I really need out of my job (a bit whiney)

[smileyeagle1021]

Seriously, need out of this job.
It's only an hour and a half into my shift and I can barely keep my eyes open because I just could not sleep this afternoon. Even taking a sleeping pill I could not get to sleep this afternoon. This is becoming more common every single day, my body is resisting sleeping during the day, it wants to sleep at night again.
Not only am I not being able to sleep, I'm realizing for me to drive to work will burn a gallon of gas a day, which is becoming increasingly more expensive by the minute again, to take the bus to work is an hour long endeavor.
The pay here isn't that great either... only $9.25 an hour, if I wanted to go 2 miles further there are call centers paying $11-$13 an hour plus tuition reimbursement... or work 2 miles from home I could bump myself up to $9.50 plus tuition reimbursement.
Honestly, I don't know what is keeping me here.
It's not out of love for management... if it weren't for all the shit that me and the other long timers do this place would go under in a week.
It's not really for love of coworkers either, unlike the call center were there are over a dozen people I still miss from over there, here there might be 3 that I miss, and that's being generous.
I do have to admit that I like a lot of the guests, but I can get just as many good (and bad) guests almost anywhere else too.

The saddest thing is though, that this isn't the first time I've had someone point out a much better job for me, and it may not be the last. There are two jobs that I didn't even apply for when I had the chance because I've started to come to believe that I don't deserve good things in my life... after all, every good thing I've had has been lost. I've had a bike stolen, two laptops stolen (one from a home invasion, one from a thieving roommate), a blu ray player stolen (most likely a thieving roommate), I've found that I've bitten off more than I can chew for classes and ended up failing miserably... and as far as a social life... this is it... the people I know here and on gaygeeks...
I've almost never had anything good, and when I did I either didn't realize it until it was too late and wasted it all away or had it stolen from me... why the hell should I start expecting that good things will happen now. So, I don't even try, because I already know that good things don't happen for guys like me and I'm just wasting my time thinking that they ever will.

ETA- I wonder if prozac (or similar) would help...

[SG15Z]

awww poor Smiley. I kinda know how you feel. My hours are all over the place. Most of the time I work evenings but have been known to work mornings and graves as well. So I'm at the point were I stay up till 4am, sleep till 1pm, work and that's it. I have a friend that I try to hang out with but his schedule is just as bad as mine and we rarely see each other. I'm rarely at church anymore, the majority of my social life is talking to people at work (I rarely hang with any of them outside of work) and the people here on CS. There's also my family, but that doesn't happen as often as I would like.

But then again I'm a big Introvert and like being alone so having an almost non-exisistent social life doesn't bother me as much, but it's still sad that my social life pretty much is just this site and work.

I haven't been in school for a while now and don't know if I'm going back or not. I want to, but don't know what feild to go into. A part of me likes the grocery buisness and hae considered it as a career. (Yeah I know, but once you get past cororate BS, sucky management, Co-irkers, and SCs it's not so bad). I feel like I'm in Limbo, some state between my life in High School and whatever's next.

Anywho here's hoping things get better!

[Slytovhand]

"Whether you believe you can succeed, or you believe you won't - either way you will be right" (misquote )

But basically, while you believe you don't deserve to get good stuff and have it last, it won't. You'll always find some way to sabotage it!

So... pull your finger out, and work on it! (both of you!!!)

Try thinking to yourself "This time it will be different". Perhaps even better - "Just for today, things will go well for me". See, it doesn't need to be forever, doesn't even need to be for a week... it only needs to be for today. (of course, you will say this to yourself everyday).

Jobs?? As you said yourself, mr Smiley man... you had 2 that you didn't go for. So... next time, bloody well go for them!

Oh, and I too am in the same social circles as you guys! (though, I push myself outside on my days off - sometimes - and go for a coffee at my local cafe... and there's my social life! Otherwise, I pc game).

[ArcticChicken]

Smiley, you sound pretty well depressed to me. Can you afford a therapist? Go see one. If you are seeing one, tell them this. If you've told them this and they haven't made any moves to help you, get a new one. If you can't afford a shrink right now, keep talking to us. If you don't feel comfortable talking in the open forums, I, for one, would be happy to talk over PM, IM, email, the phone, or Pony Express. I'm sure there are plenty of others who feel the same. I've done the whole depression thing, and it really sucks.


