So, I'm on the pill, as a form of hormone therapy and regulation control. Without it, life is horrendous. I'm trying not to go into too much detail, but sufficient background is needed, I think. So, without the pill, I'd cycle twice a month, have horrendous mood swings, and be in such excruciating pain, that it wasn't uncommon for me to pass out or vomit from it. With the pill, I have something along the lines of what is considered a "normal" cycle, and thus "normal" symptoms. Occasionally, though, despite the pill, I'll still have bad months, and this is turning out to be one of them.
I was on the phone with my mom a short while ago, and she and my sister were apparently playing a game, that I'd interrupted. We chatted for a bit, but then I got the feeling that I was being pushed off the phone, so they could continue gameplay. I said it was no problem, that I was just needing a few bits of info, and sorry to interrupt. Mom wanted to know what was wrong because, in that eerie mom way of hers, she said I sounded unhappy.
And I burst into tears. Which of course did NOTHING to reassure her that I'm ok. At all.
I guess I got hit with a wave of homesickness. I miss my mommy. I still miss my grandpa, and I want to see my grandma. It's hard to believe grandpa's been gone for a month and a half by now. And it hits really hard sometimes that I'm never going to be able to talk to him again. I also felt like I was an intruder on the phone with my own mother, who sounded like she had better things to do than talk to me. Logically, I know this is the furthest from the truth, but I couldn't help but feel that way, especially when the end of our phone call was her telling me she needed to go take her turn on the game, and that I should go get some sleep and have a good night.
so, I guess the point of this is just a mini rant of sorts, that I greatly dislike being female at the moment. I hurt, I'm weepy and can't stop leaking tears, and if someone were to wave a cookie under my nose at the moment, I'm pretty sure I'd eat their whole damn arm.
It sucks. And I'm really really tired, but can't sleep, so I'm about to take a melatonin tablet to see if that'll help. I'm also seriously wishing I had a heating pad, because it'd hopefully quell that cast of Riverdance that seems to have taken up residence on my uterus. Uck.
Ok, done ranting now, I promise. Thanks for letting me whimper all over the place. I'm gonna go cry in my pillow for a bit until the melatonin (hopefully) takes effect. Good night.
I was on the phone with my mom a short while ago, and she and my sister were apparently playing a game, that I'd interrupted. We chatted for a bit, but then I got the feeling that I was being pushed off the phone, so they could continue gameplay. I said it was no problem, that I was just needing a few bits of info, and sorry to interrupt. Mom wanted to know what was wrong because, in that eerie mom way of hers, she said I sounded unhappy.
And I burst into tears. Which of course did NOTHING to reassure her that I'm ok. At all.
I guess I got hit with a wave of homesickness. I miss my mommy. I still miss my grandpa, and I want to see my grandma. It's hard to believe grandpa's been gone for a month and a half by now. And it hits really hard sometimes that I'm never going to be able to talk to him again. I also felt like I was an intruder on the phone with my own mother, who sounded like she had better things to do than talk to me. Logically, I know this is the furthest from the truth, but I couldn't help but feel that way, especially when the end of our phone call was her telling me she needed to go take her turn on the game, and that I should go get some sleep and have a good night.
so, I guess the point of this is just a mini rant of sorts, that I greatly dislike being female at the moment. I hurt, I'm weepy and can't stop leaking tears, and if someone were to wave a cookie under my nose at the moment, I'm pretty sure I'd eat their whole damn arm.
It sucks. And I'm really really tired, but can't sleep, so I'm about to take a melatonin tablet to see if that'll help. I'm also seriously wishing I had a heating pad, because it'd hopefully quell that cast of Riverdance that seems to have taken up residence on my uterus. Uck.
Ok, done ranting now, I promise. Thanks for letting me whimper all over the place. I'm gonna go cry in my pillow for a bit until the melatonin (hopefully) takes effect. Good night.
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