Dating advice; am I being too sensitive?

[Der Cute]

Arrgh.

Well, BF and I have been d@ting for over 4 months now, and we've been having some pretty good times.
Today was a bit different.

We drove out to a local large mountain, but the park entrance was closed.
We then took a bit of a hike, from the parking lot. Coming down, we noticed a really pretty area and went over to take pictures.

I'm in the middle of taking pictures, I've got the shot, and he then jumps in front of me from the area I was taking pictures towards. He's got this little boy-happy look on his face, but the first thing out of my mouth was 'COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE?' He broke the trance/the shot I was ready to make. He got all upset and went back to the car.

Silence after that, drove for awhile....Went to a specific store, for bikes. He said, ok, this place, go park in the library since we can't find parking. He steers me towards the library- the one opening on the road I'm on is the EXIT. (doesn't he know where he's going?) ...so arrrgh smore, try to find parking. Yay. I found parking.

We go into the bike shop and start looking around. He then comments, "That bike will fit you just fine." He was pointing at a little toddler/small child bike (I am 5 foot tall even). I told him, "That's not funny. Stop it, I'm tired of it."

Later when we left, I told him gently; "Please stop making fun of my height. I've had it all my life, I know what size I am. Don't need to be reminded."

His retort was " I never know what to play with you anymore, I'm always on pins and needles around you, I can never tell what you're going to laugh at!"

He told me he "cant say 'Sure you can fix that?' anymore about the computer jobs I'm doing, since you always get upset at that." I told him - "I'm already sensitive about my general self esteem, I don't need it to be poked and to be made fun of".


It got a bit heated and he decided to walk home. I'm home now, alone, and still frustrated. How can I get it across that I DO NOT LIKE being poked fun of for being Japanese, Short, Epileptic, Computer Tech?

Cutenoob

[Hobbs]

That's quite a combination, CN...

As a guy, I can say that I'm that type, the kind who makes jokes and is sarcastic etc...that said, I've also pushed the limit every now and then, but have always restrained myself once someone told me I was being insensitive.

Try to have a serious conversation (or write a letter; my ex did that and I sure straightened up). Explain this in detail. Maybe he doesn't know how badly you hate it.

Also, if he is like me, he'll have his little "slips" and do it now and again...so if he does straighten up, try not to go ballistic if he has a faux pas, okay?

[Jack T. Chance]

As someone who loves to make people laugh, all I can tell you is I think you need to lighten up a little.

But then again, I'm my own worst critic, and am therefore chock-full of self-deprecating humor, so, Your Mileage May Vary.

However... being able to look at the things you don't like in life and LAUGH at them is a VERY important thing to be able to do, in my opinion. I find it gives one a sense of perspective that can be important to have.

And... that's all I've got, for whatever it's worth.

[Kiwi]

A boyfriend or girlfriend should not make fun of stuff you are truely embarressed or sensative about.
If he has to resort to putting you down to make you laugh then he has a crappy sense of humor.
Im not saying you shouldn't laugh at yourself, but there are some subject with everyone that are off limits. He should respect that.

I think you shouldn't have snapped at him though for jumping in front of the camera, that seemed like a more innocent attempt at making light of the situation.

[Shards]

I would say you need to lighten up. I mean, so maybe the short comment and the comp tech things are off limits, you still were kind of a bitch to your boyfriend when he was just trying to have some fun with the photo thing, and wasn't the whole point of going out to have fun?

Also, if you can't laugh at yourself (and considering what you said, you can't, end of discussion) and he relies on it for his humor, that doesn't mean he has a bad sense of humor, or that you don't have one. What it means is that your senses of humor are different, and considering what you've been saying about him it sounds like his sense of humor is a central part of his personality. To him, you're being a stuck up prick who is too uptight to live a little, and I'm sure you can explain better than I your interpretation of his personality through the lens of his humor.

The point is, you two may just not be right for each other if a central point of his personality jives with you so much. I've been in your boyfriend's shoes, the guy who is his own worst critic and relies on self-depreciating humor to make his friends smile, dating a girl who takes things more seriously than he does and does let them get to her. I've stayed, and tried to force it to work, and it doesn't. Figure out how much or little you are able to lighten up, and how much or little he is willing to change his humor, but don't be surprised if his humor is as central to him as your seriousness is to you, and if it just isn't going to work.

And by the way, just because us goofy guys don't show it doesn't mean we don't have self-esteem issues. I make an utter fool/ass out of myself in order to make my friends laugh BECAUSE I have issues with self-worth, not because I don't. I feel that to be worthy of the friendship they give me, I have to work harder than most people, and shake more off, because I do not think I am as worthy as a normal person. That's an issue I've had since grade school, but my response to it was to be utterly irreverent toward myself, and to make jokes about the things I was insecure about before anyone else could. It's landed me a group of friends who make me laugh, make me smile, and aren't afraid to call me a bastard, knowing for a fact that I am one, and that even though the fact that neither of my birth parents wanted me bothers me, I can deal. This is the mindset guys like me and, I suspect your boyfriend, come from, so don't claim we don't understand. We just respond differently, and quite possibly think you should try it, too.

[Der Cute]

Good points, everyone.

I can see what Shards is talking about - yeah, there are times when I need to lighten up. But if you're in the middle of something, really concentrating on it, and trying to do it right - and I pop up yelling HELLOOOO at you - wouldn't that off set you a bit? (he didn't yell hello, just an example of what I could do)

Stuckup prick who's uptight? I do NOT wear tighty whiteys . Or gramma undies, tyvm.

