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He married her! (long)
Years ago (about 7) my district manager and I "clicked." Very well. We became friends outside of work a little and then when that store closed, more so. I moved closer to his area for grad school, he helped me look at apartments and then asked me to be a main person in the new top-level store that was opening which I accepted. We kept things very well separate at work despite the dinners out or hanging out at each other's places.
Along the way I learn that a girl in two of my classes actually knew him (neither were originally from the area although their hometowns were close to each others). Their moms were good friends and they had taken to going to church together. M thought it was great that I was interested in J (even though I thought since before my store had closed that I saw evidence he was interested in me, he hadn't ever shown interest in developing a relationship beyond what we had) because that would take off the pressure from her mom for them to get together.
My dad died that winter suddenly right after Christmas. After my mom and sister came up to tell me, he was the one I called. He came the 20 min just to see me for 10 min before we all left. He never knew my dad or my family. I spent New Year's at his place, I couldn't handle being at my mom's (parents had divorced 2 years prior but were still close). He took such good care of me, previewed the movies he rented, even! Just held me the next morning, then went to the calling hours and the friend/family get together after. About a week after the funeral, I pushed it beyond the "friends" relationship. He had wanted it as much as I did but felt we couldn't go there because of the work thing.
It only lasted about 2 months, he wasn't 100% but was pretty sure he didn't want kids and I do, there were other things too although the kids was the main one. He also really wanted to get married soon so if he thought that there was any reason why we wouldn't eventually get married, he didn't want to waste time. Understandably hard as hell to deal with. Things were fine at work - I was one of the top 3 performers in the district that year despite everything with my dad and eventually dropping out of grad school. Outside of work, he "needed space."
M became my contact, gave me info, let me know what was going on when J didn't - I admit he was a wuss and sometimes seemed to let her tell me that he didn't want to talk for a while, etc. I understood his position, but he was my best friend in the area and my main support while I was trying to keep things together for my mom and sister. I didn't care that he "needed time to move on," if it was that hard for him to move on, isn't that telling him something?
The next year coming up on Christmas and all of those other anniversary dates, my mom decides we should get out of there and go a few states away to visit friends who were former neighbors. I like them ok, but was worried about an extended time. I was going to go to M's family (who I hadn't met) for the 2nd 1/2 of the time that my mom and sister were at our friends. Until around Thanksgiving, suddenly I can't come and a brushoff reason. Didn't hear much from M during this time which she blamed on grad school, etc.
Then right when I am getting back, she is insistent on seeing me for something to eat. Yeah, you probably guessed it - they had been dating for about 2 months and wanted to get through the holidays before telling me. Great, on the 1 year anniversary of the funeral. Great timing. I tried to stick around, things "just happened" between them etc. Eventually put down a $20 and walked out. Never spoke to her again. I am probably one of the few people who have ever called their District Manager a "fucking bastard" in a voicemail and still had a job the next day.
I left that job later that summer for another one that lead to a 2nd and then to where I am now (a real career, which I am extremely thankful for). Limited contact with him since I told him I was quitting. I had a bunch of stuff for him that I tried to give to him but he had moved on to a new job also and a new address not even 2 weeks before. Also I had asked him for a reference for this job because our company only gives job pay structures which in no way described what I did (I was #2 for the store and #1 person in the photo lab). He refused. Luckily my store manager was still in the district and moved back to his home state (Alaska!) not even a month later. Without that reference from that company, I wouldn't have made it through the background check.
Come to find out recently that our store that he opened about 5 years ago and hired me to is closing. Most of the company is actually, I've found out now that they filed for Bankruptcy. I emailed him last month to let him know and w/a double-meaning comment about "things that could have been." It bounced back.
So I was doing some people searches tonight. I have in the past, I had a pretty good idea of where he lives. Was thinking about mailing a quick note even though there's no way he doesn't know about the bankruptcy. And in one of the searches, something turns up that had never before. SHE is one of his relatives. And it's not as a sister-in-law. I know it's her, she has a more unusual name and it's the right middle initial too. Granted, she doesn't show up in any of the address searches so maybe it was short lived.
But I just can't believe it.
When I first met her and made the connection, they both said they weren't interested in the other in any way. And let me just say that they each had some things that the other had told me they didn't like in someone of the opposite sex.
He has always been "the one that got away" for me. Two months might not seem like anything but we had known each other for 1.5-2 years at that point and were essentially doing dating type things for months before we made it more official. And add in the whole family-dad drama and yeah, that two months was warp speed intense.
I have been missing him more and more - this next month is as bad as Christmas time, if not worse. This coming Friday would be my dad's birthday. Then my 30th is mid-June, always right before or the same day as Father's Day. Add in that my maternal grandma died right after Thanksgiving this past year making Mother's Day (always right after his birthday) harder for her and my sister's recent engagement bringing up all the things missing our dad, and I'm dreading the next 6 weeks.
But to learn this? I'm heartbroken. In reality, deep down I guess I did know that it would never happen. But I always kind of thought he was my "lobster." Even with the lack of dating (I think I've had 5 first dates and one short relationship although he is now a friend - who moved all of the way across the country 2 years ago) there is always that thought that "maybe it could work this time if we got back in touch." It hurts enough to lose him as a friend and that link to everything that happened in the time leading up to and after losing my dad, but to learn that he married HER?
I'm sorry, I know this is really long and all whiny-drama but the background is so involved that even this doesn't give the full picture. And of course it's too late at night to call anyone, although I'm not sure even who I'd call.
