Feeling Happier Than Ever

[McGoddess09]

So, in my Senior Trip post, I mentioned at the end that I am done with the SO and have started a long distance relationship with Plaidman.

Here's the story:

Plaidman and I had been getting close. We talked everyday, texted,etc. I was with SO.

Slowly, I had been realizing that SO was really immature and that he was doing nothing to get out of his parents' house. That irked me. I am looking out for my future and that hurts it.

Another thing he did that I was too afraid to bring up was that sometimes, during sex, I start to hurt. Cysts do that. So, I would tell him that we need to stop, but he wouldn't stop. He told me to"hold on a bit longer". It hurt so much that I would cry and fight and try to get away. He still wouldn't stop.

I wasn't going to take it. I haven't talked to him for a while. I don't answer his calls. I don't call him.

During this relationship, I was slowly falling for Plaidman. He's a really sweet guy who cares for me and I know our relationship isn't based off of appearances or sexual gratification.

So, Plaidman and I are together and it has been wonderful. I can concentrate on schoolwork and my job, but still have someone who cares. I know long distance is tough, but I am pretty sure I can deal with it. He's coming here for graduation and I am going there in May.

[Amina516]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......... .




Thats awesome for the both of you.

[Saydrah]

McGoddess, are you aware that you were raped by this ex?

Another thing he did that I was too afraid to bring up was that sometimes, during sex, I start to hurt. Cysts do that. So, I would tell him that we need to stop, but he wouldn't stop. He told me to"hold on a bit longer". It hurt so much that I would cry and fight and try to get away. He still wouldn't stop.

That is rape. Even if you choose not to press charges (if I were someone close to you I'd support your decision either way), you need to call a rape crisis hotline and locate someone who can help you through the fallout from that.

I am very happy for you and Plaidman, and I wish you all the love and joy in the world.

Please trust me when I say that in order to have that success and happiness with Plaidman last, you need treatment to help you recover from surviving repeated rape by your former partner. You may feel like it doesn't affect you now, but there is a good chance it will hit you hard later, maybe years later, if you don't work through it while it's fresh in your mind and the scars can be stopped from forming on your soul and your sexuality.

Here is a list of resources for people who have survived a sexual assault. Among them is a rape crisis hotline that offers services through instant messaging rather than by phone, if you are more comfortable with that. Please at least call and talk to someone-- that's not a commitment to do anything besides talk to a person who will understand. They will not force you to press charges, report this against your will, or do anything else you don't want them to. They are just people trained in helping others through one of the hardest things a person can go through, who will talk to you and provide whatever help they can.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was not your fault, and you are a strong, brave woman for getting out of that relationship.

[Eireann]

Saydrah's right. I think it's absolutely wonderful that you and Plaidman are together now, and to make your relationship the best it can be, it's necessary to work through the physical and emotional trauma of what your ex did to you. Best of luck!

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'll just say ditto to Saydrah and Eirann and move on...



That's so great! How far away do you live from each other (sorry, don't know where Plaidman lives).

[Plaidman]

Portland, OR

[BookstoreEscapee]

Portland, OR

Shoot, I did know that.

Carry on.

[tropicsgoddess]

Awww that's so sweet that you and Plaidman are together, McGoddess! I will agree with BSE,Saydrah and Eirann to move on and forget the ex.

[RootedPhoenix]

I also agree with Saydrah. *hug* That was horrible of him to do, and you have to get healing for that. Otherwise it will fester and eat at you. That's an awful way to live.

I've been a victim of abuse (just not exactly that kind), and I say this from personal experience. Don't do what I did. That's too much anger to have. Get the healing you need. (I still have to get mine.)

I'm glad that you and Plaidman are finding happiness. I hope you continue.

[SengaKitty]

I'm also in agreement on seeking some help. If nothing else just someone to talk to. I've been through rape and abuse, and am just now seeking help so that A) I can feel healthy again and B) The relationship I am in now will not fail because I didn't seek the help in healing.

I'm really glad you and Plaidman are together He's been there for me through a lot, and he's an awesome person. Congrats!

[McGoddess09]

Just to say

Plaidman will post his side of the story, as soon as he gets a new keyboard. The kitty messed it up somehow.

[Plaidman]

Most of my life, I been ignored, made fun of, and worst at times been manupated.

I've tried to kill myself. But deep down, I guess I'm a minory nice guy. If someone has a problem, if I know anything, I'll send some advice over PM. Goddess posted one. it was alot like my life, and I sent some hopefully good advice. It started simple enough, going back and forth. then I showed my Joker pics. Which she liked. It snowballed from there. Calls, texts. I told her I take her to a dinner. I sent her a picture of some asian ramen, a bottle of wine and a candle that was lit. Beeing several hundreds of miles away it was the best I could do.

Guess it was nice. She was sweet and nice to me. I was the same. Then she went to a subway with her friends and she started to sing. I loved it. I begged her to sing for me, but she declined. A few days later, she left a song she sang on my voice mail. I listened to it every night. We sent pics to each other. I was awestrucked by her beauty. I was fearful. I'm not good looking. A beautiful woman like her can get much better man then me.

She told me I was handsome.

We share secrets. We have stuff in common, and I'm still learning things about her. I love hearing her laugh. I love seeing her smile. I want her to be happy all the time.

for the first time, I'm truly putting my own feelings beneath someone else. I'm finding myself more and more wanting to do things for her. To make her happy. My friends and family have seen a noticible difference in me. I'm no longer snappy or hateful, or filled with barely cotained rage. She's the first person that can truly calm me down, just by talking. Or bitching. I find myself relaxed around her.


My only hope is that I can keep her. I admit it sounds needly, or egotistical, or maybe even stalkerlike. But I need her.

XD On a lighter side, she asked for my /permission/ to go to her senior prom with a friend. I called her crazy. she doesn't need my permission to have fun. Its not like she's going to sleep with him or something.

She's the first person to told me she loved me. And I belived it.

she has alot of power over me. She could hurt me pretty good if she wanted too.

-_- I'm strange. But I like her. Love her. I look at her pics. I listen to her voice mails. I read her text. I worry for her. I sent her a gift of a shirt, a find the cure for the disease that I was born with, and she wasn't disgusted by it. In fact she read up and learned more about it. I truly feel like she cares for me. A mircicle.


Matter of fact, and I told her this. They day before she first called me, I had planned to kill myself. BLAH BLAH, whatever, no cries or whatever. Its over. I had bought 100 vidian, a caffine pill. Twice the lethal limit.

She made me change my mind and realzie there is better things to do in life that self pity.

[tropicsgoddess]

It's amazing how somebody can change another person for the better when it comes to love. Plaid and McGoddess, I wish you both the best and all the best that love has to offer. I went through a long distance relationship before I met my SO, and it's not easy, especially if you met the person face to face and then they have to leave. But I really do see you two making it through and going very far in your relationship.