In the mean time, you're being a fucking idiot. OF COURSE good things aren't going to happen to you if you don't get your ass out and get them!!!

Are any of the jobs you spoke of open now? You're going to go apply for them tomorrow. No, don't look at me like that. Go!

If they're not, you're going to keep checking the classifieds and the internet, and any place else you might find a job. When you see something that pays better, or that is closer, or in any fashion more desirable than your current job, you're going to go out and apply for it. Then you're going to pursue the hell out of them.

Even applying can help with the stress.


Smiley, sometimes shitty things happen. It's not because you aren't a good person, and you don't deserve good things. Sometimes, shitty things just happen.

You deserve good things, Smiley. But they aren't going to happen if you don't go out and get them. So, go!

[Slytovhand]

And following on from Arctic's post... those jobs you didn't apply for... go and throw a resume and cover letter at them. Who's to say they got the right person for the job? Let them know you're interested (lie - tell them you didn't hear about it til it was too late!). If you show you're seriously interested, you already stand a better chance.


Oh - and go spend the money and change your first name!!! that'll get the boss' attention!

[Teysa]

*hugs* You've always struck me as a decent person with a lousy run of luck. Having bad things happen doesn't mean you don't deserve good things. I agree with the others on going out and applying for those jobs you think look interesting. Even if they're not hiring right this second, it can't hurt to put in an application/resume. In the meantime, take the advice of others and talk to a therapist if you can. Some places offer sliding scale fees if you're worried about cost. As much as we on CS care about you, the majority of us can't do much more than offer virtual hugs and cookies. A professional would be able to help you work through these issues. They would also be able to determine if medication would help.

Just remember we're here for you with all the virtual hugs and cookies you could wish for.

[RootedPhoenix]

Smiley, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. *offers herbal tea, cookies, and hugs*

You don't deserve these awful things. You don't.

[Akasa]

Smiley, shit happens to people who don't deserve it, and sometimes we start to think maybe we did something in a past life that made us deserve this. The truth is just that shit happens.
/comfort

[smileyeagle1021]

and sometimes we start to think maybe we did something in a past life that made us deserve this.

what if it's not a past life we think we did something in...
what about people like me who can trace really stupid mistakes to the current life...
(I think we can agree that lying to join a church because it will help you be 'more accepted' counts as a really stupid thing that will earn a lot of bad karma points)

[Slytovhand]

what if it's not a past life we think we did something in...
what about people like me who can trace really stupid mistakes to the current life...
(I think we can agree that lying to join a church because it will help you be 'more accepted' counts as a really stupid thing that will earn a lot of bad karma points)

When you say 'we', I presume you mean 'you'. I don't see it as much of a problem, as I've said to you elsewhere. 'really stupid'?? Bah, humbug!

As the others have said, we go through great times, we go through the shit times. We go through the shit times so we can enjoy the great times even more! If we didn't, we wouldn't appreciate them as much.

At the very least, just concentrate on your studies, get qualified, get yourself out of there into your chosen career! And just keep that in mind.. this crap job is an ends to a means - you will not be there forever!

[sms001]

Go put in the apps today!

The church thing - you've moved past. It's people who do the wrong thing and don't correct their behavior that are in for Kruddy Karma.

Some people's bodies never adjust to switching day/night. Your's might be one of them.

Therapist or general physician - I'd talk it over with one if possible, but it doesn't sound from your past few months posts as though you have an ongoing debilitation. May just be a funk. Or may be linked to the sleeping patterns.

It sounds trite, but you do have plenty of good things. Job, car, shelter, food, family. Sometimes the lack of a love life colors all those a bit gray, but they are there.

Are you getting enough physical activity? That was something I found hard to work in when I worked graveyards, and it leads to poorer sleep and lassitude.

So far, none of the hard knocks you've mentioned are insurmountable. You can replace the stolen objects (And Hey! How many people get THREE laptops lifted from them? Not many I bet ) and from your writing style I'd guess you have the smarts for school to get better as you shake this off.

Good luck to you and please keep us posted about what steps you're taking and how they go.