I haven't had that one true friend since I lost him. A lot of good ones, but not the same.
Along the way I learn that a girl in two of my classes actually knew him (neither were originally from the area although their hometowns were close to each others). Their moms were good friends and they had taken to going to church together. M thought it was great that I was interested in J (even though I thought since before my store had closed that I saw evidence he was interested in me, he hadn't ever shown interest in developing a relationship beyond what we had) because that would take off the pressure from her mom for them to get together.
My dad died that winter suddenly right after Christmas. After my mom and sister came up to tell me, he was the one I called. He came the 20 min just to see me for 10 min before we all left. He never knew my dad or my family. I spent New Year's at his place, I couldn't handle being at my mom's (parents had divorced 2 years prior but were still close). He took such good care of me, previewed the movies he rented, even! Just held me the next morning, then went to the calling hours and the friend/family get together after. About a week after the funeral, I pushed it beyond the "friends" relationship. He had wanted it as much as I did but felt we couldn't go there because of the work thing.
It only lasted about 2 months, he wasn't 100% but was pretty sure he didn't want kids and I do, there were other things too although the kids was the main one. He also really wanted to get married soon so if he thought that there was any reason why we wouldn't eventually get married, he didn't want to waste time. Understandably hard as hell to deal with. Things were fine at work - I was one of the top 3 performers in the district that year despite everything with my dad and eventually dropping out of grad school. Outside of work, he "needed space."
M became my contact, gave me info, let me know what was going on when J didn't - I admit he was a wuss and sometimes seemed to let her tell me that he didn't want to talk for a while, etc. I understood his position, but he was my best friend in the area and my main support while I was trying to keep things together for my mom and sister. I didn't care that he "needed time to move on," if it was that hard for him to move on, isn't that telling him something?
The next year coming up on Christmas and all of those other anniversary dates, my mom decides we should get out of there and go a few states away to visit friends who were former neighbors. I like them ok, but was worried about an extended time. I was going to go to M's family (who I hadn't met) for the 2nd 1/2 of the time that my mom and sister were at our friends. Until around Thanksgiving, suddenly I can't come and a brushoff reason. Didn't hear much from M during this time which she blamed on grad school, etc.
Then right when I am getting back, she is insistent on seeing me for something to eat. Yeah, you probably guessed it - they had been dating for about 2 months and wanted to get through the holidays before telling me. Great, on the 1 year anniversary of the funeral. Great timing. I tried to stick around, things "just happened" between them etc. Eventually put down a $20 and walked out. Never spoke to her again. I am probably one of the few people who have ever called their District Manager a "fucking bastard" in a voicemail and still had a job the next day.
I left that job later that summer for another one that lead to a 2nd and then to where I am now (a real career, which I am extremely thankful for). Limited contact with him since I told him I was quitting. I had a bunch of stuff for him that I tried to give to him but he had moved on to a new job also and a new address not even 2 weeks before. Also I had asked him for a reference for this job because our company only gives job pay structures which in no way described what I did (I was #2 for the store and #1 person in the photo lab). He refused. Luckily my store manager was still in the district and moved back to his home state (Alaska!) not even a month later. Without that reference from that company, I wouldn't have made it through the background check.
Come to find out recently that our store that he opened about 5 years ago and hired me to is closing. Most of the company is actually, I've found out now that they filed for Bankruptcy. I emailed him last month to let him know and w/a double-meaning comment about "things that could have been." It bounced back.
So I was doing some people searches tonight. I have in the past, I had a pretty good idea of where he lives. Was thinking about mailing a quick note even though there's no way he doesn't know about the bankruptcy. And in one of the searches, something turns up that had never before. SHE is one of his relatives. And it's not as a sister-in-law. I know it's her, she has a more unusual name and it's the right middle initial too. Granted, she doesn't show up in any of the address searches so maybe it was short lived.
But I just can't believe it.
When I first met her and made the connection, they both said they weren't interested in the other in any way. And let me just say that they each had some things that the other had told me they didn't like in someone of the opposite sex. He has always been "the one that got away" for me. Two months might not seem like anything but we had known each other for 1.5-2 years at that point and were essentially doing dating type things for months before we made it more official. And add in the whole family-dad drama and yeah, that two months was warp speed intense.
I have been missing him more and more - this next month is as bad as Christmas time, if not worse. This coming Friday would be my dad's birthday. Then my 30th is mid-June, always right before or the same day as Father's Day. Add in that my maternal grandma died right after Thanksgiving this past year making Mother's Day (always right after his birthday) harder for her and my sister's recent engagement bringing up all the things missing our dad, and I'm dreading the next 6 weeks.
But to learn this? I'm heartbroken. In reality, deep down I guess I did know that it would never happen. But I always kind of thought he was my "lobster." Even with the lack of dating (I think I've had 5 first dates and one short relationship although he is now a friend - who moved all of the way across the country 2 years ago) there is always that thought that "maybe it could work this time if we got back in touch." It hurts enough to lose him as a friend and that link to everything that happened in the time leading up to and after losing my dad, but to learn that he married HER?
I'm sorry, I know this is really long and all whiny-drama but the background is so involved that even this doesn't give the full picture. And of course it's too late at night to call anyone, although I'm not sure even who I'd call.
I haven't had that one true friend since I lost him. A lot of good ones, but not the same.
Just that thought makes me laugh and start to move on further to forgetting them.
And I did love him. Which is already turning into indifference.
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