't willing to make a compromise to let that happen? Especially in light of you just being in an accident? I think-and my apologies if I sound overly harsh about your sister, but I have similar experience with my own younger sister wanting her way and not willing to compromise-that this is incredibly selfish. She can't have everything on her own terms. And then still, she doesn't even want to try and work things out to come see you graduation? Psh.

So, I don't think you're overreacting. But again, that's just my 2 cents.

[Shards]

Hey! Someone has a problem I've actually had before and can give advice on!

Sorry if I seem excited, as one of the kids of the site I don't get many opportunities to advise people.

My advice on the driving thing is that you aren't going to feel comfortable behind the wheel on a long trip again until you take one, so if that's all that's holding you back, you may want to consider forcing yourself through it to make the drive, because that's the only way you're going to relax behind a wheel again. Trust me, both my ex and I were in car wrecks, this past year, six months later, I was driving 5+ hour drives and volunteering to drive 12+ hours for my folks, and she was refusing to get behind a wheel at all unless absolutely necessary. The difference was that I pushed myself to get back into driving all the trips I did before the accident early, and she tried to take a break.

As for the problem with your sister, I think you need to think for a bit about how important she is to you, and how important her kids are to you. If you were only planning to go up because you felt obligated to, or because she's family, then it isn't worth pushing yourself, but if you get along well with your sister, the two of you are close, or you just love seeing the little soccer munchkins, then you should go, even if she is being a bit of a prick about it, because it'd be worth it.

Only you can answer the question of if it's worth it, but if all that's holding you back is a hesitation to get behind the wheel, then remember, that's going to be there until the day you push through it and drive a few hours on the highway anyway, so don't let it change your plans.

[Jester]

I think both you and your sister are overreacting. You slightly, her a lot.

You slightly because, honestly, whatever you think about the soccer and how long it's been going, it IS going, and is apparently important to the kids, so is apparent to their mother. This is a minor issue, and one you are probably only venting about because of the selfish hedgehog your sister is being.

Which brings me to this outstanding member of your family. The phrase "whiney selfish bitch" comes to mind. Okay, I can understand her various reasons for not coming down to see you, even if you are being blinded a bit by her lameass attitude. But the problem is, she is being a wench. While it might be better for you to get behind the wheel as suggested above, the fact is that right now you ARE skittish behind the wheel, as you were just in a wreck, and for her to demand that you drive 10+ hours each way is a bit inconsiderate. It's downright bitchy when she not only sees no problem asking that of you, but when you ask her to simply pick you up/drop you off at the airport, suddenly you are putting her out?

Fuck her. Someone needs to perform a broomstickectomy on her, and stat. She is unwilling to bend in any way, and that is just not very attractive in anyone. Wench.

[ShinyGreenApple]

You slightly because, honestly, whatever you think about the soccer and how long it's been going, it IS going, and is apparently important to the kids *snip*

Well, the thing with the soccer is, I think that sis and her husband are the ones with more emphasis on it than the kids. Last May, my parents threw my nephew a party for his 16th birthday, and let everyone know that they were reserving the skating rink and everything. Mom gave sis three months notice that she was having this party. Sis says no, the kids are having an end-of-year ceremony for a program at church. But just to humor Mom, she asked her kids if they'd be willing to miss the ceremony to come to Smeagol's party, and they were all "YEAH! We don't care, we wanna go to Florida!"

Guess who went to the ceremony instead.

[Jester]

The parents may be putting more emphasis on it, sure. It's important to them, sure. But that still means the soccer is important to the parents, and perhaps they think they are doing the right thing for their kids. It's hard to argue against such things. I am not saying you are wrong, just that it's hard to argue with parents who are convinced they are doing the right thing for their kids.

As I said, your overreaction is slight. Hers is ridiculous.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Your sister is either doing one of two things:

1. Being a self involved bitch, or,
2. Trying to get you back on the horse that threw you.

You know your sister, so it's up to you to figure out which one it is.

If it's Door #1, blow off the trip. She's not worth the 10 hour trip. Then, when you are ready, force yourself to drive somewhere closer that IS worth the trip.

If it's Door #2, well, I see where she is coming from, but it's not up to her to decide when you're ready. It's up to you, and her methods could use a little work.

Either way, postpone your trip until you get your head together about the driving. You don't need to be driving 10 hours while you are still freaked out.

[AdminAssistant]

I'm so glad my little nephew isn't super-involved in activities yet. I really wanted my parents and my sister to come to my most recent graduation (master's). My sister had just got back from DC, turned around and drove 8 hours with our parents to watch me walk and spend some time with me. It was really awesome for me, and a major sacrifice on her part.