Respect boundaries comes to mind. I was in the middle of shooting a photo concentrating when he broke that thought. He seems to want attention often. I don't mind, I love hugs and snuggles and stuff. But I do like having alone/ quiet/ get out of my hair time, and also, if I'm doing XYZ right now, I'd rather work on it and get it done.

We might be incompatible, we might not.

What do I find funny? Monty Python. Serious Silliness. Sarcasm. British humor.

I've only been this tall all my life - I do get very tired of hearing "Wow you're short" it's like, duh, buddy, I'm the one living it.

I dunno, guess we need to chat some, eh?

Cutenoob

[Gravekeeper]

Ehhh, I'm going to lean the other way on this one.

Obviously, I have a remarkably twisted sense of humour, but I would never aim it at a friend/loved one on a personal level like that ( Going for anything about their appearance for example. Thats just cheap. ). Especially at the one thing I know they're sensitive about. The bike thing came across as really dickish to me, frankly. As in if I had been in the store near two strangers and overheard that comment I would have thought less of him than I'd likely have added both of you to a CS post and mocked him. >.>

As for the photo, being the writerish/artsy type, it is irksome to have something yank you out of the zone, so to speak. In fact it can really aggravate me.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, I don't know if you are too sensitive in general, but it might be that you are too sensitive for this guy. You're defensive, he's on pins and needles. That sounds very unfun.

[Jester]

Are you being too sensitive?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Shards pretty much said it. (I have taught you well, young padawan.) You either need to lighten up and get that broomstick out of your butt or find a guy who is not as goofy/silly/funny. One or the other, or you will drive each other nuts.

Obviously, I have a remarkably twisted sense of humour

Obviously.

(Going for anything about their appearance for example. Thats just cheap.) Especially at the one thing I know they're sensitive about. The bike thing came across as really dickish to me, frankly.

I dunno. I mean, I poke fun at Nurse Betty for being short (she's 5'1"), and I am all of 5'8". She's tiny, she knows she's tiny, she knows I love that she's tiny, and she is okay with that. If we were in a bike store, I can see myself making that comment. And I can see her laughing at it. She'd smack me in the back of my head for it, but she'd still laugh. That is just the way we are.

[Shards]

But if you're in the middle of something, really concentrating on it, and trying to do it right - and I pop up yelling HELLOOOO at you - wouldn't that off set you a bit?

Actually, I've had that happen when I was in the middle of painting miniatures, which is a bitch to do, and my response was: "Sonofa... You made me mess it up!" said lightly, and then to wrestle with the guy (my friends and I do that, and quite frankly, we look for reasons rather than doing it when we're actually pissed...)

I've only been this tall all my life - I do get very tired of hearing "Wow you're short" it's like, duh, buddy, I'm the one living it.

Actually, my best friend S has recently grown to an average height, but he was the last one of us to hit his growth spurt, looking like a middle school kid all the way until the beginning of senior year. We've called him 'midget' his whole life, occasionally adding his last name because it rhymes. He laughs at it the same as we do. Again it depends on your sense of humor. Ours isn't bad, yours isn't bad, they're just different, and often incompatible.

[Shards]

(I have taught you well, young padawan.)

I learned from the best, my master.

[AdminAssistant]

Hmm...maybe a little too sensitive...but you should probably just have a calm, sit-down chat about things you don't mind being teased about and things you do.

Using myself as an example: You can tease me for being short or for my (charming ) Southern accent. However, a comment like, "I can't believe a hillbilly Arkansan is getting a Ph.D." will get you severely injured, as will any disparaging comments about the South in general. Call me a hillbilly, fine, but don't joke that everyone from below the Mason-Dixon is an inbred dumbass. (If you do call me a hillbilly, be prepared for me to call you a stuck-up Yankee, though. ) Also, anything about my weight (although, I think most guys are intelligent enough to know that a woman's weight is always off-limits for discussion unless she brings it up first).

So, we all have our breaking points, but you have to let them know what they are. Another example: I really don't like being called "baby". So, first time it happens, I say, "Um, I kind of hate being called that" and we move on with life. No biggie.

[blas]

You could try what I did.

I love my current boyfriend with all my heart.....but his teasing was getting to me a little bit as well.

His little pet names for me were "munchkin" and "squirt", things that you'd call a kid or a very short person. Which, I really don't think I'm that short....but I think society thinks any girl under 5'6 is short, so I guess I am, lolz...

I just started picking on his size the way he was picking on mine, calling him Jolly Green Giant and Arnold (cuz he's into body building)....and it got to him the same way. And I said "Look hun, I love you, but the teasing has got to stop. You even said it yourself before that you PREFER shorter girls, so I don't get why you tease me. And now, even though you KNOW I prefer the good looking built like a male dancer type, you know how it feels to be teased."

I wouldn't say lighten up, I'd just say pick your battles or do it back to him and see how he reacts.

[telecom_goddess]

First of all he's making fun of you for being epileptic? You do NOT make fun of illnesses that's just wrong.

And I don't think you're being too sensitive...I too don't like to be mocked...I HATE it. And when I'm concentrating on something (especially a photo I'm shooting) I hate being interrupted.

There's having fun and there's being rude and annoying.....

[protege]

How can I get it across that I DO NOT LIKE being poked fun of for being Japanese, Short, Epileptic, Computer Tech?

How can anyone make fun of the Japanese? They build some damn good cars and electronics Seriously though, there are some lines that you do not cross, less you get "separated from your two best friends"