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READ ME: Just looking for advice. Its a big bunch of crap that bothers people, and I have no idea which way I want to attack or direct my problem. I know its offensive to know people are like this, and I'm bugged by it, too. Again, just looking for help on the subject.
Wondering some opinion about what I should do, here. I don't want to alienate anyone, and don't want any fights in the family!
Basically, boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. Been dating 5 years (six in December) and we're excited and want to. I've unofficially engaged him, and he wants to be the one to officially engage me!
He was talking to his Ma about it.
I want my sister, my friend, and my other-race friend as my maids. She has a problem with everyone!
Friend:
Other race, not married, has a sweet little girl, the daddy and she are living together for finances and to be there together for the babyThat's Ma thinks is BAD. Doesn't know the girl, and says she will not invite her or BF's Da's family because of it.
Sister:
Pregnant while engaged.
That means she's going to a severe hell. Says she would be embarassed to have her family know BF was marrying someone with a sister "like her."
Other friend:
Dislikes her hippie parents.
...ugh.
Me:
Non-religious, don't want kids, weird, and "changing her son's mind about everything."
Says we shouldn't be married, or have children because they'll grow up and go to hell because of me. He only recentl began talkingopenly to her about his dislk of Christianity, but still believes in a higher power, but she says he is going to burn.
Also, if I don't wear a proper color (white for virgins (HA!) and non-white for non-virgins) I will ruin her family's opinion of me.
...right.
So, BF is bothered because Ma and me are the only people's hearts he really holds to his heart. He wants both of us happy, and knows it will be impossible.
Also, his Da is an alcoholic, and an asshole who will try to bullshit you, make you think your comments and ideas came from him, and is severely racist. Says he won't go to the wedding if " there's gonna be n*****s there." (and by that, he meant non-white races, no one specific) I also don't want an asshole at the wedding parties, no matter whom it is. That kind of crap won't fly, especially because every situation has to be about him.
His oldest son, BF's big bro, has a baby! And its all thanks to him, all because of him, he knows what you have to do, blah blah.. His wife, the Ma, says he barely was around raising his own kids!
So, me: Well, BF... it's our wedding. We will invite your family if we want to. That's not her call.
He: I know, baby, but its just.. ugh...
He's pretty torn up about this. We won't really be getting engaged or married until he has a steady job (doing seasonal right now), and we have a set place to go. Might be a year, might be three!
I'm wary of her reactions and how she might make her family act around my friends and sister, and how my loving, accepting, protective family will react to it. Honestly, I don't give a flying fuck if she decides to stay out, but do for my BF. That would break his heart.
What're your thoughts on all of this? How would you this situation?
I considered just waiting until we're getting married, not bringing it up unless it's brought up. One also wonders if she's be snide and just not come or invite her family anyway... BF is of the mind, "You can control who you're with, but not what they do." We just don't want a WW3 in Tennessee.
Wondering some opinion about what I should do, here. I don't want to alienate anyone, and don't want any fights in the family!
Basically, boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. Been dating 5 years (six in December) and we're excited and want to. I've unofficially engaged him, and he wants to be the one to officially engage me!
He was talking to his Ma about it.
I want my sister, my friend, and my other-race friend as my maids. She has a problem with everyone!
Friend:
Other race, not married, has a sweet little girl, the daddy and she are living together for finances and to be there together for the babyThat's Ma thinks is BAD. Doesn't know the girl, and says she will not invite her or BF's Da's family because of it.
Sister:
Pregnant while engaged.
That means she's going to a severe hell. Says she would be embarassed to have her family know BF was marrying someone with a sister "like her."
Other friend:
Dislikes her hippie parents.
...ugh.
Me:
Non-religious, don't want kids, weird, and "changing her son's mind about everything."
Says we shouldn't be married, or have children because they'll grow up and go to hell because of me. He only recentl began talkingopenly to her about his dislk of Christianity, but still believes in a higher power, but she says he is going to burn.
Also, if I don't wear a proper color (white for virgins (HA!) and non-white for non-virgins) I will ruin her family's opinion of me.
...right.
So, BF is bothered because Ma and me are the only people's hearts he really holds to his heart. He wants both of us happy, and knows it will be impossible.
Also, his Da is an alcoholic, and an asshole who will try to bullshit you, make you think your comments and ideas came from him, and is severely racist. Says he won't go to the wedding if " there's gonna be n*****s there." (and by that, he meant non-white races, no one specific) I also don't want an asshole at the wedding parties, no matter whom it is. That kind of crap won't fly, especially because every situation has to be about him.
His oldest son, BF's big bro, has a baby! And its all thanks to him, all because of him, he knows what you have to do, blah blah.. His wife, the Ma, says he barely was around raising his own kids!
So, me: Well, BF... it's our wedding. We will invite your family if we want to. That's not her call.
He: I know, baby, but its just.. ugh...
He's pretty torn up about this. We won't really be getting engaged or married until he has a steady job (doing seasonal right now), and we have a set place to go. Might be a year, might be three!
I'm wary of her reactions and how she might make her family act around my friends and sister, and how my loving, accepting, protective family will react to it. Honestly, I don't give a flying fuck if she decides to stay out, but do for my BF. That would break his heart.
What're your thoughts on all of this? How would you this situation?
I considered just waiting until we're getting married, not bringing it up unless it's brought up. One also wonders if she's be snide and just not come or invite her family anyway... BF is of the mind, "You can control who you're with, but not what they do." We just don't want a WW3 in Tennessee.
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