Things you can say in one place that will get you slapped in others.

[draggar]

No, I don't mean like in the UK you can "knock someone up" without raising an eyebrow, closer. Nor do I mean asking a computer geek about their hard drives.

Like, at a dog show, you can walk up to a couple and tell the man that he has a nice bitch and he'll be happy to hear it (at dog shows when someone says "bitch" they are always referring to a female dog).

I was just at the feed store and I asked the young lady at the counter for some T&A and she politely asked "how much?". I then reply that I would like 1 bale of Timothy grass & Alfalfa hay.

At most state fairs you can walk into a tent and ask a gentleman to show you his prized cock and he'll open something up to pull out a male chicken.

[dalesys]

At electrical, plumbing, and fastener suppliers:

"May I see your male/female parts?"

[Boomer]

Back in the days of Wang personal computers, a guy at Wal-Mart said, "Let me show you my Wang. Just got it today."

I also knew a guy who, every time he sneezed, I'd say "Go to Hell." He was a satanist, so I figured it was appropriate at moment in time.

[hinakiba777]

"This caulk is pretty soft, but it fits better into tight spaces. Don't worry it will harden in a few minutes."

We were resealing a row boat.

[Jester]

If you're in Michigan, you can tell someone to go to Hell....if they need something from a store there, or they are looking for a restaurant that happens to be in Hell, Michigan.

At a bar you can ask for, and get, a Red Headed Slut, a Screaming Orgasm, or a Blow Job. You can even say, with a straight face, "Make mine a virgin." Without alerting the police, you can ask for Liquid Cocaine, or inquire about a Surfer on Acid. Hell, you can complain about getting too much head....or not enough head. You can say, without thread of a sexual discrimination lawsuit, "Nice legs!" (Refers to the lines of residue left on the glass from beer, scotch, or other certain drinks.) And you won't alert Homeland Security if you ask about the potential of getting a bomb....or even a few. While I am not a fan of bombs myself (liquor plus energy drink as a shot), I will occasionally purchase an Irish Car Bomb (shot of Jameson's and Bailey's dropped into a half glass of Guinness and chugged down).

There are also some interesting brand names for liquor. I have seen a rum named Big Black Dick, a liqueur named Xtasy, and a vodka named Effen. ("My friend just loves that Effen Vodka!") And of course, if you are a fan of bourbon, you can walk right up to my bar and ask me for a Knob, straight up! (Knob Creek bourbon.)

I could keep going, but let's admit it....things you can say in a bar would definitely get you slapped in other work places!

[JuniorMintz]

At my optometry practice, where I do lots of eyeglass repairs...

"How much for a screw?"

"Free for our regular patients, $8.00 for walk ins."

[McGoddess09]

At my work, we have different letters for different sized bags.

"Where do I find the d-bags?"

"Can you hand me a d-bag?"

"Can you go grab me some d-bags?"

[draggar]

While snorkling in Bermuda I had a hard time trying to pet a Slippery Dick - it was moving too fast.

[Boomer]

In the telephony business we have what's known as a "Firm Order of Committment" or something like that (not my department). We always call it FOC, but it never quite comes out sounding exactly like it's spelled because, well, we're cable people who never miss an opportunity for innuendo...

So, it's not unusual to hear someone call across the room, "I need a FOC before I can put this order through."

[AdminAssistant]

Last night at rehearsal, at the end, myself and my crew were taking off our headsets:
"Sound off"
"Lights off"
"ASM off"
Me: "Did everybody get off?"

[gremcint]

Store with labeled glasses:
Man I really love those d-cups.

[Caveat Emptor]

A few jobs ago, we handled diagnostic trouble tickets for customers of a large telecom company, including Cox Communications. Once one of my coworkers, in response to multiple high-priority Cox tickets, said "I got some hot Cox here!!"

[drunkenwildmage]

One of old Tech support jobs was for Cable Modem service @home. Mostly ATT calls , but every once in while it was for COX. Loved Answering the phone "Thank you for calling Cox@Home, how can I help you?"


2 things I always got from my manager when I worked at McDonald's.

"Don't forget to separate your buns"

"You need to pull your meat"

[Sheldonrs]

Used to work at an ice cream shop in MA. Sometimes people would leave their food on the counter to go out for a cig. or something.
Managers would usually ask "Who's cream is this?". Sometimes I'd pretend to take a taste and then say "It's Daves'".

[McGoddess09]

"You need to stay on top of your sausage."

"I need you to do an F-up."

"Put the meat between the buns. Don't forget the special sauce."