I agree with Jester. Her kids soccer game more important than your pinning ceremony? No no no.

[Jester]

I agree with Jester. Her kids soccer game more important than your pinning ceremony? No no no.

I'd like to point out that I said nothing at all like that.

[AdminAssistant]

I'd like to point out that I said nothing at all like that.

Sorry, Jester, I'll clarify. I agree with your sentiment that the sister is being a whiny, self-important bitch.

My opinion is that she's putting her kids activities over your very important ceremony, something I just don't get. There will be other soccer games, but there won't be another pinning ceremony.

If my sister said she wasn't going to come to my hooding (graduating w/ Ph.D.) in a few years because Monster had a Little League came...there would be a discussion.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I agree your sister is being rather selfish. That she won't drive an hour to pick you up says to me that she's not all that determined to have you visit. But if it doesn't inconvenience her, then hey, come on down (er, up)!

I also agree that the only way to get comfortable with driving is to, well, drive. But a 10 hour trip by yourself is a lot, even if you hadn't just had an accident. After the accident that totalled my car, I was nervous driving for a long time. (I was also forced to take a 2-week break from driving because my neck was too stiff and painful to drive safely.) I was rear-ended while waiting to make a left turn, and it was a long time before I stopped bracing myself whenever I was waiting to make a left and saw a car coming in my mirror. Heck, I still do it sometimes. But it's easier to deal with a short, local trip than the prospect of being hundreds of miles from anyone you know and having a problem.

Frankly I'd be most upset about missing out on the dog.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Well, I do drive myself a lot in the course of daily living. Like I said, went to school/clinicals by myself after getting the truck back, took Mom and nephew grocery shopping and we went out to lunch Friday, took nephew to the movies Saturday, we all went to church Sunday, etc. And I should mention that I live way out in the sticks, so it's at least a 20 minute drive just to Wal-Mart and it usually takes me 30-35 minutes to get to the college. But I still freak out when I see someone merging, or acting like they're going to merge, into my lane. I shared these feelings with my instructor Friday when she asked if any of us had special plans for spring break, and she said she doesn't blame me. She lost control of her car on the interstate a few years back when swerving to avoid a large truck tire in the road. She ended up spiraling in one direction, then the other, at 75MPH, and refuses to drive further than between two exits on the interstate to this day.

Frankly I'd be most upset about missing out on the dog.

Well, don't think I'm not very upset about missing out on taking little Jackie home with me. He was so cute, too But Mom and I both figured that if sis wasn't really all that interested in seeing me, and I was mostly going up for the dog, and the trip would run us upwards of $200, I'd be better off adopting or purchasing a dog locally. We've actually been keeping an eye on the classifieds, and I check the local animal shelter website every day . . .

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, don't think I'm not very upset about missing out on taking little Jackie home with me. He was so cute, too But Mom and I both figured that if sis wasn't really all that interested in seeing me, and I was mostly going up for the dog, and the trip would run us upwards of $200, I'd be better off adopting or purchasing a dog locally. We've actually been keeping an eye on the classifieds, and I check the local animal shelter website every day . . .

Well, that's good. Good luck!

I was at PetSmart over the weekend and there was a couple with a little black puppy. They said she was a mix but she must have had a lot of Chihuahua and/or Papillon in her (the fur said long-haired Chi, the body said Papillon). She was 13 weeks and the cutest thing. She came from Puerto Rico so they named her Chica. The husband was telling me they had to have their dog put down a few weeks ago, and weren't planning to get another one quite yet, but the went into the shelter and couldn't leave without her.

Someday.....

[ShinyGreenApple]

When I lost Murray last year, I told myself I wouldn't get anymore dogs, that it hurt too much when they have to leave us. It would seem that resolve has sprouted wings and flown away, LOL. I still have my Strider, but I'd also like a lap dog to snuggle with, and Mom has said that if I get anymore, they have to be small anyways; I guess she's tired of having big ones. I'd really like a Pom, or maybe a poodle. Just so long as it's small and hairy! And . . . those can be really hard to find in this area, especially in the adoptable categories. I guess with this being sort of redneck country, the place is flooded with Pit Bulls, hounds, and Labs. Not that there's anything wrong with those breeds, but I think they're over bred, and just not my thing. The least people could do is get the darn things fixed so there aren't so many unwanted ones wandering around, ya know? But that's another soapbox . . . hehe.

A friend of mine that works at Wal-Mart and raises Chihuahas on occasion told me which papers to watch, so I'll be eagerly awaiting the mail arrival tomorrow, along with the classified paper.